Here With Me (Paloma's Edge) (15 page)

I blinked my eyes twice, because, even though tears stung my eyes, I wouldn’t allow them to fall. “You have been. What has all the time we’ve spent together been about, if you’re not working toward something more—at least for yourself?” I leveled him a look.

“Giving you some and having a conversation are all I can offer you. I won’t ever love you. I won’t ever want more with you. That’s why I won’t royally fuck you, because I know how virgins get all sentimental about it because it’s monumental to them.”

I swallowed and focused on breathing regularly. My chest felt so heavy at his words. “Stop lumping me in the damn virgin category, Hunter.” I kissed Riley on her muzzle and rose to my feet. “You won’t fuck me. You’ve established that already. You called the shots. Right? But stupid me. When you touch me, it’s monumental to me, because I not only see that you want me, but I feel it too. So quit talking about your dick being in my vagina. I know it’d feel amazing and I won’t deny that it’d be a significant experience for me. You care about me. I know you do. You wouldn’t have been upset about Scott and his bet if you didn’t. You can’t control everything, because you’re afraid you’ll crack. Getting hurt is a part of life, but don’t hurt me first because you think I’d eventually hurt you. Or drop you. I know that you want me too.” I stalked over to him and pointed my knuckle between his muscled pectorals. “I get a say in where we’ll go. I want you completely, Hunter. I want every inch of your skin on mine. I want you inside me. Do you hear me?” I chocked out. I spun around and crouched down to Riley, who made small whining sounds. I gave her a big, deep hug and shot up as she followed me from the kitchen to the coat hanger by the door, where I took my cardigan and tote. Riley stuck her head out between the door and I pushed her head back in and closed it. When I reached my car, that’s when the tears wet my face of its own accord. I was tired of having my virginity hung over my head, when the real issue was Hunter’s insecurities that I was more important to him than he’d fathomed I’d ever be, and that he’d lose me like he’d lost Chase. If he kept his guard up, he wouldn’t know what it would be like to be loved, by Chase or me.

Chapter 20

Hunter

IT’S BEEN ALMOST TWO
weeks since Mariska had said that she wanted me inside her and it was the hottest fucking thing to come out of her mouth. She hadn’t been abashed, or apprehensive about laying her cards on the table, but the point still remained that she belonged with someone who was well adjusted, who didn’t wake up every morning feeling the shakes, because his body sometimes went through the withdrawal symptoms. Even after a little over five years of sobriety. It fucking sucked. I knew that a lot of my cravings were psychological. As a kid, I’d had a little bourbon in the morning and two glasses of it after I’d finished my homework in the evenings. It’d been my treat to myself. I’d felt numb and not like a little pussy who hadn’t wanted to disappoint his Dad, or stop drawing because my Mother had lived to see my sketches and occasional paintings.

Mariska didn’t need my baggage. She didn’t get that she was worth more than the likes of me. She just assumed that I was trying to tell her what to do, instead of preventing her from taking on my worries, my everyday struggles. There were some days when having Riley waiting for me to walk her, feed her, and pet her was the fix I needed to focus on my day ahead and not how much a little bourbon and two snorts of coke made me feel blissfully invincible. It was better than sex. But not better than touching Mariska. No, that was pure euphoria. And the last thing I needed to add to my list of vices was having another addiction that I couldn’t abstain from. There was no other chick like her. Somehow, when I’d been with her, I’d thought about how it’d felt normal to share my day with her. Being alone most of the time wasn’t fun at all. I’d lied to myself by thinking that talking to Manny, Vince, Chase, and Beth made my life complete. How did Mariska know that I hadn’t had sex with her because I didn’t want to know what I might feel? How had she known that about me before I had? She’d tuned into the trepidation that ran through my veins of not knowing what to do if things didn’t work out with her and with my brother. If she saw me at my worst, I’d ruin her for any healthy relationship in the future.

Despite having a client in an hour, Manny had asked me to come to La Caridad to get lunch for him, Vince and Hector. I’d packed a sandwich for my lunch and he’d said that it’d still be in the fridge for me to eat on Friday. He knew that Mariska hadn’t returned my phone calls, or responded to my messages. Mariska wasn’t the only one angry with me; Riley was too. Some days ago, Annette had asked me why Riley hadn’t sat next to me when I’d beckoned her. My only explanation had been that I’d fucked up and Annette had told me to fix it before she’d taken Riley to get the other dogs and start their daily walk.  

And just as my luck would have it, my eyes latched onto Mariska when I was
 inside La Caridad. Blanca, Jill, and some of the other employees gave me a quick look and then acted busy when Mariska turned around, wearing that small cut cap that hid her dark brown eyes and emphasized her straight, delicate nose and oval face. The beige shirt clung to her supple round tits and the curves from her waist to her hips. The navy blue cotton skirt looked thin enough for me to sink my teeth into and rip in half.

