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“
I had to. I was partially responsible for you being here. I couldn’t let you die twice.”

Tears stream down my face. “No more guilt.” I look into his eyes, which have softened. “There’s too much guilt. No more.”

His hand reaches for my cheek, hesitating before his fingers touch.

I hold my breath, surprised at the jittering in my stomach.

His fingers are warm and send chills down my spine. “Don’t cry.” His thumb wipes a tear. “I don’t want to be the one to make you cry.”

His words only bring more tears and his eyes close as he looks defeated.

“
I’m sorry,” I sputter.

His eyelids open, green eyes swimming with emotion. He pulls me onto his lap, wrapping an arm around my back. “Don’t say sorry. No more guilt. It’s your rule,” he murmurs in my ear. His breath tickles the hair on my neck. Goosebumps break out over my skin.

I soak in his warmth and try to ignore the way my heart flip-flops. I like Evan, not Reece. Or do I? I think about Evan kissing me just a short time ago and risking his life to save me. I burn with shame.

Suddenly, everything’s too much, the way I feel with Reece, how close I’ve come to dying, the terror of the last few days. He pulls my head into the crook of his neck and rubs my arm.

“
It’s okay.”

“
No, it’s not. Nothing is okay.”

“
I’m gonna try and make it okay. So is Evan.”

“
No. I can’t live with myself if something happens to you or Evan. Monica’s death almost killed me. I can’t let anything happen to anyone else.”

He leans my head back, his hand cupping my cheek. His eyes burn with something I don’t recognize. “And you think I can let something happen to you?”

My cheek is on fire where he touches, my body following close behind. I struggle to catch my breath, let alone think. “I’m not her.” But for a moment, I wish I was. That I could have not one, but two boys love me when two weeks ago I had no one.

He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing as his hand trails down to the side of my neck. “I’m well aware of that.” His face hovers over mine.

I freeze, staring at his lips. The breath in my chest grows stale, begging for release. My mind rails in debate. Is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me?

Right or wrong, I do.

The shame of it slams me hard. My breath releases in a whoosh, past my lips as Reece watches.

I stare into his eyes. I want this. And so does he.

His hand slips from my neck and threads through my hair. He lifts my head toward him, agonizingly slow.

He’s giving me a chance to back out.

Instead, I feather my fingers on his cheek, amazed at how soft his skin is under my fingertips.

His eyes widened in surprise before lowering his lips to mine.

When they touch, a thousand butterflies take flight. His hand tightens in my hair, smashing my lips into his and I welcome it. I’m falling. I’m flying. I’m both at the same time.

To my disappointment, he pulls back. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he whispers.

My heart stops.
It wasn’t me. He wasn’t kissing me
.

I sit up, my back rigid, treacherous tears burning my eyes. “I’m not her, Reece.” My words are sharp and nip at his ego.

“
I
know
that, Julia.”

“
Do you? How could you have wanted to kiss me for so long when you just met me an hour ago.”

It hits me then. I met him an hour ago. What possessed me to kiss him? What about Evan?

I jump off his lap in horror. My mother was right. I
am
a slut. What is
wrong
with me?

He groans, dropping his face into his hands. “Julia….”

I wipe the tears off my face. “It’s okay. How could you not think I was her? You probably knew her for years. You hardly know me.” That explains his reaction. What explains mine?

“
Julia…”

“
Let’s just forget this ever happened, okay? You made a mistake. I don’t blame you. I’m not mad. I promise. Where’s the bathroom?”

He stands, his hands clench and unclench at his side as he struggles with what to say.

“
Bathroom?”

“
Down the hall and to the right. There’s a towel in there if you want to take a shower.”

“
Thanks.” I run to the bathroom. Once I cross the threshold, I lean my back against the door and burst into sobs, covering my mouth to quiet the sound.

“
Julia?” Reece’s muffled words come through the door.

I hurry to the shower, which looks like the ones back home, and turn on the water, drowning out his voice. I sink to the floor.

What did I do?

The sound of the water grabs my attention, and I stand, stripping off my clothes. I hope they burn things here, because I never want to see them again.

