Himiko: Warrior (10 page)

You figured out what he's doing for a living, didn't you?

Matt looked disbelievingly at Robbie.

Robbie just shook his head. "Come on, it's not exactly difficult to guess. I mean, he started going back to work at about the same time that you suddenly looked like you had been attacked all over again. Do you really think that I believed your talk about a 'relapse'? You don't get those a month after having a concussion. At least, not unless you do something incredibly stupid, and you didn't."

Matt didn't even know what to say. Underestimating Robbie used to be something Pietr did, not Matt.

"It's okay." Robbie's voice was softer. "I get it."

"It's a mess." Matt wanted to confide in Robbie, but he couldn't risk anything. Fortunately, Pietr had shown him how to hide things deep down where nobody could find them, so he didn't risk Robbie finding out.

"It is. But it's not really his mess."

Matt looked questioningly at Robbie. "He said that it was."

Robbie made an impatient noise. "Yes, he likes to take all of the world's troubles on his shoulders. And he is to blame for some of it, but most of it is..." Robbie suddenly looked a little sick.

"Don't." Matt kept himself meticulously shielded, careful not to let anything slip that could endanger either of them. But a look could say more than many words.

Robbie's eyes widened, then he nodded slowly. "Okay. Okay." He seemed to shake himself. "So... You're fine now?"

Matt was relieved to leave the dangerous subject. He shrugged. "I don't know. We should be, but we're..."

"You're not?" Robbie's voice was gentle.

Matt shook his head. He couldn't meet Robbie's eyes. "Not really. I never thought there could be anything hidden between mind readers."

Robbie snorted. "Believe me, after a while you get almost as good as humans at avoiding the elephant in the room. It doesn't mean that you should. Otherwise, you just have to use a shovel and a lot of cursing to dig yourself out of the trenches you've made." There was a lot of frustration in his voice, Aki clear in Robbie's thoughts.

"He was that difficult?"

"Yes. And don't change the subject."

Matt didn't even try to pretend that he hadn't. "I just don't know what to do. Intellectually, I understand what he's done, and I even believe him when he explains his reasons for doing it. But emotionally... It's really a mess."

"How about physically?"

"Robbie!"

"I am your doctor."

Matt reluctantly answered. "Our bodies know what they need. Sometimes I think that's all that's keeping us together."

"It is what's keeping you sane. If the intimacy stops, you go a little crazy."

Matt chose to blush instead of answering.

"You're a brain person, aren't you?"

"I'm a what?"

"A brain person. You experience everything logically. Like when you had Aki explain the reasons for your training to you in the beginning. You're only able to accept things if you understand them intellectually."

Matt stared at him. Then he nodded. "I guess so."

"And you go into one of your rages now and then to counterbalance all of that rationality. But what I mean is that you obviously haven't gotten what you need from Pietr."

"He did explain what he had done. And why," Matt protested.

"Not well enough to convince you. Or maybe he only convinced the rational part of you. You need to figure out how to get the explanation from him that you so clearly need in order to make things between you better."

Matt narrowed his eyes. How was this suddenly becoming his fault?

"And don't try avoiding this by getting angry. It won't do you any good."

"Do you read minds? I mean..."

Robbie shook his head overbearingly. "No, you're just too predictable, Matt. No need to break any kind of shields, even if I had been able to do that."

Matt tried to hold back his huff. He wasn't sure how well he succeeded.

Robbie wisely chose to ignore him. The doctor suddenly looked a little tired. "Promise me you'll do something about it, okay?"

"I'll think about it."

"No, you won't. I said do something."

Matt blinked. "Okay," he promised. He suddenly had a whole new understanding of what Aki had been through. "But you look tired. You were actually supposed to be the patient today, not the shrink."

Robbie protested, but he didn't complain when Matt got a blanket and pulled it over him. It was all very well that the Himiko claimed to be fine, but he still cuddled up closely to Matt, and he was grateful for the hug Matt gave him.

I am fine. Just a little shook up.

Matt held on.
It's okay. Have a nap; I'm not going anywhere.

Matt could tell that Robbie thought about claiming that he was fully able to stay awake. Then Robbie fell asleep.

***

The rising dissatisfaction on the Internet and the attack on Robbie served as constant reminders to Matt of what his mate had done. He kept telling himself that it wasn't all Pietr's fault, that Pietr hadn't wanted to do it. It was still there, though, lingering in the back of his mind.

He did everything he could to conceal his thoughts from Pietr, but of course he couldn't keep them entirely hidden. It made their connection feel strangely awkward, made him hold back from revealing anything to his mate. It felt really wrong.

And it wasn't only Matt who felt it. Pietr had been hurt, and not only by Matt's initial rejection. There was an older hurt lingering in Pietr's mind, caused both by harming so many humans and from keeping the information about it from Matt.

Matt felt as if Pietr's admission had left a bitter residue of sorrow and betrayal in his mind, in spite of all of his good intentions to reconcile with Pietr. He didn't want to feel that way, but it was there nevertheless.

Really, Matt, it's okay.
Pietr was quiet, simply grateful that Matt was still with him. They were sitting in the garden.

I know. I'm sorry.
It felt as if they had done nothing but apologize to each other in the weeks since Matt found out.

