Her (22 page)

He was so close to my face that looking up at him almost made me cross-eyed. “Okay,” I said nervously.

“Okay,” he said. He backed off, looking around while straightening his tie. “I’ll see you later.” He walked away, leaving me alone in the hallway.

I leaned against the wall, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I closed my eyes and tried to get my thoughts together before I went inside. I didn’t really want to go, but I had to.

Suddenly there was a hard thud on the doors to the gym. It scared me. I stepped forward, away from the wall. There was another hard thud. I opened the door to the gymnasium, and a huge, red ball flew towards me. I was like a deer in headlights--stunned. I couldn't move. The ball hit me straight in the face. I fell to the floor, and hit the back of my head. I faintly heard Ms. Mosley yelling. I saw Janine, Tai, and Ms. Mosley looking down at me before I blacked out.

CHAPTER 19

When John and I had been in high school together, I’d been amazed at how tall he had grown to be. He’d had to have been at least six feet tall by the time he was Junior. When I had first met him at Mom and Jack’s wedding, he had been only eight years old, and we’d been about the same height. 

The night when I’d started to notice John, he and his family had come over to my family’s home for dinner. Jack’s brother, Jonathan Sr., had been there, along with his wife, Mariah, John Jr., and James, who was John’s little brother, and about the same age as the twins.  Lexus had been there, too, spending the night over at my house.

After dinner, our parents had gone out on the back porch to
drink beer and talk about adult stuff. The twins and James Jr. had gone to the den to watch cartoons. Lexus, John, and I stayed in the dining room. No one except John seemed to have room for dessert. He’d eaten the most out of all of us, helping himself to two slices of pecan pie and three scoops of chocolate ice cream. As Lexus and I watched him, I wondered what he would think if he knew that I had made that pie that he seemed to be enjoying very much. I stayed quiet, even though I longed to tell him. Lexus laughed at him while he stuffed his face with pie and ice cream.

“What’s so funny?” John asked Lexus.

“Nothing,” she said. “Is it good?”

“Why don’t you have some and see for yourself,” he teased her.

I blushed. I was flattered that John was enjoying my pie.

“Stop it,” I whispered to Lexus.

She nudged me playfully.

Lexus turned to John and said, “So, what school are you going to after graduation?”

“I’m going to State,” he told Lexus with a convincingly handsome smile. “Where are you going?” he asked her as he took another bite of pie.

“After my graduation, I’m going to State, too,” Lexus said.

“I guess it’s a good thing I am only a sophomore. I don’t have to think that far ahead yet,” I forced out. I didn’t want to feel left out. After all, I had made the pie.

As they laughed, I noticed Lexus trying to get cute like she always did with boys. She pushed her long hair out of her face and leaned her chin on the palm of her left hand as she tilted her face towards John. His eyes followed her movement.

“Kristen’s going to the school where all of the best writers go. Aren’t you Kristen?” She turned her face to me, smiling.

“You write?” John asked me with surprise.

I took a bite of my pie and nodded nervously as his eyes ripped through me.

“I only write a little,” I said.

“Kristen, stop,” Lexus said as she shoved me playfully. “She has so many notebooks of poems waiting to be published.”

I rolled my eyes at her.

John asked, “Do you write stories too?”

“No. I only write poetry.”

“Have you ever tried to write a story?”

John seemed more interested in me than in his dessert. I felt a pain in my chest. This nervous and strange pain made me confused. I couldn’t comprehend why he asked me questions and why he was interested in me. Lexus watched us as we talked. She kept pushing her hair out of her face and smiling at John.

“Kristen did get two of her poems published,” Lexus tattled.

“It was only the school paper. I won a contest. It was one of those stupid contests where they make you write a poem using fifteen lines or less on a stupid topic, like the weather. It was nothing,” I said.

John had nodded at me. He’d finished his pie and ice cream in one last bite. Then he’d looked at me.

John said, “I write, too.”

John smiled at me with a beautiful, convincing smile. His eyes sparkled. Looking at him had made me tingle. His eyes were gentle, and when he smiled, it made him even more attractive. As I gazed at him, I began to feel my heart beat faster. It was the first time I could feel that heavy drumming beat inside of me. It hurt, but it felt nice. That was the moment when I realized that I was in love with John.

CHAPTER 20

I remembered that I had left the letters that Nick and Alison had written me in the bedroom. Unfortunately, when I woke up, the nurse saw me on the main unit. She said that I had a slight concussion. I had to stay awake and hold an ice pack on my head to keep the swelling down.

Ms. Mosley did not let me leave the main unit.  She said that she wanted me to stay by the counselor’s desk so that she could keep an eye on me. I felt the bump on my head swell. I glared at that little runt who had kicked the ball at me. He laughed as he passed me by and walked onto the Boys’ Unit with his tongue sticking out. I wanted to get up and slam his head into something so he could know how it felt. But I remained still and looked over at Ms. Mosley. She sat behind the counselor’s desk, and she caught me looking at her. She furrowed her eyebrows at me and then got back to reading a book. 