I step into the shower, welcoming the warm spray. I haven’t showered since my decontamination, if you can call that a shower. I find shampoo and conditioner and lather my hair as my tears flow.

My life is a literal nightmare and I’m kissing boys.

Chapter Twenty-One

Moments after turning off the water, there’s a knock on the door.

“
I have some clean clothes for you outside the door. When you’re done, come out so we can talk about the plan.”

The mysterious plan.

I dry off with the towel lying on the bathroom counter then wrap it around my body before opening the door. A pile of clothing is neatly stacked on the floor. I snatch it up and shut the door before Reece can see me.

Jeans. An actual pair of jeans and a t-shirt, although it’s a different style than I’m used to. I suppose that’s expected. The fashion world split in two different directions fifty years ago. I silently thank God they don’t wear jumpsuits like on
Star Trek: the Next Generation
. I could never pull that look off.

A pair of underwear and a bra are tucked in the folds of the jeans as well as a pair of socks. My cheeks burn. Reece had to have gotten this for me.

I dress quickly, surprised the clothes are only a little big on me. After towel drying my hair, I use a brush I find on the counter. My wet hair dampens the back of my shirt. I stare into the mirror, relieved I look more like me than I have in days. Taking a deep breath, I open the door, ready to face Reece.

He stands in the kitchen, staring out the window, his jaw tense.

I was wrong. I’m not ready to face him.

He turns and his lips lift into a tight smile. “You found the clothes.”

I glance down, self-conscious. “Yeah, thanks. Where did you get them?”

“
They were my mom’s.”

I hear the hitch in his voice. “Were?”

He looks out the window again, his face hard. “She left us. A few months ago.”

“
Oh,” I say. Could I get any more lame? “I’m sorry. My dad left us, too. Do you still see her?”

“
No, she just disappeared. No one knows where she is.” The hardness falls away and he turns to me with a shy smile. “Are you hungry? I can make you something for breakfast.”

I want to ask more about his mom, but it’s obvious he’s trying to change the subject. My stomach growls at the thought of food. “More wafers? That’s all I got at the penitentiary.”

Reece grins. “Cereal?”

“
Oh, my God! You have real cereal? With real milk?”

He laughs again. “You’re easy to please.” He opens a cabinet door to reveal a refrigerator. “You can come in. I won’t bite.”

Maybe not. But you can kiss
.

A blush creeps up my neck and I look away. A counter separates the kitchen from the living area and I sit on one of two bar stools.

Reece sets a bowl and spoon in front of me with a sheepish grin. “My dad doesn’t have many cereal choices. He’s a doctor, so he leans toward healthy things.”

“
Wow. A doctor?”

He sets a plain brown box on the counter and a container of milk. “I won’t be following in his footsteps, to his regret. I’m more into computers and technology.” He looks down. “Like my mom.”

I pick up the box and pour a bowl full of flakes and dried fruits and nuts. I want to ask why she left. I want to ask if he ate different cereal when she was still here. Instead, I say nothing.

Reece grabs the box, then pours milk into my bowl.

“
How was it that you ended up helping Evan?”

He tilts his head. “We used to be best friends. He told me what he planned to do.”

I lean back in my seat, wide-eyed.

“
You didn’t know?”He shovels a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

“
No. Evan never mentioned it and you hardly knew each other in my world. Besides, with the whole Julia… and you both…”

He presses his lips into a tight line. “Yeah, well, that put a crimp on our friendship. But after you…” He glances up at me. “After Julia died, we both blamed ourselves.”

“
Why did you blame yourselves?”

He takes a big bite and mumbles, “We need to discuss the plan.”

Although I consider pressing the issue of their blame, I’m more interested in their plan.

“
Evan wants you to stay here, but I insist it’s too dangerous.”

I seethe with anger. “No one thought to ask me what
I
wanted?”

He rolls his eyes. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter what anyone wants. What’s important is what is the best way to make sure you’re safe.”

He has a point, but they still should have asked me. “So, what did you all come up with? Maybe you could fill me in, seeing as it’s my life and all.”

