Hidden Hope (Hidden Saga Book 3) (14 page)

Jerking back, I scrambled to pull off the blindfold, nearly falling off the stool in my rush to put some distance between us. Our eyes met, and the message was there, too—even more powerful.

I backed away from him, shaking all over. “I should... I need to—”

Lad stepped forward and steadied me with a strong hand. His face was inches from mine, his eyes filled with heat and unmistakable longing. His breathing was fast and audible.

My head shook back and forth. “We can’t. It’s wrong. I’m not with you anymore. I’m with Nox.”

Lad’s expression was not apologetic. He edged even closer. “Are you? It seems like Vancia is with him.”

“For tonight. And what are
you
even thinking? You’re engaged to her.”

Lad’s face tensed. A battle of emotions played out across it. “I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep the truth from you anymore.”

My heart exploded in a riot of activity. “What truth? What are you talking about?”

He waited a full minute before answering, never breaking the intense eye contact we shared. “I don’t want to marry her. You must know that already. All it would have taken was one minute of your emotional glamour, and you’d have known how I really feel about her. About
you
.”

The internal riot turned into anarchy. “I haven’t used it on you.”

“Why not?”

“I... I don’t know.”

“Have you used it on Vancia? On Nox? If you have, you already know what I’m about to tell you. Hell, even if you didn’t have glamour—you saw them last night together.”

I shook my head. “But you
are
marrying her. You told me mind-to-mind.”

He heaved a heavy sigh. “We’ve told everyone we intend to marry... because it was the only way she could get close to Davis again. And we have to be convincing. We have to
mean
it—in case he uses his glamour on her to make her tell the truth. Or on anyone close to us.” He gave me a significant look.

“Like me?”

He nodded. “Like you. She can’t resist him. You seem to think you can. I
hope
you can—because I’m not supposed to be admitting all this. It could get all of us killed.” He grimaced, clearly angry with himself. “I shouldn’t have told you. I can’t seem to control myself around you anymore. I’ve barely been hanging on.”

My fingers groped for the edge of the counter, and I grabbed it as if it were a ledge on a cliff I was climbing. “So the engagement... it
was
fake? The whole time?”

He nodded. “Right from the beginning. Even when you were out here in California, falling for Nox. I never wanted her. I never loved her. Only you. It’s always been you, Ryann. Deep down, you
know
that. And for her... it’s always been Nox.”

I shut my eyes and sucked in air desperately. I felt like I was about to pass out. How could Lad be saying these things to me, after all this time? How could he
do
this to me?

Shaking my head, I chanted my response like a mantra. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I’m with Nox. Even if I wasn’t, I could never be with you again. It hurts too much.”

Instead of looking wounded or even disappointed, Lad’s expression smoothed out. He looked almost satisfied.

“It wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t still care. And I would never, ever hurt you again. I will never leave you again. I know now I
can’t
live without you, even if it is the ‘right’ thing. I want you, Ryann. I need you. I have to have you in my life, and I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”

“No,” I whispered, backing away from him again, the tears overflowing my eyelids as I squeezed them tight against the terrible, wonderful words. My back met the wall behind me. There was nowhere left to run. And I
had
been running—from Lad, from my own feelings.

He stepped forward, stalking me in a slow, steady pursuit. His voice was quiet but so intense I could feel every word sinking into my skin. “I don’t even care about anything else anymore—about the humans, about stopping Davis and the Dark Elves.”

His confession poured out like water flowing from Altum’s underground river. “I’m only here for
you
. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Ryann. You’re all I’ll ever want. If you would let me, I’d make that very clear to you right now. I’d pick you up and carry you up to my room, and we’d be bonded forever. Then no one could say or do anything to stop us from being together.”

He surged toward me, taking my face in his hands, pinning me between the wall and his powerful body. And then his mouth was on mine. My heart shattered as our tongues met. Over and over again, his lips moved against mine in greedy, possessive caresses that paralyzed my limbs and burned through every thought and protest in my mind.

It wasn’t like kissing Nox—I wasn’t mesmerized or helpless-feeling, there was no sense of strung-out euphoria. But I still couldn’t stop what was happening. Maybe I was overcome by all the sensations—the taste of Lad’s mouth, so sweet and familiar—the feel of his hot hands cupping my face—the way his body lined up perfectly against mine—the echo of the innocent girl inside me experiencing the irresistible pull of first love.

Maybe I was stunned by the blatant announcement of his desire to sleep with me here and now and seal the deal.

Whatever it was, my brain and body weren’t making a solid connection at the moment. Emotion was in full control. All the pent-up feelings I’d ever had for Lad were gushing out of me like water from an open spillway. If Lad possessed empathy glamour, he’d be positively drowning right now.

