Her Rebel Heart (13 page)
Authors: Shannon Farrington
The carriage wobbled repetitively over the uneven stones. She firmly held her bag and her place, as far away from Sam as possible. He pulled to a stop in front of the gate. Before he could secure the reins, Julia stepped from the carriage, her hoop swaying as she hurried to the front door.
"I love you," Sam said as the door shut solidly behind her. He couldn't help but think he had just seen her for the very last time.
"
Julia scurried up the front walk and bolted the door behind her. Heart racing, she leaned back against the secure frame in order to catch her breath. A cold sweat made her shiver. What had happened today was the final straw. There was no hope of compromise. Samuel was harboring fugitive slaves! It wasn't the charity given to the poor souls that troubled her. It was doing so illegally that was so terrifying.
To make matters worse, her own father was assisting! Soldiers already patrolled her neighborhood looking for traitors. What would they do if they knew her father was actively undermining Maryland state law?
Instinct told her to shutter the windows and search Edward's room in the event that he had indeed left a musket behind to defend them. Her heart told her to
pray but for whom and what outcome, she had no idea. She despised Samuel for involving her in such a conspiracy.
While Edward defends our liberty, Samuel actively seeks our downfall. How could I ever have considered marrying a man like him?
She passed the next two hours monitoring the windows and pacing across the parlor. When her father finally arrived home, Julia begged him for an explanation. He offered very little.
"Her name is Rose," he said. "She is about your age and she is carrying a child."
He then went into his study and retrieved a small book. He handed it to her.
"Samuel didn't want you to read this because he didn't want to expose you to such terrible things. But I think the time for protecting is past. You are old enough to know that this life does not consist of society balls and beauty for everyone."
Julia glanced at the book in her hand.
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave.
The last thing she felt like doing at this point was reading a book. She looked back at her father.
"Does Mother know about all this?"
"Of course," he said. "We have no secrets from each other. A marriage cannot survive without both parties united in purpose and love."
Well said,
she thought.
Which is exactly why it won't work with me and Samuel.
"I want you to read that. Afterward, if you still consider Sam's actions and mine foolhardy, then so be it." He studied her for a moment; his spectacles perched upon the end of his nose. "But I trust that whatever you
decide, you will keep what you know of our activities to yourself."
"Of course I will," she promised.
I would never betray my family.
"
Sam had hoped to assist Dr. Carter in making certain that Rose safely reached Pennsylvania. But given what had taken place in the Jordan's parlor, it was rather obvious to the man that Sam's fiancée did not support his endeavors. When questioned out of concern, he was compelled to explain what had happened.
"I see," Dr. Carter said thoughtfully. "You need time to pray, young man, and so does she."
Sam was thankful that the man did not speak unkindly of Julia or dismiss her altogether. He wondered how much more time he would have to spend in prayer before he saw a change for the better. Things had not gone as he had imagined. He didn't understand why. Hadn't he done his best to follow God's will? Hadn't he prayed each step of the way? Why wasn't Julia more receptive?
Lord, don't You promise if we delight in You then You will give us the desires of our heart?
Struck by the self-centeredness of the thought, Sam searched his motives. Had he served Rose only for his own gain? Had he become involved in something that was never God's plan for him?
Have I misread Your instructions, Lord?
He then was reminded of the look in Rose's eyes when he helped to clean her wounds. He remembered how her unborn child was spared early delivery because of Dr. Stanton's expertise.
God gave him the knowledge to save the child. A
lesser physician could not have managed it. And his patient demeanor helped calm the distraught woman.
Sam drew in a deep breath. In his heart he knew he was exactly where he should be. He had hoped that Julia would walk this path with him. But even if she would not, he couldn't allow her anger or fear to sway him from doing what he knew was right.
I must stay the course'¦trust God.
"Let the Almighty do his work," Dr. Carter said to Sam. "And guard yourself against doubt. For it will certainly come."
Sam nodded slowly. It was as if the man had read his mind. "It already has," he confessed.
Dr. Carter gave him a grandfatherly smile. "Then seek God's strength. Why don't you come to church with me this Sunday?"
