Her Leading Man (23 page)

He gave that gesture with his hand again. “I don’t
know that I’d call
it an aberration, exactly, and
. . .
well,
I can’t imagine it
fading, actually. After all, you’re
a beautiful young woman. Any man would
be
. . .
attracted
to you.”

“
You mean any man would lust after my
body,
don’t you?” She couldn’t understand why she seemed
compelled to put the
most unflattering connotation
s
on his words. Must
be some sort of feminine reaction
to rejection. She’d have to read some more
psychology
books. At the moment, she was too upset to
think, much less
read.

“
I didn’t mean it that way, Christina,” he
said
softly. “Please. You’re a beautiful young woman, and
the most desirable
lady I’ve ever met. I—I— Oh,
hell.” He ran
his hand through his hair. “I’m saying
this all
wrong.”

She didn’t speak, but only sat there, her lips
pinched
together, praying she would neither burst
into
tears
nor throw a temper tantrum. Where was her
renowned Mayhew composure when she
needed it?

“
What I mean is, there’s nothing I’d like
better
than to conduct a discreet affair with
you
.”
His little
half smile again touched his lips, and again it
made
Christina light-headed. “Or even an indiscreet one.
But I truly don’t
think that would be fair to either
of us. Especially you.”

It was an effort, but she managed to pry her lips
far enough apart to
ask, “Why not?”

“
Because you deserve better than that!” His
voice
had risen. After casting a quick, apprehensive look
around the saloon,
he lowered it when he continued.
“You’re an intelligent, capable, beautiful
woman. You
shouldn’t throw yourself away so cheaply.”

She jerked, as if he’d slapped her. “Throw myself
away? What are you
talking about? Are you inferring
that you would merely be taking advantage
of an innocent
darling of a muffinish virgin if we were to
conduct a liaison?
Do I strike you as a victim, Martin?”

He shut his eyes, and Christina would have sworn
she heard him groan
softly. After a couple of seconds,
his eyes opened. He looked awfully tired,
and she
would
have been sorry to have put him through this
torture, except that she was
being tortured, too, and
she figured he deserved it
.

“
No,” he said. “You’re the least likely
candidate
for a victim I’ve ever run across,
except maybe your
grandmother. I—” He started
tugging gently on that
lock of hair.
Christina wanted to reach for his hand,
but didn’t. “I don’t
even know what I’m talking
about, to tell you the truth. I guess I’ve never
been
in this
situation before and am
handling it all wrong”

“
If you don’t care to have an affair, Martin,
all
you have to do is say so. I can take it
.
” She
assumed
her
smile was brittle, because she felt brittle. In truth,
she felt as though
she might shatter with the least
little provocation.

He shook his head. Christina got the impression
he was close to
despair. “Good God, no, that isn’t
it. If there were nothing to consider
except my own
desires, I’d make love to you here and now.”

Ah. This was more like it She took a breath that
evidently swelled
her bosom, because Martin’s gaze
seemed to get stuck there for a moment.
Christina
w
as encouraged. “I see. Then we’re back to
where
we
started.”

He dragged his
gaze up to her face.

He sounded
unhappy. Looked it, too.

“
I believe so. Either you want to conduct an
affair
or you don’t. I do. The ball’s in your court,
Martin
.”

She felt quite sophisticated after her little
speech.
More
in control. Less breakable.

He stared at her for a few moments. She couldn’t
read his expression,
but she feared it boded ill for
her sexual and emotional
satisfaction.

Damnation! Suddenly, Christina realized why she
felt so desperate
about this opportunity to have an
affair with Martin—if it was an
opportunity; she
didn’t know what it was. All she knew for a
certainty
in
that instant was that Martin Tafft was the first man
she’d met to whom
she had ever been this strongly
attracted. If it had taken her this long
to find one,
how would she ever find another? Obviously, men
who appealed to her
feminine side didn’t grow on
every tree. She might never have this
opportunity
again. If he rejected her overture, she might never
experience
lovemaking at all.

Besides, the thought of making love to another
man—any man other
than Martin Tafft—made her
feel queasy. By rights, she ought to be lusting
after
Pablo
Orozco. Heaven knew all the other women in
the United States did.
But Pablo Orozco
gave her a pain in lots of places.
Only Martin made her female juices flow
and her
heart
sing.

“
I’m sorry, Christina. I want you. I truly do. I
can’t
offhand think of anything more appealing than taking
you into my arms and
making sweet love to you until—well,
maybe I’d best not continue along
that
line.”

Darn. Christina wished he would. It sounded so
good to
her.

“
Anyhow,” he went on, “I can’t. I—just
can’t.
I
wouldn’t feel right about it.”

