Her (28 page)

“Yes,” she said in a frustrated tone.

I stared into her eyes. “Don’t make me go with you to Jack’s parole hearing,” I forced out.

She gasped in shock.

Then, the awkward silence came. I grabbed my bag, my blanket, and my school books and walked off to my room without saying another word. She didn’t even call out to me. She didn’t try to stop me from walking away. She just sat there, staring at nothing in silence. I don’t know what happened after that. I don’t know how long she sat there or how long it took her to leave, but when I came back out after putting my things down and realizing I had been too hard on her, she was gone.

I went to Mr. Anton and asked him if my mom had said anything to him before she’d left, and he said no. I asked Ms. Mosley if my mom had said anything to her. She said no. Then, finally, I went to Geoffrey, who was sitting near the end of the counselor’s desk, and I asked if my mother had said anything to him.

He said, “Your mom told me to tell you she’ll see you later on this week.”

CHAPTER 29

It was almost time for the lights to go out. I was reading my chemistry book because I wasn’t feeling tired. Janine walked out of the bathroom in her matching cotton pajamas. Her hair was neatly brushed and pushed behind her ears. She looked clean and pretty. Her eyes were heavy and sad. Janine threw herself down on her bed and snuggled under her pink blanket.

“I’m so tired,” she whispered as she placed her head down on her pillow and closed her eyes.

“Are you all right?” I asked her. I was sure she could hear the worry in my voice.

“I feel so strange,” she said. “Dr. Pelchat took me off of my Depakote.”

“Why did he do that?” I asked her. I sat my textbook on my night table next to my bed.

“He made me take a test. He said that my emotions weren’t balancing out, and that it wouldn’t balance out if I stayed on Depakote.” She pushed her face into her pillow and screamed, “Nothing ever balances out! Dr. Cuvo would never let him do this to me! He put me on some other medicine. What am I going to do?”

“I don’t know, Janine,” I said, feeling helpless. “Maybe it will help you.”

“No!” she yelled, lifting her head up and punching her pillow. Her eyes were red and she was angry. “I need my medicine! I need
my
doctor. Dr. Cuvo!”

I went over to her quickly and carefully put my hand on her shoulder.

“Janine. It’s okay. You have to stop yelling, or Ms. Mosley is going to come in here and say something. You don’t want her to put you in the BCR for yelling.” I tried to warn her in a calm voice. I was afraid for her.

Janine calmed down when she realized how she was behaving. She scooted herself closer to me and held on tight to her blanket.

“I saw my daddy today,” she whispered, softly.

I almost couldn’t hear her.

“Do you know what he said when he saw me?” she asked.

“What did he say?”

“He told me that he didn’t want to talk to me while I was sad. He said that it wasn’t pleasing to see me this way, and that he couldn’t stay around me. He said I should have been feeling better by now since I’ve been here for a few weeks now. He always said that I looked pretty when I smile. I can’t be sad, Kristen. I have to be perfect. But perfect is just too hard without my medicine and Dr. Cuvo. And I gained so much weight. I’m fat!”

“Shh, Janine,” I said as I squeezed her shoulder gently. “You’re not fat. You
are
perfect.  I wish I looked as pretty as you.”

She ignored me and continued, “Daddy hates it when I’m a mess. He said that if I’m not better soon, he’s going to let them send me to long-term treatment. You go after four weeks here to that place. They can’t keep you at Bent Creek longer than four weeks. I don’t want to go to that kind of hospital.”

Janine grabbed my waist, put her head in my lap, and hugged me tightly. I let her cry on my lap and I stayed quiet. Nothing I could say would have made her feel better. It all made sense. She was pretty, and she could have it all, including her father’s love. If only she could be perfect.

I don’t know if I could have been anything close to perfect for my dad. I was his loving daughter. He was my Prince Charming daddy
.
My daddy made me feel like I was perfect just the way I was. I didn’t feel like I had to go the extra mile to please him. When the monster swallowed my dad
,
I didn’t want to accept it. There were times when I did test Jack’s patience just to see if I could catch a glimpse of my daddy staring out from those eyes that the monster may have trapped him in. There was no sign of him. He was dead.

The worst day of our lives was approaching, and I remembered the last time I had tested Jack, that horrible monster, to see if my dad was still alive. It was a rainy day, and I had missed the bus to school. Mom had the flu and she could hardly get out of bed. Jack was on his way to work, and I asked him if he could give me a ride to school.