Sam accepted the invitation. He wished to worship but he did not want to be a distraction to Julia nor allow her to be one for him.
"
Sunday came and Julia joined her family for worship. Thankfully, Samuel did not show. To say that she worshipped, however, would be a lie. She spent the hour thinking more about soldiers, slaves and Southern rights than anything else. She had tried to pray but she couldn't seem to focus her thoughts on anything but her own family's safety.
Oh, Lord, if Father feels he must do this'¦please don't let the soldiers catch him. Please.
Sally stopped her on the church steps after the service had ended.
"I have had you on my mind almost constantly for the last two days," she whispered. "Is everything all right?"
Julia drew in a deep breath. She could not tell her best
friend all the things she was thinking. She had promised her father that she would remain silent.
Sally somehow must have sensed the issue was a confidential matter. "I have been praying for you," she said. "And I will keep on doing so."
So touched she was by Sally's perceptiveness and concern that Julia felt her chin begin to quiver. "Thank you," she whispered. "Keep praying for Edward and Father, especially."
Sally nodded. "And for Sam?"
Julia shook her head. "It is over," she said. "There is no hope of compromise."
Sally's face registered pain. Julia still felt the same inside but for the sake of being perceived resilient, she lifted her chin.
"I am going to go to Dolly Moffit's party and dance with every eligible young man who isn't wearing a blue uniform."
Sally gave Julia's arm a squeeze but she didn't say anything.
Word came from Edward the next day. Sally brought the letter as soon as it was daylight. When she arrived Julia was in her bedroom, still in her gown and morning robe, her hair about her shoulders.
"I knew you would want to read it privately," she said, "and not at the church."
"Thank you." Julia quickly tore into the envelope. "He says he is well."
She and Sally both breathed a great sigh of relief.
Thank you for your letters,
Edward wrote.
It is good to know that Mother and Father are doing well.
Edward stated that he and most of his fellow Baltimoreans had been placed under Corp Commander General Ewell. He went on to tell that he respected the
Confederate man greatly.
He is disciplined but fair and I am convinced that all of this drilling we are doing will make us seasoned soldiers for battle.
Julia gulped, still hoping such a day would never really come. She prayed that the Confederate show of might would be enough to make the Northern soldiers back down. She remembered Edward's promise of how he would see to it personally that the Yankees were thrown out of Baltimore. Though she longed for the day when she could walk down the street without glares from men in blue, she still prayed the soldiers would withdraw peacefully, not at the expense of further Maryland blood.
"What else does he say?" Sally asked.
Edward then moved his pen to the happier thoughts of camp life, playing chess with Stephen and writing of a recent promotion.
"They have made him a captain," Julia said with delight.
"Oh, how wonderful! Won't he look handsome in an officer's uniform?"
She grinned. "I suspect you would find him handsome in any type of clothing."
Sally only blushed.
You cannot imagine how much I miss each of you yet I am willing to spend my life for the cause of Liberty. Continue to pray for me and the rest of our men.
He closed,
Your loving brother, Edward.
Sighing, she handed the letter to an eagerly waiting Sally. While her brother's words brought joy, they made Julia miss him all the more. Searching for something to occupy her mind while Sally read, she reached for the skein of wool tucked in the basket beside her bed.
She only had a few more rows to go and another pair
of stockings would be complete. After Samuel's plot had been revealed, Julia doubled her knitting efforts for the Maryland Guard.
She finished the new pair by the time Sally completed the letter.
"At the pace you are going you will have the entire regiment outfitted by October," Sally said.
"Isn't that our goal?"
They smiled at each other then Sally folded Edward's letter into thirds. She handed it to Julia.
"Thank you for allowing me to read it. That was sweet of you."
"You would do the same for me." Julia slid the letter back into its envelope then tucked it safely in the pocket of her morning robe. "Will you stay for breakfast? I know Mother won't mind."
"Thank you, but no. I have much to do today at home, especially if I am going to match your pace of knitting. Will you come to the prayer meeting?"
"Yes, but I will speak to Reverend Perry about finding someone else to serve the bread."