Oh, no, you aren't going to start saying you're sorry again, are you?
Pietr was trying so hard to get back to their old teasing that Matt got a lump in his throat. Then he smacked his mate, just for good measure.

Hey!
There was a strange mixture of offense and relief in Pietr's mind.

Let's go for a walk.
Matt wanted something normal, soothing. And maybe Robbie's advice hadn't been that bad. Maybe Pietr still had some explaining to do.

Outside?
There was horror in Pietr's words when he saw the image of the forest in Matt's mind.

Yes.
Matt frowned at the strange question.
Unless you want to walk in very small circles, then outside is better.

But there are bears in North America!

Not here, you idiot!
Matt was exasperated. At least that explained why Pietr always stayed in the garden.
Nobody ever got eaten by a bear around here.

It occurred to Matt that he actually didn't know if he was telling the truth. Well, at least he had never heard about anybody getting eaten.

That's so not reassuring!

Matt gave up arguing and just pulled Pietr out of the house.
I promise to let any bears eat me first, okay? I'm much tastier than you.

Pietr's mind was a combination of outrage and a very real fear of the predators. However, Matt could feel how Pietr was determined to make up for his mistakes, and this was somehow a way to do that.

As usual, Pietr refused to admit to any weakness, even though Matt could tell just from listening to Pietr's mind that he really was scared.
How much does a bear eat? You're enough, right? You've been looking a bit too skinny to be a good meal lately.

Matt just took a firm grip on Pietr and pulled him in close. Touching Pietr in itself made everything easier, and Pietr leaned in a little. Their bodies knew what they both needed.

They didn't talk while they made their way to the lake. Pietr gave a low whistle when he saw the water.

This is where you practice?

Nah, this is where I go when I want to relax. It's my special place.
A special place that he wanted to share with Pietr.

Pietr hugged him tighter, but didn't say anything as they sat down on the grass, looking out over the lake. It was a cloudy day, so the view wasn't as beautiful as when the water mirrored the blue sky. But it was still calm and quiet, and Matt could feel how the tranquility seeped into him and made him relax.

The surroundings had the same effect on Pietr, or maybe he could feel Matt relax. The tension started leaving his body, and Matt pulled him back so they were lying in the grass.

None of us are perfect; you know that, right?

Of course I know,
Pietr said, a touch of his impatience back.
There's just a huge difference between leaving your towels on the floor and harvesting humans.

Yes.
There was nothing Matt could say to deny that.
But you didn't do it because you liked it. You did believe it was the best thing to do in the beginning, didn't you?

Yeah. I still think it's a good method to get humans to know us better. We've just done it in a horrible way.

Your plan was good. The execution of it just really sucked. Which basically goes for the entire invasion, come to think of it.
Matt had never understood the reason why the Himika came to Earth. He decided to take Robbie's advice.

Why did you actually come here? And why now? Just because we were ready to accept your existence?
Pietr had explained all this to him when they bonded, but he had been so busy trying to survive everything that was happening that he hadn't paid much attention.

Things were getting bad here.
Pietr's inner voice was quiet, and he let one hand rest on Matt's chest, anchoring them both.
We meant to wait a little longer, to ensure that people all over the planet were ready to meet us. But you stopped evolving, and you didn't seem to care that you weren't making sufficient progress to even keep your fellow humans from dying.

That stung, but Matt guessed that Pietr was right. Despite all the good intentions, people were still suffering and dying from famine and infectious diseases.

It isn't just that -- we understand that it isn't easy to solve problems like that. It was more your priorities. You seemed engrossed in unimportant matters like religion or economics, and at the same time, you seemed oblivious to the fact that you were getting still closer to a world where you didn't care for anything but your own survival and comfort. That's the beginning of the end, and I'm not sure that any of you ever realized that.

But economics matter! That's what's keeping everything running.

Does it really? Or rather, of course it does. But does the value of your house matter more than people starving to death? Because from the decisions humans make -- or don't make -- it seems that's the way you're thinking.

Matt didn't get it.
But shouldn't you have been here before, then? I mean, World War II was a catastrophe, and we could really have used some help then.

You could, but you weren't ready. Apart from that, that war was pretty straightforward; the psychological mechanisms behind it are easy to understand. As a matter of fact, World War I was far worse. But they were still just wars -- big ones, but well-defined conflicts nevertheless. What I'm talking about is a state of mind, a ruthlessness that you were beginning to accept as a common trait among you.

So you're saying, "make peace, not war?"

Pietr frowned.
You make it sound like some hippie slogan. It's a lot more important than that, and you know that.

Matt didn't, not really. He was sure that the Himika meant well, but the whole project seemed pretty far-fetched to him.

Pietr sighed.
I guess I'm not doing a great job of explaining this. You remember what I told you about the way Himika communicate, right?

That it's more than just communication?

Yes. It means that we're tied closely together as a species -- and that we're dependent on having those ties. We need to be able to trust each other; otherwise we can't exist.

There was something behind Pietr's words, something Pietr didn't want to tell him. Before Matt could ask about it, Pietr continued.

It doesn't mean that we're that different from you, but it does mean that we're a lot more sensitive to things that you won't register until it's too late. Because you're dependent on the same kind of trust whether you believe it or not. Your entire financial system or just the way you interact in traffic -- it's all based on the fact that you trust each other to abide by the rules you have set up.

And that's falling apart?
Matt was skeptical.