His Amish Sweetheart (14 page)

She'd been sincere when she said that, but was beginning to see her attempts to protect her heart by not risking it had been futile. Her heart ached now more than it had when Alvin Lee pushed her out of his life. God had led her away from that dangerous life, and she should be grateful He'd been wiser than she was. She was, but that did nothing to ease her heart's grief.

God, help me know what to feel.
She longed to pray for God to give her insight into why Nathaniel had gazed at her with such strong emotions while they rode from the hospital...and days later blithely drove past her with another woman by his side.

Abruptly the night had become far colder—and lonelier—than she'd guessed it ever could.

* * *

Nathaniel turned his buggy onto a shortcut between the Barkman farm and his own. He hadn't planned to go so far out of his way when Jacob needed to be at school tomorrow. However, at this time of night, the winding, hilly road was deserted and the drive was pleasant. As the moonlight shone down on the shorn fields, he was alone save for his thoughts because Jacob was asleep.

He'd enjoyed the wedding more than he'd expected he would. Seeing friends whom he'd known as a
kind
had been fun, and he was glad they hadn't jumped the fence and gone to live among the
Englischers
. Several had married someone he never would have guessed they would. Time had changed them, and he knew they'd faced challenges, too, because they spoke easily of what life had thrown at them since the last time Nathaniel had visited his grandparents. Among the conversations that were often interrupted when someone else recognized him, nobody seemed to notice he said very little about his own youth.

He'd deflected the few questions with answers like, “Things aren't different in Indiana from here,” or “Ancient history now. My brain is full of what I need to do at the farm. There isn't room for anything else.” Both answers were received with laughter and commiserating nods, which made it easy to change the conversation to anyone other than himself.

However, he hadn't had a chance to spend any time with Esther. He'd known she'd be busy in her role as a
Newehocker
, but he'd hoped to have some time with her. She hadn't come to the singing, though he wouldn't have had much time to talk with her. The singing had gone almost like the one after church. Katie Kay Lapp had monopolized his time that day, not giving him a chance to speak to anyone else. At this afternoon's singing, she'd been flirting with a young man who was a distant cousin of the Stoltzfus family.

He'd been greatly relieved, until Celeste Barkman had pushed past several other people and lamented to him that her brother was going home with someone else and she didn't have a ride. As the Barkman farm wasn't too far out of his way, Nathaniel had felt duty-bound to give her a ride. He hadn't thought much about it until he happened to glance at the Stoltzfuses' house and saw Esther standing alone beneath one of the big trees.

She'd looked upset, though the shadows playing across her face could have masked her true expression. If she'd been disconcerted, was it because he was giving Celeste a ride? An unsettling thought, especially when Esther had stressed over and over she wanted his friendship and nothing more. Why wasn't she being honest with him?

Shouts came behind him, and Nathaniel tightened his hold on the reins. He'd been letting the horse find its own way, but the raucous voices were mixed with loud music coming toward him at a high speed. As Jacob stirred, Nathaniel glanced in his rearview mirror. He was surprised not to see an
Englischer
's car or truck.

Instead, it was a buggy decked out with more lights and decals than any district's
Ordnung
would have sanctioned. What looked like
Englisch
Christmas lights were strung around the top of the buggy, draped as if on the branches of a pine tree. He wondered how either the driver or the horse could see past the large beacons hooked to the front of the buggy. Twin beams cut through the darkness more brilliantly than an automobile's headlights. The whole configuration reminded him of decked-out tractor-trailers he'd seen on the journey from Indiana to Paradise Springs.

Who was driving such a rig? He couldn't see into the vehicle as it sped past him on the other side of the road, though they were approaching a rise and a sharp corner. Large, too-bright lights were set next to the turn signals at the back, blinding him. When he could see again, it was gone.

He continued to blink, trying to get his eyes accustomed to the darkness again. What a fool that driver was! He prayed God would infuse the driver with some caution.

“What was that?” asked Jacob in a sleepy tone.

“Nothing important. We'll be home soon.”

“
Gut.
I want to make sure the alpacas' pen is clean before Esther comes tomorrow.”

Nathaniel's hands tightened on the reins, but he loosened his grip before he frightened Bumper. The horse was responsive to the lightest touch.

Trying to keep his voice even, Nathaniel asked, “Esther said she was coming over tomorrow?”

“I asked her. She needs to check the alpacas.”

“The veterinarian did.”

Jacob yawned. “She knows more about them than Doc Anstine does.”