I had been telling myself I didn’t have the capacity to feel this level of passion anymore. I was wrong. It was all still there. And I could no longer control it… or deny it. I loved this guy. I needed him. I wanted him as much as he wanted me.

The phone rang in my purse across the room, and my senses returned in a rush of shock and guilt.

Oh no. Lad—stop.

He didn’t break contact with my lips.
Ryann. Please. Let me.

His starved craving for me, finally unleashed after all this time, flowed all around and through me, driving my empathy glamour insane.

I forced my hands between us, pushing at his chest. Finally, he broke the connection. Physically, at least. It was possible the other connection between us had never been broken.

Lad’s eyes were burning with green fire and filled with triumph. “It’s still there between us. I can
feel
it, Ryann. I know you feel it, too. Admit it.”

I stared at him for a moment, my head and heart still flip-flopping in a crazy hormone-infused dance. “No. Yes. Maybe. It doesn’t matter—if
there
are
any feelings there, they’re not enough. And they’re about two months and one heartbreak too late. I’ve moved on. Nox loves me, and he trusts me. That shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again.”

His expression hardened. “If he
really
loved you, he’d be here tonight. He’d be willing to give up his throne for you—the way I was. Or he’d march you right into the middle of the Dark Court, announce to everyone his intention to bond with you, and tell them all to stick it. That’s what I’d do.”

“Lad.” My breaths were fast and shallow and making me light-headed. I leaned harder against the kitchen wall for support. When I finally felt steady again, I pinned him with a don’t-mess-with-me look. “Do you really think she’s in love with him?”

“I know she is. She told me. And
she’s
the one who called off the wedding that night in Altum. She told my father she couldn’t marry someone she didn’t love because there was someone else out there she
did
love.”

All the air left my lungs now, leaving me gasping again. All this time I’d believed Lad’s father had changed his mind that night and released him from the obligation. “But... she
is
planning to go through with the wedding.”

“Yes. She has a strong sense of duty.” He laughed bitterly. “Looks like no matter what I do, I’m destined to end up with a girl who prefers my brother.”

I opened my mouth to argue that I didn’t prefer Nox to him—I’d ended up with Nox almost by default. But then I shut it again.

I did care deeply for Nox. Whether I loved him or not, he deserved my loyalty. And Grandma Neena said everything happened for a reason. Maybe things with Lad had happened the way they did so I would end up with Nox. Maybe
he
was my destiny.

But if Vancia had loved Nox all these years, had searched for him and saved his life, maybe
she
was
his
destiny. My mind was churning like the ocean outside our back door.

I met Lad’s eyes again. “How do you think he feels about her? He doesn’t seem comfortable talking about the time they spent together here recently. Did she tell you anything?”

My phone rang again, but I ignored it. Emmy, Grandma, Daddy—whoever it was could wait. I had to hear the answer to this question
right now.

“She said they reconnected. There was instant closeness and chemistry. She thinks there’s definitely something there. It
does
seem that way, based on what I’ve seen.”

I nodded. I’d thought the same thing watching them interact. I had to admit I wasn’t in love with Nox. Could I be if I still loved Lad? But the idea of Nox with someone else gave me a weird feeling, a shaky sense of panic. What would I do without him? I thought back on the past few weeks apart from Nox, on the strange, insistent need for him, the sense of longing that was almost painful.

Picturing Nox and Vancia
together
at the party tonight increased the bizarre shakiness—as if she had stolen the prescription pills I needed to stay alive. What were they doing right now? Dancing with each other? Leaning close so they could hear each other over the party noise? Or maybe they’d gone off and found a quiet corner somewhere so they could talk more intimately. Or do other intimate things.

I took a deep drink of the saol water in front of me, trying to calm myself. A hard knock on the front door made me jump up and nearly tip the glass over. The knock was followed by repeated raps loud enough to rattle the picture frames on the walls. 

We shot each other a wide-eyed look. Lad stepped in front of me, and we moved to the front hall in tandem. He looked through the peep hole and let out a tense breath that was nearly a hiss.

“It’s Nox.”

When Lad did nothing, I urged him on. “Well, open the door.”

He opened it, and Nox burst in, hands clenched into fists, his expression determined and battle-ready. His eyes went first to Lad then behind him to land on me.

He rushed to me, grabbing my shoulders. “Ryann. Why didn’t you answer your phone? I thought something was wrong.”

“I’m fine,” I said weakly. “I heard it ring, but I didn’t pick up… we were talking.”

He let out a heavy breath. “You scared me. I tried calling you mind-to-mind but you didn’t respond.”