“
Sarcasm won’t help.” His eyes narrow. “Can I at least explain it without you interrupting?”

I scowl.

“
Okay,” he hesitates, watching my face. “We can’t hide you indefinitely. The people in Springfield typically don’t leave. Some higher officials do, but the general population doesn’t.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “Really? Why not?"

“
We’re surrounded by a radiation wasteland. Not to mention the survivalists out there. They’re supposed to be vicious mutants.”

“
But…”

“
You’re interrupting. You’re not supposed to do that.”

I reach up and pretend to lock my mouth and stuff the key into my pocket.

Reece scrunches up his face like I’m a wacko. I guess that isn’t done here. “Like I said, we can’t hide you indefinitely. Evan thinks the best thing to do it put you front and center in society.”

“
What?” I screech. “That has to be the worst idea ever!”

He holds up his hands. “I said you had to hear me out.”

I purse my lips. They’re going to get us all killed.

“
If we thrust you out into a bunch of people who know you, I mean people who knew this world’s Julia, there will be a ton of witnesses. The officials would be hard pressed to take you away. They’ll lose face.”

“And how exactly are you going to explain my sudden appearance?”

“
I never said we were going to do it. I’m telling you Evan’s idea. Cryogenics.”

“
Cryogenics?”

“
We’d say that you were frozen with cryogenics and Dr. Whittaker and his research team brought you back to life.”

“
And people will believe that?”

He shrugs. “We don’t see why not. They’re always making new breakthroughs in medicine. They’ve cured almost every kind of cancer, so why not?”

“
They’ve cured cancer?
”

“
Not completely…”

“
But still!” I can only imagine what my world can do with that information. “But what about when Dr. Whittaker and the other officials find out I’m out here? Won’t they take me back?” I can’t still the shudder that creeps up my spine.

“
Evan thinks they won’t because your parents would see you too.”

“
My parents?” The thought of my mom brings tears to my eyes. “Do I even have the same parents here?”

“
John and Miranda?”

I sway, lightheaded.

“
Julia, are you okay? You look really pale.”

I nod. “Those… those are my parents in my world.”

“
We figured they would be. It would take your parents’ DNA to create you in both worlds.”

“
So my parents and Evan’s parents are the same in both worlds then. And yours and Monica’s? That’s amazing. Our worlds are so completely different, yet our parents still ended up together. Why?”

He looks stumped. “Good question. Fate? Destiny?”

I lift my hand to my mouth as my stomach rolls.

“
Julia?”

“
I’m sorry. This is all so weird.” We’re silent for a moment. “You said that was Evan’s plan. Obviously, you have another.”

“
I think you should go back. Evan’s plan is too simplistic and naive. He gives his father and the Committee too much credit. Sure, they might let you live for a little while, but eventually they’d find a reason to take you. A reason no one would bat an eye at.”

I let that fact swim around in a festering pool of terror.

“
We need to take you to the road and send you back, but it’s easier said than done.”

“
Why?”

“
Now that they know it’s possible and especially since you escaped, they’re guarding it like it’s a national treasure.”

Hopelessness washes over me. “So what are we going to do?”

Reece looks at the clock and jumps up. “Crap, I’ve already missed first period. Evan called while you were in the shower and said they’d already come to his house looking for you. Although I often miss the first period, if I don’t get to school soon they might get suspicious and send someone here.” He takes off down the hall to a bedroom.

“
Wait!” I call after him. “You can’t leave until you tell me what your plan is!”

He comes back carrying a satchel. “Tomorrow there’s a big celebration for the survival of the human race, the anniversary of the nuclear war. The president will be there.” He shrugs into his jacket. “Security is being pulled from the portal site to guard the Committee at the celebration. We’ll do it then.”

I grab his arm as he heads for the door. “What I am I supposed to do while you’re gone?”

He turns back to me with a smile. “Stay inside and wait for me. I don’t have anything after school so I’ll come straight home. I’ll be back by four.”