Bored, I looked around the room. Daniel was sitting alone at a table, drawing on a sketchpad. I went over and joined him. He looked up from his drawing and caught me looking at him. I looked away. 

“Are you okay?” I heard him say.

I turned back toward him. He wasn’t looking at me. He was concentrating on his drawing.

“I guess,” I responded. I liked that he seemed to be concerned about me.

He said, “I missed all of the excitement earlier. I always do.”

“Where were you?” I asked.

He erased an error he’d caught in his drawing. When he was finished erasing, he blew away the eraser debris.

“I was in my session with Dr. Finch,” he replied.

I remembered Janine saying that Daniel might get to go home soon. 

“Did your family session go well?” I asked.

Daniel’s eyes suddenly shot up at me. He seemed upset that I had asked. Daniel looked at me as if I had dared to cross a line that I had no business crossing. Feeling stupid, I lowered my face and stared at my fingers.

“It
went
,” he finally replied.

I looked back up at him. I hadn’t expected him to respond.

“Are you going home?” I asked him.

He stopped drawing and threw his pencil down on the table, frustrated. He looked down at his shaking hands.

“I need a cigarette!” he shouted angrily.

“Settle down,” Geoffrey said from behind the counselor’s desk.

“I’m sick of this place!” Daniel yelled back.

“That’s enough, Daniel,” Ms. Mosley warned him.

I felt bad because I had asked him if he was going home, and that question had seemed to trigger his anger. He apparently was not going to be able to go home. I’d only made him feel worse. I didn’t want to say anything else that would make him upset. If I had just kept to myself, he probably would have been fine.

I got up to leave the table so that I wouldn’t cause any more trouble for him. His eyes followed me as I started to leave. He picked up his pencil and started drawing again.

“Why are you leaving?” he asked.

“I thought I’d let you finish your drawing in peace,” I answered.

He frowned at the drawing. Apparently unsatisfied with it, he crumpled the sheet of paper into a ball and threw it down on the table. I reached out for the paper ball, but he quickly snatched it up and shook his head at me.

“No, it’s stupid,” he said, not smiling. “I don’t want you to see it.”

I pulled my hand back, flattered. He didn’t want me to see it because he wanted me to like his drawing if I saw it. I smiled, and he noticed.

“I can’t believe it. There’s a smile.”

“What?”

“You’re smiling.”

“So,” I said.

“So? You’re always walking around here with this frown on your face. Or you’re in a daze, somewhere in your own world,” he observed.

I felt myself blush. “Wow,” I said, “I didn’t think anyone was paying that much attention to me in here.”

“I wasn’t,” he said. “But if I was, I would say that the smile looks much better than those frowns.”

“Well, look at where I am,” I said, referring to Bent Creek.

He smiled too and leaned back in the chair. He started tossing the balled-up sheet of paper into the air and catching it. “So, what’s your talent?” he asked.

“My talent?”

“Yeah, your talent. What’s the special thing that you do?”

“I don’t have any talents,” I lied.

“Everyone has something exceptional that they do,” he pressed on.

“You draw.”

“I don’t really draw. I mean, I'm
not
Picasso. I guess I just sketch a little.”

I nodded at him. “Okay, since you only sketch, I guess I just jot stuff every now and then.”

“Jot stuff?”

“Yes. I mean, I haven’t written anything in a long time. Not since—anyways, that was my talent.”

Daniel looked at me strangely. He opened his mouth to say something, but I looked away from him. When I turned back around, he was looking down at his hands. There was the silence that I hated. Just when I thought that he might like me. He probably had grown bored with me.

“Where’s Janine?” he finally asked.

I looked around.  “I don’t know where she is.”

He shrugged it off. “Rocky is my roommate,” he said in an awkward voice.

Then, I looked at him strangely and asked, “Why did you say it like that? What’s wrong?”

“He’s weird,” Daniel said. “He’s usually quiet, but he has these moments. He talks to himself and randomly starts biting his arms. He just does some off-the-wall stuff.  Last night, when I was trying to get to sleep, he was making creepy, choking noises. I looked up to see if he was okay. When I looked over at him, he stopped making noises. He was just staring at me. It was really disturbing.”

“Did you tell on him? Maybe you can get a new roommate.”

“Janine!” Daniel suddenly stood up to greet her.

Janine had come in from the Girls’ Unit. She didn’t look happy.

“Hi,” Janine said to Daniel.

“Sit down, Janine,” I invited her.

She ignored me and looked at Daniel. “Have you seen Dr. Cuvo anywhere?”

Daniel shrugged. “No,” he said. “I haven’t seen your doctor.”

“I didn’t see him yet,” Janine whined.

“Are you serious? It’s almost the end of the day,” I said.

