Highway To Armageddon (24 page)

           
I tear off my jacket and toss it to the floor. That causes another fire.

           
By now most of the people in the saloon are aware of the inferno. Everyone
stops brawling and runs for the exit. Quite a few of the cowboys drag their
unconscious foes to safety. I find it amazing they’re willing to save the very
people they were just fighting. The Wild West is truly a bizarre place.

           
I glance around the saloon, looking for Krystal and Boom Boom. I rush past
Machete, who’s on the ground trading blows with Yin.

           
“Machete, we need to go! Now!”

           
Machete looks up and gasps. “Who the hell started the fire?”

           
I decide not to answer. Machete stops pounding Yin and tosses her against the
wall. She then runs over to Arrow, who’s still slumped over on the floor, and
lifts him over her shoulder. She snatches up his bow and arrows, too.

           
Grunting under Arrow’s weight, Machete says, “Grab the girls and let’s roll.”

           
A load creaking sound reverberates throughout the saloon. I look up just as a
flaming rafter dislodges from the roof and plummets toward me. Machete and I
barely jump out of the way in time.

           
“Like I said, let’s go,” Machete says, barging toward the exit.

           
I turn around and nearly collide into Krystal. She has her arm around the
bartender’s shoulder, helping him hobble out.

           
“Where’s Boom Boom?” Krystal gasps.

           
“I don’t know. I…”

           
I trail off when I spot her over by the bar, at the opposite end where Pitbull
and I were just brawling. She’s on her knees, crouched over a body… the body of
a young girl. Dorothy is kneeling, too, with her head in her hands. Some black
cowboy dude is slouched against the wall as well, with blood trickling down his
face. I think it’s the guy Dorothy and Sally called ‘Big Daddy’.

           
Sally!

           
I look back at the body. A lump forms in my throat as I begin to realize what
happened.

           
“I… I’ll go get her,” I stammer.

           
“Well hurry up,” Krystal calls after me. “This place is going up in smoke!”

           
I dash over to Boom Boom and slide next to her. Sally’s eyes are closed and her
face is snow-white. Boom Boom is pressing a blood-soaked jacket against her
chest, but it does little to stop the hemorrhaging. The lump in my throat grows
larger. It’s not fair that someone like Sally would meet her end it such a
horrific way. No young girl should have to suffer what she went through.

           
Part of the second floor balcony suddenly collapses. I gently tug on Boom
Boom’s arm. “We have to go,
now
.”

           
Boom Boom turns to me, as if she’s just noticing for the first time that I’m by
her side. She’s still wearing her shades, but I can see the tears streaming
down her cheeks.

           
Boom Boom lifts her shades and wipes her eyes. In a cracked voice she says,
“Okay. C’mon, Dorothy, we need to get out of here.”

           
Boom Boom and I stand up, but Dorothy remains at Sally’s side. “Now, we can’t
leave her!”

           
I reach for Dorothy’s arm. “I’m sorry, but it’s too late for her. If we stay
any longer…”

           
“No!” Dorothy screams, backing away from my outstretched hand. “Either she
comes with us, or I stay!”

           
The crackling roof releases a terrifying groan. Flaming pieces of wood rain
down on top of us. The whole place could cave at any moment.

           
“Alright, we’ll take her. But we need to move!”

           
I cradle Sally’s lifeless body in my arms. Boom Boom grabs Dorothy’s hand and
follows me to the door.

           
I burst through the swinging door just as the creaking roof begins to crumble.
I spin around and shout, “Boom Boom, hurry!”

           
I watch in horror as the roof collapses. Boom Boom and Dorothy dive through the
door literally a split-second before the flaming wreckage slams to the ground.
They collide into me and we all tumble off the porch.

           
I lay on the ground for a few seconds before lifting my head. I’m so close to
the flaming remnants of the saloon that my skin begins to roast. I grab Sally’s
arm and scoot us back as far as I can. Dorothy and Boom Boom scoot back as
well.

           
Boom Boom coughs, clearing her lungs of acrid smoke. “That was too close.”

           
I watch as some of the flames from the saloon spread to nearby stores. If this
fire isn’t put out soon, it could engulf the entire town. Then again, maybe
that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

           
The bartender marches over and points a quivering finger at me. “
You
did
this! You and your miserable friends! You burned down my saloon!”

           
Machete, Arrow, and Krystal make their way over. Krystal puts her hands on her
hips and says, “Quit your complaining. We did you a favor. Your saloon was a
dump. Just cash in the insurance and move on!”

           
“We don’t have insurance in the Wild West!” the bartender shouts.

           
All the cowboys from the saloon begin to surround us. A lot of them have their
pistols out.

           
“This doesn’t look good, guys,” I mutter.

           
“Just stay calm,” Boom Boom whispers. “Don’t provoke an altercation.”

           
“But I hate being calm,” Machete growls.

           
We’re seconds way from being sucked into a Wild West shootout when the sheriff
rides over on his horse. He’s followed by his deputies and the fake bank
robbers.

           
“What in tarnation is going on here?” the sheriff shouts.

           
The bartender points at us. “Those hoodlums burned down my saloon! And now the
fire’s spreading to the rest of the city!”

           
This point is emphasized when people run out of the neighboring stores,
screaming, “Fire! Fire!”

           
The sheriff scowls. “Wait a minute, you’re the same twerps who attacked my
actors. You just can’t seem to stay out of trouble, can ya?”

           
“It’s hard,” Krystal answers honestly. “It’s
real
hard.”

           
The sheriff turns to one of his deputies. “Go fetch the fire department, Larry.
If we don’t get this fire under control, the whole town will go up like a
tinderbox. Mr. Blackbird will have our hides if such a travesty were to occur.”

