Heroes at Odds (13 page)

“I’m not disputing that. Obviously I would travel with you wherever you’re posted.”

I felt my eyebrows fly up in surprise. “And you’re really willing to accept that? To give up your home? I’m assuming you’ve been training to be a trader all your life. You wouldn’t be able to do that if you traveled with us.”

“Yes, I understand that. Though, in following you to your various posts, I might meet people I wouldn’t otherwise. I might be able to make contacts that will be advantageous to my family. And yours, incidentally.”

I was shocked. I really was. Shocked and baffled. I didn’t think I could ever give up so much for the betterment of my family. I guess that made me the lesser person. “I can appreciate what you’re willing to sacrifice, but it doesn’t matter. I won’t marry you.”

“I won’t interfere with your relationship with Lord Shintaro,” Marcus added.

I stared at him. He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying. “What?”

“You heard me. And I would expect the same freedom from you.”

I couldn’t believe this. He was prepared to marry me but leave me free to sleep with other people. “That’s insane.”

“We need this marriage,” he repeated.

That badly? Really? What was wrong with them? How could business possibly be that bad? If it were that bad, wouldn’t it be better to just let the thing sink and start all over? “I’m not going to marry you.” I was getting tired of saying it. I resented him for making me say it.

“Why not?” he demanded. “I just told you I wouldn’t interfere with your duties to the Triple S or your ties to Shintaro Karish. What more do you want?”

Well done. He was able to make me feel like an ungrateful wench with just a few sentences when I really wasn’t at fault. He should be a politician. Or a teacher.

“Is it because of my father?” Marcus asked. “I’m sorry about the things he said. I can promise you he’s not usually like this. He’s just so worried about our family right now. Once we are married he will treat you with the respect you deserve.”

He was speaking as though our marriage were a sure thing. That irked me. “I can’t marry you.”

“How far do I have to bend?” he demanded bitterly.

“You shouldn’t have to bend at all, should you? That’s proof that I’m totally inappropriate. Why don’t you find a spouse from some other merchant family?”

“No one will have us,” he admitted angrily. “No one wants to be aligned to a descending family.”

“How do you know that? Have you even tried?” After all, his family had made the contract with ours when we were having difficulties.

“Yes,” he spat.

Aha. “So you didn’t think this marriage contract was binding, either.”

Marcus’s eyes widened as he recognized his misstep. “No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Not what you meant to say, perhaps.” I suddenly felt a lot better about refusing him. I was his last choice. The agreement had been forgotten or disregarded until they had run out of options. “I won’t marry you. No matter what you say, what you promise, or what you threaten.” I hated the idea of my family name being blackened, but I couldn’t let it force me to marry against my will. “You and your father might as well pack up and go home.”

Marcus scowled. “We won’t go back. We’ll stay in the village and do whatever we have to, to make your life difficult until you agree to marry me.”

“How romantic.” It was like something out of a poem, really.

“Oh, you’re not about romance, Dunleavy. I know that. And clearly the well-being of your family won’t move you. But what about you? Your own best interests?”

“There is no way marrying you is in my best interests.”

“This is about your honor, too. Your good name. You can’t be willing to lose that.”

“The only thing I have to do to keep my good name is to Shield well.” And not break any laws. “And I do Shield well.”

He pushed out a breath in exasperation. “Will you not see reason?”

“This isn’t about reason. It’s merely what you want.”

“I mean what I say. I’ll stay in Flown Raven until you agree to marry me.”

“You can’t stay in Flown Raven. You’ll run out of money eventually.”

“We’ll manage. We’re determined.”

“Aye, well, so am I.”

He squared his shoulders. “You’re only making things harder for yourself,” he warned me.

So here was the thing. He was making demands he had no right to make. He was kind of obnoxious. And yet, there was something about him that wasn’t entirely unappealing. I could be obnoxious, too, when I was worried about things.

I felt Taro’s protections go down, and I was horrified. He was channeling an event. I needed to Shield him. But Marcus was right there. I couldn’t cast in front of him. “You need to leave.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“You need to leave.”

“Why are you so pale?”

There was no help for it. I had to get to work.

I raised my Shields around Taro, and my mind was sunk into turmoil. Unnatural sensations whirled around me. My skin felt battered by cold gray waves, the screams of sea birds pierced my ears, salt flowed into my eyes, my ears, my mouth. The onslaught was all I could think about. It confused me.

Where was I? I needed to get to the supplies in our room, but I didn’t know how to get there. I didn’t know how to move my feet.

Blood pounded through Taro’s veins, his heart beating too quickly and too violently. It seemed ready to burst right out of his chest. Fluid flowed over his brain, sparking and curdling. He was dying.

It was too much. I felt like I was gagging.

I couldn’t lose my concentration. I had to keep my Shields up. Taro relied on me.

But the water was pounding at my Shields. I could practically feel cracks developing, pulsing liquid escaping through them.

This was all in my head. There was no water. There were no walls.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I could barely breathe through all the salt in my nose and mouth.

There was no salt, but I couldn’t help trying to spit it out.

I pressed my palms against the sides of my head. I had to stay calm. Think only of the Shields. Hang on to the Shields. Taro was all that mattered. Taro needed the Shields.

Was I keeping him safe? I couldn’t tell. I could barely feel him through the onslaught. That was so very, very bad. I should be better at this.

All I could do was hang on, barely keeping my Shields up, as the forces rushed on and on.

And then, thank gods, they were gone. I found myself curled up on the floor, panting, trying very hard not to vomit.

Marcus was standing over me, a hand on my shoulder, his eyes wide.

That’s right. I’d had an audience.

Oh, no, that wasn’t humiliating.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Is it some kind of fit? Do you need a healer?”

