Her Risk To Take (4 page)

The thought made his chest feel hollow.

He stepped out of the stall and forced a smile at two of the most important people in his life.

“Hey, you skipped breakfast again. You trying to lose weight?” Eliza teased him. She had on worn out jeans and a thick wool sweater, a stretchy hat pulled low over her dark hair. For some reason she was always trying to fatten him up.

Nat just shook his head. Eliza walked toward Cal, her limp not as pronounced in the morning as it was at night when she was tired. Her thighbone had been shattered by a bullet at close range. It had taken a long time to heal—actually she was lucky to be alive, period. She had more screws and plates inside her leg than the bionic woman. Not that she let it slow her down—which was pretty much the only thing she and Nat argued about.

She pushed herself too hard. Never knew when to quit. Sarah was the same—worked herself to the bone and then wasted precious sleep time messing around with him. Sarah wanted to tell everyone about their relationship, but he wouldn’t let her. He’d have to end it soon, before she got the wrong idea about them having a future together. It would sting, but she’d get over it. He clenched his fists around the handle of the bucket. “Slept in.”

“You seem to be doing that a lot lately.” Eliza grinned. “Anything we should know about?”

She was teasing, but Cal looked away, uncomfortable. Nat was his best friend, but if the guy found out the things he did to his sister when the sun went down he’d be pissed. Any man would.

“Leave him alone.” Nat wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist. “Ever since you got hitched you want everyone else hooked up and happy.”

She turned and kissed her husband’s cheek. “Nothing wrong with hooked up and happy. Should we tell him?”

Cal’s brow jerked. He wouldn’t ask even though Eliza loved to drag out the suspense. He believed in privacy. Didn’t mean he wasn’t full of curiosity, but he wouldn’t beg and he didn’t gossip.

Nat grinned. “He’s going to find out soon enough anyway—not to mention I need his help to keep you out of the saddle for the next nine months.”

“You’re pregnant?” Cal grinned. He knew they’d been trying for a baby. The whole world knew they’d been trying for a baby, which was the reason he’d wanted to make some noise before they got naked in the stables.

Eliza’s whole face glowed with happiness. She nodded, then frowned at Nat. “Why do I have to stay out of the saddle?” Eliza didn’t often pout, but this expression came close.

“Because you don’t stay ‘
in
’ the saddle,” Nat said between gritted teeth.

This was true. Cal didn’t know anyone who fell off a horse as regular as Eliza seemed to manage.

“What if I want to ride?” she said belligerently.

“Be my guest,” Nat said with a wicked grin.

She blushed as Cal choked on a cough.

“How about we compromise?” Nat sobered. He seemed to have learned patience and diplomacy over the last few months. Probably because his wife carried a gun. “How about I take you out on Winter every once in a while?” Winter was a rare, gray, over-sized American Morgan stallion who was even-tempered and steady.

“Fine.” Eliza leaned up and kissed Nat’s cheek. Then squeezed out of his arms and hugged Cal. He wrapped his arms around her, happy for them, but inside his own sadness was growing, and with it a sense of jealously he’d never experienced before. He wanted to be part of all this, he wanted to accept the position they offered him in the family, but he couldn’t. It would be too selfish, and if anything happened he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

A desperate night nearly twenty years ago had marked him. He’d killed a man, and that man’s family wanted revenge. There were people who would hurt him any way they could. Including targeting the people he loved. They’d cornered him a couple of times over the years, slashed his tires, even stole his old beater of a truck. It had been found burned out and abandoned. Nowadays, Cal stuck closer to the ranch, which was secluded and remote, but it was only a matter of time before there was another confrontation.

“I’m really happy for you.” He squeezed her gently and closed his eyes, wishing he’d made different choices, anything other than swinging out and hitting the bastard who’d been beating his mother.

He let Eliza go and left them to it. He went off to the barn to feed the other horses, noting the speculative glances of the contractors who milled about next to a giant cement mixer. As far as they were concerned he was just another hired hand—which was exactly what he wanted them to think. One of the guys there was a good friend of his stepbrother. He’d be feeding Terry any information worth telling.

Cal would never let
anything
bad happen to the Sullivans, especially not Sarah. He’d protect her, even if it meant cutting out his own heart.