Sally's face fell. "You can't mean that. What about the little boys?"
A lump lodged like a stone in the back of Julia's throat. She longed more than anything to see Elijah and Elisha's sweet faces, to fatten them up with food, clothe their hardworking bodies.
But the risk was just too great.
"Sally, I fear if I see them again I will put them in grave danger."
"Is this because of that nasty soldier?"
"Yes, but even more so than you realize. That soldier believes we are abolitionists. Therefore, anything that
happens in this city because of
them
will be blamed on
us
."
Sally chewed on her lower lip, considering such implications.
"I wouldn't dream of telling you what you should or shouldn't do'" Julia said.
"But?"
"Be careful. Those soldiers mean business. If you continue to serve with Samuel, don't leave the churchyard."
A
lthough already one of the grandest homes in Baltimore, the Moffit house was decorated even more beautifully on the night of the ball. Crystal-cut chandeliers reflected sparkling candlelight as endless arrangements of pink and white roses perfumed the early June air.
Dressed in her new green silk gown, Julia was as radiant as the rest of Maryland high society. Although she was not particularly close to Dolly Moffit, she was determined to enjoy the girl's social debut. She carried a dance card for the first time since she could remember and there was no shortage in supply of young men eager to partner with her.
She danced the opening reel with Dolly Moffit's brother David and then the Snowball reel with his cousin Charles, who was visiting from Annapolis. There were plenty of other requests, as well. Her only respite came during the orchestra's midway break.
Sally, who also carried a full dance card, motioned for Julia to join her. Leaving the ballroom behind, they escaped to the topiary garden for a breath of fresh air.
"I see you have been waltzing all night," Julia said to her.
"Yes," Sally sighed, "but only because George Meriwether asked for five places on my dance card."
Julia could tell Sally was not pleased about the matter. She could not blame her. The city council member's son talked incessantly and was known for treading on a lady's slippers.
"George is a handsome man," she teased.
Sally rolled her eyes.
"Well, all right. Perhaps he is not as handsome as my brother."
That got a smile. "No one is as handsome as Edward," Sally said dramatically. "No one at all."
The air was just as warm and still as it had been in the ballroom. They sat down on a wrought iron bench and opened their fans, hoping to coax a breeze. Laughter was heard coming from the house yet neither of the women felt its comfort.
Sally sighed wistfully. "It isn't the same tonight. Is it?"
Julia flushed and it was not because of the heat. She knew exactly what Sally was referring to and it was more than just her brother's absence. As determined as she was to forget Samuel, she had to admit how strange it felt to be at a social gathering without him.
A feeling of guilt rose from the pit of her stomach but Julia refused to give in to it. Forcing herself to smile, she said as lightheartedly as possible, "Your gown turned out beautifully, Sally. If Edward could only see you in it'¦well, he would surely be the one claiming five dances."
It was the very dress that Julia had spent so much time describing to her brother in her last letter. Sally ran her hand over her yellow silk bodice, trimmed in lace
and faux pearls. She started to say something in reply but George Meriwether caught her attention.
"Oh, no."
Julia looked toward the house.
The love-struck suitor was standing in the doorway, craning his neck for a view of the garden. In his hands he held two glasses of peach punch. Sally sighed once more, this time in agitation.
"He is looking for me."
"Another dance?"
"No. He has already exceeded his limit."
"Did you tell him that?"
"Of course not. That would be rude. I told him politely with my fan."
Julia smiled. Sally could be polite almost to a fault. "You should be a bit more forceful."
"I was." Sally placed her fan on her left ear. In the language of Belle and Beau it meant,
I wish to be rid of you!
Julia couldn't help but giggle. "And he
still
didn't take the hint?"
"Somehow I don't believe Mr. Meriwether understands hints."
They watched the man's smile broaden. He had spied her.
"I had better go," Sally said, "lest he think I planned to meet him in the garden."
"Be charming," Julia teased.
Sally let out a sarcastic laugh then started up the gravel path, a rustle of silk and lace.
