Her Heart's Divide (2 page)

“And?”

“And nothing. You caught me, commented on my drinking and took me downstairs for some water. And you said it never happened, and until now you never brought it up again,” I said with a meaningful look.

“Wow,” he said.

“Wow? Is that all you can say?”

“That’s not how the evening ended, as I remember it.” He stopped and I glared at him.

“And?”

“You gave me that…compliment, and you immediately started apologizing. I managed to not blurt out that I’d been admiring you for weeks.”

I felt myself blushing again. “You had?”

“Good god, yes. You were and are one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. And at the Christmas party, you were stunning. The way your dress sparkled and clung to your body had me dying to talk to you alone all night.”

“Jack, I had no idea—”

“Seeing you in the moonlight almost killed me. You were everything I ever wanted.” His voice was raspy, and it dropped to a whisper. “When you fell into my arms, it was like a sign. I held you, and you snuggled right in. It seemed like you wanted to be there.”

“I did. But you stopped everything!” I burst out.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I didn’t.” He stood up. “I thought for a second you were more drunk than you’d seemed, the way you’d fallen like that—”

“My heel caught on your office rug.”

“Yeah, that’s what you said in the morning when I asked.”

I froze. “The morning?”

He gave me a slow smile that made me shiver. “Lila, after that kiss in my office, there was no way, no way in hell I was going to let you go home alone.”

“Jack,” I said weakly, “I promise you that we did not kiss that night or ever.”

“And I’m telling you we did. It was fantastic too.” He leaned forward a little. “Long and slow, just the way you love first kisses. You told me that too.”

He was so close that I could feel the warmth of his skin. A thick lock of hair had fallen forward near his eyes, and almost against my will, I lifted my hand to brush it away. My heart was pounding. His eyes were dark with longing.

We both heard the shower stop and we jumped.

“God, Jack.” I tried to laugh. “You really had me going there for a second. I almost believed that evening ended totally differently.”

“Damn it, Lila, I’m trying to tell you it did end differently. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not an idiot, and only an idiot would have let you go that night.”

“You didn’t let me go. You walked me downstairs and didn’t leave my side until I’d eaten a plateful of food!”

“Why do I keep coming in to see you two yelling?”

Jack and I turned to see Ryan in the doorway. He was wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, and he was rubbing his thick black curls with a towel.

“I’m out of my head, man. I’m sorry. Both of you, I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I’m tired and confused and taking it out on you guys. I’m glad you’re both still two of my best friends in this world, but I don’t understand why this world isn’t my world.”

Whatever was wrong with Jack, the friendship between the men was the same, and Ryan was fast on the uptake. “Why don’t we take a walk, buddy?” Ryan asked. He punched Jack in the arm and grinned. “I’ve got some questions, anyway.”

“I’ll just bet you do, but I don’t kiss and tell.”

Ryan’s laugh filled the room. “Let me grab a shirt and we’ll bail.” He left.

Jack turned to me. “Li, be patient with me. Two hours ago I thought you were my wife, and I was the happiest man in the world. Now I’m seeing that someone else is the happiest man in the world. And you’re telling me we’ve never even kissed.”

“We haven’t, Jack,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

He looked straight at me. “If you feel bad now, think about how you’d feel if you knew how good our kisses are.”

His husky voice made my lips tingle, but there was nothing I could say.

Ryan emerged from our bedroom and kissed me goodbye. I watched the two men disappear down the path along the water, talking animatedly. I shivered. I hadn’t thought about Jack in a sexual way since that Christmas party. He’d shut me down pretty thoroughly and yet with so much kindness that I hadn’t felt hurt for very long. I’d assumed he wasn’t interested. And Ryan…Ryan was very interested and started showing it soon after that party.

But the look in Jack’s eyes as he told me about our first kiss wasn’t the look of a man who’d turned down a young, tipsy receptionist. Instead, his expression had been hot and knowing, like he remembered exactly what it was like to make love to me.

I couldn’t stand it. I grabbed my terry robe from the bedroom. I went out on the wraparound deck and shoved the cover off the hot tub, because if anyone needed to relax on their stupid freaking day off, it was me.