Nathaniel had to admit that was true. She had a rare gift for convincing the shy creatures to trust her as she had with Jacob...and with him. He'd trusted her to tell him the truth, but he wasn't sure she had.

But you haven't been exactly honest with her, ain't so?
Again his conscience spoke to him in his
grossmammi
's voice.

He pushed those thoughts aside as his buggy crested the hill. He frowned. The flashy vehicle was stopped on the shoulder of the road. Slowing, he drew alongside it.

“Is there a problem?” he asked, bringing Bumper to a halt.

“Not with us.” Laughter followed the raucous reply.

For the first time, Nathaniel realized that, in addition to the driver, there were a woman and two men in the buggy that had been built to hold two people. He wondered how they managed to stay inside when the buggy hit a bump. Two men were dressed in
Englisch
clothes, but he couldn't tell if they were
Englischer
or young Amish exploiting their
rumspringa
by wearing such styles.

“Nice buggy,” the driver said. In the bright light, his red hair glowed like a fire. “It looks as if it were made by Joshua Stoltzfus.”

“I guess so.” He really hadn't given the matter any thought. It had been in the barn when he arrived at his grandparents' farm.

“He builds a
gut
buggy.”

“I can't imagine any Stoltzfus not doing a
gut
job with anything one of them sets his or her mind to.”

“Prove it.”

Nathaniel frowned. “Pardon me?”

“Prove it's
gut
. We'll have a race.”

He shook his head, aware Jacob was listening. “I don't want to race you.”

“Scared I'll beat you?”

The driver's companions began making clucking sounds, something Nathaniel had heard young
Englischers
do when they called someone a coward.

“It doesn't matter why I don't want to race,” he said, giving Bumper the command to start again. “I don't want to.”

The outrageous buggy matched his pace. “But we do.”

“Then you're going to have to find someone else.” He kept his horse at a walk.

“We will.” The driver leaned out of the buggy and snarled, “One other thing. Stay away from my girl.”

He frowned. The red-haired man was trying to pick a fight, futile because Nathaniel wouldn't quarrel with him.

When Nathaniel didn't answer, the driver hissed, “Stay away from Esther Stoltzfus. She's my girl.”

“Does she know that?” he retorted before he could halt himself.

The other men in the buggy crowed with laughter, and the driver threw them a furious glare.

“
Komm
on, Alvin Lee,” grumbled one of the men. “He's not worth it. Let's go find someone else who's not afraid.”

The buggy sped away, and Nathaniel wasn't sorry to see its silly lights vanish over another hill. Beside him, Jacob muttered under his breath.

When Nathaniel asked him what was wrong, Jacob stated, “Racing could hurt Bumper. That would be wrong.”

“Very wrong.”

“So why do they do it?”

He shrugged. “I don't know. Boredom? Pride? Whatever the reason is, it isn't enough to risk a horse and passengers.”

“Would you have raced him if I hadn't been here?”

“No. I'm not bored, and I know
hochmut
is wrong.” He grinned at the boy. “I know Bumper is a
gut
horse. I know I don't need to prove it to anyone.”

Jacob's eyes grew round, and Nathaniel realized the boy was startled by his words. He waited for the boy to ask another question, but Jacob seemed lost in thought. The boy didn't speak again until they came over the top of another hill only a few miles from home and saw bright lights in front of them.

“What's that?” Jacob pointed along the road.

Nathaniel was about to reply that it must be the redhead's buggy, then realized the bright lights weren't on the road. They looked as if they'd fallen off it.

“Hold on!” he called to Jacob. “Go!” He slapped the reins on Bumper.

As they got closer, he could see the buggy was lying on its side in the ditch. The sound of a horse thrashing and crying out in pain was louder than Bumper's iron shoes on the asphalt. He couldn't hear any other sounds.

After pulling his buggy to the side of the road, taking care not to steer into the ditch, he jumped out.

“Stay here, Jacob.”

“The horse—”

“No, stay here. There's nothing you can do for the horse now.”

The boy nodded, and Nathaniel ran to the broken buggy. He had to leap over a wheel that had fallen off. Pulling some of the lights forward, he aimed them within the vehicle. One look was enough to show him the two passengers inside were unconscious. Where were the others?

Running to his own buggy, he pulled out a flashlight. He sprayed its light across the ground and saw one crumpled form, then another. He took a step toward them, then paused at the sound of metal wheels in the distance.

