Her Royal Protector (a Johari Crown Novel) (Entangled Indulgence) (15 page)

Aly’s eyes were down, gazing into her cup, and he took his time examining her face. The memory of satisfying sex lurked in the corners of that rosebud mouth and across her cheeks, and he was the only man to have written that mark on her. Possessive hunger pulsed in his stomach and groin. She was a tiny woman, but last night he had buried himself deeper in her than he ever had with any woman before, and that was a mystery. With other women he was always pushing to find something that he never found. Some depth within that told him he was home. With Aly he had been there with the first stroke, and then all his seeking, his pleasure, had been going there again and again and again, in the knowledge that whenever he succumbed to the electric joy that swept him, there would be no disappointment at the end of it.

A virgin. As far as pleasure went, she had been a virgin. He had not suspected it. He had been fairly sure that she had had only weak and selfish lovers, but that she had had none he had not once suspected.

He had always steered clear of virgins. He might have struggled harder for control last night had he known, but whether he could have resisted the powerful compulsion…. Only when it burst over him had he understood the force of what had been building in him ever since the night he first saw her. And by then it had been overwhelming. Impossible to resist.

Aly lifted her chin to the wind and shook back her hair, offering him her throat, and he remembered a moment when she had buried her head back into the pillow, sobbing with the pleasure he gave her. His groin kicked. She took a sip of her coffee, her eyes smiling at him over the rim of her cup. “I think it’s going to be a hot day. The breeze is hot already,” she said.

Hot. His groin kicked again. He subdued it.

If only he had known she was a virgin.
A virgin is a special responsibility
.
When you knock at the door of a virgin’s womb, her heart opens to you forever.
That was the old saying.

He had no right to open Aly’s heart. He could not offer her forever.

Wisdom and honor both told him that he must resist the soul-burning urge to bury himself in her again. But it was not so simple. Because sheer humanity reminded him that she already believed that he had made love to her out of charity. She was convinced she had nothing to offer a man. If he turned away now he might protect her from himself, but he would reinforce the damage to her feminine self that her father had inflicted.

Stop now, or stop down the road. One or the other was inevitable.

Never before had he felt this weight of responsibility towards a woman.

Aly was a woman towards whom a man should have serious intentions. He could not have serious intentions towards her. He knew, better than anyone, how difficult a mixed marriage was. His mother had never been able to bridge the gap. He had sworn to himself that he would never ask that sacrifice of a woman. And Aly least of all.

Overhead a helicopter pounded towards the landing pad at the resort. Arif looked up with narrowed eyes.

“Shakira’s gift is arriving,” he said.

Aly smiled. “What is it?”

He hesitated. Maybe even this he had no right to do. He could not know what impact it would have if he first showed her her own beauty and afterwards abandoned her. Might she fall into an even worse self doubt?

“Oh, please don’t make me wait,” she begged, and he found he could not look into those pleading grey eyes and say no.

“She has sent you some clothes from her own closet,” he told her, and Aly’s eyes popped and her jaw went slack. Before she could speak, he said, “I told the Princess that I thought you two were a similar size, but she tells me that she has sent some fitted and some less fitted outfits in case I am wrong.”

“But…but why?”

“Because I understand your resistance to spending my money on clothes, Aly, but still I—still I want to show you your own beauty. And I think you will see it if you let yourself wear clothes that do not hide it.”

“Oh,” said Aly, who didn’t often seem lost for words. He might have laughed, except that his heart was weeping.

“Tonight, if the winds are with us, we can return here to Ausa Town, and I would like to take you to dine. Will you come with me this time?”

…

A few minutes later they made their way back to
Janahine.

“We can’t head out to Faatin Island immediately,” Arif said. “We must both get some sleep first.” And for once Aly didn’t argue. But in her cabin, she couldn’t sleep. Her father.
Why did you believe him?
Arif had said, and worlds had collided in her head. If nothing else, she would thank him for that insight all the rest of her life. Why
had
she believed her father, gone on believing him? Why had she taken his malice so to her heart, when she knew it for malice? It was a mystery.

Not that she would now believe she’d been Viola all along. But those words, and last night’s loving, had freed her in some fundamental way. Now maybe she could begin to form her own opinion of herself and what she had to offer.

And she would start at the source. She looked at her watch. A bit early, but now was as good a time as any.

“Aly?” said her mother drowsily. “What’s the matter? Are you in trouble?”

