Hide My Memories: A Romantic Suspense Thriller Series (Hide Me Series Book 1) (16 page)

West lay in Katerina's bed, in absolute misery. Katerina was pretending to sleep next to him, but he knew she wasn't sleeping. She'd barely said three words since they left the hospital that afternoon, and every time he looked at her he could see the anguish in her very being.

He replayed the scene as they were leaving the hospital together over in his mind. Katerina's car was in the hospital parking lot. Jordan had gotten it there somehow. Katerina walked to it, slowly, her head hanging, her body drooping, her spirit broken. When she reached it, she looked at him and said, "You don't have to come with me."

Fear had rippled through West with those words. "Katerina, I
want
to come with you," he had said.

Katerina had just stared at him, her deep, green eyes swimming in torment. Then she had gotten in and driven to her apartment. She'd walked in the door, dragged her body into the bedroom, and lay down on the bed, fully clothed.

West had tried to get her to eat but she wouldn't. West had tried to get her to drink, but she wouldn't do that either. West had taken off her shoes and rubbed her feet and tried to touch her, as he had done in the hospital. He knew he had some sort of an effect on her that seemed to stop the negative effects that she'd been dealing with, but it was no good. She had blocked him out. She'd put up some sort of a mental wall between them, unwilling to let him help her, for some reason.

West lay in the dark, drowning in his helplessness. He drifted in and out of sleep and every time he woke up, he squeezed Katerina's hand, but she never squeezed back.

Finally, he opened his eyes to morning light streaming in the window. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Katerina, who was already awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked.

Katerina ignored the question, and instead asked her own. "Will you call Blaise for me? I need to talk to him."

West sat up, confused. "Of course. When?"

"Now."

West jumped off the bed and got his phone. At least she was talking.

He dialed Blaise's cell phone number and when Blaise answered he said, "Blaise, Katerina wants to talk to you,” then held out the phone to Katerina.

Katerina sat up in the bed and took the phone. "Blaise, is there any news on Phillips?"

Katerina listened, and West could tell by the tightening in her face that the news was not good.

"When is the judge going to sign the order?"

She nodded and bit her lip and West felt fury flood through him. That man was going to get bail? After what he had done?

Katerina kept talking. "Could you get me into his house?"

West held his breath, trying to calm down and hear what Katerina was saying.

"Yes, if you can get me into his house, I can find you the evidence that you need."

She listened for a moment and then spoke again. "I don't think I can just tell you where it is. I'm not totally sure what it is actually. I've been trying to access his memories that are stuck inside me but they are fuzzy and out of context. I got rid of them as best as I could over the last few days and now all I have is mostly emotions and feelings. But if you can get me into his house, I know I can make sense of it all." Katerina listened closely and then said, "Okay, bye."

She handed the phone back to West and looked at him for the first time in a day. "He's going to talk to his Captain and call you back."

West dropped to his knees in front of Katerina and wrapped his arms around her legs. "Katerina, are you sure you want to do this? Won't it be hard on you?"

Katerina set her mouth in a determined line. "It will be a lot harder on me if Phillips gets bail.”

West nodded and dropped his head to her lap. He knew she was right, but could she survive this time? He hugged her tight and celebrated when her fingers twined in his hair. She wasn't blocking him out anymore.

***

West pulled up behind Blaise’s car at the address they had been given, then ran around the side of the car to help Katerina out. She looked so pale and drawn. He thought she had probably lost 15 pounds since he had met her. She could not afford to lose any more, but he still hadn't been able to get her to eat anything. She'd drank a bit of coffee and that was it.

West saw a group of police officers waiting outside the house already and he winced. He didn't think Katerina would want to do this with an audience. But she never wavered. When her eyes found Blaise, she marched up to him and told him she was ready.

West tried to take her hand, but she pulled away from him, and instead turned to face him, her eyes wide and haunted. "You have to stay outside."

"But Katerina, no, I want-"

"I know you do, and I appreciate it, but something about you interferes with what I got from Phillips. You can't be near me or I won't be able to get everything."

She turned to Blaise. "In fact, I need to be alone. Or as close to alone as I can get. I need only one person to be with me, and they need to not say a word."

Blaise nodded. "Let me talk to my Captain."