Holding my chin with one hand, Nox tilted my face up toward the light. I saw the moment he realized what my smudged makeup and lack of lip gloss meant. His eyes went very dark, and his mouth set in a grim line.

Without another word, he took my hand and pulled me to the door, glaring at Lad as we passed him. Lad’s expression was no more pleased. His whole body was rigid as if he was about to spring for an attack, but he didn’t move and stayed silent.

Nox’s yellow Mercedes was parked at the curb. He yanked the passenger door open for me then marched around to the driver’s side without waiting to see if I’d get in. Of course I did. I was dreading the conversation we were about to have, but I was still glad to see him—delirious almost—that he was here with me and not at the party with Vancia.

He started the engine and pulled the car onto the Pacific Coast Highway, driving way too fast right out of the chute.

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. Nowhere. We’re just driving.” He glanced over at me, then back at the road ahead. “So...”

“What?” My voice was very small.

His was scary calm. “You know what. What was going on there before I
interrupted?
What were you two doing?”

I slunk lower in my seat and crossed my arms. “Nothing. Having dessert.”

Nox snorted, his face scowling. “I’ll bet.” He stepped on the gas, causing the engine of the sports coupe to roar.

“What are
you
doing here? I thought you were staying out late at the party. With
Vancia.
”

“Why are you saying it like that? You know I have to do that stuff. I wanted to be with you. Alone. I snuck away from all of them and called because I wanted to hear your voice. When you didn’t pick up I came to check on you.”

“Because you’re suspicious of me and Lad?”

“Because I was worried something had happened to you
. Should
I be suspicious of you and Lad?”

“No.”

“What happened between you two?”

“I told you already.”

“Yeah, you told me you were talking and having dessert.” Nox jerked the wheel, sending the car careening into the parking lot of a beachside café. It stopped so abruptly, my seatbelt tightened against my chest. He put the car in park and twisted in his seat to face me, skewering me with his gaze.

“Ryann—I’ve seen you a time or two after you’ve been kissed, remember?”

My face burned, and my eyes watered. “Yes,” I whispered. “He did kiss me. But it was nothing. I stopped him.”

“Did you want to?”

“Stop him or kiss him?”

Nox gave me a loaded glance. “You know what I’m asking. Do you want him?”

“No,” I said, but the hesitation beforehand was long enough to make Nox let out an angry curse and slam his hand against the steering wheel.

“I
knew
better than to leave you in that house with him.”

“Do
you
want Vancia?” I challenged. “Because you have to know she wants
you
. And you’re spending all your time with her. You were here together for a month while I was back in Mississippi. That was a lot of getting-reacquainted time.”

“She was helping me. We’re old friends.”

“She told Lad she’s in love with you.”

His eyebrows nearly hit his hairline. “She did?”

“Yes.”

He sat back in his seat and raked a hand through his hair, staring up at the ceiling. “What do you want me to say, Ryann? I told you I’d always be here for you, and I keep my word. I’ve made it clear how I feel about you.”

“Or how you
felt
about me. Admit it. Things are different now. She’s back in your life. I want to talk about how you feel about
her
. You were childhood sweethearts. You skinny-dipped in your parents’ hot tub, for God’s sake.”

He cut his eyes over at me. “She shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

“Did you like her back then—you know,
like
her like her?”

He shrugged, working his mouth in an uncomfortable twist. “I kissed her. It was puppy love.”

A thought occurred to me. “Has
she
tried to kiss
you
? You know—since then?”

When his eyes swung around to meet mine, they were filled with confirmation of my fears. Well, not fears exactly, now that I thought about it. They confirmed some deep inner knowledge I’d only just become conscious of.

“Once,” he admitted. “We’d both had a lot to drink. That night in Tijuana. I stopped it.”

“After how long?”

“What? Are we going to get out our stopwatches and compare the length of our forbidden kisses? What are we doing here, Ryann?”

I sighed as my face dropped into my open palms. “I don’t know.”

Silence filled the car. Finally, Nox said, “I don’t either. You’re right. Something’s different. But you and I and Lad and Vancia—we’ve got to put all this...
whatever
aside and work together right now. People’s lives are hanging in the balance. Another reason I came to see you was to tell you… a girl from Reggie’s fan pod washed up on the beach tonight.”

I lifted my head and stared at him. “Oh God. Who? Do you know her name?”

“I’m not sure. It was something like Karen, or Kirsten… oh, Kerri. Yeah, that’s it.”

My hands flew up to cover my mouth. “One of Emmy’s suitemates was named Kerri. Oh my God. What happened to her?” 

“The official story is she went out swimming alone and drowned. But you and I both know, those girls don’t go anywhere alone. I think it was a Sway O.D.”

