Her Fantasy Husband (Things to Do Before You Die) (7 page)

She was watching him expectantly. What had she asked?

“Sorry?” he said.

A flash of annoyance crossed her face. “Why do you need to end the marriage now? Is there someone else? Last night, you said you didn’t want to marry another woman.”

“Hell, no.” As soon as he spoke, he wished he’d not been quite so emphatic. Maybe he should have told her there was someone else. He planned on there being someone else as soon as he was free, but certainly not for marriage, and he had no one particular in mind yet. He didn’t believe in lying, though.

“So why? We’ve been…married for nearly five years. Why not wait another six months?”

Shit. He stood up, strode to the window, stared out. This was going to sound so fucking lame. Finally he turned back to her. “I want sex.”

“Now?” The word came out as a squeak. Her eyes were wide, and he realized what she thought.

“Shit. No. Not now, and not with you.”

Her face fell. He guessed that had been a little harsh. But really, it was a bad idea. It had been a bad idea last night and was an even worse one this morning. No way did he want her to get the impression that this marriage was in any way real. He did not want to go there. Had she been a different sort of woman, he might have considered it, and gotten this inconvenient attraction out of his system. They could spend the next six months having fun, screwing each other’s brains out, and at the end of that time, they could get a nice, easy divorce and say good-bye.

But she wasn’t a different sort of woman. She was the sort of woman who let homeless people share her house, who rescued chickens and three legged dogs. She was nice and probably wanted children of her own and who knew what else. And he didn’t do any of that stuff.

She looked hurt. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but as she’d said, they needed to get things clear between them.

“Sex between us would complicate matters.”

“You should have thought of that last night.” She sniffed. “And for your information, if you had wanted sex now, I would have said no.” She sounded almost like her grandmother, haughty and upper class, and he had a really stupid urge to prove her wrong. He’d seen the way she looked at him earlier. She was aware of him as a man, and she wanted him. He could change her mind within minutes. He could have her flat on her back on that sofa. Or bent over his desk, her ass in the air. He hadn’t seen her ass yet. This time he’d strip her totally. He wanted to see her breasts as well. His dick twitched at the thought.

Down boy.

Not a good idea on so many levels.

“Good,” he said. “Then we’re on the same wavelength.” Of course they were. Only his dick was not quite in agreement.

Her brows drew together, her nose wrinkling. She was cute. “So you want sex. I’m not stopping you. I presume being married hasn’t stopped you over the last few years. What’s changed?”

He was silent for a minute, suddenly almost embarrassed that he’d been celibate. And he hadn’t even had a vibrator or whatever the male equivalent was. It was nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of men were celibate for lots of reasons. But in some ways, it made the marriage seem more real.

Finally, he spoke, “I don’t cheat.”

Her frown deepened. “It’s not cheating if we’re not really married.”

“I know,” he said. “But all the same, that doesn’t work for me. Call me old fashioned, but even if it’s not
technically
cheating, it’d still feel like it to me.”

She sucked on her lower lip as she thought through his statement. “So let me get this straight. You haven’t had sex since we got married?”

He gave a curt nod.

“Not at all?”

“Except for last night.”

A faint wash of color tinted her face. “Five years?”

“Like
you
said, it’s no big deal. I was busy building up the business. There was no time for anything else.” In some ways, he hadn’t wanted a woman, had been in a bad place back then. He’d left the army, which had been his home for many years, and then he’d in effect lost Evie for the second time. He’d just wanted to be alone. He’d used the whole marriage thing as an excuse if anyone came on too strong. And really as an excuse to himself. Though he was telling the truth; he didn’t cheat—even if it was a technicality. His mother had never been faithful to any man, and no way was he going to be like his mother.

Lexi was still staring at him, disbelief clear in her eyes. It wasn’t that big a deal. Or maybe it was. “Well, neither have you.”

“But I didn’t know what I was missing.”

And now she did. Would she miss it now? “And you had your vibrator.” Why the hell had he brought that up?

She ignored the comment. “Well, if you’ve managed for five years, surely you can manage for another six months.”