“Go ahead and get in the truck,” he demanded. “I’ll be out there in a minute.”

I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes.
Daddy? Are you there?

“What the hell are you staring at?” he yelled. “Do you want a ride to school or not?”

Without a word, I turned away from the monster, hating him, and I went out to the truck. Shortly after settling into the truck, Jack came out the front door and into the pouring rain. He hurried to get out of the stormy weather.

When he finally settled into the truck, he said, “Wow, it is really pouring down out there. Isn’t it, Kristen?”

I looked over at him with hope. He'd said my name so sweetly. Was it my dad? I watched as he put the keys into the ignition and started up the car. He turned the heater on.

“Are you cold?” he asked me.
                                                                                                               

I smiled. It had to have been Daddy. Only he would be concerned about me. Right?

“All right,” he said. “There we go. And now we are off to school.”

He pulled out of the driveway. I smiled as I stared at him. I pondered the memories of him in my mind as I kept searching. I wanted to see more of him if I could. I wanted Dad to defeat Jack and come back. It couldn’t be too late! He looked at me and didn’t return my smile.

“I got all A’s on my report card yesterday. Did Mom show it to you?” I asked my dad.

Jack answered, “Yes. I saw that. How the hell did you miss the bus to school?”

My dad would have congratulated me. My dad would have said that he was proud of me. If I had done badly, Jack, that monster, would have found some way to hurt me. He didn’t let me see much of Lexus. He said that I was getting too close to her, and that I needed to be with my own family. He was afraid that I was telling her things.

“Whatever happens in our home is our business,” he would say to me. “It’s none of theirs! If I hear that you’ve been saying things, you’ll never see Lexus again.”

I took his threats seriously.

“What?” Jack asked me as he drove me to school. “Did you turn deaf and dumb on me in the last few minutes? I asked you a question. How did you miss the damn school bus?”

I hated when he yelled at me. I squeezed my book bag close to my chest.

I forced out, “I accidentally woke up late.”

He snarled at me, “I hope you don’t think I’m going to do this for you every time you miss the bus.”

What was he talking about? This was the first time I had ever woken up late for school. It was the first time he had ever had to drive me to school. It would certainly be the last.

“If you do this again, you’re just going to have to miss school. I have a job. I can’t afford to be late!”

“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

Jack kept silent and concentrated on the road. It was raining so hard that I hardly recognized what street we were on. The rain drenched the windows. Jack turned the windshield wipers up full-speed.

“I earned first place in our Writing Club’s writing competition last week,” I said. “I get to advance to our State’s writing competition. They even pinned up my poem to the Honors Wall at school. That’s good. Right, Dad? I mean...um... my counselor said that it’s good for me, since I want to be a writer. I’ll get to put on my college application that my poem went to our State’s writing competition, even if I don’t win. What do you think, Dad?”
                           

I was speaking to him, but he wasn’t there. Therefore, he didn’t answer me. Jack concentrated on the road. I could tell that he was frustrated and shutting me out. He was determined to keep me away from my daddy. That monster wanted to kill him completely and take him away from me. On that day the monster ripped Dad completely from my heart. Jack pulled up to the driveway that led to my school, and he stopped. The rain seemed to pour down heavier.

“I don’t think you can stop right here,” I told him. “Can you drive me to the front of the school, since it’s raining really hard?”

“It’s not a long walk. Just get out and walk the rest of the way so that I don’t have to go past the security at your school. I can just go straight to work from here.”

“But Dad,” I called out to him. “There's lightning out there. Please? Will you drive me up to the door?” I pleaded. “I’m scared.”

He sat still, holding onto the steering wheel. He gripped the wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Jack kept his jaws clenched tight. I sat there beside him and didn’t move. I waited.

He looked at me and pierced me with his eyes. I looked to see if my Dad was in there somewhere, but I saw nothing but pure evil. That monster was a demon. Through that demon’s eyes, I didn't see my daddy, or even a soul. His eyes looked black and hollow.

It seemed too late to escape. My heart felt like it nearly jumped out of my chest.  I knew that I had to try to get away from the monster. I reached for the door handle, but I was not quick enough. The demon grabbed the back of my neck and yanked me over to him. When he raised his fist into the air, I knew that I should not have been afraid of the harmless storm. I should have been afraid of the demon. He brought his fist down, and it went to my chest. I grabbed my chest in shock and in pain. He didn’t stop. He punched me more and more, harder and harder. The blows came at me faster and faster. He grunted. He snarled and growled like something not human. 