Before long I was up to my neck in warm, bubbling water, watching the last of the sunlight reflect off the river. My body was relaxed, but my mind kept replaying the afternoon. Had I responded in any small way to Jack’s touch? I’d definitely responded to his description of my favorite sexual fantasy, so much so that I’d been more than ready for Ryan. And the memory of the Christmas party. So embarrassing, unless it had ended…differently.

I could still feel his hands on my waist from seven years ago. What if, instead of resting there, he’d continued the slide down my body until those hands had been cupping my ass? What if instead of looking at my face to see if I was drunk, he’d closed his eyes and opened his lips? Would I have continued to hold him close, or would I have had my own second thoughts?

My second thought wouldn’t have been to stop. It would have been to let his tongue into my mouth and to press my body against his.

I shifted a little in the hot tub and closed my eyes. I hadn’t had a new fantasy in ages, and this one was hot. My hands traced the sides of my breasts as I imagined Jack’s hands running over the front of my silver party dress. I would have encouraged him and leaned into his palms. He would have found that I wasn’t wearing a bra, that my small breasts didn’t need one.

My nipples rose up under my teasing touch, and I pulled them gently, flicking the tips with a fingernail. My lips parted and I ran my tongue over them, thinking of how his kiss might have gained urgency with his hands on my breasts.

I felt a short spasm lower down at the thought. My thighs clenched and I took a deep breath. I moved my hands slowly from my breasts to my legs and ran my hands up and down the soft, tender skin on the insides of my thighs. In Jack’s office, if he’d kissed me that night, he might have pushed his knee in between mine, urging me to straddle his powerful thigh. My pussy would have been pressed into his hard leg.

Now I was squirming on the hard plastic seat in the hot tub, and I opened my legs. I braced my feet up a little higher and reached down. In my fantasy, Jack was holding my ass, clutching me tightly to his tall, strong body. In the hot tub, I was rubbing my mound in slow, firm circles, the way I would have been grinding on him.

I could almost hear him saying how much he wanted me and feel his warm breath on my neck. I moaned and tried to increase the pressure. But it was hard. I kept forgetting to brace myself in the water, and readjusting was making it hard to focus on my fantasy lover.

I flipped over. There was a cluster of adjustable jets I’d had aimed at different points on my back. In a second, I had one spraying gently across my breasts and some pulsing harder directly between my legs. I whimpered as the steady, tireless streams of water flowed across my tender skin. Now I could think entirely about Jack, Jack’s hand on my breast or on my ass, his hot tongue everywhere at once. I could feel his khaki pants bulging out in the middle and him telling me to ride it, ride it hard, telling me to come for him like he’d always imagined.

The water pounded against my clit, and I finally succumbed. The orgasm was massive, sending shocks all through my body until even my toes were clenched. I clutched the side of the tub, trying not to scream. I let the jets hammer out every last quiver. Finally, I floated up a little and flipped back onto my back.

Night had fallen. We lived far enough from town that we had thousands of stars to light up the night. I would have made a wish on every one of them, if only I’d known what to wish for.

Movement at the edge of the trees caught my eye. It was Ryan and Jack, back from their walk. I stretched like a cat and climbed out. With my robe tied snugly around my waist, I went to the railing and waved.

An hour later, we sat around the dining room table, staring at the remains of two frozen pizzas and a six-pack of beer.

“So that’s it, babe,” said Ryan. “As far as we can tell, the only thing different about this world is that I married you instead of Jack, and he married Allison two years later. Everything else is the same, down to the expansion I want to put on the shop.”

“And the BS I’m dealing with at the factory level,” Jack said with a grimace.

“Seriously? Everything is exactly the same?”

Ryan tipped up his beer to get the last drop before replying. “Not entirely the same. There are different colors and models in the showroom, and it seems that in Jack’s memory we’re carrying a bigger sedan inventory than we are right now.”

“Ha!” I said. “Just like I’ve been saying we should for ages.”

Jack smirked. “Well, in this world I only have to listen to you saying it during the day. In mine I had to listen to you saying it all night too, so I gave in faster over there.”

All three of us cracked up.

“So you’re henpecked! She doesn’t nag me, old buddy. I must be doing something right.” Ryan laughed.

“You just naturally do whatever I want you to do,” I said sweetly.

Ryan nodded, and then his eyes widened. “Hey!”

That convulsed us again. We eventually grew calm, and for a while we listened to the cicadas sing.

