Her Secrets (6 page)

“Awful,” she
responded breathlessly, tasting herself on him, kissing him deeper, sucking on his tongue.

He growled and opened her
thighs wider as he pushed his large cock deep inside.

She
moaned.

He lifted
his chin and shut his eyes. “I love the way I feel inside you,” he whispered, rocking into her.

She couldn’t take her
eyes off him, admiring the tightness of his chest, the ripples of his abs, his trim waist, and the cut of his thighs. He looked incredible and felt even better. She moved her hips so that their bodies slammed into each other. His eyes found hers and held her fast. She reached out and touched his abs. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her further onto him. She cried out in ecstasy.

“Fuck, Austin,” she
moaned, leaning up so she could watch him move in and out. Seeing the way his shaft rammed into her was so hot. Austin moved faster, their body slapping together. Another orgasm was building and she lay back, closing her eyes. He slowed, readjusting his body so he covered mine. She wrapped her legs around his hips. He tucked his arms under her shoulders and then pushed his hips so he went even deeper.

Willow
held his gaze, trying to focus, and bit her lip. He leaned down and suckled her lip away from her teeth and pressed into her again.

“I love making love to you. I love you,”
he said.

“I love you too, Austin. And I fucking love
what you do to my body.”

He smiled like
a kid in a candy store. His eyes twinkled. “You ready to come again?”

Willow rolled her
eyes playfully. “If you think you’re up to the challenge.”

He rocked his hips into her again, letting her
feel just how up to it he was.

She gasped. He covered her
mouth with a kiss.

They moved as one, their
bodies coming together seamlessly. He started out slowly and then moved his arms, angling himself so that he could get really deep. She couldn’t keep herself quiet any more.

“Fuck me, Austin. Oh, God. Fuck me hard.”

He moved faster and faster. Her orgasm built quickly and she came to pieces under him.

His orgasm happe
ned right after hers. He gave one final thrust, then he rested his forehead against hers. Their noses touched. Their breaths mingled.

And she
realized anything was possible if they did it together.

UNCROSSING MY LEGS

ELEVEN

The doctor’s office was pristine: white walls, clean lines, and modern furniture. A woman in her fifties sat behind a cherry wood desk. On it was a computer screen, a thick pen, and a cream file. Willow guessed the file was hers.

The doctor
wore a light gray suit with a white blouse, shiny taupe nylons, and black pumps. Her silvery-white hair was pulled back in a bun. She had the bluest eyes and thin silver reading glasses sat on the end of her nose.

Austin was next to Willow
, holding her hand. She kept fidgeting, crossing and uncrossing her feet at the angles. This was it. The moment of truth. It frightened her to know that the doctor knew her fate that inside the cream file was the prognosis.

Willow had t
aken all the tests bravely and without comment. She was doing it for Austin. Taking a deep breath, she glanced at him. He gave her a reassuring smile. She smiled back, knowing he needed her to be positive. She was trying. She noted the doctor’s stoic demeanor. It was the look of a woman who’d been delivering bad news for a really long time.

“
Well, Miss St. James.” The doctor picked up her file and opened it, though she had the feeling it was out of habit and not because she didn’t already know what it contained. “Your results came back and you do in fact have a tumor sitting on your spine between the fourth and fifth vertebrae.” She paused. “I’m sure you’re aware of that.”

Willow
swallowed, nervous. Austin squeezed her hand. It wasn’t any easier getting crappy news the second time around, but she told herself again it was for the man next to her. Austin. The father of her child. He needed to hear what the doctor had to say.

“Yes, I am,” Willow
said, wiping her sweaty hand on her dress. She’d chosen to wear a flowery sundress even though it was mid-January. The weather in Dallas was a balmy seventy-six degrees. “Of course.” She cleared her throat. Worried butterflies zipped around in her stomach.

“It seems,” the doctor
quickly glanced at Austin before continuing, “that there’s another, smaller mass between your third and fourth vertebrae…”

Willow
gasped.

The doctor went on,
“As well as another between the first and second.”

Austin
sat up straight and squeezed Willow’s hand tighter.

Willow couldn’t breathe. She tried to inhale but she couldn’t do it. She
leaned over, hanging her head. Austin got out of his chair and kneeled next to her.

“It’s alright,” he repeated over and over.