He really didn’t think that was an option. He’d awoken the ravenous beast and there was no putting it back to sleep. All he could think about was sex. Right now, sex with Lexi, but that would change once he got away from her and severed the ties between them. It was only proximity that had him thinking about her naked. That’d had her playing the starring role in his fantasy while he’d jerked off in the shower that morning. She’d been giving him a blow job, her sweet rosebud mouth wrapped around him, her hands—

“Josh?”

He came out of his fantasy to find her watching him a perplexed expression on her face.

“I made a vow,” he said. God, that sounded pompous.

She shook her head, rubbing at the spot between her brows. “You made a vow to have sex?”

“Yeah.” Now he sounded belligerent. He took a deep breath, then came and sat down beside her, noticing the way she inched away from him as if he were some dangerous madman. He needed to make this sound plausible. “I told you. A few weeks ago, I was on this ship that went down. It was touch and go for a while whether I’d make it. I broke my leg, and we were cut off by fire. Anyway, I did make it and…well, that sort of thing has a way of changing your life.”

“And so you decided to have sex. Very deep and meaningful.”

He shrugged. “In a way.” God, how did he explain this when he didn’t really understand it himself? But she deserved an explanation. “I’ve been a little restless lately. The business is doing great, there’s no reason for me to work all hours, but when I stopped working all the time, I started thinking again. And I realized I’d put my life on hold.”

“Because of the marriage to me?”

It would be easy to give that as the reason, but it wasn’t true. “No. Marrying you was a symptom. Not the reason.”

“A symptom of what?”

“It doesn’t matter. Anyway, floating in that lifeboat afterward, realizing how close I’d come to dying, I decided to change that. A couple of other guys were with me, and we all made these vows to go back and change something in our lives. And I vowed to have sex.”

“Because to have sex you first needed to sort out the other stuff that was holding you back? Mainly your marriage to me.”

She was bright. “Yeah. And once I’d decided, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I need that annulment.” Christ he sounded like a selfish bastard.

“And…last night didn’t help?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and sat back. “Made it worse. I haven’t felt this horny since… Hell, I’ve
never
felt this horny.”

“Oh.” She thought for a moment, licked her lips, cast a quick glance at his face and then away. “We could…”

He knew exactly what she was suggesting, and the blood shot to his groin. He ignored the sensation. “No
, we
couldn’t. I want no-strings-sex, not married sex.”

“I don’t have any strings.”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment.

“Hmm. How about I give you some sort of dispensation. Say it’s all right, that you can go out and have your no-strings-sex, and I don’t mind.”

“You don’t?”

She tossed him a haughty look. “Why would I?”

Because you want me, baby.
But he kept those words to himself. They wouldn’t help. “No can do. I’d still
feel
like I’m cheating.” He’d thought about it, had been eyeing up women all morning. Sally was beautiful, and in the past, she’d made it more than clear that she’d be there if he needed anything—
anything at all
. But he couldn’t envisage it happening.

“Jesus, you’re difficult.” Lexi scowled at him.

“We men can be single-minded.”

“Maybe we can get you some bromide or something to add to your coffee.”

He chuckled. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed. Logan was right—he was a miserable bastard.

Her eyes widened at the sound, and she stared at him. Without thought, he found himself inching closer along the sofa.

Whoa. Don’t go there. Not happening, remember.

But somehow he couldn’t seem to stop. She still clutched her cup in her small hand, and he pried it free and placed it on the coffee table. He wasn’t going to do anything. Really, he wasn’t. Just maybe see if her skin was as soft as it looked. He reached out and trailed a finger down the curve of her cheek. Softer. And warm. He traced over her full lower lip, and her breath feathered his fingertip, sending shivers down his arm.

He was leaning in, intent on her parted lips, when her cell phone rang. She jumped, and he jerked back as she cleared her throat and rummaged in her bag. She pulled out the phone, got to her feet, and talked for a moment, though the words made no sense to him.

He was in big trouble.

He needed to stay far away from Lexi until he had sorted this out. He was obviously not to be trusted around her. So the answer was distance.

She popped the phone back in her bag and turned to him. “That was Sadie—my secretary. Apparently, my grandmother and Daniel are on the way. I have to go.”

“We still haven’t worked out what we’re going to do.”

