Hidden Truths (Violet Chain Book 2) (19 page)

“It’s just new, that’s all,” I responded as I continued sipping on my drink.

He slid his hand across the table and placed it on mine. “If you ever need someone to talk to, Violet, I’m here for you.”

I smiled. “Thank you.” He leaned back on his chair. “So, are you dating yet?”

“No, it’s too soon.”

“Why? What are you waiting for? You should get right back out there.” It wasn’t that easy. The few months I had been with Chain had changed me forever and I knew it had changed him. No matter how much he was denying it to himself, we were soul mates, we belonged together. Why did he do this? Why?

Millen played with his straw in his drink before saying, “You know, I have always had a crush on you. Ever since the first time I saw you, but you were with that accountant guy at the time.” His words shocked me. I should be running away from this man after how he treated me at my parents’ house, but I was confused and messed up in the head from what Chain had done. And I needed comfort, I needed the empty loneliness that I felt to go away.

Millen’s green eyes gleamed as he smiled brightly. I had never really noticed his eyes before; they reminded me of emeralds, big and bold and beautiful. I took a moment to study him. He was taller than any other man I knew, even Chain, and muscular
—
his arms were so big they were stretching every fiber of the dark cotton tee he was wearing. I liked my men fit, but not like Millen.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Well you know now and I guess I’m hoping that maybe when you are ready, you will let me take you out.”

I had no words, no answers. I was numb inside, my mind was trapped with thoughts of Chain.

He stood up and held his hand out to me.

“Dance with me.” A slow song was streaming through the speakers. My head was saying no, but my hand reached out and took his. It was as if I had no control over my actions, like I was a robot just going through the motions, without any real feeling inside.

Gently he placed his hand on my waist. As we swayed to the music his smell lingered in my nose. His hand slid up to the small of my back and his touch sent a tingling sensation through my body and I closed my eyes, embracing it. Thoughts of Chain flooded my mind and I could feel tears pooling beneath my lids as the loneliness engulfed me completely.

My mind began to spin as all I could think about was Chain.

His lips.

His touch.

His love.

My body shook as my emotions began to overwhelm me. I pulled away.

“Violet?” Millen murmured. Why did he leave me? Why did he lie? Why…why?

Chapter 6.0 – Chain

Of all the nights I had to choose to go to Curtsey’s, it had to be this night, the night Violet was there. I hid in the shadows in the corner, watching her all night. I should have left, but I couldn’t. I missed her with every dreaded breath I took, the touch of her, the smell of her, the desire for her. I needed to feel her, even if it was at a distance.

Watching her dance intimately with Millen killed me, tore my heart to shreds. It hurt to know that she had moved on so quickly, especially with him. It questioned if she had ever really loved me in the first place. I couldn’t even think about going near a woman, much less dancing the way she was on the dance floor with him right now.

Anger filled me as I watched his arm rest on her waist. I wanted to rip it out of the socket. She was my girl, mine. I had to force back the urge to run out to the dance floor to pull her away from him. I clenched my fists at my sides as the reality hit me: she wasn’t mine anymore, I had let her go. I had given away the most precious thing in my life—Violet. God, I was so fucking stupid, how could I let her go? Why did I let her go? Easy answer, because I loved her. I didn’t want her dragged into my past, to become another victim of my choices. I did it all because I loved her. Someday she would thank me for what I did. I watched as she pulled away from Millen and then ran off the dance floor towards the door, towards me. I slipped into the darkness as she approached. I could almost feel her emotion, her pain as she flew by me. What was wrong? Did Millen do something to her? For a second, I thought of running up to Millen and bashing his face in, but I was more concerned with Violet.

As the front doors closed behind her, I scurried from the corner and rushed after her.

I ran out to the parking lot, hiding behind a car. I watched as she stumbled across the parking lot and knew she was drunk, very drunk. I was worried instantly. Was she driving? She leaned against the building and she began to mumble. “Chain, why…” she whispered and my heart nearly stopped as she buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to beat the shit out of myself for causing her so much pain; she was crying because of what I did to her, she was hurting because of me, because of me! How could I do this to her? I couldn’t watch her hurt anymore, I had to comfort her. I had to take it away. I stood up with every intention of walking up to her when a voice calling out stopped me.

“Vi!” I quickly maneuvered behind a car, ducking down. I saw Vince walk up to Violet and take her into an embrace.

He brushed the hair from her face as he cradled her in his arms. “Oh, Vi, it will be alright, I promise.”

“I miss him, Vince, I miss him so much.” I felt a tightening in my stomach, the bile rising into my throat as my thoughts mirrored her words. I missed her so much it hurt. I missed her lips, her touch, her laugh, her smile, everything, I missed everything about her.

“I know you do,” Vince responded.

“Why can’t I get over it?”

Vince wiped the tears from her cheeks and placed his hands on either side of her face. “Because you love him, Vi. You and Chain had something special, it can never be replaced.”

My eyes tilted down at the ground and I smiled. Vince was right, I could never replace what Violet and I had, it was special, real.

“Why don’t we go get Victor’s keys, drive back to my house and you can bury yourself in a pint of chocolate ice cream? I just bought some today.”

She let out a laugh and I felt some relief. “That would be great.” After they left, I stood up and couldn’t help but feel regret. Regret for bringing her down, for hurting her, mostly for bringing her into my life. She didn’t deserve any of it and I sure as hell didn’t deserve a beautiful, compassionate, amazing woman like Violet Townsend.

My head was spinning with thoughts of Violet as I drove to my apartment. It was wrong the way I ended things, I knew that. But it was the only way. If I had talked to her, if I had seen her, I would never have gone through with it.

