Her Mad Hatter (15 page)

“Love it,” she kept whispering over and over.

With one last surge, he fell over the cliff. Fractured into a thousand pieces of nothing and sank into the peaceful oblivion of the little death.

It took a moment to come back and when he did he knew he’d never be the same. She’d slipped under the cracks, found the chink in his armor and wiggled her way in. He’d never be able to excise her and he never wanted to.

He hugged her to him, knowing he’d found his Alice. After all these years, he’d found her.

“Hatter.” She looked at him, a small frown marring her brows. “You’re crying?”

How could he tell her? How could he explain that it wasn’t him who’d saved her?
She’d
saved
him
? His heart was so full it hurt. He buried his nose in her hair, she smelled like caramel. Gods, he loved that smell.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Hatter.” She touched his cheek. “I’m... I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. Ever. It was perfect.”

“It was perfect, wasn’t it?” He heard her smile.

Swallowing hard, he looked at her.

“Hatter.” She patted the bed. “Can I sleep here tonight? In your arms?”

He should say no. Gods, he was a masochist. He should guard what fragile bits of it were left, she would leave him. They always did. He closed his eyes, but opened his arms. “Yes.”

They lay, neither one speaking, hanging on, as if clinging could stop the hands of time.

Chapter 11

Alice stretched in the morning light. Her arms high above her head, she woke from the best night’s sleep she’d had, ever.

“Good morning,” he said in the whiskey-roughened voice that made her shiver and her stomach tingle.

“Back ‘atcha.”

He touched her cheek. She’d slept, but a part of her had been aware of his light caresses throughout the night. Her lover. Her Mad Hatter. Her stomach fluttered... just thinking it was unreal. Who got this lucky? Never her, never geeky little Alice Hu.

And yet here she was. In his bed. With his big, naked body exposed for her to look her fill. He sat next to her, one knee bent, his cock at half-mast and wearing an expression of wonderment. She licked her lips.

“I’m hungry.” She bit her lip.

He frowned. So cute when he did that, he was so clueless. He was looking around; she could almost see the wheels in his head turning, wondering what she would like.

She laughed and sat up, then wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled it. He still smelled of rain, but also with a rich earthy musk that made her body burn.

“I’m very hungry,” she murmured licking the vein at his neck.

“Oh.” A flash of light manifested above his head and she knew he finally understood. He wrapped big arms around her and she trembled. “Oh,” he said again, that sexy voice of his dipping to a lower octave, “well, I’m starving.”

Last night he’d given her the best orgasm of her life. It was only fair she returned the favor. Alice straddled him, pushed him down and watched as the cat-ate-the-canary grin stole across his face. He crossed his arms behind his back.

“I’m at your disposal.”

She bit her lip. “Mmm... what a tempting offer.” She touched the tip of her finger to the center of his chest, feeling him twitch against her thigh.

So large and lovely and perfect. She wanted him in her again. But first...

“Maybe I should kiss you here.” She touched one nipple and it puckered into a hard bud. The muscles of his stomach strained.

“That would be nice,” he agreed.

“Or maybe,” she batted her lashes and continued her fingertip exploration, circling his navel, “I should kiss you here.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Or,” she grabbed him, giving him a gentle squeeze, “maybe here.”

His eyes squeezed shut as his head jerked. “Oh gods, Alice. Yes, please, yes.”

Her mouth watered and she scooted back on her heels, unable to wait another second. She brought him to her mouth, and brushed her tongue against the opening. He jerked so hard, he nearly pulled out of her grasp. Then his hand was framing the back of her head, guiding her to take his full length.

She took him in with a greedy gulp. His hips twitched and she knew he wanted to shove in, but he was being patient. Gentle.

She loved him. She knew that now. She always had, there’d never been a question of that. Alice wanted to show him just how much.

Humming, she took him in to the hilt, loving the feel of his silken skin against her tongue. He started murmuring again and her heart almost exploded from her chest.

“I love you, Alice. Oh gods, Alice, only you. It’s only been you. Never again. No more. Just you. You’re mine. Always, always.”

He was senseless in his ramblings, and she wondered if he even knew what he was saying. She toyed with him, pretending he meant each and every word. Pretending she was that precious to him, that loved and cherished by him.

His legs stiffened. “I’m coming, my love. You might want to pull out.” His words were thick, slurred with lust.

She shook her head, wanting everything he had to give. He shot in her mouth with a loud roar and it was sweet and creamy. She swallowed it with a happy little grin and wiped the back of her mouth with her hand.

He sat up, a look of utter astonishment on his face. “Alice,” he grabbed her, pulled her tight to him, “I...I...” She never heard what he meant to say, he kissed her.

They stayed in bed for hours, eating, playing, making love. Discovering each other and themselves.

Hours later, sated (for now), they finally ventured from the bed. Hatter was dressed in his outlandish clothes again and her heart beamed with pride.

“You know,” she said, “you’re all sorts of perfect.”

He smiled, but she saw pleasure in his eyes. “I want to show you something. Will you come?”

She nodded. “I’ll go anywhere with you.” Her hand slipped into his and they were once again walking through the weird door that lead nowhere and everywhere. Suddenly it dawned on her the door took them anywhere. When she’d first gotten here, had she really needed to travel through so many crazy twists and turns? Probably not. She smiled, her crazy silly Hatter. He’d probably been trying to make her run off, scare her. Alice squeezed his fingers. But she wasn’t the giving up type, never had been.

When he pulled her through, she looked around, expecting something grandiose, quirky... what she got was a dusty old workshop full of wood working tools and machines.

His smile was radiant. “This is my refuge.”

He was looking around and she was looking at him. So different from the moody Hatter she’d first met, now he was bouncing on his feet, gripping her hand like a lifeline while he waited for her to say something.