West watched him go, that helpless feeling taking over again.

When Blaise returned he said, "The Captain says one person is fine, and you can take in anybody you want."

Katerina's eyes crawled over the group of police officers on the front lawn of the killer's house. She walked close to them and West watched them appraise her. Some looked scared of her, but some were obviously skeptical. Katerina walked around the group and returned to Blaise. "Him." She pointed to an officer who looked just like any of the rest to West, but obviously not to Katerina.

"I'm ready to go in, but please make sure he knows he's not to talk to me. And if I get upset, he's not to try to touch me or help me in any way. In fact, he should stay three or four feet away from me at all times. Even if I cry or - " she looked at West pointedly, then went on. "Even if I make noise or scream."

Blaise nodded and left them again for a moment.

Katerina took a hesitant step towards the front door, then waited.

West watched her back and tried to send her strength. He knew she was strong. But could anybody be strong enough to do this on their own? To rifle through the memories of the killer with the intent of finding evidence of his murders? Anybody normal, with hopes and dreams and vulnerabilities? West didn't know if he would have been able to do it.

The officer Katerina had picked finished talking to Blaise and walked toward her. When Katerina noticed him, she headed to the door without a backwards glance and opened it, walking inside.

West bolted to the big picture window in front and pressed his face against it. Katerina was inside, appearing to aimlessly drift through the house, which looked completely normal. Couch, love seat, fireplace, large TV, dining room table, pictures on the wall, and a shelf with books and collectibles on it.

After turning a few times, Katerina walked to the shelf. She pointed out a small, porcelain figure of an angel with a large gold band around its neck, and turned slightly, to talk to the officer behind her. West heard her voice drift out of the open door.

"The Angel’s necklace, he soldered it on to that figure. It's really the wedding ring of the woman he thinks of as Pink Angel.”

West heard the hitch in her voice and thought she looked even paler.
Come on Katerina hang in there, once you do this it will be over,
he sent to her.

Katerina crossed the living room and stopped in front of the fireplace. On the mantle were large candles and what looked like a Victorian era doll.

"Lift up the doll’s hair, on the underside is a braid clipped in, that came from the woman he thinks of as his china doll."

After this grisly announcement Katerina turned quickly and headed down a hallway to her left. West couldn’t stand that he couldn’t see her and started towards the door, but Blaise held him back.

"You heard her, she said you need to stay outside."

West gritted his teeth and looked down the outside of the house. Maybe he should look in one of the other windows. But in only a moment, Katerina was coming back out of the hallway. The officer behind her was the one that looked white and drawn this time. Katerina only looked determined. She walked to the very center of the living room and closed her eyes. She turned in a circle and slightly lifted her hands and her face to the ceiling. To West, she almost looked like she was praying. She stood that way for a long moment. West's muscles tensed and his jaw clenched. He imagined he could see a power, like electricity, gathering around her.

Her hands crept to her head and tugged on her hair. The determined look on her face melted into one of torment. Her entire body went rigid and now her hands beat at her own temples. West thought he saw tears running down her cheeks.

He grabbed Blaise's shoulder. "I can't just watch her suffer, Blaise. I've got to go in there. I've got to be there for her. You don't understand."

Blaise blocked his way. "I understand that she said she just wants to do this only once. Don't take that choice away from her."

A tormented wail erupted from Katerina. Several of the officers next to West jumped. West clenched his jaws together and prepared to push past Blaise. He couldn't let her do this. It had to be enough, what she had found already. This was going to destroy her, and he couldn't let that happen, because he…
because he loved her
. He loved her and she was his life now. He would always be there for her. The realization dropped on West like a lead weight. It was time for him to act.

Blaise’s hand on his shoulder faltered as Katerina's cries increased. West pushed past him easily, and ran in the house, but before he could reach Katerina, she dropped eerily silent and moved quickly across the room to a flight of steps. She started down, leaving the officer staring at her, mouth agape.

West ran to the steps and started down them after her. He could hear several footsteps behind him.

When he reached the bottom, he found himself standing in utter darkness. He felt along the wall until he found a light switch. Switching it on, he blinked and tried to make out what he was looking at. It was an unfinished basement with a cement floor. A few boxes lined one wall, but other than that it was empty. It smelled damp and musty, but did not look forbidding.

