Her Darkest Road (Roughneck #4) (6 page)

Chapter 12

I sat at the small round table, waiting for her to walk through those double doors. The room was white and small. There were no pictures, no color, nothing. I bounced my knee nervously as I waited. I was busy staring at the scuffs on my boots when I heard a loud buzz followed by the door opening automatically. I looked up and there she was.

She was wearing tan pajamas and a white robe. Her hair was cut short, the bald spots still noticeable. She was pale, and didn’t look me in the eyes. She stared at the floor as she walked towards me. But I could see the dark circles under her eyes. There was an older woman wearing white scrubs walking beside her, holding onto her elbow.

“Are you ready, Miss Belinda?” she asked kindly, as she maneuvered her head to make eye contact with Belinda. She only shook her head.

“I’ll just be right over here, in case you need me, ok?” she reassured her as she patted her hand gently, and led her to the chair across from me. The nurse pulled the chair out as Belinda sat down, still staring at the floor. I waited until the nurse walked away before I spoke.

“Bells?” I said quietly, and put my hands across the table, hoping she would take them. She didn’t. I noticed her body stiffen, and then she sat on her hands. That gesture felt like someone punched me in the gut.

“Belinda, how are you?” I asked, unsure of what else to say. I felt like I was sitting across from a stranger.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. Her voice sounded raspy, different than usual.

She closed her eyes and didn’t move. Completely still, like she was sleeping sitting up. I watched her, waiting.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” I asked, worried.

“Yeah,” she answered with her eyes still closed as she swayed back and forth a few times. I looked over at the nurse, who was watching Belinda, but didn’t seem worried at all.

“The medicine just makes me sleepy,” she said as she continued to sway with a sly grin on her face.

“Can you open your eyes?” I asked. A few seconds later she did as I asked, and her grin disappeared the instant she looked at me.

Her eyes were hollow. I searched them, desperate to find the woman I fell in love with, the one I married. She wasn’t there. She was a shell. An empty shell.

“What kind of treatment are you getting in here?” I asked. It looked like they were just keeping her doped up. She was calm, and I was thankful for that, but she wasn’t herself, or who she used to be. I wasn’t really sure who she was anymore.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she said as she stared at me with a blank stare.

“Ok,” I said with a quiet exhale, trying not get frustrated with the situation.

“Samantha is starting to talk more. She says a new word every day, it seems like,” I said with a smile, trying to make the best out of this visit.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she repeated.

“What do you want to talk about, then?” I asked. I felt like we were getting nowhere, fast. I didn’t want it to be like this.

“I’m not coming home. I want you to pack up my things and send them to my brothers,” she mumbled, and stared at the wall.

“What?” I asked.

“To my brother’s,” he repeated.

“Belinda,” I said quietly, as I glanced over at the nurse who was still watching us. “Baby, you don’t have a brother.”

“Do what I said!” she snapped as she whipped her head around, and stared into my eyes; her eyes were cold.

“Bells, you’re my wife, I love you. I’m not giving up on you, or us. The baby and I need you to get better. We need you home,” I said, pleading with her. I just wanted my wife back. Why was this happening?
 

“No!” Belinda screamed, and shoved the table into me as she stood up. The nurse jumped up quickly and ran to her side.

“Bells, you don’t mean this,” I said as I gripped my fingertips around the table before she could shove it into me again.

“My brother wants all my belongings,” she said as she started to cry.

“Miss Belinda, it’s time to go,” the nurse said as she put her arm around Belinda’s waist, and guided her to the door.

“Just push the red button by the door, and the attendants will let you out,” the nurse said over her shoulder as she walked beside Belinda.

I couldn’t move. I stared, watching Belinda’s body shake, and listening to her cries as the nurse entered a code and then opened the door. With a loud buzz, the doors swung open and she led her around the corner, out of my site. And that was it. She was gone.

I leaned against the wall, trying to make sense of all of this. How did she go from just being sad sometimes to this? Nothing about this made sense. But she was my wife, and I made a vow. I promised to stick beside her for better or worse. And that’s what I had to do. The truth is, it would just be easier to give up. But then what? She couldn’t be left to her own devices. She couldn’t take care of herself. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life in a treatment center. She needed me, whether she thought so or not. She didn’t have anyone else in this world. So what other choice did I have? I had to see this through. I would stand beside her until she got better. I had to.