“I’ll call later. If I deal with this, maybe they’ll disappear back to New York.”

“You want me to come with you?” The words were out before he could think better of them. Where had that idea come from? She was
not
his responsibility. It was nothing to do with him that the brightness had faded from her eyes as she spoke on the phone. But he realized he didn’t want her facing that couple alone. She shouldn’t have to.

She frowned. “Why?”

“Moral support.”

“I don’t need moral support. I’ve managed so far.”

Why was he pushing this? “We can have lunch afterward and discuss our divorce in a nice, civilized manner.” Except she didn’t make him feel civilized.

She studied him for a moment longer, head cocked to one side. “Civilized?” She gave a quick nod. “Okay.” And with that she was gone.

Chapter Seven

Half an hour later, Lexi let herself into her office and collapsed onto the chair behind her still very tidy desk. The orderliness made her twitch, and she pulled some stuff out of the drawer and scattered it over the surface. From the midst of the rubble, the photo of Josh stared back at her.

He hadn’t had sex in over five years. She still couldn’t get over that little piece of information.

Presumably that was the only reason he’d done it last night. He’d been desperate. Probably under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t even look at a woman like her.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

He didn’t cheat.

But he didn’t want sex with her. Because he wanted no-strings-sex. And he reckoned she came with strings.

Ha! How wrong could he be?

Bastard.

In that case, he was going to have to keep it in his pants for the next six months. After they got rid of her grandmother, she would explain what was at stake. She didn’t know him well, but she knew him enough—he wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t believe he would jeopardize all she had worked for, just for a no-strings-shag.

At least, she hoped he wouldn’t.

He’d dropped her off in front of the office and then gone to find somewhere to park—not an easy thing in this part of the city. In the meantime, she’d make him a sort of mini-presentation to show him what the organization did. She was proud of what she’d achieved in a few short years.

After she’d married Josh, she’d sort of known what she wanted to do with the money; she just hadn’t been entirely sure how to go about it. She’d lived a very sheltered life until then. Boarding school most of the time. Holidays at the family’s estate in Northumberland, usually alone, as her grandmother preferred the city. So she’d just taken off. Bought a round-the-world ticket and gone around the world. In the end, she’d been away for two years.

She’d met some interesting people, worked on projects in different countries, on different continents, in Africa and Asia. Taught English in schools, helped build wells. Finally, she’d come home with a better understanding of what she needed to move forward, and the contacts to help her find the people to do it. She’d set up the organization and named it after her father, whose money made it possible.

The outer door banged, and she glanced up from her laptop. Her heart jumped, skipping a beat, which was weird and unwelcome. Then she heard her grandmother’s clipped tones through the door, and her heart sank.

She’d only been five when her mother and father had been killed in a car crash. She could still vaguely remember them—hazy memories filled with the warmth of their love. Which was just as well. Without those memories, she might have grown up believing that love was a myth, at least for her. Or maybe that she was unlovable.

She’d certainly never felt even the slightest smidgen of warmth from her grandmother. But over the years, she’d come to recognize that her grandmother was not a good woman. She was selfish and manipulative…and all the family Lexi had.

She let out a sigh as the door opened, and straightened her shoulders as Sadie ushered them in, her grandmother at the front, Daniel close behind. Usually, they waited for her annual visit to New York to make their fiscal requests. Money must be short.

Fixing a smile on her face, she waved a hand at the seats in front of her desk, and then she rose to her feet as they sat down. She wandered over to the window and peered out through the blinds. Her office was on the first floor of a converted house in what had once been a posh residential area but had now been taken over by a number of small businesses. The rent was expensive, but the position was good. There was a crescent of garden below, a lawn with a bench, bordered by a shrubbery. She caught sight of Josh heading across the road toward her. He’d gotten changed and wore dark pants and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

He looked good, but he’d looked better half naked. It was a real shame to cover up a body like that.

He moved with an easy grace, though as she watched him, she could tell he was favoring his right leg. Should he have been sparring if he’d recently broken it? He needed someone to look after him. Clearly, he wasn’t capable of it himself.

Sadly, it wouldn’t be her. Because whatever he believed, she was a no-strings sort of girl. All she wanted from him was sex. Really. Even if he did make her feel all warm and fuzzy.

