Hideaway Cove (A Windfall Island Novel) (21 page)

“I’m telling you now.”

“A week later. I get that you’re afraid for Benji—”

“And I get that you’re angry, but we should be talking about what it means to the search for Eugenia.”

“Fine.” He picked up the blanket and studied it. “It looks authentic, but it doesn’t follow that the blanket came with the baby. It could have gotten into that trunk in your attic in any number of ways. And we aren’t sending your DNA off to be tested.”

“You didn’t have any trouble putting Maggie in danger,” Dex reminded Hold. “When I wanted to protect her—”

“It’s not just me this time,” Maggie said.

“No,” Jessi put in. “If it was just my safety, I’d be happy to play bull’s-eye.”

“And we can’t send the test to another lab,” Maggie said to Dex, “unless you want to go back to Boston and get some Stanhope DNA to check against Jessi’s.”

“That could be problematic, seeing as they won’t let me near them.”

“Then we investigate Jessi’s possible connection to Eugenia some other way,” Hold said.

“How do you suggest we do that?” Jessi turned to look at Hold, kept her gaze cool and level although it cost her. “Don’t you think it’s a little curious that this blanket has been in my family’s possession for so long, yet I didn’t even know it existed?”

Hold scrubbed both hands over his face, shoved them back through his hair. “I don’t know—the journals?” he said, referring to the Windfall Island journals Maggie had borrowed from Josiah Meeker and copied, so that she and Dex could search through them for clues to Eugenia’s fate.

“We can try that,” Jessi said, “but I don’t think any of my people were big on writing.”

“Of course not,” Hold said bitterly.

Silence fell, the kind of silence that would have been filled with dramatic music if they’d been actors in a soap opera. But this was reality, Jessi thought, and in real life things needed to be said. “Can you give us a moment?” she said to Dex and Maggie.

They filed out of the little office, Maggie shooting Hold a glare as she passed him.

Jessi quietly shut the door. “I come from simple people,” she began.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” Hold said. “It just feels like we’re having nothing but bad luck.”

“We both know I’m not talking about one snotty remark you made,” she said, getting a kick out of the way his mouth twisted at the word “snotty.” “I get that you’re angry, Hold, but it’s not okay for you to expect me to spill my guts every other second while you keep secrets.”

“You’re right. I’m not being fair, Jessica, but this,” he picked up the blanket, “this is life and death.”

And his secrets only felt like it, Jessi thought. “It’s still my business.”

“Your business.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, turned away then back. “Do you think your safety, Ben’s safety, doesn’t matter to me? What do you expect from me?”

“Nothing, Hold. One day at a time, remember? No putting labels on what’s between us.”

“That’s not…We weren’t going to push each other for more than we were willing to give.”

“I’m not the one pushing. You don’t want to talk about your family, or tell me anything about yourself, for that matter. So I haven’t pushed, but you can’t ask me to stand there in front of my friends while you make it clear you’re only in this for sex.”

Now he was the one who looked like he’d taken a blow, and although it shamed her, Jessi felt that instant of satisfaction that maybe, just maybe, he understood what she was feeling. “When did I say that?”

“Never in words, but you’ve picked my life apart, Hold. You’ve questioned every interaction with Lance but you can’t even tell me you’re going away to spend a weekend with your family? Hell, I don’t even know if your parents are alive, or their names, or if you have any sisters or brothers.” She gave it a beat while her heart ached with every pounding stroke. “Okay,” she said when he didn’t answer, “so tell me again how this isn’t just sex.”

“It’s just…it’s not.”

She shook her head, turned away.

“Jessica.”

She stopped, but she kept her back to him.

“Will I see you later?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

No strings, she’d told herself, and while Hold wasn’t with her for the long haul, she knew he cared for her. And she—well, her heart wasn’t ready to let him go. “When are you leaving?” she asked, although what she really wanted to know was when he was coming back. If he was coming back.

“Tomorrow. But I’m— The break-in. I was planning on staying at your place tonight. Unless you’d rather I don’t.”

“You’re always welcome.”

“Jessica…” He shook his head. “We’ll talk later.”

No, she thought, they wouldn’t talk later. They never talked, not about anything Hold didn’t want to discuss. She didn’t expect that to change.

F
or the first time since Hold had laid eyes on Jessi, he hesitated. Sheer stubbornness had brought him to her front stoop; now sheer terror held him there. He wasn’t sure—another first—how she would greet him. But he was damn sure he deserved to have the door shut in his face.

How the hell, he asked himself, had he gotten himself into this fix? What should have been a simple conversation had become a wall between them, a wall he’d built and now had no idea how to tear down. Not after having behaved so badly.

She’d kept the truth from him for a week, and she’d had a damn good reason for it. Maybe he hadn’t told any bald-faced lies, but he’d been fully aware she wanted to know about his life, and he’d purposely left her in the dark.

Because he didn’t trust her.

Jessi had that right, but she thought the problem was with her. And that, he decided, might be the worst thing he’d done. Made her doubt herself, made her feel not good enough. Made her believe she was only temporary…

The front door opened. Benji poked his head out and said, “You gonna come inside, Hold?”

