Hesitant Heart (3 page)

“Breathe. You’ll make yourself faint again. How can I find out your name if you do that?”

A whoosh of air came from the boy and he gulped in more. He exhaled forcefully again and in and out until his breathing became regular.

“There we are, much better. Let’s get you out of this dreadful heat.”

Aaron rose gracefully to his feet, dragging his charge along with him. He resisted and Aaron paused. It would have been no effort to force the boy to go where Aaron wanted, but he had no interest in doing that. There was obviously something that the young man was very upset about and Aaron was determined to find out what it was without frightening him any further.

“S-sir, wait. I need to get you a towel to cover yourself.”

This is what’s bothering him?

It seemed unlikely, but Aaron was willing to tread carefully with him until he calmed down some more.

“I’m sure all the patrons of this purportedly elegant bathhouse have seen one or two danglers in their time, so don’t fret upon my account.”

Aaron had his arm around the skinny little thing and once again advanced them toward the door of the steam room.

“Are…are you taking me to a private room?”

The trembling and tension increased and a realization slammed into Aaron. The boy was a terrible actor and his purity was genuine. Aaron stopped and angled the young man’s body to face him, holding one shoulder to keep him there. Grasping his chin gently and raising it, Aaron waited until the boy’s eyes met his own.

“Is that what you think? That I want to pay you for your sexual favors?”

Watching in dismay as he nodded, his lip quivering, Aaron wondered if any jury would really mind all that much if Aaron strung up the bathhouse manager. The act
would
have to be a service to society, after all.

“That’s not going to happen, understand? You’re not going to do anything you don’t want to do and I’m not going to molest you in any way. But I must insist we leave this room. The temperature is beginning to get to me as well.”

The door opened and Saul entered along with the hostile looking manager. Aaron bent down to whisper in the young man’s ear.

“Trust me.”

Incredibly, the boy completely relaxed and moved closer to his side. The manager gave the towel boy a quick glare before turning to Aaron.

“Mr Rubenstein, I do apologize. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Get away from Mr Rubenstein. You’re fired.”

Aaron felt the boy buckle and Aaron clutched him tightly to his body so that he wouldn’t collapse again.

“Such a shame. And here I was looking forward to his company this afternoon.”

The manager arched his eyebrows and straightened up. “Oh, beg pardon. Of course.” He lifted the corners of his mouth into a gruesome fake grin. “Whatever pleases you, sir.”

“Excellent. Right now it would please me to escape the suffocating heat of this room.”

The manager gestured for them to go ahead and as he passed Saul, he noted the narrowing of his eyes. Saul knew him well enough to know that Aaron never hired the young boys at the bathhouse. Once they’d exited, Aaron turned to the manager, his arm still loosely draped around the towel boy’s shoulder.

“I would like the nicest room you have, along with some seltzer water. Is there any fruit available? I’m wrung dry.”

“Absolutely, Mr Rubenstein. Will Mr Liebowitz be joining you both?”

“Not today, I’m afraid. I want this delectable creature all to myself.” Aaron regarded Saul and gave him a wink, the action hidden from the manager’s view. “Another time, perhaps?”

Saul snorted then seemed to regain his composure. “Ah, well. I suppose I’m being given the bum’s rush then, eh?” Saul gestured to the towel wrapped around his hips. “If you will all excuse me, I do believe I’ll change into some grander duds and be on my way.”

Aaron acknowledged Saul again then turned back to the detestable manager.

“Lead the way. I’m quite anxious to enjoy my afternoon.”

The gleeful expression on the bathhouse manager’s face nauseated Aaron. He was accustomed to unabashed expressions of lust. When he played at the clubs, there were many public performances that he’d enjoyed viewing. He’d taken part in very few, really—only when he bound someone or showed off one of his more creative punishments. But his passions were his own. He never touched a man sexually in front of others. It was a sacred moment that he only shared with his partner. Even if it was only a fantasy that he and the other person were actually connecting on a deeper level, the only way to achieve that illusion was if it was a private encounter.

“Here you go, Mr Rubenstein, sir. I’m available for anything you need—anything at all.” He leaned in and whispered, “Sometimes I’ve been asked to hold them down when they’re too shy, if you get my meaning.” He grunted in a way that almost sounded like a chuckle. “Makes it easier to take what you want.”