But the more he said it, the more she didn’t believe it. Willow gritted her teeth and forced back any emotion. Her hair had fallen into her eyes and she tucked it behind her ears. After several more deep breaths, she sat up straight. “I see. So what’s the prognosis?” Willow asked, staring at a point directly above the doctor’s head. She couldn’t look the doctor in the eyes, and she sure as shit couldn’t look at Austin. One tumor was bad enough, but three? Shit. Shit. Shit. Receiving the prognosis the second time around was worse. Much, much worse.

Austin knelt next to her
a moment longer, but when he realized she wouldn’t look at him, he moved over to his seat.

The doctor
cleared her throat. “I think we need to go after the cancer aggressively. I think we should operate to remove them and then—”

“Wait.” Willow raised her
hand. “My doctor told me the tumor I had was inoperable, that the only treatment was chemo. Are you saying you can operate on them?”

“Yes, Miss St. James, I’m saying I can operate and that I can get most i
f not all of the tumors. Once the operation is over, I’ll recommend you go through a round of chemotherapy and that should destroy the rest.” The doctor smiled slightly. “Between the two treatments they should leave your body cancer free.”

Willow
leaned forward. “And what are the risks of doing the operation?” Obviously if her doctor said he couldn’t do it that meant it was difficult to say the least, probably near impossible.

“Well,” the doctor
took off her reading glasses and clasped her hands together. “There is a chance you’ll be paralyzed, if not fully then partially from the waist down, and there’s also the possibility that there’ll be complications while you’re on the table and you’ll die.”

Willow
finally glanced at Austin. Was he hearing what the doctor said? She might die on the table or at least be paralyzed. Austin was pale and his jaws were clenched together.

Austin was freaking out.

Keeping my eyes on him, Willow asked, “Okay, and if I don’t do the surgery? What then?”

The doctor
nodded as though she expected the question. “Then you’ll live a relatively pain free life over the next three to six months. A year if you’re lucky.”

Austin closed his eyes and Willow
felt the butterflies in her stomach shatter into a million pieces.

“How soon do
I need to give you an answer?” Willow turned back to the doctor.

“The sooner the better.” The doctor
clicked a few buttons on her computer. “I can get you in for the surgery on Friday at eight-thirty in the morning, if that’s what you decide to do.” She leaned back. “Mr. Merrick, do you have any questions?”

Austin
opened his eyes. “No, not at the moment.” Then he stood and stuck out his hand. The doctor took it. “Thank you so much for your time, Vivianne. I really—” his voice broke.

“It’s my pleasure, Austin. Really.” She patted his hand.

Austin grabbed Willow’s arm and he walked her to the door. “We’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow. Will that be enough time?”

“Yes, that’ll be fine.”

Willow and Austin left. They walked past the receptionist and over to the elevator. Austin pushed the down arrow. Willow sensed the stress rolling off him.

“Are you going to be okay?” she
asked quietly.

He glanced over but didn’t respond.

The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. He pushed the L for lobby and they rode down in silence.

When they
were outside, Austin leaned over taking in big gulps of air. Willow stood beside him, resting a hand on his back, wondering if he was going to be sick. Emma had been sick often enough that Willow figured she could handle it. What she wasn’t prepared for was the sob that ripped from his chest. It tore into her.

“Austin,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. They
were on the sidewalk. People gave them a wide berth and she was grateful.

He see
med to suddenly realize where they were and stood, adjusted his expensive suit jacket, and grabbed her hand. They walked to his vehicle—a big black truck. He unlocked it and helped Willow in.

When the doors were shut Austin started the engine, then turned to face her
. “You’re having the surgery.”

“Excuse me
?” Willow said, irritated by his commanding voice. It wasn’t his decision. And he had no right to tell her what to do.

“There isn’t even a question. Of course you’ll have the surgery.” 

She buckled her seatbelt and turned away from him. “I could die,” she whispered, thinking about Emma. It was a Monday. Emma was almost six months old, and in four days she could be dead. No more seeing her daughter’s beautiful face, never another kiss on her chubby cheeks or her sweet feet. Nothing. Willow wasn’t ready for that possibility. If she was going to die, she needed more time.

“You won’t die. You won’t,” he said, his voice full of anguish.

It almost killed Willow hearing the pain in his voice. He’d already lost his first love, and now he might lose her. She wished there was a way she could take his pain away. She would do nearly anything in her power to make him happy. Anything.