Without that phone call, she was convinced Josh would have kissed her. He’d been so close. Even now, the memory of his touch lingered on her skin. And it was scary how much she’d craved that kiss.

She exhaled long and loud. The interruption was probably for the best. A kiss would only blur the lines between fantasy and reality even further. She wanted a real husband as little as Josh wanted a wife.

Especially a husband like Josh.

In her dreams, he’d known his place—in her bed and
not
in her business. In real life she guessed he wouldn’t be quite so amenable. She’d had one person controlling her life; she wasn’t about to let anyone else have a say.

And she had an inkling Josh would have a lot to say. He was clearly bossy as well as gorgeous. She sighed as he disappeared into the building below her.

“Have you heard a word I’ve said, Alexia?”

She sighed again and turned around. “No.”

Shock flashed across her grandmother’s face. Lexi had always taken great care to treat their meetings with scrupulous politeness. It was ingrained in her. Her grandmother had always had an uncanny ability to hit where it hurt, and no scruples about using that talent, so Lexi had learned at an early age not to antagonize her.

“Things not going well with your…husband?” Daniel asked

Had she heard a slight question when he used that word? Did they suspect all wasn’t rosy between her and Josh? Sometimes it amazed her that she’d kept the pretense up for so long. Though, it did help that there was usually an ocean between them.

She wasn’t quite sure what would happen if they discovered the truth. Her father had made vast amounts of money before he died. His own family had wanted him to follow in
his
father’s footsteps and become a lawyer, which hadn’t interested him in the least. So he’d gone into business with Uncle Jamie, who had provided the start-up money. He’d been a brilliant entrepreneur at a time when fortunes could be made in the emerging internet markets.

After he’d died, the money had been put into trust for her, with her grandmother in control until Lexi was twenty-four, or until she married. If they found that her marriage had been a sham, her grandmother would likely try and get back that control. While Lexi didn’t think she would succeed, she guessed it would tie the money up, and she had a number of ongoing projects. She
needed
that money.

So they couldn’t find out the marriage was a sham.

The door opened and there he was. He stood for a moment, taking in the occupants, one eyebrow raised.

Earlier, he’d threatened to go talk with her grandmother. He wouldn’t, would he?

She bit her lip and shot him a pleading glance.

He gave a small nod, and a smile curled his sensual lips. “Sweetheart,” he murmured. Then he strode into the room, straight toward her, wrapped his arms around her, lifted her up on tiptoes, and lowered his head. Time seemed to slow and her surroundings vanish as his lips parted on hers, and he kissed her like he would never get enough.

He was such a good actor.

Then his tongue pushed into her mouth, filling her with the taste of spice and coffee and something unique. She twined her tongue around his to taste him better, her hands coming up to sink into the silky hair at the back of his skull and hold him closer. She became acutely aware of her breasts pressed against his rock hard chest, her nipples tightening, and a steady throb starting between her thighs.

Oh my.

She had to resist the urge to rub up against him like a cat in need of stroking, and she had a flashback to his hands on her body last night, his long, clever fingers inside her.

The kiss slid from her lips, along her cheek, and he nibbled at her ear, his breath feathering against the sensitive skin. “If you don’t want to seriously embarrass me in front of your visitors, you might want to stop kissing me now.”

She didn’t want to stop. His hands slid down her back and pulled her tight against his hard body, and she could feel the growing length of him against her stomach. If that was supposed to persuade her to back away, it wasn’t working. God, he felt good.

She closed her eyes for a second, gathered her willpower, and stepped away.

Josh gave her a rueful smile and then moved and propped himself on the edge of her desk. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face the other two people in the room. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten they were here.

Daniel had a vaguely lascivious expression on his face, which made her a little queasy. Her grandmother had a pinched look, which she knew from experience did not bode well.

Wiping her hands down the sides of her jeans, she plastered a smile on her face. “Sorry,” she murmured, “but…” But what? She gave up and went around her desk, sat down, and rested her hands in her lap. “You said you needed to talk to me.”

Daniel cleared his throat as though about to speak, but her grandmother got in first. “This is family business, Alexia,” she said with a pointed glance at Josh.

