Her Sister (Search For Love series) (16 page)

"You'll
let me know if you find out anything about Shara?"

"If
we find out anything, I promise I'll call.  We love you, Clare."  Amanda
felt her voice closing as she ended the call.  "You heard my side of
that," she said to Max.  Her words trembled as she explained that Clare
had felt nothing with Amy.  "And it sounds as if Amy felt no bond with
her!"

He was
silent.  Finally he said, "We'll call...Amy...when we get back."  He
reached across the table and took Amanda's hand.  "We'll make things up to
Clare.  Somehow we will.  And if Amy
is
Lynnie, we'll figure out a way
to reach her.  We have to."

At that
moment, Gillian's phone beeped.  She snatched it up.  "Jake?"  After
a short back and forth, she looked at Amanda then Max.  "I have Courtney's
address and Jake is e-mailing her driver's license photo.  What do you want to
do next?"

****

Chapter
Ten

Nothing
ever turned out as you expected it to, did it?

Glancing
at the clock on the stove, Clare saw that it was almost four.  She'd been
scrubbing the kitchen ever since she returned home from the interview with Amy
and the phone call to her parents.  She had to do something to keep busy or
she'd go crazy.  She couldn't go back to work.  She was afraid she'd make
mistakes there.  So here she was, pots and pans pulled out of the cupboard as
she rearranged them, spices on the counter that she wanted to put in
alphabetical order.  Drawer liner lay on the counter along with the scissors. 
She couldn't seem to focus on any one task.  If her mom didn't call back soon
with news about Shara—

She
might not call for a while.  Albuquerque was a big place.  They were three
hours behind there.  God knew what was happening.  She should be there,
shouldn't she?  Every thought in her head ran into the next one.

When there
was a rap on the kitchen door, she stopped cutting shelf paper.  She hurried to
the door and flung it open, not knowing what she expected to see, or who she
expected to see.  Maybe her mind had leapt ahead to when her parents would be
there with Shara.

But she
found Joe.  He took one look at her, then stepped over the threshold with
take-out bags filling his arms.  "You didn't call so I assumed you hadn't
heard anything."

"My
parents have picked up leads, but..."  Her voice faltered.  "They
don't know anything for sure."

He set
the bags on the table, then turned to face her, his hand on her shoulder. 
"And how did the interview go?"

"It
was upsetting and confusing, for me more than for her."

"You
should have called me."

"Why?"

He gave
her a long, sober look.  "We could talk about it.  You can't keep this all
bottled up, Clare."

"Joe,
I don't know what I'm doing.  I can't keep a straight thought in my head.  Just
look at this kitchen.  I'm trying to clean and I can't remember what goes in
what cupboard."

He
dropped his hand from her shoulder.  "I thought we were friends."

She
averted her gaze, went to the counter, started putting spices back in the
cupboard.  "We are."

"Clare,
stop and look at me."  His voice was coaxing.

She
slowly turned to face him.  "If you want something from me, Joe, I
certainly can't give it.  Not now."

"Want
something?  I don't want anything, except for you to lean on me a little. 
That's what friends do."

"I
was thinking not very nice thoughts today.  You want me to share those with
you?"

He
frowned.  "You can share whatever you want.  I'm not going to judge—"

"Oh,
people always say that.  But then the words come out of your mouth and they
look shocked, and they
do
judge.  How can I expect you to be any
different?"

"Who
judged you?" he asked, gently.

"You're
kidding, right?  I was an unwed mother. 
Everyone
judged me, from my parents
to my teachers to friends and neighbors.  And now, now I have a run-away
daughter.  I know how people will look at me.  What did
she
do to make
her daughter run away?  Why didn't she have better control?  Why wasn't she a
better parent?  That's judging, Joe."

"Do
you think I asked any of those questions?"

"You're
not a regular guy if you haven't."

His
lips twitched up in a wry smile.  "I've never thought of myself as a
regular guy.  I'm just me, Clare.  You don't think I made mistakes when I was
younger, trusted the wrong people, fell in love with the wrong girl?  You act
as if those things are crimes.  They're part of life experience."

"That's
one way of looking at becoming a mother before I was ready.  But that's the
detached way of looking at it.  I lived it.  I disappointed my parents.  I
wasn't everything they thought Lynnie would grow up to be.  I didn't protect my
sister and I obviously haven't protected my daughter."

He was
already shaking his head.  "You're too rough on yourself."

"The
next thing you're going to say is that you don't think my parents are the type
to make me feel inferior, to make me feel as if I could never do anything
right, to have expectations I couldn't meet.  You're going to say they love me
and I should just be grateful for that love."

"
Now
who's judging who?  You think you know what
I
think?"

Tears
welled up much too quickly.  "I don't care what you think.  It doesn't
matter.  All that matters is that I lost my sister, and Amy Fields just doesn't
seem to be her.  And if she is, then that means I'm not too crazy about who
Lynnie is all grown up.  I only want my daughter back safe and sound and I
don't know what to do to get her here."

"Are
you going to push everyone away who wants to care about you until that
happens?"  His voice had a rougher edge now, and Clare realized this
conversation wasn't easy for him, either.

"Letting
you in takes my focus away from Shara.  Can't you see that?"

"No. 
What I see is a woman who's afraid.  You're afraid your parents are blaming you
for this, too, though I don't think they ever blamed you for your sister being
kidnapped.  You're a woman who's afraid that if Shara
does
come back, or
if your parents find her and drag her back, she'll just run away again.  You're
a woman who's afraid to let a man get too close because if he does, he might
leave you like
your
dad did...like Shara's dad did."  Joe looked as
if he was just as shocked he'd said all that, as she was to hear it.