Katerina stood almost in the middle, staring at the ground. Her hair covered her face and West couldn't read the emotional weather there. She lifted her hand slightly and pointed at her feet.

"Right here. Dig right here," she said, and then seemed to lose all of her strength. West rushed forward and caught her before she fell. He gathered her into his arms and pulled her close, crooning into her ear. In his mind, this was over, and now he would do whatever it took to get her past it.

The police Captain stepped forward, doubt on his face. "It's concrete."

From West’s arms, Katerina spoke up, her voice soft and weak. "Break through the concrete. There are bodies under there."

West drove Katerina home as quickly as he could, throwing short, nervous glances her way. She slumped against the window as if she were sleeping, but every look told him she was agitated and in emotional pain. Her hands were drawn into her chest, her muscles tight, and her face pinched and pale. He ached for her. To him, she looked trapped in a waking nightmare. He wished he could take away the pain. Take away every picture she’d had to see, every sound she’d had to hear, every memory she’d had to endure.

When they arrived at her apartment building he stopped the car and hurried around to her side, intent on carrying her up the stairs. He opened her door gently and bent over to pick her up.

"I can walk," she said quietly.

He stepped back and held out a hand to her. She pushed to her feet with a grunt like an old lady, and West felt his heart continue to break for her. She squeezed his hand tightly and he felt a tingle of sensation run down his arm to his fingertips. She made a soft noise in the back of her throat, her face hidden by her hair. West stood completely still, his nerves on high alert, a question in his mind. He didn’t feel tired though, so she couldn’t be …
pulling
from him, could she? If anything, he felt energized, excited. With her free hand, she pushed her hair back from her face, then tilted her head up to look at him.
Beautiful,
crossed his mind. Her brilliant green eyes were the only part of her that didn’t look tired and drawn, but even in her fatigue she was beautiful. Her pale skin contrasted deliciously with her auburn hair and haunted eyes. Even the white in her hair framed her face in a way that made it look deliberate, almost trendy.

“You’re beautiful,” he told her, trying to keep the sudden emotion that was surging through him out of his voice.

“Am I?” she said, an enigmatic smile playing on her lips. Even as he watched, a bit of resilience seemed to come back into her body. “West, I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. If ever there was a time when I needed … a friend, it’s been this last week. But it’s over now. And if you want to go, to get back to your life, I’ll understand. I can take it from here. I’ll be OK.”

West heard the words wash over him, and they felt like a boot to the gut. She was dismissing him? She thought of him as a friend still? A sliver of hurt ambushed him but he squashed it. This wasn’t about him. She was probably feeling things he could have no idea about. Plus she didn’t have a clue how
he
felt.

“Katerina,” he said, the bright afternoon sun clashing with the mood between them. “I want to be more than just friends.” He gathered his thoughts and chose his words carefully. Energy seemed to be coursing through him and it distracted him slightly. “I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I…” A look in Katerina’s eyes bewildered him, and his thoughts seemed to fly apart. How could he make her understand that he loved her without scaring her? But the look, the look she was giving him seemed to say she understood perfectly, and she was only making sure that he knew. He felt a tightening in his groin at the intimacy in her gaze. She nodded slightly and smiled as if he had completed his thought.

“OK,” was all she said, and then she glanced up the stairs at her apartment door.

He helped her up the stairs and into her apartment, locking the door behind them, his mind buzzing. "Let me make you something to eat," he said.

She pushed her hair out of her face again and looked at him levelly. "I don't need food."

"What do you need? Anything. I'll get it for you."

Katerina took his hand and pulled him down the hallway to her bedroom. She stopped next to her bed and turned to face him. "
I need you to make me forget,
" she said fiercely, her green eyes blazing suddenly.

West blinked at her, not sure exactly what she meant.

“Touch me, West. Love me. Make me yours.”

West felt a thrill of excitement swirl through him at the words, all of it culminating at his core. His cock jumped and hardened instantly.

She picked up his hands and touched them gently to her cheeks and then her hair. West curled his fingers, pulling her locks through his hands. He noticed the patches of white were softer than the rest of her hair. She closed her eyes and stretched her neck like a cat, inviting his hands lower. West ran his fingers down her neck lightly, then caressed her shoulders and upper back, and into her hair again. Color came slowly into Katerina’s cheeks and West bent forward, kissing first one cheek and then the other.