Jack broke the silence. “Has anyone called Allison yet?”

“She’s in Sedona, Jack. Something about planets aligning with magnets, or whatever.” I tried not to sound like I was making fun of my best friend, but she and I had long since come to an agreement that we wouldn’t talk about some of her hobbies. I wasn’t one for believing in anything that I couldn’t see, and Allison, well, she said things like “crystal aura” without irony.

He sighed. “I shouldn’t be relieved, but I am. Why didn’t I go with her?”

“There’s no cell-phone reception there, and you had too much going on this week to risk being out of touch.”

“That’s an understatement. If things are as similar as Ryan thinks, I need to go back in tomorrow.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Yeah. I want to get in there early too, so I’d better catch some sleep.” He hesitated for a moment. “Would you guys mind if I crashed here? I’m not entirely sure where I live, and it would feel weird, anyway.”

“Sure, buddy,” said Ryan. “I’ll take you to your house tomorrow.”

“You want to wash your clothes tonight?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I’m not planning to meet with any customers. As long as no one gets too close, I’m fine.”

The men turned the futon from a couch to a mattress while I fetched the sheets and pillows. We made up the bed with the ease of old friends long accustomed to working together. But we stared at one another like strangers when we were done.

“Well. Good night, then,” I said.

Safely in our bedroom, I leaned into my husband’s embrace with relief. “What the hell is going on, Ry?”

“I don’t know, babe. He seems fine, except that he really believes you two live here, and that it’s me who practically lives here on weekends instead of him and Allison.”

“It can’t be true.”

“I don’t see how it can be, but that doesn’t make it a lie.”

I stared at him. “If it’s not true, how is it not a lie?”

Ryan didn’t answer for a minute and kept stroking my hair. “Well, a lie is something you say even when you know the truth is something different. I think Jack’s telling the truth as he sees it. Plus, he’s never lied to either of us, ever.”

“Then he’s crazy. You can’t erase the last seven years like that.”

He chuckled. “You never wonder how things might have gone if you made a different choice?”

“Seems like a waste of time to…” My hot-tub fantasy sprang to mind, and I felt something twitch deep inside of me. “Okay, sure, everyone wonders now and again, but you don’t dwell on it if you’ve got your act together, and you don’t rewrite seven years of history.”

“Probably not. I just know that what he’s saying is impossible, and that he never, ever lies. So either he’s crazy, or we are, or something’s going on that I can’t see.” He took off his shirt, revealing the tight abs and pectorals of a man who works with his muscles every day. I whistled in appreciation and he winked.

“You are a gorgeous, gorgeous man.”

“Glad you think so, Mrs. Crosse.”

With our teeth brushed and all the other parts of the bedtime routine finished, we got into bed and looked out the picture window at the stars. The moon hadn’t yet risen, so I could barely see the outlines of the furniture on the part of the deck that ran outside our bedroom. I lay on my side, with my head pillowed on my husband’s strong arm. His crisp chest hair was a tactile joy, and I ran my free hand through it in slow circles. Occasionally I let my fingers wander down the trail to his taut belly and then combed them back upward. My hand seemed so small against the broad expanse of his torso. I felt him relax under my touch.

“Mmm. That’s nice.”

“I love your chest hair. I have no idea what I saw in all those hairless poster boys I hung on my walls in high school.”

“Your husband Jack doesn’t have much chest hair,” he teased.

I sniffed. “You’re not funny.”

“I’m very funny. You laugh at my jokes all the time.”

“That’s just to make you feel like a big man.”

“I am a big man.”

“Don’t brag.” My hand brushed over his underpants, and I felt him stir. “Okay, you’re not really bragging if you’re being descriptive.”

His laugh was low and sent a shiver through me. “You say the nicest things to me, Lila.” He reached over and traced a line down my ribs, into the valley of my waist and up over my hip.

I sighed. “Now, that’s nice.”

The calluses on his hand added a dimension to his tender exploration that I’d never felt with any other lover. Long, smooth strokes over my back, with small circles from his thumb added to my enjoyment.

“It’s too bad I can’t purr,” I whispered.

“Those little soft noises you make when I’m petting you are just as good,” he whispered back.