Her
voice shook when she said, "I think you'd better go."

"No,
Clare, that's one thing I'm not going to do.  I'm not going to leave."

"I
don't want you here analyzing me.  I don't want you here thinking you know me. 
I don't want you here—"

"Getting
closer to you?" he cut in, approaching her with a determined look in his
eyes.  "Take a deep breath, Clare.  Think about it, then tell me you don't
really want me here."

She
found herself doing what he said, taking that deep breath, thinking about him
standing in her kitchen, acting as if he cared.  Tears spilled from her eyes and
she crossed her arms around herself as if she could ward off what
he
might be feeling as well as what
she
might be feeling...as if she could
ward off anyone getting too close...as if she could ward off him.

But
unlike so many others in her life, he didn't turn away.  He just kept coming. 
He took her face between his hands and then he kissed her.

****

Amanda
was scared silly, scared out of her mind, scared for all of them.  Max had used
the search engine on his phone, found what he was looking for, and insisted
they go to a small shop where he bought some equipment.  Gillian and Amanda had
waited outside and he hadn't explained himself or what he'd bought.  But she'd
seen the sign in the window that said,
Spy Devices
.

This is
for Shara, she kept telling herself.

When
Max returned to the SUV, he was matter-of-fact.  "I can take you two back
to the hotel and I can do this myself."

Amanda
and Gillian exchanged a glance.  "What are you going to do?" Amanda
asked.

When he
hesitated, Amanda asked again, "Max?  You're not going to cut me out of
this.  Full disclosure."

After
what had happened last night, there could be nothing
but
full
disclosure.  He seemed to realize that, too, although neither of them knew what
making love had meant, or what it would mean to their future.

"I
bought a listening device.  I can put it on the door and hear what's said
inside.  We need to figure out if Shara's in any immediate danger."

"But
what if someone sees you?"  Gillian was remaining silent and calm, though
Amanda was getting more anxious by the minute.

"That's
why I have to scout around first.  Actually, this is a good time of day.  Fewer
people are around in early afternoon.  Like I said, I have to scout it out, and
I want to get going.  Hotel or with me?"

Amanda
immediately turned to Gillian.  "I don't want you involved in this.  We
don't know what's going to happen next.  You've already done so much."

After a
pensive pause, Gillian said, "Max might need more than one lookout.  We'll
see what the situation is."

So they
did.  There were six apartments in the building on two floors.  The information
Jake had given them told them that Courtney lived on the second floor in 2-C.

Gillian
pointed out a silver sporty sedan parked a few cars behind the space where Max
had pulled in.  "That's Courtney's car.  The description and license plate
matches what Jake gave me."

So as
to not attract attention, Gillian and Amanda stayed in the SUV while Max
scouted around.  Ten minutes later he was back.

"From
what I could tell, I didn't see signs of anyone around in the apartments on Courtney's
floor.  First floor looks pretty deserted too.  There's a balcony in the back
and a trellis I can climb on.  If I sit low in the corner, grill work will
pretty much hide me.  I can hunker down a while and just listen to what's going
on."

"So
you'll need us at the sides to make sure no one comes around the back,"
Gillian suggested.

"Exactly. 
There's a tall fence at the back of the property that gives the residence a
little privacy.  That will work to our benefit.  No one across the alley will
likely catch sight of me, so all we have to worry about is any foot traffic
that will come around back.  One of you can stay in the SUV and watch from this
side.  The other will have to come around back with me."

"I'll
do that," Amanda said.  "There's no reason for Gillian to stick her
neck out more than she has to."

"We
all have our cells," Gillian said.  "Amanda, you and I will keep ours
open.  That way we can give each other updates.  Do
not
hesitate to let
me know if you need me back there."

Minutes
later, Max had unwrapped the equipment and was on his way, Amanda following
close behind.  As he reached the trellis, she caught his arm.  "No
heroics."

He gave
her a crooked smile.  "I'll try to remember that."

But
Amanda already knew he was just placating her.  He would do whatever he had to
do to make sure Shara was safe again.  They both would.

Last
night in bed, Amanda had realized how fit her husband still was. 
Ex
-husband
she reminded herself.  Ex-husband.  Maybe last night had been all about the
past instead of the future.  Maybe it had seemed so overwhelming because they
both had so many regrets.  But maybe, just maybe, they were on their way to
something new, something unsullied by what had happened to Lynnie.  When Amanda
talked to Clare, Clare's assessment of the situation had battered her heart. 
If this girl Amy wasn't Lynnie, she doubted if they'd ever find her.  Would she
be able to tell anything from a conversation that Clare couldn't?  Were sisters
even closer than parents and children?  Clare and Lynnie had been.

There
was so much to think about as she watched Max climb the trellis, hike himself
over the balcony and crouch down, all without a sound.  He couldn't talk to
them on his cell because he didn't want to make any noise at all.  So if he
heard something important, she didn't know what he'd do.  They really hadn't
planned this out.  They really hadn't considered all of the ramifications.

On the
other hand, maybe he'd learn nothing up there.  Maybe he'd learn Shara never
wanted to come home.  Maybe they'd be spinning their wheels until a resident of
the apartment came home from work and they'd have to leave or get caught.

An hour
passed so slowly.  Amanda found herself counting the number of slats in the fence
to distract herself further.  She imagined the photos she had in an album of
Clare and Shara when Shara was a baby—at one, at two, at three.  At one point
she wanted to text Clare to stay strong, but she couldn't because she didn't
want to cut her connection to Gillian.