"Miss Hastings!" Julia heard George Meriwether call. "I brought you a glass of punch."
She laughed to herself.
Oh, poor Sally. This will be a long evening.
Julia waited an appropriate distance then also started for the house. The orchestra was playing a Carolina Promenade as she stepped into the grand foyer. Charles Moffit was waiting for her.
"Oh, Mr. Moffit, forgive me. I had forgotten that you asked for a second dance."
"That's quite all right, Miss Stanton. You must be tired. Would you care to sit?"
Since her feet were sore anyway, she agreed.
"Would you care for some refreshment?" he asked. "A glass of punch or a chocolate caramel, perhaps?"
"No, thank you."
The chairs and sofas were all occupied so he led her to the staircase. Julia smoothed out her skirt and sat down.
"Have you been to Baltimore before, Mr. Moffit?"
"Yes," he said, "but I find the city much changed since my last visit."
"Indeed," was all Julia could think to say.
"Annapolis is much the same," he said.
"Has there been trouble?"
"You mean Northern soldiers firing upon civilians? Goodness no, but the Federal Army's presence is just as strong."
"Is that affecting your commerce?" Julia knew that Charles Moffit was a planter with heavy ties to Richmond.
"Unfortunately, yes," he said. "As the aggression continues it is becoming increasingly difficult to manage our holdings, especially points south."
He then smiled. Julia couldn't help but notice that his teeth were straight and white.
"I understand that your brother has chosen to fight," he said.
"Yes. He serves under General Ewell."
"Capable man," Charles said. "As is your brother, I am certain."
Julia appreciated the compliment on Edward's behalf. It made her feel proud to know that someone was grateful for his service.
"We are in good hands with men like that," he assured her. "Do not worry. This business will be over soon and Lincoln and the rest of his overreaching supporters will be licking their wounds."
Oh, how I like the sounds of that!
"But enough about the war," he said. "Do tell me about yourself."
She blushed and smiled coyly. "What exactly do you wish to know?"
"You can begin by explaining why a beautiful woman like yourself is attending this ball alone."
Her cheeks further reddened. That was one subject she was not about to discuss. She opened her fan, covering her face in an intriguing manner.
Charles Moffit, more perceptive than George Meriweather took the hint. "Annapolis has a fine harbor," he said. "Have you ever seen it?"
Julia relaxed somewhat. "No. I have not. Are there many ships?"
"Yes, indeed."
They talked for over an hour about life in their respective cities. Only once during that time did she think of Samuel. It was when Charles was describing his two hundred acre plantation on the Severn River. Julia wondered how many slaves he owned and just what Samuel would think if he knew she was talking to such a man.
Would he be angry? Would it rouse a jealous fury in
him or would he simply focus on the way Charles Moffit has chosen to work his family land?
"
Sam eased his horse up Charles Street. The last remaining rays of sunlight painted the western horizon in reddish-gold hues. Another work week had come and gone.
The afternoons with Dr. Carter's nephew were enjoyable. The boy put forth good effort in his studies. Sam was thankful for the rewarding work, even if it was only temporary. It gave him something to focus his thoughts on, something he could pour his heart into without fear of circumventing current law.
Perhaps if young men like Mr. Carter fully grasp the precious gift God has given us in this country, the great responsibilities that come with such freedom, then the future generations will not be so quick to hold others captive, whether by servile chains or weaponry.
The noontime prayer meetings however, were a different story. As Sam feared, Julia had given up her position at the bread table. Her mother had taken her place. As grateful as he was for Mrs. Stanton's kind assistance, her presence was simply one more reminder of his failure.
I should have told her straightaway what I was involved in. I should have been honest from the beginning.
He plodded along, his horse's shoes click-clacking along the paving stones. The road ahead was clogged with buggies. Sam immediately realized why. He was approaching the Moffit home and tonight was their daughter's debutant ball.
Some of the finest carriages in all of Baltimore were lined in front of the stately stone house. White-gloved coachmen, many of them Negro, scurried about. They
opened doors and assisted their well-to-do passengers as they stepped from their carriages.
