Her Leading Man (44 page)

This was fascinating. To Christina, motion pictures
were a mildly
amusing form of entertainment and
one that, while interesting, was becoming
much more
important than it ought to be. Yet to Martin, the
pictures
were
a passion, and one he had no trouble
equating with her own passion for
medicine.

They didn’t seem of equal importance in her eyes.
Pictures were fluff.
The practice of medicine saved
people’s lives.

Martin grinned, and she had a feeling he was reading
her mind. She was
sure of it when he said, “You
can’t equate the two pursuits, can
you?”

Feeling petty and mean-spirited, Christina murmured,
“Well . . . No, I
guess I can’t.. Not really.”

“
Do you mean to tell me I haven’t given you
my
speech about the pictures yet, Christina?”

She blinked a couple of times in confusion.
“
I . . .
I don’t think so.”

“Ah.”

She expected him to give her the speech, whatever it
was, but he didn’t.
He only looked into the crowd of picture
people. His expression was sad.
Christina didn’t understand
,
but she wanted to.
Reaching out, she put her
hand on his knee. “What is it, Martin? Please tell
me.”

“
I’m not sure, to tell you the
truth.
”
He didn’t
look at her.

“
No?” Blast. She really wanted to know what
troubled
him. If he allowed her to know his innermost
feelings,
that would bring them closer together, wouldn’t
i
t? She’d told him about her ambition to be a doctor.
Surely he could let
her in on his own secrets.

At last he turned and smiled at her. “
Very well
. I’ll tell
you.”

Martin couldn’t complain about Christina’s
attentiveness
as he spoke. Her huge, warm, hazel green
eyes watched him
with fascination as he told her his
vision for the motion picture industry,
and she sat
still with her hands folded in her lap.

Christina had a capacity for stillness he hadn’t
seen
in very
many people. It was very restful.
The
quality in her
made
him happy. He appreciated her for not interrupting,
too, since his
vision seemed to be standing on shaky
feet these days.

Eventually, his voice trailed out. Most of the
Peerless
people had gone into the dining room, and Martin
knew he and
Christina would have to join them
soon, or somebody would come looking for
them.
He
didn’t want to have to explain their tardiness.

“
I had
no idea,” Christina said at length.

He grinned sheepishly. “So . . . do you think
I
’m
a fool for believing the pictures can be used for
universal
good? I
know
that sounds pompous,
especially
considering the state of the world these days.”

Christina’s bosom lifted in a soft sigh. “You don’t
sound foolish,
Martin. Idealistic, perhaps, to believe
people will use such a powerful
medium for good.”
She grinned, too. “But I suppose I’m an idealist,
as well
,
for believing I can be a doctor and that there will
ever be equality
between the sexes. Or between any
other two groups of people, for that
matter. Every
time I see photographs in the papers of the Kaiser
exhorting his people
to conquer the world, I feel
queasy.”

“
You’re not alone.” He reached out and
covered
her folded hands with one of his. “I love you,
Christina. I want
you to know that. I know we don’t
see eye to eye on every issue, and I also
know we’re
both opinionated and determined people. But that
isn’t all
bad.”

Her expression softened. “No. It isn’t all bad. I
love you, too,
Martin.”

Martin didn’t know how long they sat there,
moony-eyed, staring
at each other, but it wasn’t long
enough. The door to the dining room
opened, and as
he’d feared, a voice sounded. “Martin? Are you and
Christina coming in
to dinner?”

He gave himself a shake. “I guess we’
ve
been
found out, darling.”

“
Yes. I
think we have.”

They both rose, and Martin took Christina’s elbow
and walked her to
the dining
room, as a proper gentleman
should accompany a proper lady. If
anyone
in
the
room knew
they were lovers, so be it. Martin
hadn’t had time to ask her to marry
him
again,
but
he aimed
to do that as soon as they had a moment
to themselves.

He couldn’t account for the sinking feeling in his
heart when he
contemplated his
proposal, however.
He knew she loved him. He knew he loved her.
He
knew
they
were
both willing to talk their differences
out; tonight had proved that. But he
still
couldn’t
quite make himself believe she’d accept his
proposal,
and
he didn’t know
why. Perhaps it was the hint of
sadness in her eyes, even after
they’d confi
rmed their
mutual affection. Perhaps it was
the blasted gut feeling he still had that all was not
well between
them.

As soon as they entered the dining room, a chorus
of cheerful
greetings assaulted his ears, and he kne
w
he was
on stage again. He’d just have to think about
Christina and himself
later.