It took a minute for the shock to pass and for me to realize that this demon was beating me. I was on my back in the truck, helpless and trapped. I reached my hands into the air, trying to block his blows. The pain was excruciating. I tried to block him out. I tried to see my daddy’s face again. He was gone. He wasn’t coming back.

I cried out, “Daddy! No! Daddy! Help! Help me, Daddy!” My dad wasn’t coming to rescue me. He wasn’t going to come back ever again.

When I screamed out, the demon stopped pummeling me. I grabbed my book bag and dashed out of the truck, causing myself to fall onto the pavement and scrape my hands. I scrambled up and ran as fast as I could without looking back.

I ran down the school driveway and let the rain take me. The lightning crashed through the sky as fast as it went through my heart. The thunder roared, and it didn’t make me shudder because I had just gone through the scariest thing that I could ever imagine at that time. I ran past security. I went inside of the building as the security guards called out to me. I ignored them and ran past the school office, where I knew I was supposed to check in and get a pass because I was late. I didn’t care. I ran to my savior. I ran to the bathroom, into the stall, and locked the door. Opening my book bag made me so desperate and anxious that I was drooling, grunting, crying, and screaming loudly.

“Mr. Sharp! Mr. Sharp!” I cried out to him.

“
Here I am
,” he answered.

I pulled the knife out quickly and let his smiles make me feel better.

Janine and I fell asleep. Her head was in my lap and her arms stayed wrapped around my waist. Janine had her warm, pink blanket over her legs. I was in a sitting position with my back against the headboard. If Ms. Mosley had come in to do night checks, we would have been in trouble for falling asleep that way.

I woke up when I heard the door rush open. I thought we had been caught. The lamp on Janine’s table was still on. When I saw who it was, I knew something was wrong. The clock on the wall read 2:27 a.m. What was Tai doing in our room? She was shaking badly and she was talking in jumbles.

“What’s wrong, Tai?” I asked her, jumping up quickly and accidentally pushing Janine off me.

Poor Janine sat up, startled out of her sleep.

Tai didn’t make any sense. She was speaking excessively fast for her words to be coherent. Janine was so drowsy that she could hardly sit up straight. She looked around, confused, and with red puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong with Tai?” she asked.

“Come on, Janine!” Tai said to her. “Come on, Kristen!”

“What?” I asked her again. Her excitement was making me nervous.

“He’s going crazy!” she exclaimed. Without another word, she grabbed Janine’s hand and pulled her out of the bed. Janine grabbed my hand, and we rushed out of the room.

As Tai led us down the hallway to exit the Girls' Unit, she tried explaining again. “I was at the water fountain just a few minutes ago when I heard a boy screaming. I don’t know what Ms. Mosley saw, but she jumped over the counselor’s desk and she ran so fast. I walked out of the door, and I saw Daniel in the hallway in his shorts, and he was going crazy. He was just screaming like he was losing his mind.”

“Is he all right?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Tai said. “Let’s go see.”

As we walked up closer to the door that led to the main unit, I heard someone crying and screaming. A crowd was growing because more girls were coming out of their rooms to see what all the commotion was about. The new girl pushed past us, and she was the first one out of the doors. We followed behind her.

When we walked out onto the main unit, Geoffrey ran past us, jumped over the counter, and picked up the telephone. Instead of yelling at us, he screamed profanity at whoever was on the other end of that phone. The doors to the Boys’ Unit were wide open. I saw Daniel sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth, crying and screaming. I could only see part of Ms. Mosley. She was bending over something, hovering. I couldn’t see what it was. I knew that Daniel wasn’t the problem, since no one was consoling him.

Ms. Mosley looked up and turned towards us. She yelled, “Tell them to hurry, Geoffrey! Get the ambulance!”
                                         

Geoffrey screamed louder into the phone, “You need to get them here now! I don’t know! Just hurry!”

Daniel scrambled up off the floor as Ms. Mosley tried to soothe him. When she moved towards Daniel, we saw what it was that was causing the trouble. Daniel cried louder. Ms. Mosley tried to put her arms around him, but he pushed her away and turned away from her.

Tai said, “Oh, my God! Look!”

She pointed to Rocky. He was on the floor with a bed sheet tied around his neck. Rocky’s face and arms were the same shade of purplish blue as the late evening sky. His tongue was hanging out of his mouth, and his eyes were rolled back and almost bulging out of his head. He was not moving at all.