Bile rose in Aaron’s throat. He’d been battling it from the moment he’d become aware of what was actually going on with the manager and the young man. As soon as he made sure the boy was safe, he planned to have a discussion with Saul about the situation at the bathhouse. Saul seemed to know many well-placed people. It would likely be a simple matter to remove from management the vile man standing before him who barely passed as human.

The towel boy whimpered. He was also back to trembling and, from what Aaron could tell, not breathing.

“That won’t be necessary.”

The odd look on the manager’s face was likely due to Aaron’s decreasing ability to mask the disgust he felt. Mr Larsen nodded without a word and proceeded down the hall. As soon as they were situated and the water and fruit had been provided, Aaron turned to the young man sitting on the edge of the small, serviceable bed. The rest of the darkened room contained a short wooden stand, a basin of water, a jar of Vaseline and yet more towels. The only light was from two wall sconces that had been electrified—their glow illuminating the bed area. The boy’s stare remained fixed on the floor and he clutched at the bottle of water that was still plugged by the stopper, nervously fiddling with the foil label.

Aaron dragged over a bentwood chair that was tucked in the corner until it faced the towel boy. He was careful to place it a few feet back from him, so as not to frighten him any further. Still naked, Aaron lowered himself onto the seat then crossed his long legs, relaxing as he draped one arm over the back of the chair. He noted the blush creep up the boy’s face. Aaron was certain that his nudity made him uncomfortable.

“Would you rather that I cover myself?”

Aaron’s tone was typically easy and gentle, but he habitually lapsed into the more soothing one that he used when he was with a partner. Not that he thought of his charge as a partner, but he did wish to calm his fears.

The young man chewed at his lip as he flitted his eyes around the room. He briefly allowed his gaze to land on Aaron’s flaccid cock and full sac that were perched saucily between his legs, held aloft by one thigh pressing against the other.

“I…no…” The blush deepened. “I mean…whatever you prefer.”

“I’d prefer that you weren’t so frightened of me.”

The boy jerked his head up. “I-I’m sorry. I do trust you, really. You’re very nice, but this is all so…” He swallowed. “Confusing.”

Aaron frowned in aggravation. What had that monster done to him? How could such an innocent have found himself in his current position? Aaron had an overwhelming desire to find out all he could about the sweet thing who had crossed his path.

Aaron took in a deep breath. “Let’s start over, shall we? My name is Aaron Rubenstein. And you are…?”

He furrowed his brow. “Sam. Sam, uh, Smith.”

Resisting the urge to chuckle at the obviously fraudulent surname, Aaron continued. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sam Smith.”

Aaron offered his hand. Sam stared at as if he were wondering what to do. He tentatively reached his small hand out and took it. It caught Aaron by surprise when Sam lightly stroked Aaron’s skin with his thumb. His cock twitched and he wondered if he should have covered himself after all. Reluctantly, Aaron loosened his grip before letting go, but then he made certain to clasp his fingers together in his lap in case his arousal continued to increase.

“Now that we have the formalities out of the way and we have been properly introduced… What in the devil’s name caused you to end up in this pesthole?”

Sam continued to worry the label on his untouched water. He scrunched up his nose and brushed a finger underneath it swiftly, as if he had an itch. He was rather adorable, but that was beside the point. Aaron couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Give me that blasted thing.” Aaron had his hand outstretched, gesturing with his fingers.

“Of course, sir. Whatever you want.”

Aaron’s breath hitched. He never should have uncovered his lap, but he would rectify that soon enough. As Sam handed over the bottle, Aaron noted that he had seemed to relax somewhat. He also openly stared at Aaron in wonder, as if he wasn’t sure that he was real. After opening the water, he handed it back to Sam.

“Drink up. You’ve had quite a shock and I fear you’re dehydrated.”

Doing his best to subtly move the jar of paste behind the basin and out of sight, Aaron retrieved his own water. He was rather dehydrated himself. They sat in silence for another minute or so, Aaron regarding Sam.