*     *     *

The balls of
Sarah’s feet throbbed after the double shift from hell as she parked on Main Street. One of the other attending physicians at County had broken her ankle and been unable to come in to work. Worse, the good doctor was also going to be off tomorrow—Christmas Eve—which meant, rather than spending the day decorating the house and preparing the turkey, Sarah was going to be stuck back at work. Eliza had offered to cook Christmas dinner, but frankly, as much as Sarah loved her sister-in-law, her cooking skills sucked. And Sarah
wanted
to do it. She’d stay up all night prepping veggies if she had to. She thought of her mother, and the importance of carrying on traditions, traditions that she was determined to pass on to another generation of Sullivans, from Tabitha to this new baby Eliza was expecting.

Warmth spread over her. She was excited to be an aunt again, especially after the ordeal Eliza and Nat had been through on their road to happiness. If anyone deserved some good news it was them. But she’d be lying if she said it didn’t intensify the pang of wanting her own child, her own family, even if the man she wanted it with was proving ridiculously stubborn about their relationship.

Maybe she should just make an announcement in the local paper. Sarah Sullivan loves Caleb Landon and doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

She grimaced. He’d hate it.

She didn’t know exactly why he was so guarded, but right now she was taking it one step at a time.

She hurried along the sidewalk, heading for the best jewelers in town—the only jewelers in town, actually, but they had amazing stuff.

She blew out a sigh and stopped in front of the store window. A selection of rings sparkled beneath the fairy lights, the effect making her breath catch in delight. Her eye snagged on a gorgeous circular design in white gold with an intricate weave of tiny diamonds inside. She sighed so hard her breath fogged up the glass. No way Cal could afford one of those even if he wanted to, and no way she’d expect him to waste his money on something so…
incredibly gorgeous
. Maybe she should just buy her own damned ring and be done with it.

She pushed inside and was hit by a wall of warmth and the thick scent of something sweet, like blackberries and cloves. Whatever it was smelled delicious and reminded her she was hungry.

Mr. Rozen smiled and waved her over to where he stood behind the wide glass counter. His wife was serving another customer.

He pulled out an array of boxes from underneath the counter. “They just came in.” He reverently opened each one.

She reached out and laid a finger on the intricate detail of a cowboy atop a horse. “Oh, they’re perfect.” A month ago she’d ordered four silver belt buckles, one for each of the men on the ranch—Cal, Nat, Ryan, and Ezra, who should have retired years ago and had stuck beside them even when they couldn’t pay him. Since Eliza had arrived Sarah had been able to start spending her salary on what she wanted, rather than pouring every penny into their debts. Sarah was saving up for something special of her own now. It was a surprise for everyone, and would keep her closer to home and hopefully decrease her workload.

She might actually get to have a life.

The buckle she’d chosen for Nat had a wolf on it, howling at the moon. For Ezra she’d chosen a very traditional bucking bronco, which she hoped he never got on because she didn’t want to fix more broken bones. Ryan’s had two horses, side by side. He’d think it was because they were twins, but she was hoping he’d find his own happy ending—a second chance really—after everything he’d lost. For Cal she’d been drawn to that lone cowboy sitting atop a horse in front of a sunset. A lump of emotion grew in her throat. Even in a crowd he always seemed so isolated. She ached for him. Ached for herself because she wanted to see him smile more. She wanted to see him happy. She wanted to make him happy.

“They’re perfect,” she told Mr. Rozen.

“Buying presents for the doctors you work with?” a voice asked over her shoulder. Sarah started, then glanced at the woman. Marlena Strange. The model thin socialite reached out a hand to touch the metal of the cowboy, but Sarah snapped the lid to the box closed, narrowly missing the woman’s perfect manicured fingernails.

No way did she want this woman to mar her gifts. “For the men on the ranch.” Not that it was any of her business. Marlena and her husband had tried to ruin them earlier in the year. Since then, Sarah knew from her contacts that Marlena had entered therapy for sex addiction and the couple was going for marriage counseling. Sarah had to admire them for trying in a world that seldom bothered. However, she didn’t admire the fact the woman had tried to seduce both of her brothers and probably Cal, too. Sarah knew her main flaw was a jealous streak that ran a mile wide. She could live with the imperfection.