“You don’t know that. You heard what the doctor said. There could be complicati
ons. Or I could be paralyzed.” Willow glanced at him, a sudden desire for him to really understand what he was asking. “Four days and I might not see Emma again.” Tears filled her eyes and leaked onto her cheek. She didn’t stop them. “Four more days and I might lose you again. Don’t you get that? At least if I don’t have the surgery I’ll be guaranteed another three months to a year. That’s better. That gives me time.”

“You’re selfish,” Austin barked and threw the car into drive. He pulled out into traffic.

Willow grabbed the dash. “It’s selfish that I want more time with the people I love?” Her mom and sisters had come to stay at Austin’s gigantic house while she had my tests done. It’d been great having them all together under one roof. Austin fit right in with the St. James girls. He was sweetly flirty with her mom and brotherly with her sisters.

And the way he was with Emma? He was the best father. Patient. Funny. Sweet. Emma adored him.

They spent the mornings together. Then Austin went to work for a few hours. While he was gone she hung out with her mom and sisters. When Austin came home he would sometimes take her out, or cook them all a meal. And their lovemaking? If she imagined the perfect lover, he would be Austin. He was everything she could wish for and more. 

She didn’t want to let that go. She
wouldn’t.

***

When she and Austin got home, Austin told her mom and sisters what the doctor said. They talked and argued, but Willow needed to see Emma. She went into her room. It’d been done in Winnie-the-Pooh, just like her room back in Bandon, but this one was much larger.

Willow
walked to her daughter’s crib and peeked inside. Emma wasn’t asleep, but stared wide-eyed at the mobile above her. Emma’s eyes were ringed with red. Willow knew her daughter was tired.

“Hi, baby-girl.
Can’t you sleep?” She wound the knob at the top of the mobile. Music played as it twirled in a slow circle.

Emma had
recently learned to clap and did it all the time. She clapped now.

“What, Emma? Are you happy?”

Emma looked at her mom and smiled.

“You want mommy to hold you?” Willow reached in and picked Emma
up, then went over to the table and changed her. Emma had on the cutest pink outfit with Piglet on the front. Willow placed a clean pair of socks on Emma before picking her daughter up. Her baby snuggled into the crook of Willow’s neck. Sighing contentedly, Willow sat in the rocking chair. A feeling of serenity enveloped her. Her daughter in her arms was exactly what she needed.

“M
ommy doesn’t know what to do,” she said softly, rubbing Emma’s back. “I don’t want to leave you—ever. But if I don’t have the surgery, that’ll happen in a year.” She kissed the top of Emma’s head, smelling the delicious smell only babies had. “If I have the surgery, there’s a chance I’ll be completely cancer free and I could live a long time, long enough to see you married and have children of your own.” Willow leaned her head against the chair, closing her eyes, trying to imagine her life as an old lady. 

And that’s what made her decision for her. She
wanted to be around to be a grandmother or at least around long enough to see Austin go gray.

There
was a light creaking sound and Willow knew someone had come in. She opened her eyes and saw Austin. The worried expression on his face softened.

“I’ll do it,” she whispered, glancing down at her beautiful baby girl. Emma had
finally fallen asleep.

His body relaxed and he heaved a giant breath. “Thank you, Will. I think that’s the best decision.”

“I know.”

Austin took Emma
from her and laid the child in her crib.

Willow
took his hands and whispered, “There’s a lot to get done in four days.”

He raised a brow. “Like?”

Willow tried to pull him out of Emma’s room. She needed to have a serious talk with him. She wanted to make sure everything was in order where Emma was concerned. Specifically, she wanted to make sure that if anything happened—like she died—Austin wouldn’t keep Emma from her mom and sisters. They were her daughter’s family as much as Austin was. Emma needed them and they needed her. They’d been in her life since the day she was born. Willow’s mom and sisters adored Emma. She wouldn’t let him keep Emma from them.

Then there were the monetary issues. Austin’s name was on Emma’s b
irth certificate, but because they weren’t married that didn’t mean much. There were two options: Do a DNA test or get married. Either would legally bind Emma to Austin, especially since she was his.

“We need to talk.”

Austin allowed her to tug him from the room. When the door was closed, he wrapped her in his arms. “Tell me?” He brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. The small gesture caused her whole body to shiver.

Willow wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. “It’s about Emma. I want to make sure she’s taken care of. That if anything happens, she’ll be safe. I don’t want—”