Sam's heart sank a little deeper in his chest as he stared toward the large, light-filled windows. Music drifted past his ears. He knew Julia was attending this ball with her family. Was she now dancing about the ballroom? Were her fingers entwined with some dashing partner as he led her about the floor?
Resisting the urge to move closer to the windows, he looked the other way. Though he longed to catch a glimpse of her, he could not bear the view if she were smiling at some other man.
He pulled his topper a little farther over his forehead. He urged the horse to move quicker. The beautiful summer sunset had been swallowed up by the bare blackness of night.
"
Charles went to fetch her a glass of punch. Julia waited for him on the staircase, toes tapping beneath her skirts as the couples in the ballroom danced Nine Pins. Watching, she smothered a laugh. A grinning George Meriwether stood in the center of Sally's circle as the ninth pin. Julia was certain he would make an immediate dash to claim her the moment the dance caller permitted it.
A thud in the foyer below turned her attention. A young slave boy lay sprawled on his back, eyes staring at the painted ceiling. A silver tray and a passel of soiled napkins were scattered randomly about him.
Julia knew the freshly polished floor was slippery.
Poor thing,
she thought.
His feet must have gone out from under him.
He couldn't have been any older than Elisha, though he was dressed quite dapperly in a dark coat and trou
sers. White gloves covered his small hands. Julia watched as he quickly rolled to his side and got to his feet. He reached back for a moment to touch his hair.
He has hit his head. He will surely have a pump knot come morning.
Injured or not, the child scrambled to retrieve the napkins and tray. The guests around him paid little mind. Only one glanced in his direction with a look of concern. Others didn't even notice him at all.
To Julia's dismay, several guests stood, feet planted. Their own conversations were apparently more important than the courtesy of allowing the boy the room to gather the spilled items. The child had to wait at the feet of one well-dressed city official until the man finished his glass of brandy, stepped off a napkin and moved aside.
Julia was irked by the man's pompous attitude. She descended the staircase, intent on helping the little boy finish the task.
And perhaps I should get Father,
she thought,
let him see to his head.
Before she reached the foyer floor, however, the child had scooped up the remaining napkins. He moved quickly to the servants' staircase and disappeared as though he had never existed.
Charles returned.
"Your punch, Miss Stanton," he said as he handed her a cut-crystal glass. "I apologize for the delay." He nodded in a gentlemanly way.
Torn between two worlds of thought, Julia forced herself to smile.
"Thank you, Mr. Moffit."
I suppose Father and I would never be able to find the little boy now, anyway. Lord, please let one of the other slaves see to his injury.
The evening was winding down. Overall, it had been a pleasant time. To her surprise, Charles asked for the Farewell Waltz. When it was time to leave he asked for permission to see her again.
"I will be in town for another week," he said.
Though flattered, she hesitated. She was not interested in obtaining a new beau.
But Charles is likeable and a strong supporter of the Confederacy,
Julia told herself.
What harm is there in tea? Besides, he will only be in Baltimore for another week. Then he will return to his own home.
She agreed to his request.
Charles Moffit bowed formally and kissed her hand. "I shall look forward to it," he said.
"
Sam did the best he could to keep images of Julia floating about the dance floor far from his mind. The week's end passed quietly and when Sunday morning came he prepared for worship. A blanket of quiet covered the city as Sam walked to his own church.
As the worship hour neared he took a place in the back corner, a spot where Julia would not necessarily notice him.
Lord, if we meet today, please give me the right words. Please don't let me say or do anything contrary to Your plan.
The bell chimed the hour and the worshippers began to enter. Sam watched covertly as Julia arrived with her parents. She was wearing a white summer dress with sheer sleeves. On her head was a bonnet trimmed with daisies. She walked quietly to her family pew.
As Sam hoped, she did not see him. Sally spied him, however, when she arrived a few moments later. The
smile she offered encouraged Sam that his attendance, however clandestine, was the right course of action.
The membership had dwindled further just in a week's time. Those who faithfully attended the prayer meetings had returned to their original family pews, regardless of political lines. The remaining congregants, however, scowled at one another from across the aisle.