I’m not a slow woman when it comes to hints. I hummed and sighed my appreciation as he ministered to my body. I could hear him catch his breath, and his body was shifting ever so slightly whenever he got close to some important part of me. I didn’t stop touching him, but I made the touch more delicate and used the tips of my fingernails as I traced his nipples. The moon finally rose above the trees, and I could see his perfect body in all its details.

“God, I love you,” he said. He turned onto his side, facing me, and propped his head on his bent arm. With his free hand, he nudged me over until I was lying on my back. He used a single finger to draw spirals and circles, arrows and waves. Never quite touching my nipples, and grazing over my panties, he still focused all of my attention on those sensitive spots.

I reached out for him. He bent his head down and touched his lips to mine. Our mouths came open at the same time and our warm tongues met. His kiss was slow and deep. I had to remind myself to breathe.

We wrapped our arms around each other. He put one leg over mine and pulled me closer. I felt how hard he’d become. The thought and the feeling rushed through me, and I kissed him a little more fiercely. One of his hands slid in between our chests, and he cupped one of my breasts with his thumb firmly pressing the button of my nipple. I gasped, arching my back to press myself into his hand a little harder. “I love you too.”

He sat up. Both of his hands went to my breasts and then down my sides onto my thighs, over and over. He continued to avoid doing more than graze the lace covering my mound, and I moaned in happy frustration. More leisurely kisses on my mouth and my throat felt so good that I shut my eyes, though they flew open when I felt his hot breath between my legs. He nibbled at the outline of my vaginal lips through the cloth.

“You like this?”

“I like everything you do.”

“You need to be more specific.” He nibbled a little harder, the stubble on his chin rough on my inner thigh.

“I like that. I like how warm that feels.” I cried out when he tweaked a nipple at the same time that he pushed on my swelling clit.

He moved his mouth up my body and slid his hand back down between my legs. I was moving back and forth a little, my knees coming apart without any conscious thought. Our kiss became urgent, and I reached down to feel his smooth hardness shoving through the opening in his underwear.

“These aren’t doing us any good,” he said, snapping the elastic of my panties. I raised my hips off the bed so he could slide the underwear off. I sat up and reached for his waistband with eager fingers. He ran his hands over my hair as I helped him strip down.

His cock was gorgeous. It was long, with a smooth head that begged me to lean over and give it a lick. I did, and at his moan, I circled it with my tongue. I relaxed my jaw the way Ryan had taught me years ago and took him in as deeply as I could manage. My hands were on the base of his penis, controlling the depth, and I used my fingers on the soft pouch of his balls.

“Uhhhhh. Oh, Lila. That’s amazing,” he moaned. He put his hands back to brace himself.

I took my mouth away for a moment. “Lie down and relax, babe.”

He did, but he kept his hands on my hair with a light touch. I went slowly and smoothly, trying to excite him as much as possible without making him come.

Something moved out on the deck. I froze.

“No, Li, don’t stop, please.” I returned to my husband’s cock, but in my peripheral vision, I could see someone moving a deck chair to face the bedroom window. It was Jack.

I felt a surge of wetness between my legs, and I sucked harder, making noises deep in my throat. I was about to come, but Ryan sensed it. He pushed me back gently. “How do you want it tonight?” he asked, staring into my eyes.

In answer, I sat up and straddled his body. He helped position his perfect cock at the right angle, and I lowered myself down inch by delicious inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack arch his back as though he were the one impaling me.

I began to move. Up and down, as slowly as I could manage. I put my fingertips into his mouth, and he sucked them until I felt my clit spasm. I traced my wet fingers over my nipples, pulling and tweaking until Ryan groaned in ecstasy. Jack’s mouth opened in a silent cry. My own control was breaking. I moved faster, rocking back and forth. Ryan put his hands over the tops of my thighs, up high by my hips, and placed his thumbs directly on my throbbing clit.

“Ryan!” I cried out. I came in glorious waves, my insides contracting and shaking.

His whole body was hard with tension. I thrust my body onto his as hard as I could, and his hands held my hips firmly when he arched his back to meet me. I felt him jerking deep inside me, and he called out my name as he came.

I fell forward onto his broad chest, and we lay there panting. His heartbeat was powerful, thumping in time with my own. I looked outside. Jack lay sprawled in the chair with a small smile on his face.

I turned my face away, feeling strange. When I looked back, he was gone.