“Shut the door, Benj,” he heard Jessi yell, probably from the kitchen. “We can’t afford to heat the whole island. Hold will be here when he gets here.”

“He’s here now!” Benji yelled back. “He’s just standing in front of the house.”

“Thanks, Ben,” he muttered as he walked through the door.

“Is Mom mad at you? Is that why you’re afraid to come inside?”

“What did she tell you?”

“Nothing. She’s awful quiet. Chewie ate half of a couch pillow then barfed it up on the stairs, and Mom just shook her head. And she let me have peanut butter and jelly for dinner. She usually makes me eat vegetables before a sleepover, ’cuz she knows I’m gonna have all sorts of junk food.”

“Benji,” Jessi said quietly from the kitchen doorway.

“See what I mean?” he whispered to Hold.

Hold grasped Benji’s shoulder, but it was more to comfort himself, he decided.

Jessi just stood there, quiet like Benji had said, and it wasn’t just about words. She was usually a firecracker, always moving, always smiling, crackling energy from the crown of her madly curling hair to the tips of her pink-painted toes.

Tonight she was the dead calm eye at the center of the storm raging around her.

“Go get your things together,” she said to Benji.

He took off and left an awkward silence behind him.

Hold filled it by putting his foot in his mouth. “Do you think it’s a good idea to let him go to a sleepover?”

For just a second her eyes fired, but the spark died almost before he saw it.

“He’s just going next door,” Jessi said calmly. “He’ll probably be safer there than here. There’s a man in the house,” she added with a slight smile to take the sarcasm out of that observation, “not to mention seven kids of various ages sacked out in sleeping bags on the living room floor. They’d be like little alarm systems if someone tried to get into the house.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to question your decision.”

“He’s not in danger yet.” But her gaze went to Benji, lingered as he came downstairs lugging a backpack filled to bursting.

“I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

“Aren’t you gonna ask me if I have actual clothes in here?” Benji shared a see-I-told-you-so look with Hold. “And a toothbrush?”

“I figure you’re old enough to avoid walking around naked with bad breath. Say good-bye to Hold. He’s leaving in the morning.”

This was clearly news to Benji. He stopped halfway to the door and swung around. “Are you coming back, Hold?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back early next week.”

Benji smiled and raced out the door. Jessi crossed to the window and watched him until he disappeared safely into the neighbor’s house.

“I’ll be back next week,” Hold repeated.

“All right,” she said with that maddening calm.

The fire he…okay,
loved
about her, was gone. Because of him. She stood less than three feet away from him and he didn’t know how to reach her.

But he figured groveling would be involved.

“Hungry?” she asked him. “We already ate—”

“You mean Benji ate,” Hold said.

“Maybe this is a bad idea.” Jessi wrapped her hands around her waist, looked everywhere but at him. “You’re still angry with me.”

“Still? No. Again.”

“Then you should go, Hold.” And now she met his eyes. “I didn’t invite you here so we could fight.”

“You obviously don’t want to talk.”

“No.” She walked into his arms and kissed him, and it was every bit as open, as generous, as sweet as the first time. He ought to pull back, but here was all the warmth, all the fire he’d been missing. And then he stopped thinking and simply felt.

He swept Jessi up and carried her up the stairs, loving the feel of her, slight and warm, in his arms. She hooked her hands behind his neck and he loved the feel of her head resting on his shoulder. She sighed when he laid her on the bed, sighed and reached for him, and something rushed through him, a warm gush that was only part lust. It was the other part he didn’t want to think about.

Even the lust was no match for the other sensation, swelling through him like a symphony. There was no rushing this time; he wanted to give, to
show
her how much he treasured her, at least here. He drew her clothes away slowly, savoring every inch of flesh exposed, drinking in her sighs, her moans. Her skin heated under his hands and his tongue, like roses blooming. Her body moved as he joined himself to her in the slow, sensual dance.

She rose and fell with him. Her hands moved over his skin, her lips cruised over his face, his neck. Every touch, every kiss, drove the heat and need higher. She took what he offered and gave back even more, filling him with light and joy, so much joy he wondered how he could hold it inside.

He’d stayed in the finest hotels the world over—Paris, London, Rome—but here, on this rocky scrap of an island, in this tiny bedroom with its well-used furniture and somewhat saggy mattress he felt…tended. Loved. The kind of love he’d been searching for without ever realizing it. The kind of love that gave without asking for payment, that offered without demand.

Her every touch seduced, every whisper entranced; the feel of her body moving with his lifted him another impossible degree, brought him even more light, more joy.

He gave her the same caring, the same attention. He told her what he couldn’t put into words, urged her slowly, gently, to peak, then fell with her.

Sated, he gathered her close, her head pillowed on his shoulder, and just drifted in a lovely haze until sleep took him away.

It started to snow during the night—soft, fat flakes that floated past Jessi’s bedroom windows and made the early morning light glow like pearls. Hold slept, peaceful as a baby, with that light flowing over his face and the arm he’d flung over his head.