“Box them up, please,” Sarah told the shopkeeper.

“You want to see those earrings again?” Mr. Rozen asked.

“No, I’ll just take them. Can I get them all gift-wrapped please?” That would save her precious time. The earrings were for Eliza. Crystal drops on a gold stem. Considering the woman was a gazillionaire it was probably stupid to buy her anything but diamonds. But Sarah knew she’d like them.

She overheard Marlena ask to see the ring in the window and Sarah’s mood sank—jealousy, striking again. She paid, then took the bag from the shopkeeper, wishing him a Merry Christmas.

She walked outside and was shocked to see Cal standing on the sidewalk frowning at her Explorer. Happiness swelled inside her. She ran toward him and flung her arms around his neck, so glad to see him she kissed him on the mouth, right there on the high street.

His arms tightened around her for a nanosecond before he stepped out of reach.

Dammit
. A wave of hurt rolled through her. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were ashamed of me.” She tried to keep her voice light, but knew she’d failed when his pupils flared. Apart from that, his expression didn’t change.
What the hell?
She wasn’t ugly, or repulsive. She didn’t hang out in the back ally shooting up or taking cash for services rendered.

Anger replaced the hurt. It was probably the aftereffects of a long day, but she wanted to shock him, to goad him into a reaction. She tried to kiss him again, but he took another half-step back, as if she had cooties.

Humiliation flashed hot and painful along her veins. She lost it. On the sidewalk, in the middle of Stone Creek. Totally lost it. “What is the
matter
with you? I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you.” She was getting louder now, causing a scene. “I never stopped loving you even when you went to prison. I didn’t stop loving you when you pretended to think of me as your kid sister.” He opened his mouth to argue, but she wasn’t done. She was furious. “I love you so much I’m happy to climb into your bed every single night, but you won’t even acknowledge me when we’re off the ranch. How do you think that makes me feel?”

His expression went even more flat as his gaze lifted over her shoulder.
Dammit, he couldn’t even look her in the eye!

“I never asked you to climb into my bed.”

The pain of that statement sent a shockwave through her body. “But you never turned me away, did you?”

His eyes burned into hers suddenly, some of the emotions he kept locked down seeping out. And she wished he’d let go, get angry, get pissed, get even. But he didn’t say anything, just seemed to grow more remote. He never revealed anything of himself, except for brief glimpses on the ranch, or when they were in bed and she was wringing a response from him with her body. Hiding emotion was foreign to her. Running around pretending she didn’t love this man with every atom of her being seemed fundamentally wrong.

Tears filled her eyes. She’d never learned to be anything other than exactly what she was.
What you see is what you get.
Maybe it wasn’t enough for him. Maybe he wanted a different kind of woman and she was being an idiot for throwing herself at him. She gave one last push. “I want to marry you, Cal. I want to have your babies.”

He flinched, his narrowed gaze still directed over her shoulder. He took another step back.

“I’m sorry,” he said, very loudly, very clearly. “I don’t feel that way about you. I don’t love you.” Then he walked away and climbed into his truck, parked a few cars down from hers. And he drove away as if she really did mean nothing to him.

*     *     *

Cal drove around
the corner and pulled over after a block. He slumped over the steering wheel, sweat making his palms damp and his heart pound in his chest like a battering ram. The look of devastation on Sarah’s face… God, he couldn’t stand it. The desire to run back and apologize and make sure she was okay was almost overwhelming.

“I want to marry you, Cal. I want to have your babies.”

All he’d ever really wanted. Something he’d known for a long time could never be his. He felt sick. She’d just pretty much proposed to him and he’d flat-out rejected her. He scrubbed his hand over his face. He hadn’t even done it gently. He’d been too fucking scared.

His stepbrother, Terry, had been standing on the sidewalk behind Sarah, watching them with such malevolence in his eyes it had made Cal’s mouth dry up. He clenched his fists. Cal had killed Terry’s father—unintentionally, but the result was the same. The younger man had made no secret of the fact he’d happily return the favor to Cal or anyone Cal cared about. The guy was never getting near Sarah.