Hill of Secrets: An Israeli Jewish mystery novel (30 page)

Dad, Mom, Meirav, and Michal,

When you read this letter, I will no longer be alive. If my plans play out, my whole family will be, too. I am done with my life. There is no point to my life or to my family's life. I am doing all of us a favor. I have wanted to kill myself for a long while, and in the last week I have decided to take my family with me. That would save all of us the shame and hardship. I want you to know I am sorry for everything. For the rift between us, for the dismissive attitude, and mostly for what I am about to do to my children and myself. I should apologize to my father and mother-in-law as well, for taking their daughter away from them, but I admit and confess, I have no bit of sorrow or remorse about what I am about to do to Hanni.

It's almost midnight. The house is peaceful and quiet. I don't know if I'll have the courage to do what I want; I don't know if I want or don't want to have the courage. I just know I'm fed up with everything. I'm tired of a loveless life, a life of never-ending money chasing. You will discover after we're gone that we have nothing. Everything belongs to the bank, and even if we sold everything, we would still be in debt. I have no tiny hope that anything will change. To my regret, my "beloved" wife manages to shut her eyes and heart from our dire state and instead of trying to help me get out of the pit we have fallen in, she's only digging it deeper and deeper.

I married out of great love; although, since the beginning, I had a feeling it was not mutual. I gave everything for my love and now I'm taking it all back—with interest. Every morning I get up and fantasize that today I'll have the courage to depart from this world, from this endless chase. And each day I have another sliver of hope that everything will be fine, that somehow we’ll get by. About a year ago, I discovered that a guy named Yigal—whom I know from synagogue—performed an indecent act on a boy from the neighborhood. For a year I have been holding in my heart the horrible secret about Yigal, extorting this horrible man for my personal purposes. There’s not a day I don't tell myself, 'today is the day I send this video to the police,' but I can't find the strength to leave this fruitful source of income.

I'm just disgusted with myself. I'm just as bad as he is. I hoped, innocent as I was, that the extortion would prevent him from continuing to carry out his evil deeds. I am so stupid and naïve. In my darkest dreams I never imagined that reality would knock on my door like that, that the wheel would turn on me. A slightly frightened look from Ariel was all it took for me to understand everything. I didn't want this pervert to come to Galit's birthday, and Hanni thought it was because of the money (actually we couldn’t afford a clown, but that's not why I didn't want Yigal). I shuddered at the thought of him touching my children, but that's the way I discovered that he already had. I was so alert at operating Yigal that I couldn't miss Ariel's reaction. I’ve prayed with all my might that I'm wrong and misunderstood, but I understood perfectly.

Yesterday at noon, two days after the birthday party, I found the time and place and talked to Ariel. We both went down to the garden when Hanni and the girls fell asleep; I managed to get Ariel to talk. Everything started to connect. For years we've been told that Ariel needs treatment, because he’s difficult, and suddenly he calmed down. Hanni was sure she was right all along, that he just needed some time. She was so wrong. Ariel was getting treatment, but not the right kind. My beloved Ariel had to go through what no child should have to experience.

I almost killed Yigal yesterday. I took my gun and waited for him by his house. I thought I'd kill him and commit suicide, but like everything in life, that went wrong too. When he came home, one second before I went up to him and shot him, his two little girls came running to him. Pretty girls, dressed in blue and white with Bnei Akivah blue ties. They hugged him warmly and he was happy. As happy as I haven't been in years. I knew he deserved to die, but I couldn't do it. His daughters didn't deserve me killing their father. If I’d complained about him a year ago, how many kids would I have spared from this nightmare? Surely Ariel.

It's time to take responsibility for my actions. I admit I will be taking Hanni's life with joy. She ruined my life and our children's lives. I take the lives of my beloved children with a heavy heart, but I feel that this way I will spare them the sorrow and pain that they will have to face. Mom and Dad—I love you and ask your forgiveness once more.

Meir

Dear Reader,

If you are reading these lines, you have probably finished reading the book and I hope your reading experience was pleasant.

If you enjoyed the read, I would be very grateful if you would take another minute of your time and leave a
positive review on the book's Amazon page
.

I would like to take the last lines of the book to tell you a little about myself. I was born in 1974 in Israel, into a religious Jewish family. After my military service (in Israel, every high school graduate must enlist for military or civilian service), I met my husband and I started studying economics and accounting. I studied at one of the most prestigious faculties in Israel and I was very prominent student. In 1999, I finished my studies and accounting firms fought for the right to hire me. My future as a senior accountant was spread before me and all the people around me expected me to reach one of the top positions in the Israeli economy. In 2000, I started my internship with one of the largest accounting firms in the world and I was sure that I was on the right track.

Toward the end of that year, when I was twenty-six, I tried to become pregnant for the first time and, unfortunately, suffered a miscarriage. This was the starting point of the most six difficult years of my life. For six years, my life revolved around my attempts to conceive. At one point, it became clear to me that I wouldn't fulfill my career ambitions in the financial field. My desire to become a mother was stronger than my need to be a career woman. The difficulties and the suffering I went through made me reconsider my life, which had been so clear and promising only a few years earlier. I realized that I had no interest in a financial career and I started to look for a purpose in my life. I must note that I still work today as an accountant - but my role does not approach the aspirations that I and others had of me when I started out. I'm using the qualifications I acquired in order to earn a living.

In 2006, my only son was born, and after his birth I discovered the joy of writing. At first, I invested my energy in writing a blog, but after I went through another crisis, when I realized that I couldn't conceive again, I decided to focus on my creativity rather than sink into depression and self-pity. Writing saved me from the depths of depression and gave a new meaning to my life. I like to let my imagination go free and to convey social messages which are important to me

My first book,
Confessions of an Abandoned Wife
, was published in Israel in 2011. The Israeli market is very small and I was advised to translate the book and upload it to Amazon.com in order to reach a wider audience of readers. At first I refused… I couldn't believe that a non-Israeli reader would be interested in a book whose story is intertwined with Israeli daily life. To my great joy, I was persuaded in 2014 to translate my second book,
Hill of Secrets
, and I uploaded it to Amazon.com. The comments I received just warmed my heart and made it clear that readers really are interested in reading about cultures other than their own. This interest in Israeli culture encouraged me to write a blog in which I describe and explain the uniqueness of Israeli life (daily life here doesn't reach the average viewer of CNN news).

I invite you to log on to
my blog
and read about Israel and other topics that interest me.

I would also be very grateful if you’d
sign up to my mailing list
. My subscribers receive updates when I post new posts in my blog as well as updates on new books and special deals on my books.

In conclusion, I want to mention once again how important
positive reviews on the Amazon site
are to me. Even more important than the enjoyment any creator receives from the positive reinforcement for his work, positive reviews for my books allow me to reach more readers – and without new readers I can't exist as a writer.

Thank you for reading me. This is the greatest compliment a writer can hope for.

Yours,

Michal

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michal Hartstein
was born in 1974 in Israel into a religious family, studied economics and accounting at the University of Tel Aviv and started a career in finance.

In 2006, after becoming a mother, she decided to change direction and began to write. For several years she has written a popular personal blog, and in 2011 published her first book,
Confession of an Abandoned Wife
.
After two years she published her second book,
Hill of Secrets
. In 2014 she participated in the Israeli Nanowrimo contest and wrote
Déjà vu
. The book was one of the winners and was published in Israel in 2015.

Hartstein’s books vividly describe the life of the Israeli middle class, focusing on middle class women.

.