They’d have to get up soon, she thought, but for just a few minutes the world was quiet and soft and right. She could pretend Hold belonged there, in her bed, in her life.

For now, Hold was hers. She could slide up against him and run her fingertips over his warm skin, so she did. She could kiss his shoulder, his neck, nibble on his ear and nip at his bottom lip. She could slip her body over his, find him hard and ready, and take him in.

“Damn fine way to wake me up, sugar,” he said, groaning as she began to move. His hands gripped her hips, but she kept moving slowly, even when he hissed in a breath and murmured, “You’re killing me”—slow and steady until the friction, the feel of him under her, in her, became an inferno of heat and hunger raging through her.

Hold reared up and took the peak of her breast into his mouth. Reality narrowed down to his lips and tongue, drawing sharply at her nipple, his hands digging into her sides. The ache deep inside her tightened, growing with each slide of flesh over flesh until she couldn’t bear it. Pleasure broke through in waves that swamped her, left her gasping for air and so weak she collapsed on top of Hold and braced herself as he came, and the waves inside her peaked, impossibly, again.

“Hell of a way to wake up,” Hold said again, voice deep, breath ragged, arms tight around her.

Jessi just nodded as she slipped over to lie beside him, keeping her head turned away so he wouldn’t see her tears.

“The bus is leaving in twenty,” Maggie said as she walked through the office door, looking crisp and professional in her flight suit.

Jessi stayed at her desk. Business as usual, she thought when Hold came out of the little office and met her eyes expectantly. She didn’t kiss and hug any of their other charter customers, and while Hold wasn’t just any charter customer, Solomon Charters was still her workplace. She refused to be anything less than professional—even when he came over and settled on the edge of her desk like he always did.

Too close, she thought as his scent wrapped around her, as she could feel his warmth, as she fought the need to throw herself into his arms and ask him not to go.

“I’ll be outside,” Maggie said, then tapped her watch as she walked away. “Eighteen minutes.”

“You’re not going to see me off?”

“We said good-bye this morning,” she said, managing to smile up at him. “Twice.”

“That wasn’t good-bye.”

“No,” she murmured. “You’ll be back.”

Hold would return, she had no doubt, to finish the genealogy. He’d made a commitment there. He hadn’t made one to her. It broke her heart a little every minute she spent with him, knowing he wouldn’t really let her in. But it was her heart; he’d never asked her to give it to him.

When Hold came back, they’d pick up right where they left off. She’d take every minute she could get with him, enjoy every second of those minutes, and not waste one of them thinking about endings.

“When I get back, we have to talk,” Hold said.

She looked up at him again, heard something in his voice, saw something in his eyes that fed the stubborn little nugget of hope inside her, made it brighten and strain at the limits she tried to maintain. “Oh?” she said as casually as she could manage with her breath backing up and her heart pounding out of control. “Can’t you tell me now?”

He took her chin, tipped her face up to his, dropped a light kiss on her lips. “When I get back.”

Just the warmth of his touch was so irresistible, made her yearn so much. But she suppressed that ache, pushed away the need for reassurance, only lifted her eyes to his and smiled. “Now I’ll have two reasons to look forward.”

Maggie poked her head in the door. “Move it, Abbot.”

He pushed off the desk, dropped another kiss, this one on her forehead, and headed out.

Maggie hung back. “You okay?”

Jessi smiled. “Fine. He’ll be back, right?”

“For how long?”

“For however long he can stay.”

Maggie glared after Hold.

“He’s made no promises, Mags. In fact, he’s been very careful not to offer more…”

“More than sex?”

“There’s more than sex between us.”

“But less than the relationship you want. And deserve.”

“I wasn’t looking for a husband, remember?”

“Sounds like the kind of denial that comes from your head, not your heart.”

“What my heart feels is
my
problem, not his.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry, Jess.”

“For what?”

“For telling you to have a fling with that…that Y chromosome.”

“It’s the Y chromosome—among other things—that makes him interesting.”

“Well, he’s an ass.”

“Yeah, that comes along with the Y chromosome. And he’s not an ass all the time.”

“Only when it counts. And why the hell are you being so reasonable about it?”

Jessi shrugged. “I can’t be anything else.”

“Settling for what you can have?” Maggie shook her head. “It’s not you, Jess.”

No, it wasn’t her. “You’re right, Maggie. I want it all. Home, family, husband—one who loves me so much he doesn’t feel whole when we’re apart.”

“But Hold doesn’t want that.”

“I don’t know what Hold wants, but it’s not settling to accept that I can’t force him to feel what I feel, Maggie. It’s not settling to just enjoy being with him. It’s not settling unless there’s someone better out there for me.”

“Just don’t stop looking, Jess. You deserve more.”

Jessi put a smile on her face, even if she knew it was a little melancholy. “Go on, or you’ll be off schedule all day.”

“Fine, but when I get back we’re going to talk.”

“Great, more talking.”

Maggie frowned.

Jessi waved her off. “Have a safe flight.”

“I will,” Maggie said. “I’m not sure about Abbot.”