“Mmm, yes,” Katerina whispered.

West dipped his mouth and lightly brushed her lips with his. Katerina shivered and opened the seam of her lips, seeking him, encouraging him. West brushed her lips again and pulled her body close to him. Her words still rang in his ears, spurring him on. Work relationship be damned. This moment was about them.

Softly, as softly as he could, he pressed his mouth against hers, running his hands up her back and lifting her hair, letting it fall down gently. Electricity crackled between them, creating energy. She moaned softly and darted her tongue between his lips. West felt his cock pulse and throb at the touch. He ran his hands down her sides, gently grasping her hips and kneading the muscles there. She arched into him and he ran his hands around her back, pulling her closer, loving the feel of her, grinding her center slightly into him.

Katerina plucked at his shirt and he pulled away from her long enough to whip it over his head. Her hands immediately went to his chest, spanning the muscles there and then working around to his shoulders and back. He caught her lips again, exploring her, feeling the crackle of energy even inside his mouth. He’d never felt anything like this before and he wondered what it would feel like to slide in and out of her. Would it be too much? Or exactly enough?

He slid his hands slowly up her sides, pulling her shirt with them. It passed over her breasts and then above her head and was gone in one movement. He brought his hands back to her breasts, clothed only in a simple, pink bra. Katerina reached behind herself quickly, as if she couldn’t wait to be rid of the thing. She unclasped it and dropped it on the floor, revealing perfection. Creamy skin contrasting delectably with perfect, taut nipples.

West groaned at her ripeness. “Beautiful, Katerina, you are so beautiful.”

He bent forward, wanting his first touch to be with his tongue. He caught a nipple in his teeth and lightly nipped at it, loving her reaction. She arched her back and tugged at his hair, breathy sighs escaping her throat. West pulled back to look at her breasts again, then tried to gently place her on the bed. He needed to spend some time here and he wanted her to be comfortable while he worshiped her body like she deserved.

She stopped him, pulling at his zipper. “Please West, I need to feel your entire body against mine.”

West shed his pants and underwear in an instant, his cock rigid and tall, nudging his stomach. Her eyes saucered at the sight of it and she reached for him, her tentative, gentle touch almost proving too much for him. He sucked in a breath between his teeth and grasped her hands. “Katerina, it’s been so long. I can’t take too much.”

“We have all day West, we have all year. We have forever. I want to touch you,” she whispered back, fire in her voice, her eyes wide and pleading. West saw only one thing in those eyes. Desire. They’d lost their haunted quality and he was fiercely glad. He dropped his hands to his sides. Katerina could have whatever she wanted.

She descended slowly to her knees in front of him and he moaned slightly at the visual. He’d never seen anything so seductive in his life. Her sensual mouth was mere inches away from him. She wore only jeans and her breasts tumbled free, their curves drawing his eye again and again. Her feminine hands grasped his cock. She leaned forward and kissed the tip of it, the curiously dynamic sensation thrusting him closer than ever to that edge. He plunged his hands in her hair and threaded it through his fingers as she sealed her mouth around him. “Katerina,” he moaned, closing his eyes, trying to block out the stunning sight of her mouth and her body and all of her hair - trying to hold off just a little bit longer. But he couldn’t. Katerina was his undoing.

***

Katerina’s senses were heightened to a point that felt surreal. She knew right now, in her hyper-aware state, even the blandest food would be painful, water would be like tequila, but West - West balanced everything that was off in her. There was something magical about their chemistry together, and she felt the rightness of what they were doing all the way to her core. West was going to save her, and she was going to let him.

She fastened her gaze on his erection in front of her. It was gorgeous, like all the masculine energy in the world culminating in the body of one man. She ran her fingers over it, delighting in its soft texture. It was so hard, and yet so soft. A contradiction that she wanted to explore for a lifetime. Her mouth opened on its own, begging to be part of this. She took him into her mouth, her tongue making love to the hard softness. West’s body arched and she felt his release start. He pulled slightly away from her but Katerina followed him. He was magic, and she wanted every bit of him she could get. Cum spurted into her mouth, bringing images of desire, images of her looking more beautiful than she’d ever looked. She loved the way he saw her. It was unrealistic, but that didn’t matter to her right now. She was easily able to override what was coming from him, just by focusing on the heat in her own belly, on her own feelings of lust and arousal. A glimpse of his firefighter’s muscles and gorgeous cock were enough to obliterate any image she didn’t want to see in her own head. But she didn’t have to just glimpse them. She could touch them, lick them, stare at them, and take them inside her body. Heaven replaced horror, one contact at a time.

