Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2) (15 page)

Somehow she had managed to get hold of Michael’s phone. I was glad she did. At least I knew she didn’t hold anything against me. Now all I had to do was beg Michael’s forgiveness next time I saw him…
if
he would ever want to see me again.

Chapter 12

Suddenly, I felt warm, almost like heat radiating from something—or someone—to me. I didn’t know what it was, but I embraced it. My eyes still closed, I smiled as I focused on how wonderful the feeling really was.

I suddenly felt a movement behind me in the bed and the soft caress of a strong hand. “Cassie…,” the voice whispered in my ear. Just this one word and this one touch had the moans reverberating all around me.

“Stephen…?” I whispered back as his caress intensified. I knew it was him. I could feel it.

Turning around, I managed to open my eyes to gaze upon the most breathtaking sight. “Stephen, you’re really here?” My smile widened as I took in every single inch of him.

His smile vanished. “I wish I could tell you I was, but that would be a lie. You’re dreaming, Cassie. And we don’t have much time.”

Panicking, I sat up a little. “What do you mean?”

Caressing my face, he smiled. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m taking a risk by coming to you like this.”

He had gone through so much punishment already. I certainly didn’t want him getting into trouble over me. “Then you should go. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

Stephen shook his head with a smile. “I just needed to be here with you. I wanted to hold you, feel you in my arms. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long, I feel my heart will burst if I don’t get to taste those sweet lips of yours.” And then his lips were on mine, calling out to me to open up and take him to new depths. Our love felt eternal, like the creation of life.

I knew this was a dream, but it all felt so real. For me, he was here and nothing could take away this moment. I could feel every caress, every taste of his mouth as he explored mine. His kisses before always felt wonderful, but knowing he was all I ever wanted somehow made the kiss that much more intense. I didn’t think it was possible, but it was.

Suddenly, Stephen pulled away, making me moan at the loss of contact. His head jerked up like he was listening for something, but I couldn’t hear anything.

Facing me, he held my face in his hands. “I have to go, Cassie. Just know that I love you. I always have, Cassie. I…always…have.”

I felt like he was trying to portray something important to me, but I didn’t know what. He stared into my eyes for the longest time. What was he trying to tell me? What was he so desperate for me to know?

“I love you, too, Stephen.”

Caressing my face, he smiled. “That’s all I need to know.”

With a gentle kiss, he began to fade, making me yearn for the return of his touch. How could I be given such a wonderful person, only to have him ripped from me? It didn’t seem fair.

Suddenly, he was gone, leaving behind a static charge next to me. I tried to reach out to it, touch it, hold onto it with all my might. I was frightened that if I let it go, it would be lost forever.

“Come back!” I screamed as I woke up with a jolt.

The jerk of my arms was so violent, my shoulder screamed in protest. “Son of a bitch!” I shouted.

Feeling the pain of my shoulder was welcome. The physical pain would dull the pain in my heart. How could anything feel this bad?

Remember.

“Who are you?” I demanded. She was in my head, berating me, torturing me, plaguing me.

Remember
, the voice said again, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I was starting to get angry. Picking up my alarm clock, I hurled it at the wall. “Remember what, goddammit? How can I remember something I don’t even know I’ve forgotten?”

My words sounded confusing, but I
was
confused. For the first time in my life, I felt real anger. I wanted to know what I didn’t know. I wanted to reach out and grab the one thing that had been hovering above my head, just out of reach. It was taunting me like a carrot on a stick and I was the fucking donkey.

Shit, now I was cursing. I never curse. Who was I turning into? Why was it I felt this growing, burning sensation deep within to just let it rip? Was this the real me? Had I created this timid version of myself because, deep down, I was this caged lion dying to get out? Who was this girl before me? Who was this angel?

So many questions, so many answers I knew were out there somewhere, teasing me to get to the truth. What
was
the truth?

“Stop being such a pussy, Cassie!”

I gasped. It was my mouth forming the words, but that wasn’t me. It wasn’t me!

It
is
you!

Banging my head with my hand, I tried getting her to stop, to just shut the hell up. Am I going mad? Did getting shot make me into this crazed person who heard voices and felt things she shouldn’t be feeling?

Shaking my head, I refused to believe that. I refused to acknowledge the possibility that every word I heard from his lips and every touch I felt wasn’t real. Of course it was real because Stephen was real. He was as real as anything could get. Saying otherwise would be like an insult to the memory of him.

I missed him. I yearned for him. My body and soul called out to him. I felt like a moth and Stephen was my flame—my undying, raging flame.

Finally rising from my bed, I bent down to pick up the pieces of my broken alarm clock. Great! Now I needed to buy a new one.

Throwing it in the bin, I focused on getting ready. Baby steps were needed now. If I could just go through the motions of everyday life, I wouldn’t feel like I was tearing apart. First a shower, then get dressed. Then, when I was ready, I shall visit my uncle. Hopefully he would be around his studio today. I needed to be with my family now.

It took a long time and it was a little awkward, but I managed to get ready. I changed my dressing and set about picking out some comfortable clothes. I texted Simon to ask how his mother was and he replied that she was well, thanking me again. He also asked if I wanted to see her tomorrow, which I agreed to.

I was already smitten by Simon’s family. They were all warm and welcoming and, despite what life had given them, carried a sense of happiness.

Once I was almost ready, I texted my uncle to see if he was up for a visit. He replied that he’d love a visit and was actually hoping to come and visit me later today anyway. I guess I beat him to it.

In the midst of gathering my things, my doorbell rang. I took a peak outside. Michael was standing there, helmet in tow.