Chapter 13

4 months later

“Where’s my angel?” I said loudly as I opened the front door, looking around the living room for Samantha. This had been my routine for the past four months. I was going through the motions. I went to work. I came home. I took care of my daughter, and started over the next day. I hadn’t heard a word from Belinda. I called the treatment center, but they weren’t able to give me information. But according to the insurance company they were still paying, so I knew she was still there. I had grown used to this life. It wasn’t the one I envisioned, but it was the hand I was dealt, so that’s what I did, I dealt with it.

“Daddy!” I heard a squeal as she came running out of her bedroom, her favorite bear in tow. It was almost identical to the one I found in her room, covered in duct tape. That one went in the trash when I couldn’t handle looking at it anymore. But I knew it was one of my baby’s favorites, so I got one that resembled it.

“There she is,” I said as I scooped her up, and planted kisses on her cheeks. I looked over as Betty followed behind her. She had an odd look on her face. She was holding the cordless phone in one hand, with a piece of paper in the other.

“Everything ok?” I asked.

“Can I talk to you in the kitchen?” she asked, and nodded in that direction.

“Angel, go get your sippy cup for daddy, ok?” I said, and Samantha wiggled down and ran into her bedroom. She was so smart, and I couldn’t help but smile, although the look on Betty’s face worried me as I followed her into the kitchen.

“What’s up?” I said as I looked at her.

“Belinda just called,” she whispered.

“What? Is she getting out of the hospital?” I asked.

“She’s not in the hospital. I couldn’t understand her very well, there was a lot of background noise and she was crying. She said she was in Dallas. She said she was scared, and that she was behind the Walton’s warehouse?” Betty said as she handed me the scrap of paper with the warehouse name written on it. Her hands were shaking.

“I tried to keep her on the phone, Joe. I knew you would be here any minute, but she hung up.”

“No, it’s ok, Betty, thank you,” I said as I took the paper, and stared at the words. I knew the program she was in was voluntary, but I thought she would call me when she got out, although I don’t know why. False hope, I guess. I didn’t think the hospital would just release her and not make sure she was ok. Son of a bitch.

“What are you going to do?” Betty asked.

“I have to find her,” I said. I didn’t have any other choice. I had to make sure she got to safety; she was scared, and I hated that.

“You do what you need to, honey. I’ll stay with Samantha,” she said as she patted my hand that was still gripping the piece of paper.

Two hours later, I was driving the side streets of Dallas. This part of the city was rundown, there were people wandering everywhere. It scared the shit out of me that Belinda was out here, alone. I finally saw the sign to the warehouse. It was obvious it had been shut down, there were boards over the windows and graffiti covered the building. I pulled into the abandoned parking lot and killed the engine on my truck. I grabbed my pistol out of the console and put it under my jacket. I wasn’t taking any chances.

I could smell smoke as I got out of my truck, taking in my surroundings. I didn’t want to get caught off guard. I noticed a light coming from behind the building. I started to walk in that direction as the smell of smoke got stronger. The closer I got, I realized there was an alley behind the building. As I turned the corner, it was like something out of a movie. The alley was long and dark with small clusters of people every few feet. There was a barrel a few feet away with a fire burning in it. But the smell of the fire didn’t disguise the smell of pot, old liquor, and other chemicals that I didn’t really recognize. My eyes started to scan each group of people, looking for Belinda. The first group were kids, maybe in their late teens, passing around a glass pipe.

“What the fuck, you a cop?” one of the boys asked as I walked closer to them, as he put the pipe behind his back, smoke billowing out of his nose.

“I’m looking for someone,” I said as I pulled the picture out of the inside pocket of my jacket. His pupils got even bigger when he spotted the pistol resting at my side.

“Have you seen this woman?” I said as I shoved the picture closer to them.

“Nope,” a young girl said, and then turned away from me.