I was drenched with sweat and I would swear I could still feel the sting of salt in my nose. I got up shakily. “No. It was just a channeling.”

It was the kind of event that Taro had been channeling while we were still in High Scape, unaware that he had been channeling an event as far away as Flown Raven. This was the first water event we’d channeled since coming to Flown Raven, though. All the other events had involved earthquakes.

He looked appalled. “And this is what it’s like? This happens to you every time?”

“No, not every time.” And I had no interest in discussing such things with him.

“I had no idea it was so difficult. I thought you just had to, I don’t know, wave your hand or just think about it for a moment. But this is . . .”

“None of your concern,” I said sharply, standing a little unsteadily.

“It will be my concern, eventually.”

“No, it never will.”

“What happens if you’re in the middle of something else when you have to do this?”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Please leave.” I was struck with inspiration. “There are duties I have to perform. As I do after every channeling. Things it’s not appropriate for regulars to see.”

“Regulars.” The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Is that what you call people who aren’t Shields?”

It was what everyone in the Triple S called everyone who wasn’t a member. I thought everyone knew that. And I was not going to get dragged into a discussion about it. “Please.”

He went to the door. Thank Zaire. But then he turned back. Damn. “This isn’t the end of it,” he warned me. Or possibly threatened me.

I just glared at him. Words, I knew, would have been a waste of air.

He finally left.

I felt tired and gritty and exposed, like my skull had been sliced off and my brain left open to the air. Part of me longed for a bath, but I was stopped by the ridiculous and repulsive image of soapy water seeping into my head. I was ashamed of myself for being so hysterical. I was frustrated for allowing myself to become so unbalanced while channeling. This was what I had been trained to do, damn it. I sat on the floor, my legs crossed, and closed my eyes.

Long breath in, long breath out. Time to calm down. Time to call serenity, smooth and light.

But the door burst open before I could accomplish anything substantial.

“What happened?” Taro demanded.

My mind was still stuck on breathing. “I don’t understand.”

“That channeling. It was horrific. Did the spell not work?”

“Oh, that.” I rubbed my forehead. “Marcus was here. I didn’t want to cast in front of him.”

Taro cocked an eyebrow. “Marcus was here.”

“Um, aye.” Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that so casually, as though Marcus being in my room wasn’t odd. “He was trying to convince me to change my mind.”

“And you brought him up here to listen to him try to change your mind.”

“Of course not. He bribed a maid to bring him here. Then I figured I’d better hear him out.”

“Why? What could he say that he hasn’t already said?”

For some reason, I felt uncomfortable revealing Marcus’s confidences. He seemed to be doing his best to be accommodating, the only one to do so in this whole mess. But I thought it was important to be as honest as possible with Taro during this ridiculous upheaval. “The way he put it was that he would never interfere with our relationship.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Please, Taro. You know what it means.”

“But if he isn’t going to insist on a proper marriage, why is he really doing this? There must be other merchant families he can marry into and have a real marriage.”

“He’s tried, apparently. No other family would have him.” And that had to have been a harsh blow to his pride.

“Damn it.”

“It doesn’t matter, Taro. I’m still saying no.”

“He’s desperate, Lee. You know as well as I do that desperate people can do some truly atrocious things.”

I barely knew the man, but I couldn’t help thinking Marcus was not the sort to do anything illegal or abominable. “All we can do is keep an eye out, right?”

“Or get Fiona to toss them out.”

“They’re not staying in the manor, are they?” I did not want to be running into them—either of them, but especially Cars—on a daily basis.

“No, they’ve taken rooms at the Red Barrel, but Fiona can order them off her land.”

“Really.” What an excellent idea. “I wonder why she didn’t think of that herself.”

“Well, it’s none of her business, is it? Besides, she has other things on her mind.”

“Of course.” Though I doubted that if I were to ask Fiona to employ her authority in that matter, it would cause her any additional stress.

Unless it was something more complicated than simply ordering them to go. Maybe there was a ritual required. Sometimes it seemed to me that almost everything required a ritual.

“I think I gave your brothers a bit of a scare,” Taro said. “They were with me when I channeled. Apparently, I put on quite a show.” He looked embarrassed. “And then I had to pretend to be angry with them so they wouldn’t follow me here. Tell them it was Triple S business and that you are particularly delicate just after channeling, and that their presence would harm you.”

My eyebrows rose. “That’s an interesting lie.” Why did I have to be the delicate one? Why couldn’t he be delicate?

“So the next time you see them you might want to reassure them.”

“Thanks,” I said, a little sourly. I rose to my feet, wondering how I was supposed to convince my brothers I was fine despite the fact that my Source had told them I turned into a fragile flower every time I channeled.

Shortly thereafter, the bells announced the evening meal. Taro and I went to the dining room. Fiona was the only one there, standing by one of the windows, staring out into the darkening sky.

I felt badly for her. Everything seemed to be going wrong. When she had first taken the title, she’d had the Dowager Duchess harassing her, attempting to take over the responsibilities and privileges belonging to Fiona, only ceasing when Taro was transferred into Flown Raven. Since then, the Dowager had done her best to create a schism between Fiona and her people, whipping them up into a frenzy of disobedience, making it clear to absolutely everyone that she thought Fiona was not the true or legitimate titleholder of Westsea. Then Fiona had had someone trying to kill her. Her husband had died, and a devastating rockslide had destroyed lives and homes and knocked over the wind rock. And now she had another titleholder going after her estate. She didn’t deserve it, and there didn’t seem to be anyone about to give her support. Certainly not her sister. Maybe her brother was able to ease her, though I hadn’t seen anything to suggest he might be a useful pillar.

Maybe Fiona really did need a spouse.

Upon our entrance, Fiona turned from the window with a smile. It was forced and a little hard to look at.