Or perhaps not quite as good a time as any. It must be barely morning in England, and her mother was never an early riser.

“Sorry, Mother, I forgot the time difference,” she said.

She could hear her mother peering at the bedside clock. “Yes, I see you did.”

“But I have to call you while I’m in port, and we’ll be leaving soon.”

“Darling, what is it that’s so urgent?” Her mother’s voice was sharp with anxiety. “You
are
in trouble. Oh, I always knew that trip was a mistake. Such a dangerous part of the world.”

“The Gulf is pretty free of pirates, Mother.” Except for the brigand who had turned her life upside down. “I want to ask you about Trojan.”

“Darling, I wish you’d call him Father.”

“He wasn’t a father to me, though, was he? And I’d like to know why. I mean, I know I’ve never measured up to Viola in the—”

“
Aly!
What an appalling thing to say. That is completely untrue. Whoever said you don’t measure up to Viola? You are two very differ—”

“Trojan did, every day of my life. And I’d like to know why he was always so down on me. And why you let him do it. You could have intervened, and you never did. I really want to know.”

“
Intervened
? In what?”

Aly was silent.

“Oh, darling, it’s all water under the bridge now, surely? Why are you asking me now?”

“Because I haven’t had the strength before. Mother, I want to know. Why did he belittle me the way he did? Did he just have to have some outlet for his malice, and I was the weakest link? Or was his malice targeted at me for some reason? Because the things he said weren’t true, were they? I mean, I’ve suddenly realized I am not actually ugly.”

“Ugly! Of course you’re not ugly. Whoever said such a thing?”

Aly was silent again.

“Oh dear, must we have this out on the phone? Can’t it wait till you get back?”

Silence.

“It’s because you’re so like your grandmother, I suppose,” her mother said reluctantly. “And the older you got, the clearer it was.”

Chapter Fifteen

“Because I’m like Grand?” Her father’s lovely, delicate mother, who had died far too young. She had often been told she was like her grandmother, mostly when she was being particularly outspoken. “Did Trojan hate Grand?”

“Not
hate
, of course. But—” Her mother sighed. “Grand saw through him. She always had, right from when he was a child. However successful he got, Grand never…was never impressed. Trojan hated that. As it happens, she warned me well before she died that things would come apart one day and that I should be paying more attention. I suppose I should have listened, though how I could have changed anything—”

She sighed again, for lost opportunity, although the truth was she had never looked further than the money. “Your father avoided people he couldn’t charm, didn’t he? But he couldn’t avoid his mother. Not if he wanted to inherit that house. She had the power, you know. So he put up with her.”

“But what has all that got to do with me?”

“And he couldn’t avoid his daughter, either. You’re the living image of her, more and more as you grew up, and so she was always there. You were his constant reminder that with his mother he never made it.”

“I’m the
living image
of her?” Aly repeated. “But Grand was…Grand was beautiful.”

Her mother sniffed. “Some people thought so, I suppose. I never could see it. She had a very successful debutante year, and there was all that story of the Duke of Rutland falling head over ears and courting her madly. I always wondered about the truth of that—why would any girl have turned down the Duke of Rutland? He was still wildly handsome years later when
I
was a girl. But it gave Grand a reputation for a beauty. I always thought her too idiosyncratic for beauty, myself, though no one could deny she had great charm. She certainly wasn’t
ugly
, and nor are you.”

The memory of her grandmother rose up in her, and the delicate hand reached through time and touched her cheek again.
You’ll grow up just like me, little one. I’m sorry I won’t be there to watch you.

“Trojan hated me because I looked like Grand?” Then another penny dropped with a clang. “Is
that
why he was so desperate to get me cosmetic surgery?”

She would never get to sleep now. Aly got up to pull open the little curtains and sunshine shafted into the room, lighting all the wood paneling with a golden glow.

“Oh, don’t make so much of it, Aly. Of course he didn’t
hate
you. But you used to look at him with the same expression, as if
…oh, I don’t know, as if you saw through him and he wasn’t worth the effort of looking. Everybody else would be swooning, and you’d ask him one of those out-of-the-mouths-of-babes questions. You know I tried to tell you about it many times, didn’t I? But we’d have a talk and then next time it would be as if I hadn’t spoken.”

“But why—”

“Darling, I want to leave this now. I didn’t sleep at all well last night and I don’t want to hear any more blame right now. Your father never meant anything negative with his comments, it was just his way. He loved you and if you’re honest with yourself, you know that. He still loves you, and he was far more distressed over the impact it all had on us than on himself.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Aly said.