With my heart thumping, I walked to the door. I didn’t know what to expect. I just needed to tell myself that whatever he gave me, I deserved it after yesterday.

Taking a deep breath, I swung the door open. He looked every bit the towering monster I remembered when I met him all those months ago. He stood tall and muscular, having an air of natural grace I didn’t think any human being could possess.

I breathed in the calm he naturally emitted every time he was around, and briefly closed my eyes. I needed that to face whatever he was going to hand out to me.

“Cassie,” he sighed. “Can I come in?”

Nodding, I pulled the door open to let him pass and followed him into the flat. I couldn’t quite read him at the moment. I didn’t know whether he was going to shout at me or hug me. I was hoping for the latter, but I didn’t think that was coming.

“Michael, I’m—”

Putting his hand up, he stopped me. “There’s no need to apologise, Cassie. I know what you did.” A smile curved up at the sides of his mouth, making me sigh in relief.

“You’re not angry with me?”

Coming closer, he reached out his hand to grab mine, motioning me to sit down. “How can I be angry with you? What you did yesterday was very selfless.”

I reared my head back in shock. “How can you say that, Michael? What I did was every bit self
ish
. I couldn’t seem to face you to tell you the truth, so I took the coward’s way out. I shoved Luana in front of you to escape the one burning question.” I hung my head in shame.

“Which I already knew the answer to.” Michael squeezed my hand. “Look, I understand why you did what you did. You tried telling me how you felt and, at the same time, made me see what was in front of me this whole time.”

Picking my head up, I met Michael’s sincere eyes. “Luana?”

Michael breathed out of his nose and smiled. “Luana.”

“I suppose you couldn’t resist the damsel in distress?” I teased. I spied his cheeky grin, which said it all.

“Does this mean…?” I felt uncomfortable asking. “Does this mean you two are…?” My god, this was difficult. It seemed like such a naughty word to me.

“Mated?” he asked, beating me to it.

I blew out a breath. “Yes, I suppose so. Are you two, like, an item now?”

“I need to be honest with you, Cassie. I would have stayed if you asked me to.” He paused for a moment, obviously finding it difficult to form the words. “But it would have been for the wrong reasons.”

I think if I would have heard this a couple of weeks back, it would have been painful for me. Now, though, it filled me with a new sense of hope for Michael. He had so much done to him, but still fought on for the good because he cared so much for this world and the people in it. Now I knew why Michael was chosen for me as my guardian. He was loyal, trustworthy, and cared about the people he loved. Apart from Stephen, I couldn’t have picked a better person. Michael would always hold a special place in my heart.

Grabbing his face, I pulled him to me for one last gentle kiss on the lips, just one friend saying goodbye to the other. I knew Michael was leaving and I’d never see him again.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I finally managed.

The tears rolled down my cheeks and Michael, as always, was there wiping them away. “I’ll miss you, too.” As he cupped my face, I met his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Tugging him to me, I breathed in his wonderful scent for one last time. I savoured it like it was my last meal. Michael was leaving me, and it felt like I was losing my best friend.

“Do something for me, Cassie.”

I pulled away and looked at him. “Anything.”

“Be there for
you
for a change. I know you want to do good, but you have to look after yourself first. Only then can you get what your heart desires.”

My mind raced with thoughts of Stephen. If I thought my heart couldn’t ache much more, I was wrong. “How can that be if he’s gone?” I whispered.

Tugging at my hands, his face took on a determined look. “Cassie, you’re strong. Stronger than any woman I have ever meet…but don’t tell Luana I said that.” We both chuckled. “You can do this. Keep telling yourself you can do it. Keep digging and you’ll find the answers. Maybe one of us has already given it to you and it’s buried deep down in your subconscious somewhere. Just, whatever you do, don’t lose hope. Can you do that for me?”

Nodding, I couldn’t help the overwhelming loss. “How can I ever thank you, Michael? What gift could I possibly give to you that could explain just how much you mean to me?”

Michael shook his head. “Cassie,” he sighed. “You’ve already given me everything I could ever ask for.”

“Luana?” I asked again, smiling.

Michael shook his head. “No, not Luana, although she is an added bonus,” he joked. “What you’ve given me is a friendship I will take with me forever. You will always be in here, Cassie.” He placed my hand on his heart. “I will take a piece of you with me and I will cherish it forever. I will cherish the memories, good and bad, because that’s what friendship is all about. You take the rough with the smooth and you stick together because that’s what you do for people you care about. And I care for you, Cassie. I really do. You have shown me how precious life is. You have shown me a world that is not only filled with ugliness, but so beautiful in its own right. You talk about thanking me, but how could I ever thank
you
?”

“Stop it, Michael. You’re making my make-up smudge.” I was like a train wreck—emotions flying everywhere. On one hand, I was immensely thankful for the time we had together, for his friendship and loyalty. But, on the other hand, I felt selfish because I wanted him here. I felt lonely and it was overwhelming. He was my wall to lean on, my light in the dark to carry me home. How could I ever replace that kind of friendship? 

“Wh…where’s Luana?” I finally managed to say.

“She’s waiting for me outside. She wanted me to come in first so we could talk alone.”

“Don’t let her stay out there on her own any longer. Bring her in.” Smiling, Michael rose from his seat and walked out the door.

The tears were still running down my face. They seemed like an endless stream at the moment. I was drowning in the loss of people I have come to love and care about. First Stephen, now Michael— even Luana was leaving me. I wasn’t just losing my friends. I was losing my family.

“Cassie,” Luana said, timidly knocking on the door. She saw my tears. The look she gave me was one of empathy.

With a rush, she was in my arms and we held each other like we were the best of friends. I had only met her yesterday, but I felt like I had known her all my life.