Janine let out a blood-curdling and horrifying scream. That’s when Ms. Mosley and Geoffrey noticed that we were standing here. Ms. Mosley called out to Geoffrey as she tried to block us from seeing what we had already seen.

Geoffrey quickly hung up the phone and ran from behind the counter over to us.

“Get back on the Girls' Unit, now!” He yelled as he shooed us off.

The girls scuttled back through the doors. Janine fell to the floor before we could get moving. Tai and I grabbed her arms and tried to carry her back with us. Geoffrey told us to take her to our room. She was crying and shaking badly.

We could only carry Janine so far. She was too heavy to carry all the way, so we tried to make her stand up and walk. She just fell to the floor, crying. Tai bent down beside her.

She said, “Come on, Janine. You have to get down the hallway. He’s all right. Rocky will be okay.”

“No, he’s not,” the new girl said. “He’s dead.”

“Shut the hell up, Mena! Nobody asked you!” Tai yelled.

Mena shook her head.

She looked down at Janine and said to her, “Did you see his neck? I bet it’s broken. He probably crushed his windpipe too. He can’t breathe.”

“No! No!” Janine cried as she started to pull her hair. I grabbed her hands to make her stop.

“Shut the hell up!” Tai jumped up and screamed into Mena’s face.

“Make me,” Mena dared her.

The girls were throat to throat, and I knew that, in a second, Tai was going to take that dare. I jumped up from beside Janine and stood between the two of them.

Facing Tai, I said, “Tai, you have to help me carry Janine. She’s not going to make it down the hallway.”

Tai rolled her eyes and went over to Janine. We both got a hold of her and lifted her up. It took all of my strength to get Janine down the hallway and back to our room. I could tell that it took all of Tai’s strength to ignore Mena. When we reached the room and guided Janine to her bed, she crawled underneath her blanket and continued to cry.

“Tai,” I said, “please stay with Janine. I’ll be right back.”

“Sure, okay. Tell me what’s going on when you get back,” she requested.

I nodded and then ran out the door. The hallway was empty. The other girls had gone back to their rooms. I crept up to the door that went back to the main unit and carefully peeked out. I didn’t know that Mena was out there until I saw her when I stuck my head out.  She looked at me and didn’t say a word. She just pointed.

The EMTs pulled a stretcher down the boys’ hallway. One of the EMTs yelled into a radio and two others hovered over Rocky for a minute. Then they lifted him onto the stretcher. Another EMT held up an IV drip that she had attached to Rocky. The EMTs worked fast. As they rushed Rocky out, the stretcher rolled by us, and never before in my life had I ever seen a person hanging on one strand of life. His head was in something that looked like a glass box. It was morbid. His eyelids were shut, and someone must have put his tongue back in his mouth. But his face was still blue and his cheeks were swollen. Another girl had come from the unit and was standing beside me.

She said, “Oh God, I’ll pray for him. God, please let Rocky be all right.”

Mena replied on behalf of God, “He’s dead.” She pushed past the girl and me without excusing herself and went back to the Girls’ Unit and down the hallway towards her bedroom.

I had to hold my anger inside. Mena obviously had serious problems. For her to just assume that Rocky was dead was just cruel. She didn’t even show any emotion, nor did it seem as if she cared. Ms. Mosley and Geoffrey brought Daniel out to the main unit. He was crying and saying that he was sorry for falling asleep. The girl beside me called out to Daniel. That made Geoffrey and Ms. Mosley notice us. Geoffrey came over and told us to go back to bed. He walked us onto the unit and stood in the hallway until we were in our rooms.

When I entered my room, Tai immediately asked me what I saw. Janine was still shaking and crying. I sat down on Janine’s bed next to Tai. Janine snuggled close to me and put her arms around my waist and her head in my lap. I rubbed her back like she was a baby.

“He’s all right,” I lied. “They took him to the hospital.”

Tai sighed in relief. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. Janine stopped shaking and closed her eyes, too. I was afraid to close my eyes. I was thinking about Rocky. He could be dead by morning. He could be dead in just a few minutes. I looked down at my bandaged wrists. I closed my eyes, trying not to think about that day. Then, I heard Tai’s voice.

She said, “Are you all right?”

I opened my eyes. I couldn’t speak. I only nodded my head.

“Okay,” she said. She closed her eyes and placed her head on my shoulder. “I’m not leaving,” she assured me.