Not that he was considering such a thing, but Sam was smaller than the men he typically partnered with. Also, much younger than usual. Not since he’d been a lad himself had he dallied with anyone younger than twenty-five. And even back then, many of his lovers had been older than him. The wide-eyed innocence he’d noticed the first time Sam had attended to him in the steam room struck him differently now that he knew the validity of it. His straight brown hair had highlights of blond and it was in need of a trim. He had a pert nose above his sweet, bow-shaped lips. With skin as pale as Sam’s, it struck Aaron that he couldn’t come from circumstances that required him to work outdoors doing any manner of manual labor. But where
did
he come from?

“Sam, answer my question please. How did you end up here? Where are you from?”

“From…up north. The man who gave me a ride helped me to get this job.”

If circumstances were different, much different, he would tie the little dickens up and tease him mercilessly until Sam confessed to everything he was clearly hiding. That didn’t mean he couldn’t use his verbal skills of persuasion, however.

Aaron kept his voice calm, lulling. “You’re going to tell me what I need to know so that I can help you. Let’s start with the name of the place up north.”

The distress in Sam’s face was clear. His brow was wrinkled and he was back to chomping away on his lip.

“Stop that. You’re going to wear that lip away. Now answer me.”

Sam nodded, let out a sigh then appeared to calm. “I’m from San Francisco.”

“There now, not so difficult. Are you a runaway? Is that what worries you?”

“No… Well, sort of.” He began chewing then stopped himself, his eyes widening. “Sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Jesus. He’s aching for direction.

Out of habit, Aaron continued to test Sam’s responses.

“Thank you. You’re forgiven.”

There was an immediate lightening of Sam’s expression. It was the closest to happy Aaron had seen the young man since the first time he’d glimpsed him at the bathhouse.

“Can you explain to me what a ‘sort’ of runaway is? I must confess that I’ve never heard of such a thing, and here I thought I was so sophisticated and worldly.”

Aaron had said it in a teasing way with a quirk of a smile. It had the effect he’d wanted. Sam giggled.

“What I mean is that I left home even though my father didn’t want me to. But I’m an adult. I can do whatever I wish.”

He’d said the last part with a jerk of his chin and a hint of defiance. Aaron was relieved that the kid had a bit of spunk. He’d never found weakness to be sexy.

Mentally chastising himself for his foolish thoughts, he continued. “Yes. You can. Never give control over to anyone unless you agree to it.”

Sam knitted his brow. “Why
would
I ever agree to it? Wouldn’t I always want to be in control of myself?”

It’s my curiosity. Nothing more.

“You may very well want that. Or you might want to give control to someone else who you trust to take care of you, guide you in all ways. Protect you. Help you discover your hidden strengths. That’s for you to decide.”

Sam had listened to his words carefully, eyes narrowed, nodding. “Yes. Someone good. Someone who sees me for who I really am.”

Aaron found himself becoming uncharacteristically nervous and placed his hands carefully to cover his burgeoning erection. Clearing his throat, he attempted to move them away from the potentially dangerous topic. He wasn’t about to try to deflower a young virgin then train him to be his submissive. That had never been what he’d sought. He’d always imagined that if he ever found someone, they would be near him in age—perhaps someone as traveled and experienced as he was. Not a very young man who was only just beginning his life journey and likely to be uncertain of what he really wanted.

“Yes, well, someday I’m sure you’ll find that. Now to continue, how much of an adult are you?”

“I’m close to nineteen.” He cleared his throat. “Fairly close.”

Despite the fact that Aaron had somewhat guessed that, he still hadn’t been able to hold back a strangled noise.

Sam looked indignant. “That
is
an adult, you know. My cousin made a girl pregnant and they got married and everything when they were only sixteen. I could make a girl pregnant too and go to work to take care of our family…” He made a face as if he’d just tasted something bad. “Not that I’d ever want to do
that
.”

Aaron snorted laughter. “Which part? Getting the girl pregnant or having the responsibility of taking care of a family?”

There was an expression of intense determination on Sam’s face as if he’d already carefully thought that question over.

“Well, I never want to get a girl pregnant or even—you know—do anything like that with a girl. Ever. I never have either, I swear.” He looked imploringly at Aaron. “I’ve never touched a girl.”