West shuddered and she let him go. He swayed on his feet and opened his eyes, looking dazed and completely hers. She stood quickly and shed her pants and underwear. She wanted nothing between them. She pulled him onto the bed and draped a blanket over them, snuggling into his side. He lay limp and spent, and she felt his struggle for words. He was embarrassed. He had wanted to pleasure her.

“Shh, you don’t need to say anything. That was amazing,” she told him.

He looked sharply at her and she kissed his shoulder, then ran her fingers down his muscular stomach to his groin. She felt him stir again and she smiled jubilantly up at him.
No need to be embarrassed.
He laughed and turned over, taking her in his arms. He kissed her thoroughly, patiently, his love filling her mouth and her senses. She felt his erection grow again against her hip and she wriggled against him. She couldn’t get enough of the feel of his skin on her skin. It pacified her senses, and calmed her, but excited and aroused her at the same time. She felt clean, whole, and herself for the first time in days.

West broke contact with her mouth and laid a trail of kisses down her neck. She felt her nipples harden almost painfully in anticipation of his attention. He kissed first one and then the other, and she watched, loving the look of his mouth on her skin. Loving how intense his expression was, like nothing existed on earth at that moment but her body. Each touch from his tongue sent a coil of blissful sensation out around her core, until she was drowning in it.

West continued lower, kissing her middle, then her lower belly, and her breath quickened. He settled himself at the end of the bed, between her legs, and she felt his hot breath on her sex. She throbbed in want and need, and when he lightly kissed her, right where she wanted to be kissed, she writhed under his touch and clutched at the bed sheets. Her nerve endings were tight and overflowing with sensation. The smallest movement from his tongue sent her into dizzying spirals of delicious sensitivity. She’d never felt such intensity in her life. West laved her with the flat of his tongue, and she exploded into paroxysms of release. Her orgasm burst through her, blinding her, pushing everything else out of her mind and body. She screamed and arched up off the bed, barely aware of space and time or even who she was for one euphoric moment. Waves of softer pleasure washed over her and she collapsed onto the sheets, breathing hard, reveling in the sensations.

After a moment, she felt West move, bringing her back to reality. She lifted her head and looked at him, and his triumphant smile made her laugh. He deserved to feel good about that. She’d never had an orgasm like that, ever. Before she could gather herself, he was poised between her legs, and she felt his hardness nudge at her sex.
There was more. Good.

“Any chance you have a condom close by?” he asked, and she flapped her hand weakly at the bedside table. In a flash, he found one and slid it on. Katerina marveled at the events that had brought this handsome hunk of man into her bed and into her life, even as he bent forward and kissed her again. She responded, kissing him back with a new urgency. She wanted him inside her more than she could ever remember wanting anything. Her attention was divided between his lips on hers and his hard length pressing against her entrance. He went slowly, deliciously, and agonizingly slowly, until she wriggled, trying to accept more of him.

It had been so long for her too, maybe as long as four years since she’d had a boyfriend. But it had never been like this. He was stretching her, filling her up, centimeter after pleasant centimeter. He pulled away from her slightly and she opened her eyes. He was staring at her intensely, his emotions on full display. She saw the words “I love you” on his lips and she hoped he wouldn’t say them. She loved him too, but if all they had was this one day, she didn’t want the words to complicate things for them. He didn’t know that she was using his touch to cleanse her soul, to wash it free of Frank Phillips. He thought he knew, but he didn’t. He didn’t know that she could choose to block him but she wasn’t. She could choose not to see his thoughts and feel his feelings but she wouldn’t. Not until his inherent goodness had eradicated every trace of Phillips she’d had to endure. She was using him. She loved him, but she was still using him. She would tell him later, and then he might choose to leave her, but for now she would immerse herself in his love for her own selfish sake.