“You can speak in front of me, Grandma,” Josh said, and Lexi almost choked. “After all, we are family. How is it Lexi and I can help you?”

He sat on the edge of her desk, one leg swinging, an almost amused expression on his face. She didn’t think anyone had ever found her grandmother funny before.

She waited for one of them to speak, though she was pretty sure what they were going to say.

“Daniel’s gallery has met with a few issues recently. We need a little cash injection and thought you would like to help.”

She opened her mouth to ask how much, because, really, what else was there to say, but Josh spoke first.

“What issues?”

Daniel looked startled at the question. “A couple of deals that didn’t work out. I need a little outside investment to see me through a difficult patch. I’m sure Lexi can spare the money.”

“What are the usual loan terms? I’m taking it this isn’t the first time you’ve borrowed money from my wife.”

Her grandmother pursed her lips. “Alexia is family. I’m sure you understand that, Joshua. We don’t speak of terms with family.”

“I don’t believe Daniel is a relative.”

“He’s her step-grandfather.”

Josh straightened his shoulders. “And I’m her husband. You’ll agree I have slightly more say in the matter. Up until now, Lexi has been overly generous. But money doesn’t last forever, and we need to check that the investment is solid. So if you could send us a written report, we’d be happy to consider it. Now, I’m sorry, but Lexi and I have a luncheon date.”

He stood up, strolled to the door, opened it, and stood waiting.

Lexi watched in silence. Finally, her grandmother rose to her feet, and Daniel followed her out. Neither looked happy, and Lexi had to bite back a grin. This wouldn’t be the end of the matter. No doubt she would hear more. But for now, the two of them had been silenced.

For a fake husband, Josh was a true protector. Which was so not helping her control those warm fuzzy feelings.

As the door closed behind them, she leaned back in her chair and let out a huge sigh.

“Do you usually give them money when they ask?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It’s complicated. Anyway, I have a lot and they don’t.” Her grandmother had once pointed out that if Lexi had never been born, then the money would have all been hers. She’d been eight at the time. She suspected that her grandmother would have been happier if Lexi had died in the car crash with her parents.

“And they are my only family.” She didn’t know why she was trying to justify herself to Josh. It was her money. She could do what she liked with it. Hadn’t that been the whole point of marrying him in the first place? She didn’t need him to come along and tell her what she could and couldn’t do.

He shook his head, his expression still disapproving. “You’re right. It’s your money. Let’s go get some lunch. I’m hungry.”

“Okay. And thanks for…not giving me away to grandmother. I know she suspects something.” She got up, grabbed her bag, and then the laptop. She’d give her little presentation over lunch.

…

“So,” he said as they settled into a booth in what Lexi had described as her favorite pizza place. “Does your grandmother ask for money often?”

“Once a year.” She nibbled on a breadstick. “I visit once a year, and they ask once a year.”

“And you always give it to them.”

She nodded. “It’s easier. And if I do, they leave me alone the rest of the time.” She must have seen something in his expression. “She is my grandmother.”

Perhaps it wasn’t so bad not having any family. Though that wasn’t quite the truth. He had a mother somewhere, but unlike Lexi, he’d cut her out of his life. She’d tried to contact him once, but she’d eventually gone away when he’d made it clear he no longer considered her family. Then there was his sister—except he no longer had a sister. His mother had seen to that.

Which one of them was right? Him or Lexi?

It occurred to him that both of them were as screwed up in their own way by their families. After all, it was hardly normal for an eighteen-year-old to enter into a marriage of convenience with a total stranger, however much money was involved. Besides, he was starting to believe that whatever else motivated his wife, it wasn’t money. Suddenly he had an inexplicable urge to understand what made her tick.

“So tell me,” he said. “What’s with all those people at your house? Don’t they drive you crazy?”

“I love it.” At his look of disbelief she continued, “I always wanted a big family.”

“You don’t have any brothers and sisters? What about Harry and Melissa.”

She pulled a face. “Luckily, they didn’t come into my life until I was seventeen. Before that, it was just me and grandmother, and whichever husband she had at the time. She had a lot of them, and they all ended badly, so I decided a long time ago that I was never going to get married—not for real anyway. So this is my way to have a family.”