Scanning the room, I saw Jake at the small table that I’d seen some of the employees eat at when I’d been here. He gestured toward me with his head and resumed eating.

“Your usual table is available,” I heard Blanca say, and, when my gaze found her, she gave me a warm smile. Slightly elbowing me, I let her lead me to the table, as if I hadn’t been here plenty of times as it was. “Now, I don’t know what you gone and done now, but I don’t think kissing her in front of everyone would be wise today.”

“It wouldn’t do me any good, Blanca,” I agreed. “May I have the usual orders with an extra side of sweet plantains please?”

Blanca smiled at me again and headed toward the kitchen worktop to give my orders. Mariska glared at me once I’d sat down, and returned to serving customers and taking away empty plates like she didn’t know that I was watching her.

Mariska

I JUST CAME BACK to the table Jake was at when he asked me to take a break. He was going to go back to campus soon and I knew that he came here to see if I was all right. I’d been distracted these past few days. Taking a steady breath, I followed his request.

“You said that Hunter doesn’t wanna be with you, but I know when a guy has no interest,” Jake said, tilting his head so that his full head of hair fell to one side. I could definitely see Pete growing into a handsome and good person like him. “Keeping it yourself won’t make you feel better.”

I nodded my head and felt the sad smile tug at the corner of my mouth. “Jake, he won’t go all the way with me,” I whispered and he leaned forward onto the table. A frown creased his forehead as he listened to me. “He doesn’t think I should give myself to him, but I want to.” I swallowed and took a long pull from the glass of water I’d brought him, but he hadn’t drunk from it. “I thought he’d come around, but I can’t date him when he’s putting this restriction on me. He fucked Jill and every other girl, but not me. He cares about me. Maybe not like I care about him, but still. He doesn’t want to get attached to me.”

“He’s a bigger man than I thought,” Jake said with a sigh. “But think about how you’ve shut him down since he won’t do what you want him to do.”

“Jake,” I said, shaking my head. “He tried to act like everything that’s gone on between us means nothing. He’s the butthead who won’t hear reason.”

Jake laughed as he hauled himself to his feet and patted his stomach. His abdominal muscles and he didn’t look like he’d had a heavy lunch. He pulled me into his arms and I gave him a hug. It hadn’t felt odd telling him that I wanted to have sex with Hunter. He’d been the one to get Beth pads when she’d unexpectedly had her cycle when she was eight and we were seven. Beth had been too embarrassed to ask his Mom for one. After that had happened, Beth and I had talked to him about almost everything—especially sex, since he’s been active since he was fifteen.

“You’ve been a cranky mess since you haven’t called the guy back,” Jake intoned. “Perhaps you can take whatever Hunter was giving you. Show him that you accept where he’s at.” He stepped back from me. “Beth told me that he’s been moping around. I know that you want him to be at his best, so help make that happen.” He raised his shoulders and shot Hunter a glance. Then, he trailed to the door.

I locked eyes with Hunter. My gaze traveled down to his bare forearms and a pair of light washed jeans with holes in the knees that I’d gotten used to seeing on him. He held the take out bags in his hands and motioned his head to his watch, letting me know that he wanted to talk to me, but he had to get back to work immediately. It was fine, because the only audience I didn’t mind having when I spoke with him was Riley. In fact, I missed seeing her a lot.
 

***

LATER ON IN THE night, when I was back on campus, after I’d attempted to complete one of my assignments, I left my dorm, drove to the closest pet shop, and bought Riley the treats that she enjoyed. Then, I nervously began my drive to Hunter’s house. He hadn’t responded to the messages I’d sent him, but I also knew that he had a busy day. He might not be at his house yet and I recalled where Beth had gotten the spare key to get inside: underneath one of the pots of plants she’d bought for him on the side of his house.

As I opened the door, Riley barreled to the door and raised her front legs on my thighs. Her paws were hooked to my skirt. She was happy to see me. I teased her ears with my thumbs. After she brought her paws to the ground, she began licking all over my hands and I lifted my gaze. There was a female who was a little bit taller than Beth, with jet black hair in pig-tails, shimmery lip gloss, and a arrogant expression on her face. She was in a pair of low-rise shorts and wore the kind of thin cotton top that I’d wear. Any guy would find her easy on the eyes, but I wanted to walk her out of Hunter’s house.

She clapped her hands and Riley trotted over to her. “And you are?” Her mousy voice seemed out of place with her sexy, mature come hither appearance.

“Here to see Hunter and Riley,” I said and hung my stuff on the coat hanger.