“
I see.” After surreptitiously testing the state
of
her
balance for a moment, Christina dared to stand
up. She rested her fingertips on
the table and gazed
down at Martin. She hoped he’d look at her good
and hard and realize
what he was giving up. “Thank
you for being honest with me. I’m sorry I’m not
to
your
taste.”

Knowing that was as good an exit line as any she’d
be able to come up
with at the moment, she turned
and marched to the door. She hoped Martin’s
heart
would
ache with the knowledge of what he’d just
missed out on.

“
Christina, wait—
”

She didn’t. Nor did she turn to see what he was
doing. She headed
straight for the door, her posture
erect, her head held high. Gran had made
her walk
for
miles
balancing books on her head so that she
wouldn’t get stoop-shouldered.
Christina would have
been able to balance an entire set of encyclopedias
on her head at that
moment.

Martin watched her go and felt as if his last hope
on earth was
deserting him. Not to his taste? Was
she crazy? Was
he
crazy?

Pushing his chair back so fast it tried to fall over—he
didn’t let it—he jumped to his feet and stood
there, irresolute for only a
moment. Then he rushed
after her. He had no idea what he aimed to do,
but
his
insides were shrieking at him not to let her escape.

He was probably crazy
.

Nevertheless, he raced to catch up with her. She
had long legs. They
were one of her more alluring
qualities, in fact. But Martin was six feet tall,
and
his legs
were considerably longer and stronger than
hers. Therefore, he
managed to reach her
in mere
seconds. He knew he wasn’t out of breath from
physical exertion,
although he was definitely out of
breath. Must be from emotional
overwork.

“
Christina, please wait a minute.”

She kept
walking, sending an icy, “No, thank you
,”
over
her shoulder. She didn’t bother turning her head
to deliver the
message.

Propelled by his momentous need, Martin reached
out and grabbed her
arm. He’d never manhandled another
human being in his life, and it was sheer
desperation
that made him do it now. She turned
abruptly and glared at his fingers
clutching her arm.
She looked pretty mad about it, too.

He didn’t let go. “Please, Christina, don’t walk
away, from me. I
can’t stand it.”

It was a clear acting triumph that she managed to
look down her nose
at him, since he was at least six
inches taller than she, but she pulled it
off beautifully.
If Martin hadn’t been in such a reckless state, she
might have
discouraged him, but his acute craving
for her to understand his reasoning
processes led him
to ignore her frigid condescension. “Listen, can we
just talk for a
minute? I need for you to understand.”

He felt abused and misunderstood and unfairly put
upon.
If he coupled all
that with
his
incredible hunger
for her, Martin was in no mood to be ignored. He
also resented
her cold silence,
and his temper began
to climb. He wasn’t accustomed to losing his
self
-
control,
having learned long ago that actors, like
ants,
reacted
better to sugar
than to vinegar. Nevertheless,
his voice rose when he spoke into her
rigidly set,
albeit beautiful, face.

“
Dammit, Christina, I’m trying to do the
right
thing. It would be unconscionable of me to take
advantage
of
you!”

Finally she deigned to speak to him. “If I recall
correctly, it was I
who suggested an affair. How, pray,
can that be construed as you taking
advantage of
me?”

Damnation, she wasn’t going to give an inch, was
she? He didn’t dare
let go of her for fear she’d bolt,
but he badly wanted to tug on his worry
lock. Deprived
of this release, his temper climbed higher.

“
That doesn’t make it right! For the love of
God,
don’t you understand that I’d be a monster if I
agreed
to
your suggestion?”

“
No,”
she said coldly. “I don’t.”

God, he was going about this all wrong. If he only
knew how to do it
right, he would, but
he’d never
encountered such stubborn resistance to the patently
obvious before in
his life.
At
least, he amended, his
attitude was patently obvious to him. Clearly
it
wasn’t
obvious to Christina.

Trying with all his might to keep his burgeoning
rage in check, he
gritted his teeth and tried again.
“Darn it all, Christina, I know you come
from a family
of eccentric females, but not even your batty
grandmother would
condone the two of us having an
affair
.
”

“
My grandmother,” Christina said through her
own
pearly teeth, which seemed to be as tightly gritted
as his, “is not
batty
.
She’s a strong-willed, strong
-
minded,
intelligent woman
who believes women are
treated unfairly in this world governed by men. I
happen
to
agree with her. We’re both strongly motivated
feminists, who know that we
deserve the same opportunities
men receive as a matter of their
birthright.”

How in the name of the Almighty had they got
into a debate on
feminism? Soon she’d be
lecturing
him on why women’s
suffrage was a good thing.
On a
personal level,
Martin didn’t care if women got the
vote or not. As far as he was concerned,
most
politicians
were crooks. Maybe it would clean politics
up some if women did
have the vote.