I realized they weren’t going to be of any help, so I kept walking. The alley seemed like it ran at least a quarter of a mile. I could see different fires burning along the path. I shuffled my feet through the piles of trash making my way down the alley. There was a man standing alone with his back to me, he was facing a barrel of fire. His clothes were old and tattered, and his bushy blond hair was only slightly contained by an old hat on his head.

“Excuse me, man?” I said as I tapped his shoulder. He turned around to face me, with a Dr Pepper can clenched between his teeth. I could smell the paint fumes coming from it.  His wild hair that surrounded his face was paired with an even wilder set of eyes. He stared at me as he continued to inhale, and his eyes started to flutter.

“Hey man, I’m looking for my wife,” I said as I held the picture closer to him, hoping he could even see it through the high he was in the middle of.

“Church Bells,” he said with a chuckle after a few seconds, as he took the can out of his mouth.

“You’ve seen her?” I said, trying not to grab him and force the information out of his drug induced body. I had to be calm and play it cool, or I would never get anywhere.

“Yeah, man,” he mumbled. “She’s around here somewhere. She’s your wife?” he asked as he looked me up and down.

“Yeah,” I said.

“I thought she was married to Jesus or some shit,” he said with a laugh as he huffed the can again. “Always talking about Him taking her away.”

“When is the last time you saw her?” I asked.

“I don’t know, dude, couple of days. I can help you look if you want. You might not want to walk around here alone, people are fucked up down here,” he said as he clenched the can between his teeth again, and sniffed it loudly.

“Thanks,” I said as we started to walk. It was hard to look at the way these people were living, and then realizing that my Bells was among them.

“What’s your name, cowboy?” he asked.

“Joe,” I said quietly, and I continued to look at all the people.

“Name’s Danny,” he said as he stuck his hand out. I looked down at his paint stained fingers and put my hand in his.

“Thanks for helping me,” I said as I dropped my hand.

We came upon an older lady who was crouched down on the ground, surrounded by lit candles. It was a strange thing to do, even around here.

“Ay, you seen Church Bells?” he asked.

“You keep her away from me!” she said as she held up a cross. “She’s got a demon in her, I don’t want her anywhere around me,” she said as she made a cross symbol over her chest, before she picked up a bottle of whiskey and sipped it from a straw. Her words stung. I had to get Belinda out of here. I would rather her spend the rest of her life in treatment than here.

“Crazy old lady,” Danny mumbled as we walked away.

It seemed like the further into the alley we went, the worse it got. There were people shooting up next to a trash can that had flames coming out of it. There was a couple having sex on an old couch with people watching. I couldn’t believe this kind of thing actually went on. I knew I was just a country boy who never saw much in my life, but this was unreal.

That’s when I spotted her. Alone, facing the brick building, tracing her fingers over the words “Fuck this life” that was spray painted in front of her.

“Belinda,” I said as I kneeled beside her, my knees buried in the trash that surrounded her.

“Bells… I get it,” Danny said with a laugh, and then walked away without looking back. He disappeared out of sight within a few steps.

“Joe,” she whispered without looking at me. I could smell liquor on her as she swayed in my direction.

“Belinda, are you ok?” I asked as I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes were sunk in and surrounded by black rings. Her lips were chapped and pale. Her short hair matted against her scalp. She was so thin. I had to get her out of here. I was convinced she wouldn’t survive another night out here.

“He never came,” she whispered as she fell against me, passing out, the smell of liquor hitting my nose. I scooped her into my arms and carried her through the alley.

“Demon. Demon. Demon.” I heard coming from the corner as we walked. But I kept my eyes facing forward, I had to get her out of here.

“He never came,” she slurred.

The drive home was quiet. Belinda passed out as soon as we got into the truck. She hardly moved the whole way. I wanted to get her home and cleaned up. Tomorrow was my day off, and I was taking her back to the hospital. I would explain the situation, and they would have to take her. It was for her own safety. She wasn’t safe on her own, and I couldn’t trust her alone with Samantha, or even Betty, anymore. Another hospital stay was our only option, at least until they could fix this. They had to fix this. I couldn’t live like this forever. It was too much. Our daughter deserved more than this.