           
“Yes sir,” the deputy says. He pulls on the reins of his horse and kicks his
side. The horse neighs and takes off at a gallop, kicking up a trail of dust
behind him.

           
The sheriff reaches for his gun. “Now listen here, fellas. We can do this the
easy way or the hard way. It’s totally up to you.”

           
Arrow notches an arrow onto his bow. “The hard way sounds more fun.”

           
The sheriff cocks his gun. The sound of dozens of other pistols being cocked
rings out across the dusty street.

           
Krystal, Boom Boom, and Machete whip out their guns out as well. My gun, of
course, is a piece of crap that doesn’t work. I unsheathe a blade and flip it
around in my hands.

           
“This should be fun,” Machete says. “We can shoot our way out as if it were a
real-life western.”

           
Boom Boom hands Dorothy a spare gun. It’d be nice if she gave it to me. I feel
like an idiot bringing a knife to a gun fight.

           
“I… I never fired a gun before,” Dorothy stammers.

           
“It’s simple,” Boom Boom says. “Just aim it at a cowboy and pull the trigger.”

           
“Oh, okay.”

           
Dorothy aims the gun at the sheriff.

           
“Uh, wait Dorothy,” I say, lunging for her arm.

           
BLAM!

           
I’m too late. Boom Boom pulls the trigger and the sheriff topples off of his
horse. He crumples to the ground and grabs his bleeding shoulder. “Help! I’ve
been shot!”

           
Machete slaps Dorothy on her back. “Nice shot, girlie. Next time, though, aim
for the heart.”

           
“Sorry,” Dorothy exclaims. “I didn’t mean to!”

           
“Get em!” one of the deputies shouts.

           
All the cowboys fire their guns. Luckily they’re drunk, so their aims are
horrible.

           
Me, Boom Boom, and the rest of the gang scatter. A few shots nick my Kevlar
vest, but nothing hits my flesh. I’m sure that will change the longer this goes
on.

           
Pretty soon bullets are flying everywhere, shattering windows and ripping apart
buildings. I grab Dorothy’s wrist and yank her behind some barrels of molasses.

           
“Omigod, omigod, omigod!” Dorothy cries. “What is going on?”

           
“This is what happens when you shoot first. Usually we try a little diplomacy
before we start blasting people.”

           
“Sorry, I’m new at this.” Dorothy’s hands are shaking violently and she has her
gun aimed directly at me. I push her trembling hands in the opposite direction.

           
“We’re going to get out of this, but you’ve got to remain calm.”

           
“O… okay. I… I’ll try.”

           
I peek out from behind the barrels just in time to see Yin and Yang leap off
the roof of a one-story pharmacy across the street.

           
“The bounty hunters are ours!” Yin yells, hurling throwing stars at several
cowboys. It turns out the old saying is true:
the enemy of my enemy is my
friend
. Just moments ago Yin and Yang were trying to hack us to bits, but
now they’re helping us fend off an army of cowboys… so they can eventually hack
us to bits. My brain hurts from trying to process it all.

           
I grab Dorothy’s gun and fire several shots. I hit one cowboy in the arm and
another in the ass. (I have no idea why he turned around.) I duck behind my
barrel a few seconds later when a bombardment of bullets flies my way. Dorothy
crouches into a ball and plunges her fingers in her ears.

           
After the onslaught of bullets dies down, I peek back out to see how my friends
are faring. Krystal is hiding behind a horse cart, occasionally emerging to fire
off shots. Boom Boom, Arrow, and Machete are doing most of the work, leaping
from hiding place to hiding place, taking down cowboys with insanely accurate
gunshots. And of course Yin and Yang are making quick work of the cowboy army,
especially since they’re not as hesitant as we are to use lethal force.

           
Arrow and Machete are close enough that I can hear them shouting at each other.

           
“Arrow, take a horse and go get the car!” Machete shouts over the BLAM! BLAM!
BLAM! of her pistol.

           
“No, I’m not leaving you guys!”

           
“Damn it, Arrow, we don’t have time to argue! Go get the Moon Cruiser and pick
us up! These cowboys are coming out of the woodwork.”

           
Arrow finally gives in to Machete’s demands and runs into an alley. He emerges
a moment later on horseback, galloping down the street under a hail of gunfire,
kicking up a trail of dust behind him. Somehow, someway, he doesn’t get hit.

           
I turn my attention back to the swelling army of cowboys. Several bullets
obliterate our barrels, forcing us out of hiding. I grab Dorothy yet again and
yank her behind a casket outside the tombstone place.

           
I no more than jump up to fire my gun when a gleaming throwing star whizzes
past my head, grazing my right ear. The star imbeds into a tombstone directly
behind me.

           
Yang hops over, wielding her sword. “We have business to settle,” she growls
before swinging her blade down over my head.

           
Dorothy and I jump back. The sword cleaves the casket in two, in the exact spot
I was just standing. I scoot back until I bump into the tombstone.

           
“What’s going on, Yang? I thought we were teaming up against the cowboys!”

           
“You thought wrong.” Yang comes at me again. I roll out of the way just as the
blade slices the tombstone in half

           
Dorothy snatches my gun and fires it at Yang, but she misses. Yang retaliates
by kicking Dorothy in the face. Dorothy yelps and tumbles into the open casket.
Yang spins around and kicks me in the gut. I stumble backwards, struggling not
to fall.

           
Yang charges toward me, swinging her sword like a lunatic. I continue backing
up until I stumble over the bottom step of a restaurant. Yang swings her sword
at me, which I narrowly avoid by rolling out of the way. I leap onto the porch
and grab a small chair. I heave the chair at Yang, who simply ducks to avoid
it. She then kicks me in the neck. I fall through the restaurant’s front door
and collapse onto the floor.