She clucked her tongue. “What’s your name?” she asked, glaring at me.

“I don’t answer to you.” I made some steps to his couch and sank down on it. I signaled Riley to join me like she wanted to and she complied. “I should be asking you why you’re still doing here, but this isn’t my house. I don’t do things like make demands of others who come into a house that I am a guest at.”

“Well,” her voice rose, “Hunter wasn’t expecting you. Therefore, I’ll ask again: what’s your name?”

I gave a dry laugh and rolled my eyes. “That’s classier than asking me ‘and you are’. I am Mariska, in case you haven’t figured it out.” Riley raised her head and jerked her greenish-blue eyes from me to this girl, who had to be Annette.

Light came on from the hallway, on the same side of the house where Hunter’s room and the bathroom were located. He came out, drying his hair with a towel. My eyes landed on his bare chest and I realized that he only had boxers on. My heart sped up as I took in his sinewy chest and abs. I shook off my thoughts and the warmth spreading all over me. Hunter was next to Riley and I in a minute. The feel of his strong and damp arm touching mine was reassuring. However, I wasn’t thrilled by him wearing close to nothing around her.

“Annette,” he said. “I see you’ve met Mariska. I told you that you could head out. Your check is on the counter, remember?” He sounded genuinely confused.

“I was going to get it when…Mariska unlocked the door. I asked her who she was, but she wouldn’t tell me.” She made a face. “I thought she was an intruder.”

Hunter

FROM THE SEVRE EXPRESSIONS on Annette and Mariska’s faces, I knew that they’d had some words with each other. But Annette knew, for damn sure, that Mariska wasn’t an intruder. “Nah, Annette,” I said and drifted my hand to Mariska’s knee. Goose bumps formed all over her soft, dark, tanned skin. She melted under the contact, leaning the side of her body into mine. “Mariska’s mine. She’s the reason we don’t mess around anymore. We had a talk about this.”

A tight grin creased Annette’s ordinarily attractive face. “I kind of had the feeling your fling ended.” She didn’t say anything for a second and I heard a low harsh sound from Mariska. “You know, sorta like how the weather changes,” she added saucily and sent Mariska a mocking look.

As Mariska shot up from the couch, Riley stood next to me and I moved in between the both of them. “Get your check from the counter and wait for me outside.”

Annette paused momentarily. She must have detected, from the twitch working my jaw and the knots that formed in my shoulders, that my patience with her was winding down. She snatched the envelope from the counter and stalked to the front door, leaving it wide open.

“She’s a cattier bitch than me,” Mariska muttered and it made me chuckle. I trapped her beautiful face in my hands, hovering over her so my lips briefly cruised hers.

“Give Riley some of those delicious treats you brought her while I talk to Annette,” I told her.

Mariska’s gaze roamed over my disheveled hair and traveled down to my crotch when she said, “Put some pants on first.”

I jogged over to my room and got into a pair of my jeans quickly.

***

“
YOU’RE FOOLING YOURSELF, IF you think that you can be with her like you were with me,” Annette said in a tone that betrayed her concern for me. She’d been in a situation in which she’d given into her feelings, and the outcome had been rough on her.

I heaved in a deep breath and titled my head to meet her gaze. “I don’t think I could have a casual arrangement with
Mariska,” I responded honestly.

She shook her head and a look of disbelief flickered over her features. “Then what is it that you think you’re doing, Hunter? Good girls like her,” she lowered her voice, so that Mariska wouldn’t hear us, “will only ever see you as their run with the bad boy. And when she gets it out of her system, you’re going to wanna go in again. You’ve come so far in your life to...”

I shot my gaze to Mariska and Riley on the couch. She wouldn’t keep her eyes off of me, and neither would Riley. After tattooing one client after another all afternoon into the night, my focus had been on whether or not Riley’s was okay. It may sound dependent, but, without Riley, I’d be too preoccupied with where I could be in my life, or how else it could’ve turned out, instead of the strides I’d made to do right. Annette understood that she didn’t have the power to break me. Mariska, however, did.

“I am no bad boy, Annette,” I said. “I could go in any second of the day or night—I am always conscious of that—I can go in and throw my life down the drain, but there are moments when I feel like a normal guy. With Mariska. If I keep thinking that I’ll repeat the past, then I just might. Will it be a problem
for you to be Riley’s sitter?”

“Riley’s not just another dog to me,” she answered after she cleared her throat. “So, no, there isn’t a problem. But, I will miss how it was.”

Annette paced toward her car and halted for a split second to eye Riley or Mariska, or probably the two of them in my house. She and I hadn’t spent leisure time together. Either she’d stayed at my house so we could both exercise our restlessness for some hours, or because she was about to walk or sit Riley.