Hidden Mercies (11 page)

He still had unfinished business here in Mt. Hope, but he could do it just as well from Hotel Millersburg. He would stop back in a few days.

There wasn’t anything to pack. He was on his way to throw his duffel bag in the trunk of his rental car when he heard a loud yelp and a metallic thunk coming from a small barn. That did not sound good, and he hurried there as fast as he could.

He slid open the door and found Levi sitting, dejected, on a bale of hay, nursing one bloodied hand against his chest.
Both hands were also stained with black grease, as was his shirt. Levi did not look happy to see him.

“What happened?”

“I just broke off a spark plug trying to remove it from the block. The motor has a bad miss and I’m trying to get some new spark plugs and wires on this motor. The man I bought it from said it ran good, but it might need a tune-up. But now I’ve got a major problem with this plug broken off in the block.”

“What’s that?” Tom pointed to a book lying open beside him.

Levi glanced down at bright-colored book.
“How to Rebuild and Restore Ford Tractors.”

“You’re trying to learn tractor mechanics from a book?”

“How else am I going to learn?” Levi said, with a touch of bitterness. “The only people I know are Grace, Elizabeth, and some Swartzentruber men who will no longer speak to me.”

Tom’s heart melted. How he identified with the young man! He’d been in his nephew’s boots before, trying to enter the
Englisch
world with only 1800s technology knowledge to draw from. At seventeen, when
Englisch
boys were busy fixing up old jalopies, he was shoeing horses. Strangely enough, in spite of that, he had somehow scored high in mechanical ability on the aptitude test he took upon entering the Marine Corps. The mechanics of a tractor were nothing compared to the mechanics of a helicopter. He could help Levi, and he wanted to.

“How bad is that hand?”

“I don’t know. I just now hurt it.”

“Let’s get it cleaned up and tended to, and then I’ll help you fix that tractor.”

“You can do that?”

“Yes.” He dropped his duffel bag on the ground. “If you don’t mind.”

Once they got all the grease off Levi’s hand, the injury
turned out to be not much more than some badly skinned knuckles. He felt bad for Levi, who he soon discovered had no working knowledge of combustion engines at all.

“How on earth do you keep your car running?” he finally asked.

“Grace takes care of that.” Levi sounded a little embarrassed. “Grace takes care of a lot of things.”

“I’m sure having a competent wife is a good thing.”

“Oh, it is,” Levi said. “But it is hard to figure out how to be the leader in my home when my wife knows so much more than me that she has to teach me how to change a lightbulb.”

“I’m sure there are things you could teach her.”

“Like what? How to weave a basket? How to harness a horse? How to fix a buggy wheel?” Levi’s voice rose and Tom could tell that he had been distraught over this for a long time. “These are not skills that Grace needs or wants. I even had to depend on her to teach me how to take her out to a restaurant and how to purchase tickets at a movie house.”

“Does she mind?”

“She says she doesn’t. But she complains about other things.”

Tom didn’t ask what, but Levi seemed determined to tell him.

“She says I compare her cooking to my mother’s.”

“Do you?”

There was a long pause. “Maybe.”

Tom tightened a screw on the motor. “Perhaps you could buy her a cookbook.”

“Have you seen Grace angry?”

“Not yet.”

“Then don’t suggest she buy a cookbook. I already tried that. It did not go well.” Levi shook his head. “She talks about not having gotten a necessary gene to make her as good a cook
as the Amish, but when I tried to help her by buying her a cookbook for our anniversary, she blew up.”

“I’m sorry, Levi.”

“If I would allow it, she would live in jeans and T-shirts. She says they are comfortable, but I think she does not know how much they show off her body. I do not see a need for other men to see that. I think it is not unreasonable for me to ask her to wear dresses. After all, I don’t dress the way I used to either. And it is my job as head of our home to take care of the finances. I am very good at figures and she is not. But will she accept my headship? No. She insists on paying bills, and makes a mess of our checkbook.”

Evidently Levi had been building up a head of steam for a long time. Tom was not enjoying this conversation, but he thought perhaps he was helping Levi depressurize a little.