More and more frequently lately, Martin wished
he could abandon the
stage his life had become. At
least for a while. He was tired. Very
tired.

Christina wanted to scream. And after she’d
screamed, she wanted
to dash out of the room and
run away. Forever and ever. She wanted to move
to
somewhere
that contained no Mayhews or good
causes or impossible dreams. She wanted to
give half
her
intelligence to someone else who wanted to put
up with the grief of impossible
dreams, to don a simple
frock and a white apron, marry some simple
soul
somewhere in Nowhere, U.S.A., rear a dozen children, and
bake bread. Or whatever normal, everyday
women did with themselves.

She didn’t want to have to worry about voting
rights for women or
slum children starving in gutters
or motion pictures being used for simple
entertainment
instead of world peace and understanding.

She didn’t want to have to worry about
fightin
g
for her right to attend medical school.
She didn’t
want to have to conquer her bitterness that she had
to work in pictures
because a bunch of black-robed,
raven-
like academicians had denied her a well-deserved
scholarship.

It was her bad luck to have been born a
May
hew
,
with a brain and a calling, however, and there
wasn’t
any
way she could think of to get out of it. A hard
blow to the head or a prolonged
high fever might
help, perhaps. but even that wasn’t a sure
thing.

So here she sat, with her head bowed, her hands
in her lap, her head
hurting, and her heart grieving,
on the edge of Martin’s bed in his hotel
room, and
trying her best to explain to him why they couldn’t
marry. Her throat
ached so much, she could scarcely
push words out of her mouth. Her eyes
burned with
unshed tears.

“
I love you very much, Martin. But I have
goals
to achieve before I can marry anyone.”

He had pulled up the fancy brocade-covered chair
and sat on the edge
of its cushion, holding both of
her hands in both of his. He was obviously
troubled. He also obviously didn’t understand.

Well, why should he? Christina didn’t understand
it herself. She felt
as if she were spouting words she
had learned by rote and that no longer
meant anything.
But they did mean something, and she knew
very
well that if she violated her principles
and
gave up
her ambitions, she’d eventually come to
blame Martin for it. And that would
be unfair to both
of them.

After a few moments, Martin said quietly, “I don’t
understand,
Christina.”

She heaved a huge sigh and lifted her gaze. She
feared she’d start
to cry, but she wanted to look him
in the eye, because this was the most
important part
of her speech. “Martin, the university didn’t want
to
admit me
to its medical school in the first place.
They pretty much had to because my
credentials are
better than any of their other applicants and my
father
is an
important alumnus, even though they denied
me a scholarship because I’m not a
man.”

His eyes opened wider. “My goodness. I had no
idea that was the
reason.”

She expected her grin looked lopsided. “Oh, yes,
I’m very smart,
Martin. And I aim high. My grades
are superior, and I passed all of the
tests they gave
me—and I suspect they gave me more and harder
tests than they gave
their male applicants because
they didn’t want me there—at the top of the list.
They
couldn’t
very well not admit me, as long as I could
pay my tuition.”

“
And that’s why you’re acting in the
pictures?
To
make money for medical
school.”

She nodded. “They don’t allow married students to enroll.
So, you see, I’d have to give up my education
to marry you, Martin, and as
much as
I love
you, I’m not willing to do
that.”

He
frowned. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“
Lots of things don’t seem fair to me.” She
was
disappointed by the bitterness she detected in her
voice. She wanted to
get through this conversation
without any show of rancor, in case Martin
took
it
wrong. None of this was his fault. If all the men in
the world were like
Martin, fairness and
tranquility
would prevail
everywhere.

Of course, that would still leave women like her
grandmother to
spread havoc and chaos wherever
they went. Christina wondered if she was
being unf
air
to Gran.
Perhaps
,
if life were fair
,
Gran would be a
gentle and loving
woman.

Didn’t
seem likely.

How had she gone off on that tangent? She took
a deep breath. “So,
you see, as much as I love you,
I can’t marry you. At least not
now.”

“
I see.” He still
appeared
troubled.

Christina was troubled, too, blast it. What she
was
about to propose next
w
as
shocking, and Martin was
such a proper gentleman she almost feared
saying
i
t
,
but she didn’t want
to lose him
.
She cared about Martin almost as much as
she
cared
about medical
school, which was frightening to contemplate, since
if she
thought about it for
too long, she might decide
she cared about him more than
medical school and
give up her
ambitions. Then, sure as anything, she’d
start to
resent Martin. Worse, she’d be in
danger of
ending up a sour, caustic female like
Gran. She didn’t
think she could
stand that.