“There. You see? You’re doing it right now. But it’s true, Aly. He is broken-hearted over the way we’ve had to suffer.”

“I’m glad for his sake if he is, but don’t you think it’s a little steep, Mother, coming from a man who didn’t think it worthwhile to express remorse to the court?”

But it was pointless to engage in the old argument, and a moment later they said their goodbyes. Aly disconnected and lay down again to think.

…

She awoke three hours later to the sound of Arif’s voice. He was on the phone at the nav station, and she heard him because her cabin door was open a crack. She lay in a happy doze, letting the warm tones of his voice wash over her in a comforting caress. She hadn’t been so happy since the age of three.

Then she heard her father’s name. She sat up slowly. A gust of wind rattled the rigging, a sea bird cried. In the near distance a neighboring yacht’s radio wailed with music. Under it all, deep and warm, the sound of Arif’s voice.

“The gold mining scam has no impact on the current situation. She is estranged from her father and it is unlikely even that the Kaljuks have made the connection.”

In the pause while he listened, her heartbeat filled her head to bursting. Kaljuk gold. Her father had promoted those damned fake gold mines as the richest strike in a century, and sold it like candy. Trojan and the corrupt Kaljuk officials had romped home.

“The Kaljuks have not approached her,” she heard. Pause. “Of course it was a matter of concern. But I have reason to be certain.”

Horror washed over her in one terrible, hot wave. He had suspected her of what—willing collusion with the Kaljuks for money? Acts of sabotage against her turtles? Was this why he had made such passionate love to her? So that she would let her guard down and he could be sure she wasn’t in the pay of the Kaljuks?

It was clear as day now.
Do you know how beautiful you are?
The humiliation was like boiling oil poured over her body. How had she fallen for it? How had she been such an idiot? Beautiful. She cringed to think how easily she had been overcome. Pillow talk, that was all Arif had wanted. To know the truth he had made her feel beautiful, taken her to bed, made such wild love to her that she might have been in a dream, made her…made a complete and total fool of her.

It was unbearable. Shame for her own gullibility roared up and down her body like hot venom, burning and eating away at her. How easily she had fallen for it. God, how he must be laughing. As beautiful as Princess Shakira! If he’d told her he’d love her till the end of time, would she have swallowed that, too?

“And meanwhile also look for any connection with Webson Attary or Mystery Resorts.”

Aly closed her eyes against the wash of emotion, silently rolled off the bed and got to her feet. She couldn’t stay here, that was all she knew. It descended on her like total blackout, wiping everything from her brain except the memory of her father’s voice and the certainty that he’d been right all along.
A face only a father could love
—and not even that. She quietly tossed her things into her duffel bag, slung it over her shoulder, bent and picked up her shoes, held them in her hand.

Her cabin door was already ajar, and she made no noise in opening it wider. She looked out and saw Arif’s back as he bent over the nav station. “Yes, Qays is one who has been involved in the application from the…”

It was easy enough to slide by behind him, barefoot and silent, and up the stairs to the deck, where the gangplank was still down and Farhad was bending over in the cockpit. He did not see her. Aly ran along the gangplank and leapt onto the dock. Not stopping to put on her shoes, she dashed down the jetty as fast as she could till she was well hidden in the shadow of another yacht. She looked back towards
Janahine
. Nothing. No sound of alarm, no voice raised in question. She turned and ran again.

…

In the glass doors of the nav station cupboard, the reflection of movement made Arif lift his head. He was in time to see Aly’s legs disappear up the steps behind him. He turned in his chair to call but was stopped by the sight of the duffel bag hanging from her shoulder.

For a moment he froze, trying to make sense of what he had seen.

“Something’s come up,” he murmured into the phone. “I’ll call you later.”

His ears followed the sound of her stealthy step across the deck and along the gangplank. Arif got to his feet and went after her up the steps, till he could just see over the hatch. Aly was running barefoot along the jetty, her bag slapping against her back, as if a devil were after her.

Running from him.

…

The kebab seller was just opening for the lunch trade as Aly sat down on a bench to put on her shoes.

Time to face the truth. Arif didn’t want her any more than Julian had. Or think her beautiful any more than her father did. Until he’d dumped her, she’d believed Julian fancied her, too. A glutton for punishment. Tell me I’m beautiful and I’ll make a complete fool of myself for you.