I sifted through the bottles of vodka that cluttered the entirety of my apartment. Ever since the breakup with Violet, I drank day and night. I grabbed a half-empty one and slammed it down my throat.

My whole life for the last few weeks was me and the bottle. I figured if I was going to be depressed, I might as well be numb and drunk. And I was depressed, extremely. I had lost the only woman I loved. But not by her hand, by mine. I had let her go; I had freed her from her commitment to me. Why? Because I was a low-life bastard who would only bring her down, ruin her life and I loved her enough to not want to do that. What the fuck was I thinking when I thought I could change? That my past would never catch up to me? I would never escape my past—how could you escape yourself and that was exactly what my past was, the true me. It was who I was and who I would always be.

Gazing around the apartment, my jackets were strewn everywhere, dozens of my shoes practically had a home of their own in the middle of my living room. I smiled as I thought of Violet. She always made sure to keep the house tidy and neat. She always took care of me, very good care. I walked out to the balcony, and it was almost like her essence surrounded me, the sweet floral musk of her perfume. I lifted the bottle of vodka to my mouth and tipped it back, pouring it down my throat, trying to get her out of my mind. But it didn’t do any good, because visions of her on the rail of the balcony, naked and screaming my name, engulfed me completely. I tipped the bottle to my mouth again, one word in my mind. Violet. I swigged the alcohol down till it was gone as I thought of that name again. Violet. How could I let her go? How could I?

I became enraged and whipped the bottle across the skies, then rushed into my apartment, grabbing everything I could get my hands on and throwing it against the wall. I wanted Violet, I needed her, I loved her. Damn it, what did I do! My rage went on for hours until there was not a piece of furniture standing and the apartment was filled with severed pieces of wood, torn up cushions and broken glass. I fell to my knees, sobbing as the reality came full circle. My Violet was gone and she was never coming back. My life now was shit, a life that would always be filled with emptiness and loneliness and I had no one else to blame but myself.

***

I felt a hand lift my head and with bleary eyes I spied David hovering over me. “What the fuck are you doing? Get up.” He lifted me up and I was surprised by his strength. I easily outweighed him by thirty pounds and was about four inches taller. He deposited me on the couch. I hadn’t seen David since the day I had Violet removed from the office. Like the coward I was, I left out the back way, not having the courage to face David, to tell him that I had broken things off with her. I had held vigil in my apartment since, leaving only last night, to go to the bar. Why I went, I had no clue. I supposed a part of me was hoping that maybe I could hook up with a woman, try to get back into the swing of being single, wash away the memory of Violet. But as soon as I arrived, I realized there was no other woman I wanted, no hook-up that would erase Violet from my head. I frowned as I thought of her. From the moment I opened my eyes and until the second I closed them, all I thought about was her. I reached for one of the vodka bottles on the side of the couch, lifting it to my mouth, taking a swig.

David sneered before saying, “Are you just going to sit in this fucking place and drink yourself to death?”

I coughed out a laugh. “Yes, that is exactly what I intend to do.”

David glanced around at my apartment. “What the fuck happened here?” he queried as he walked over, picking up a broken part of the couch.

“I need new furniture,” I replied with a chuckle. He threw the broken wood on the ground then paced over to me.

David’s eyes thinned as he bent over, leveling his eyes with mine. “Why? Why did you do it?”

I knew exactly what he was referring to
—
Violet
—
but chose to act like I didn’t. “What are you talking about?” I answered as I took another swig from the bottle.

He stood up and sneered. “You know perfectly well what I’m talking about, don’t play fucking games with me!”

I didn’t want to fight with David, I didn’t have the strength. I ignored him, tilting my head back and slamming the rest of the bottle, then placed it on the ground as I stood. “Look, David, I am not in the mood for company, so can you do me a favor and show yourself the way out?” I turned to walk towards my bedroom when David grabbed me from behind, whipping me around, his hands wrapping around my shirt collar and yanking me towards him. “Why did you do it? Why did you hurt her?” he screamed in my face.

I pushed him off. “Stop, David, I’m not in any mood to be yelled at.”

“Yelled at? You just fucking threw away the best thing that ever happened to you and you don’t want to be screamed at? Why the fuck did you do it!”

“I didn’t want her anymore, okay; does that answer your question?”

He looked confused and hurt. “You’re lying, you love her.”

And how true his words were. All I wanted was to be with Violet, to spend the rest of my life loving her, but things changed and that was not a possibility anymore. It was important that I convinced David that I no longer loved her, and that in itself would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do, because that meant I had to lie to my best friend, my brother, my confidant. But I had to do it. I had to do it to protect her from my past, from me.

He glared at me as he waited for me to respond. I cleared my throat, straightened up and stiffened my lip. “I fell out of love with her.”

A look of disbelief flashed across his face. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“No, David, I’m not kidding.”

He moved closer to me. “I don’t believe you. You don’t just fall out of love with a woman who only days ago you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.”

“I did.”

He turned away from me. “Did you know that she came to our house? Shit, Chain, I have never seen a woman so torn up and so hurt. You broke her heart; you literally broke her fucking heart.” He turned back to face me. “Do you not care what you did to her?”

My heart dropped as I saw tears in David’s eyes. He was hurting, he was hurting bad. And I knew part of it was because of Violet, but a part of it was because of me. He was my best friend and he knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life by letting Violet go.

I was confused and for one moment my conscience bore down on me hard. I was hurting the two people I cared about the most in the world; how could I do this? The least I could do was tell David why.