My throat felt swollen and sore. “We have to help them. My mom’s not the only one in danger. The whole world’s in trouble if things keep going like they are.” I grabbed his arm. “Can’t you end it right now? You’re the Dark King. Can’t you just disband the fan pods?”

“I
could
do that. I might wind up murdered in my sleep if I do.”

“Oh God, Nox. Don’t say things like that.” My hand went to his shoulder, which was knotted with tension. I began rubbing it, and he let his head fall back on the headrest, closing his eyes and sighing in pleasure. Maybe it was exhaustion.

“I’m kidding—sort of. But I’ve already figured out there
are
people close to me who are still loyal to Davis. And Alfred has warned me not to make any sudden policy changes. It’s not a dictatorship. The Dark Council still has a lot of power, and I need to work with them, no matter what I decide to do. I think our first order of business has got to be finding a way to control Davis. He’s been pushing for a faster and faster takeover... encouraging Alfred to set up new fan pods as quickly as possible. Alfred says he’s dragging his feet as much as he can. And Vancia told me about the new cell phone tower construction. That’s not good. The Sway will blanket the earth before long.”

“I wish there was a way to tell the humans to just turn it off or something.”

“Well, you probably could—with
your
Sway they’d listen. Of course, it’d take you your whole life to go around to each fan pod and sway each member. Not to mention the fact that as soon as they were onto you, the Council would send someone to take you out. Obviously, I’m not going to let you make yourself a target for assassination.”

“Remember that thing I said to Lad in your suite the day he found us... um...”

“Making out half-naked?” Nox lifted his head and gave me a wicked grin. “Yeah—I remember the day. Don’t remember what you said, though.”

“I said no one was
letting
me or
not
letting me do
anything
. You were the one who said I was more capable than anyone knew. If I’m so ‘capable,’ then I can handle it.”

Nox reached out and stroked my cheek with a fingertip. “I wish we could go back to that day. I’d have locked the damn door, and none of this would have happened.”

I shivered at his touch, experiencing an unusual new sensation inside… almost like… aversion? “We can’t hide from the world. We would have eventually
had
to come out of your suite—if only to avoid starvation.”

“Yeah. But you would’ve been
mine
, and no one would have been able to take you away.”

“Or take
you
away.” I thought of the look on Vancia’s face when she’d burst into the room and seen him for the first time in five years. And the way he’d looked at her, too.

Nox stared into my eyes as he leaned in toward my mouth. The sexual glamour was coming off of him in waves I could feel, smell, taste, and almost see.

I leaned in, too, hooked once again, not caring
why
I wanted to kiss him, only that I needed to, needed it like I needed oxygen and water and Hersey’s chocolate. The fact that I’d been kissing Lad fifteen minutes earlier seemed inconsequential. It seemed like a hundred years ago.

But when our lips connected, something was off. My pulse wasn’t racing, my mind wasn’t swimming in a sea of lust-soaked bliss. That subtle sense of aversion was back. I pulled away, clear-headed, and studied his face, trying to figure out what had changed.

He gave me a quizzical look in return, blinking as if coming out from under hypnosis.

His ring tone blared through the car, making both of us jump. Grabbing the phone from the console, he checked the screen.

“Damn it. I’ve got to get back. Audun is there. He’s on the Council—the next in command after Davis. He’s looking for me. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. They all think I’m taking a leak or making out in a corner with a pod girl or something.”

“Okay.”

Nox gave me another long look. “I wish I didn’t have to take you back. It seems like something’s always coming between us.” He slid his hand into my hair and nuzzled my neck, apparently intending to launch into a new make out session.

A minute ago he’d said he needed to get back to the party as soon as possible. Had he forgotten already? As sharp and
un
-glamoured as I felt, Nox still seemed to be under the influence of something.

“Nox, you have to go. The call from Audun?” I prodded.

“Oh, shit. You’re right.” He straightened in his seat and started the engine.

As he drove me back to the cottage, I sat in troubled silence. There was a strange sort of tickling in my mind, a disturbance that danced around the edges of my thoughts, as if I were struggling to remember something I’d forgotten, like song lyrics or a name. But in this case, I couldn’t even identify what it was I was striving to figure out.

It was so strange—I’d longed for closeness with Nox during the time we were forced to be apart. And when I saw him at the airport and that first day at the cottage, his touch and kisses had drowned me in a deep pool of glamour ecstasy.

But for some reason, his hold on me seemed to be slipping. As I’d told Lad, I had no intention of breaking up with Nox. So what had changed?

I watched his strong, beautiful profile, illuminated in the dashboard lights. Sensing my gaze, he gave me a sexy, sideways glance. He still seemed as smitten as ever. What was wrong with me?