She got up, shouldered her bag, and wandered up into the town. It was busy now, people crowding into cafes and restaurants, or wandering in and out of shops. She’d been right earlier, the day had become very hot. Ahead of her a girl with a long blond ponytail was slathering sun cream on her shoulders as she walked. The smell of coconut reminded Aly of other days spent in the sun, and her stomach tightened with the memory of her father’s eyes looking at her in the first bikini her mother had bought her.
What Aly needs is more cover, not less.

The old humiliation etched into her soul with renewed cruelty. What her father had done was nothing, though, compared to the poison of Arif’s betrayal. She loved him, and because of that she had trusted him, had opened not just her body but her heart to him.

Aly sank down onto the wall where she had sat eating last night, a hundred years ago, dumped her bag at her feet and took stock. Passport. Air ticket home. Enough money to last a few days, so long as she didn’t eat anything but kebabs and orange soda—and as long as she slept on the beach until she could catch a ferry to the mainland.

And then she remembered the turtles.

She gasped so loudly a small group of people all turned to stare at her as they passed.

This wasn’t real. It must be a dream. Panic pushed up in her throat. What insanity had possessed her? No, she was beyond crazy. There weren’t words for what she had just done. Richard and Ellen would never believe it. What kind of scientist was she, allowing personal considerations to so totally sabotage the most important research trip of her life?

She’d always known she wasn’t the kind of woman to attract a man like Arif. Men like Arif didn’t get serious hots for women like her, whatever he said about
peri
perfection. Of course it had been a con. How could she have imagined otherwise, even for five minutes?

And after all, he was only trying to protect the turtles. His mistake had been to doubt her motives, but given that he had, was what he did so awful?

A little voice whispered its hurt, but Aly was used to beating that voice down.

She stood up, her heart thumping crazily. Her personal feelings could not be allowed to destroy this work. She had to do something. She had to go back. She had to try to sneak aboard again and pretend nothing had happened. And she had to do it now, before
Janahine
set sail without her.

But what if he felt compelled to continue with the sex as a way of blinding her to his true motives? She couldn’t let him make love to her again, knowing what she knew. It would kill her. And yet, to have to tell him what she knew would be to strip herself naked. It would be unbearable.

“What is the matter, Aly? What are you doing here?”

The harsh voice burst the bubble of her confusion. She looked up. Arif was standing five feet away, and the expression in his eyes was like none she’d ever seen.

“
Arif!
”

And even now, even knowing what she knew, her heart leapt, and her body yearned to his.

“What has happened?” he said. “We are about to cast off. Why are you here?”

“You ask that as if you know the answer,” she said.

She saw it hit home. He nodded once. “It was too sudden for you,” he said quietly. “I apologize, Aly. The fault is mine. I should have done better.”

And just like that, the way back opened before her. She didn’t have to challenge him. Didn’t have to tell him what she knew. All she had to do was pretend that she was running away because the sex had been a mistake. Aly took a deep breath.

“Yes, I think you should,” she said.

“Come back to the boat.” His voice was rasping and harsh. “This can’t be allowed to ruin your work.”

She gave a dry smile. “I’d just come to the same conclusion myself.”

He stepped closer and bent to pick up her bag, but she stopped him with a gesture.

“Arif, we need to get one thing clear first. I’ll come back, because I have to come back. But there can’t be any more of…of what happened last night. It stops here. I’d like your agreement to that.”

He stiffened, and the blue eyes flamed once and went out. “Aly…it will be different next time. Remember that I didn’t know you were a virgin. Now that I know—”

“There isn’t going to be a next time, Arif. I need your word on that.” Her heart twisted in misery, beating out a plea, hoping for the impossible. “No next time, no attempts, no gentle seduction, no promises. Okay? Nothing. I was half a virgin. Now I’m not. Your responsibility ends here.” Her body ached with hunger, and her hands curled into fists not to reach for him.

“Aly, you need time, that’s all. Time and a little—”

Tears burned behind her eyes, but she wouldn’t let him see that if she had to kill herself to prevent it. “Whatever I may need, I don’t need it from you. Ever again,” she said, her voice coming out harsh and cold as she struggled to keep from shouting at him what she had learned and how much it hurt her. If she told him, and he lied, if he touched her while telling his lies…she would not be able to resist. She had to do this. “So I need your promise, Arif.”