“She wants to fight me on not going back to work after the baby is born—but everyone knows a woman should not work after she has children.”

Tom thought about all the women he knew who managed to balance both—including Levi’s own mother—but thought better of it. Let Levi get it all off his chest.

“And even though we agreed before we got married that we would not watch television, now she complains about missing it. She says she just wants to watch a program every once in a while. Sometimes I know she sneaks over to Elizabeth’s
Daadi Haus
to watch it there. I love her, but I do not know what to do with her.”

Tom couldn’t help but think of the men who would think that they had died and gone to heaven if they had a wife like Grace, but telling Levi that would do no good. In fact, he had no idea what to tell Levi. But in all the things he had told him, there was one he thought might be an easy fix.

“I know how to fix this motor, and I can teach you—but
do you want some advice about your marriage from a man who doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about?”

Levi sat back and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“I will listen to what you have to say.”

“If I were you, I’d go buy the woman a television. You don’t have to listen to it. Just let her watch it sometimes. Maybe she’ll ease up on the other stuff then.”

“I will give thought to what you say.”

“Good, now, then, come here and give me a hand. I will teach you about motors if you want to learn—but you’ll have to do most of the work. I don’t have the grip I used to.”

“Grace says I paid too much money for an old tractor that I don’t know how to keep running.”

“Yeah, well, let’s prove her wrong.”

“I have one more favor to ask.”

“Anything, Levi.”

“Would you stay a few more days?”

“Why?”

Levi gave him a sheepish grin. “There are other motors around here that I do not know how to fix.”

Tom knew exactly how to get a broken spark plug out of an engine block. It was a pleasure teaching his nephew, who was so quick to learn, how to accomplish this tricky task. Levi had just successfully replaced the broken spark plug, and Tom was in the process of giving his nephew an awkward high five, when Elizabeth walked in.

“What are you boys up to?” She was wearing a purple dress, a rope of pearls around her neck, a big quilted purse, and white tennis shoes.

“I thought I was supposed to come and get you,” Levi said.

“Hazel brought me home instead.”

“I think it might start now,” Tom said. “Give her a crank.”

Levi hopped onto the seat, turned the ignition, and the
tractor roared to life. The grin on Levi’s face was worth every second Tom had spent helping him. He grew even more satisfied when Levi drove it out of the barn, down the driveway, and toward Claire’s without mishap.

“I saw your note inside the house,” Elizabeth said. “It said you were leaving, but you are still here.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I really was leaving, but Levi was having trouble and I stayed to help him.”

“Have we done something to offend you?”

“No. Of course not. It’s just that I’m stronger now, and I don’t want to intrude any longer.”

“That’s the happiest I’ve seen that boy since he bought that piece of junk from old Harold Givens. I could have told him that Harold would try to take him—and he did—but Levi was trying so hard to act like he knew what he was doing that he wouldn’t listen to me. Came home with that mess that he’d paid too much for. It made Grace mad when she saw it and she said some things that hurt him. He’s been tinkering with it ever since. Looks to me like you kinda handed him his manhood back. It might help if you’d stay around and teach him how to do some things he doesn’t know how to do.”

Tom scratched his head. “Levi did ask me to stay.”

“And I’m asking you to stay, too.”

“But Grace . . .”

“Grace is either working, puking, or fussing at Levi. She won’t hardly notice whether you’re here or not. Besides, it’s my house and there’s plenty of room.” She handed him the envelope with the money still in it. “Now that you’re feeling a little better, it will be good for Levi to spend some time with you. It’s been hard on him trying to transition. Frankly, it’s been hard on me having to watch him. Having you here has been a relief.”

How well he understood. If it hadn’t been for an understanding
commanding officer and some Marine buddies, he would have been in sad shape himself.

“I guess I could stick around for a few more days.”

“I’d appreciate it,” Elizabeth said. “And I’m sure Levi would, too.”

•   •   •

“Do you miss it?” Grace asked.