“Yeah, I know,” she responded, “but he’s seen
you
.” She seemed mad at me.

I looked at her, not knowing what to say. She rolled her eyes at me. 

She said, “I’m going to go talk to someone.”

Janine stormed to the counselor’s desk, and she loudly made clear that she hadn’t seen Dr. Cuvo yet. Geoffrey told her that Dr. Pelchat would see her before the day was over.

Janine questioned him, “Why? Is Dr. Cuvo not coming to see me?”
“Please go sit down and wait for Dr. Pelchat,” Geoffrey pleaded with her.

Janine stared at Geoffrey. Geoffrey looked up at her from his chair. Janine asked, “Is something wrong with Dr. Cuvo?”

Ms. Mosley got up from her chair and walked over next to Geoffrey. She put her hand on Geoffrey’s shoulder. He stayed quiet.

I got up from where I was sitting and went over to the desk. I was concerned and wanted to know, too.

“Is Dr. Cuvo okay?” I asked.

Geoffrey frowned at me. “Janine and Kristen, please sit down.”

Ms. Mosley kept a calm demeanor, but strongly urged us to step away from the counselor’s desk. She said, “If you both don’t do as you are asked, you will go to your room.”

Janine angrily stomped off to the Girls’ Unit. I started to follow her, but Ms. Mosley called out to me. I had forgotten about my head injury. She wanted me to stay in the main room so that she could monitor my concussion.

I looked over at the table where Daniel and I had been sitting. Daniel had already disappeared to the Boys’ Unit. Looking at the table, I noticed something. Just underneath it, on the floor, was a crumpled-up sheet of paper. I rushed over to the table and grabbed the paper. I smiled at my prize, and then looked around to make sure Daniel wasn’t coming back for it.

Ms. Mosley whispered something to Geoffrey that made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair. When she said all that she needed to say, he nodded at her and picked up the telephone and started dialing a number. Ms. Mosley said goodbye to Geoffrey, and she left the unit. Without looking back, I ran to my room.

CHAPTER 21

Dear Kristen,

I miss you so much. Mom said that you would be home soon. I hope you feel better. What made you sick and why can’t me and Nicholas come see you? Are the doctors being mean to you? Did they stick you with a needle? I hate needles. Hurry up and get better so that you can come back home.

Love,

Alison

She signed the letter with a heart next to her name. I was glad to know that Alison didn’t know why I was in the hospital. I knew my mother wouldn’t tell her. I thought that Nick might, but my mother probably told him not to tell her what happened.

I heard it in my mind so clearly: Mom may have said to Alison, “Don’t worry. Your sister will be home. She’s just sick. That’s why she had to go to the hospital.” To her friends (John’s parents and Lexus’ parents), she probably said, “You know Kristen, such a drama queen. She is calling out for attention, and it’s a good thing she
is
in the hospital. Maybe it will do her some good to be locked up.”

Then, of course, they would all smile, shrug it off, comfort Mom, and feel sorry for her having to deal with a “sick” child in the hospital. I dreaded the day I had to get out of the hospital. I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Who knew how long it was going to take to get better in Bent Creek? I didn’t know. Dr. Cuvo didn’t know. I didn’t even know if Dr. Cuvo was okay. He was acting strange, and it made me feel strange.

I looked over at Janine. She was lying on her bed, reading a magazine. She seemed to be deep into what she was reading. She was a lot calmer than she’d been in the main area. I wanted to ask her what she thought may have happened to Dr. Cuvo, but I didn’t want to get her upset again. At the counselor’s desk, she’d seemed like she suspected something terrible. The fear and anger that had been in her voice made me wonder.

“What?” Janine asked, noticing that I was staring at her.

She smoothed out her magazine so it lay flat on the bed in front of her. As soon as she smoothed the magazine's pages out, I saw what she was interested in. She wasn’t reading an article. Posing in the magazine were four super-models barely covered up in two-piece bikinis. Their faces were glamorously painted in make-up. They had perfectly tanned skin. Their bodies were perfectly thin. The bikinis were bright, provocative, and expensive. They looked like live-action Barbie dolls.

I said, “Janine, summer is almost over. Are you thinking about getting one of those swimsuits?”

Janine scoffed.

“If I could fit in one,” she said.

“I’m sure they come in different sizes,” I told her.

She raised her eyes slightly and said, “I don’t want one unless I can look like that in it. If I looked like that, I would be perfect.”

She looked almost crazed. Her eyes were sharp as she stared at the pictures. I didn’t know whether I should to tell someone that she had that magazine. It couldn’t be helping her. She turned the page, and there was a picture of a handsome, teen pop singer. He was very famous for his sensational dance moves and chart-topping albums. I remembered Alison screaming over the boy when she’d seen him on television accepting a Grammy Award. Janine’s attention seemed to be focused on the cute and popular star instead of the anorexic quadruplets on the previous page. I let it go, and went back to minding my own business.