“
But—”

“
No one’s going to come while I’m gone. My dad has a heinous surgery schedule today so he’s stuck at the hospital. But, if by some chance someone does, there’s a panel in the back of my closet hiding a small space. I have a big box in front of it. The space is big enough to fit a couple of people.”

My mouth drops.

“
But you don’t have to worry. No one’s coming. Just don’t go outside and you’ll be fine. I’ve got to go.” He hesitates then leans forward, the side of his face hovers next to my ear.

I hold my breath as my insides jitter out of control.

“
I’ll be back. I promise.” He whispers and his lips brush my cheek.

I close my eyes and when I open them, he’s headed out the door.

I fight my rising terror. I’m alone. Completely alone. Even Reece left me. But I’m in Reece’s house. I’m safe. Neither Evan nor Reece would leave me here if I weren’t safe, right?

After a few moments, I turn around and take in my surroundings. Reece’s house is small, a one-story house, but the furnishings are high-tech. Across from the sofa is a flat-panel on the living room wall. I suspect it’s a television but worry that turning it on will give my whereabouts away. Not that I know how to turn it on anyway. I don’t see a remote anywhere.

I walk into the kitchen and clean up the cereal bowls, washing them in the sink. The cabinets are high-gloss and look like something out of one of the design magazines my mom likes to look at.

The thought of Mom is unexpected and sends ripples of sadness and guilt washing through me. If everything works out, I’ll be home tomorrow. I try not to think about what happens if everything doesn’t work out.

I move down the hall, past the bathroom and stand in the doorway of a bedroom. It’s large and holds a neatly made bed and little else. I don’t know Reece very well, but I suspect this isn’t his room. Feeling like a trespasser, I go to the next door.

In the next room, the bed is unmade, items scattered across his desk. I smile, certain this is his. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I absently pick a shirt off the floor and fold it, setting it next to me. What looks like an electronic picture frame sits on his desk. I pick it up and it instantly turns on, a picture of Evan and me popping onto the screen. Startled, I almost drop it in my lap.
It’s not really you
. It’s the other Julia. Her hair is shorter and she looks up at Evan with a gaze of love and adoration. His arm is around her shoulders and he’s smiling at the camera. Their happiness oozes from the picture.

I’m filled with envy then instant contrition. I’m jealous of a dead girl.

You can have this, too
.

I push the thought away, but it hovers in the background, needling me as the photo changes.

Next is Evan and Reece. It looks like they’re at school, laughing. A familiar face is in the background.

Monica
.

My heart speeds up and the picture changes. The next is Reece and a woman. Both of their mouths lift higher on one side than the other in their smiles. They have the same green eyes. This must be Reece’s mom. I study the image and wonder why she left. What makes any parent abandon their family?

The picture changes and it’s a photo of Evan, Reece, Monica and me. No, not me, I remind myself.
Her
.

The boys are in front and Monica and Julia are behind them. One of Julia’s hands rests on Evan’s shoulder and the other on Reece’s. Reece’s hand is reaching up, as if to touch hers. Monica leans her face next to Reece’s head. Her smile looks forced. Her hair is shorter and I doubt my Monica would be caught dead in the outfit this one wears.

I set the frame back on the desk disappointed that I won’t see Monica. But how would I explain my sudden appearance? I don’t have a Julia’s life to take over like Evan did.

Or do I?

The idea is ludicrous, but I have to admit I’m tempted. Too much.

I get off the bed, drawn to a painting hanging on the wall. It’s clearly a painting of Reece sitting on a blanket. While Reece’s face is in full detail, the background is softer and slightly blurred. He’s outside, under an awning of some sort. A brilliant blue sky spans the background with only a few clouds. He has a distant look in his eyes, making him appear wistful with a touch of sadness. There’s an intimacy in the captured moment, as though the artist is privy to his secret thoughts. His chestnut colored hair is windblown, and although it’s a painting, I can almost feel the motion of the breeze. The scene feels achingly familiar, stirring an underlying unease. I search for a signature. Scrawled across the bottom is my name.
Julia Phillips
.

What prompted Julia to paint this? Did she love him when she did? Did she share his sadness?