They were in the living room. She was sorting some baby clothes a coworker at the hospital had given her. Elizabeth was working on a class for her Wednesday-evening Bible study, and Levi was still out plowing, even though it was getting dark. Apparently he was so thrilled with having a tractor that worked, he did not intend to come in until it was too dark to see or he ran out of gas.

“Miss what?” Tom glanced up from filling in the remaining blocks of one of Elizabeth’s innumerable half-finished crossword puzzles.

“Flying. Being in a war zone. Helping people.”

“I miss flying. Being in a war zone not so much. Why?”

“I felt so . . . necessary over there.” Grace’s voice was wistful. “Do you know what I mean?”

“All I did was fly shotgun for some of the medevac crews that went out. I didn’t actually hold lives in my hands, not like you and the others.”

“I was good at what I did.”

“I’m sure you still are.” He tried to go back to the crossword. Grace did not take the hint.

“Do you think cooking and cleaning and canning and gardening are as important as saving lives?”

Elizabeth looked up sharply. He was definitely walking on thin ice here. “I think they are
as
important.”

She shot him a look. “No you don’t.”

True. He had to admit it. Canned peaches could be purchased in a grocery store for pocket change. People with Grace’s skills were rare.

“Levi has no idea what I did over there, or who I was, or even what I do at the ER. I could be working overtime trying to save a grandfather from going into heart failure, but all Levi sees is an empty place at the supper table.”

“There is no way I’m going to weigh in on this.”

“Nor should you have to,” Elizabeth said. “Grace, that’s enough.”

It was the sharpest he’d ever heard Elizabeth speak to her granddaughter.

Being in a house divided felt awkward. As a Marine, he was trained how to dodge bullets—not how to deal with a young woman’s marital woes.

Grace ignored her. “I’ve given up the clothes I like to wear, because he doesn’t like me to wear jeans anymore, and I
hate
wearing dresses. I’ve grown my hair out until it is driving me nuts. He doesn’t approve of TV, so I have to sneak over to Grandma’s even if I just want to watch the news. We’re having a child sooner than I wanted because he was afraid we might not have time to have a large family if we waited any longer. He doesn’t like the church Grandma and I were going to—but he hasn’t found anything else he likes better—so most Sundays we don’t go anywhere anymore.”

“Grace!” Elizabeth said. “Enough! If you spent as much time praying about your marriage as you do complaining about it, you might be a happier woman.”

Grace looked at her grandmother as though she had just been slapped.

Then she got up and rushed out of the room, in tears. Tom decided that he would rather face a firing squad than have to deal with a crying, pregnant woman.

“I apologize. It’s just the pregnancy hormones talking. At least, I hope that’s all it is.” Elizabeth glanced toward the kitchen door and acted startled. “Oh. Levi. When did you come in?”

Levi was standing in the doorway. He was weary, and looked far too old for a man only in his twenties. He was staring at the door Grace had just gone out.

“Maybe we should never have married,” Levi said. “I am afraid that our child will pay the price for it.”

Then he turned on his heel and left.

“H
aving trouble sleeping?” Elizabeth asked. “Me, too.”

It was after 2 a.m. Tom found himself once again on the back porch. Levi had not come home yet. He could hear Grace crying herself to sleep upstairs, directly over where he lay. He’d dozed, but felt worse for it. Just when he thought he had beaten the nightmares, another one had hit. Matthew had been in it. Actually, it had not been a nightmare, which in some ways made it worse to endure. It was a dream that Matthew was alive again, a good dream, in which Matthew was living with Claire and surrounded by children. He had been so happy to see his brother again. Then he’d awakened, and realized that it had been nothing more than a cruel joke that his subconscious had played on him.

It had broken his heart. Again.

Allowing Levi and Elizabeth to talk him into staying longer had been a mistake. Being here with Levi, who looked and acted so much like Matthew, as well as talking with Claire again, was not wise. Not when his nerves were already shot.

Now he was half afraid that if he went back to sleep, he’d be visited with the birthday cake–suicide bomber nightmare again. He decided it would be better to stay awake than to
chance it, and had come out here where it was cool and peaceful. “Yes, I’m having trouble sleeping.”

“Nightmares again?” Elizabeth asked.