There were several unfinished pieces around. Something that looked like shelves sat on a far bench and closest to her, a large chunk of driftwood with a scene etched into its side. She squinted.

The scene was a depiction of trees and nature, but within the copse of trees were rounded shapes. She smiled, when she finally recognized it.

“That’s a carnival.” She looked at him. “Like the one on your wall the other night.”

His knuckled her cheeks, brushed against the corner of her lips. She kissed him and his laugh was relaxed, easy.

Gone was the madness, the mayhem of irony, and the gloom of depression. “As a little boy, my mother used to take me to the fair.” His eyes shone. “I loved the rides, but most especially the giant wheel with lights. Round and round it went.” He shook his head. “I could have ridden it all night.”

She grabbed his hand, turning it over, finally noticing the thick calluses on his palm. She brushed her fingers over it, and then brought it to her mouth and kissed each one. Such strong hands, loving hands. A true artist, he’d touched every inch of her with these hands.

She didn’t want to leave. Ignoring the heat starting to gather behind her eyes, she asked, “Why don’t we?”

He took her chin, lifting her eyes to his. “Alice?”

She shook her head and sniffed. “Why don’t we ride all night, Hatter? Eat cotton candy until we’re sick and can’t think anymore?”

He said nothing for a moment, and she knew he sensed her sadness, it was in the way his mouth thinned, his fingers clenched, but he nodded instead. “Yes. Let’s ride, Alice.”

They stepped outside the workshop and, as Alice knew there would be, a Ferris wheel sat tall and stately, just waiting for them.

He led her to a basket and when they sat, the ride started of its own accord. Lively carnival music filled the woods and it was so perfect. So wonderful she wanted to cry.

Her heart was breaking.

This wasn’t fair.

He hugged her, pulling her to his side. The air was sweet with the scents of night.

“Alice,” his voice shook, “I want you to stay.”

She bit her lip and turned her face into his side. Wonderland had not accepted her. Of that she was positive, there’d been no music, no land shaking-- her stomach churned-- it’d rejected her too.

Then a thought came and she grabbed the lapel of his multi-colored jacket. “Come with me, Hatter. Come back.” He blinked, his eyes went hooded and she didn’t want him to say no. “Not forever,” she rushed on, “just long enough for me to get my life in order. Then we can go anywhere. Anywhere you want. We can be together. I’ll stay here permanently if that’s what you want.”

Already she imagined introducing her crazy boyfriend to her parents, to Tabby, and fought a snicker at the thought. Her conservative parents would flip. Tabby on the other hand would probably love him.

“No.”

She jerked. “What?” Alice drew a blank on her thoughts. “No?”

“No.” His jaw clenched and her stomach dropped like the ride she was on. He couldn’t say no. Hadn’t he just said that he wished she could stay?

“But it’s perfect.” She should stop talking, stop embarrassing herself further, but she had to make him see.

His nostrils flared and he looked away. “I wish...” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Gods,” he moaned, “so many things. So many things, Alice. Please,” and she heard the same desperation in his plea as had been hers, “please stay with me. Don’t go back.”

A lump wedged in her throat. “Hatter, you know I can’t. Not if Wonderland rejects me. Danika told me the ground would rock and the air would sing.” She had no way of knowing if she’d broken it or not, but it didn’t feel like anything monumental had changed. There’d been no songs, no quakes. Which meant another Alice would come.

It was a bleeding wound type of thought.

He shook his head. “It’s over. I don’t care. Let them come, let a million more come. I won’t have them, any of them.” He touched her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

“I just want you, Alice Hu. You. You perfect china doll in the white clouds with that beautiful widow’s peak,” he touched her hair, “and your dainty feet, and bow-shaped lips that utter poetry and make me feel... alive.”

Tears started dripping then.

“I,” she sobbed hard, the tears obscuring his face, “Hatter, what are you doing? You know I can’t. I haven’t been-”

“Dammit!” he snarled. “Always no. Always, always no.”

She shook her head. Couldn’t he see she had nothing to do with this? She couldn’t control this, why couldn’t he understand that? Why was he making it so difficult on her? “Hatter, come. With me. Please.” Her words came between stuttered sobs.

“I can’t.” Two simple words, but they rang with the finality of a death knell.

He pulled his arm out from behind her and Alice couldn’t believe it. Not after last night, this morning, all the heated whispers of love and adoration. He felt something. She knew it. “We still have time. Please don’t do this yet. Please don’t turn away from me. I have responsibilities, but I love you, Hatter. It’s always been you. Please.”

He closed his eyes, the ride stopped and he lifted the gate. “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Alice. I will not go and you cannot stay.”

“Stop telling me what I mean,” she snarled, “I’m so sick of you thinking you know me. Thinking you know at all how I feel.”

He didn’t react, but simply said, “love opens the gates, Alice.” His eyes were distant and she knew the truth. It was over.

He stood up and started to walk away, then stopped and came back. She thought maybe he’d changed his mind, her heart leapt and she wiped at the tears running freely down her cheeks. She didn’t know why Wonderland still rejected her, but it wasn’t for lack of love. She burned with it.

He took her hair, slipped it through his fingers and shuddered. “I...” he swallowed and dropped his hand.

Desperate for his touch, unwilling to accept this, she leaned in. It couldn’t be over.

“Goodbye, Alice girl.” Then he turned, head held high, and walked off.

She stood numb, watching the scene unfold with cold detachment; her brain unable to accept the reality of the moment.

What had just happened?

He’d left her.

Why?

She hugged her arms to her body. Her hero. The man who’d saved her life, he’d walked off, never looking back. No kiss. No nothing.