Nathaniel looked past the covered bridge on a road intersecting this one. He saw another buggy rushing away into the night. Had it been racing this one? How could the other buggy flee when these people were hurt?

No time for answers now. He scanned the area and breathed a prayer of gratitude when he saw lights from an
Englisch
home less than a quarter mile up the road. He'd send Jacob to have the
Englischers
call 911.

He halted in midstep. He couldn't do that. The boy had seen his parents killed along a country road like this one.

Knowing his rudimentary first aid skills might not be enough to help now, he moved his own buggy far off the road. He told Jacob to remain where he was. Sure the frightened boy would obey, he ran toward the house. He hoped help wouldn't come too late.

Chapter Thirteen

E
sther was on time for school the next morning, but several of her scholars were late. She guessed they'd stayed in bed later, as she'd longed to do. It hadn't been easy to face the day...and the fact Nathaniel had left with Celeste from the wedding. He seemed to be doing as he'd discussed with her brothers: playing the field.

She should be pleased he didn't include her in his fun and adventures, but it hurt. A lot. Alvin Lee had dumped her without a backward glance when she urged him to stop his racing. He'd called her a stick-in-the-mud, though he'd tried to convince her to join him again.

Telling herself to concentrate on her job, she looked around her classroom. Jacob wasn't at his desk. She wondered why he hadn't come to school. The other scholars were toiling on worksheets, and the schoolroom was unusually quiet.

Maybe that was why she heard the clatter of buggy wheels in the school's driveway. So did the scholars, because their heads popped up like rows of woodchucks in a field.

She rose and was about to urge the
kinder
to finish their work when the door opened. In astonishment, she met her brother Joshua's brown eyes. Whatever had brought him to the schoolhouse must be very important because he hadn't taken time to change the greasy shirt and trousers he wore at his buggy shop.

Her niece and nephew jumped to their feet and cried as one,
“Daed!”

He gave them a quick smile and said, “Everything is fine at home and at the shop. I need to speak to Esther for a moment.”

“Once you're done with your numbers,” Esther said to the scholars, pleased her voice sounded calm, “start reading the next chapter in your textbooks. Neva and I'll have questions for you on those chapters later.” She gave her assistant teacher a tight smile as a couple of the boys groaned.

Neva nodded, and Esther was relieved she could leave the
kinder
with her. Next year she wouldn't have that luxury, because Neva would have a school of her own.

As she walked to the door, Esther saw the scholars exchange worried glances. Apparently neither she nor Joshua had concealed their uneasiness as well as she'd hoped.

Her brother waited until she stepped out of the schoolroom and closed the door. She motioned for him to remain silent as she led him down the steps. He followed her to the swing set.

“
Was iss letz
, Joshua?” She could imagine too many answers, but pushed those thoughts aside.

“Alvin Lee is in the hospital.”

She sank to one of the swings because her knees were about to buckle. Holding it steady, she whispered, “The hospital?”

“
Ja.
I thought you'd want to know.” Joshua didn't meet her eyes, and she wondered how much about Alvin Lee courting her the family had guessed.

“What happened?” she asked, though her twisting gut already warned her the answer would be bad.

“He crashed his buggy last night while racing.”

“How is he?” A stupid question. Alvin Lee would only be in the hospital if he was badly hurt. Otherwise, he'd be recovering at home.

“It's not
gut
, Esther. I don't know the details.”

“What do you know? Was he alone?” The questions were coming from her automatically, because every sense she had was numb. Alvin Lee had wounded her deeply, but she'd believed she loved him.

“I know Alvin Lee is in the hospital because Isaiah was alerted and came to tell me before he left for the hospital. Luella Hartz was one of the passengers with Alvin Lee. She was treated in the emergency room and released to her parents. From what Isaiah heard, she's pretty badly scraped, and she has a broken leg and some cracked ribs. Two
Englisch
men were in the buggy, too, and they were banged up but nothing is broken.” His mouth drew into a straight line. “The buggy was too small for four adults. No wonder it rolled when Alvin Lee couldn't make the corner. If a car had come along...” He shook his head.

Sickness ate through her. Alvin Lee had asked her to ride with him last night. If she had, she'd be the one with broken bones and humiliation. Or it could have been worse. She might be in the hospital, as Alvin Lee was.

God,
danki
for putting enough sense in my head to save me from my own foolishness.
She added a prayer that all involved would recover as swiftly as possible.

“I hate to think of what might have happened if help hadn't arrived quickly,” Joshua continued when she didn't reply. “They should be grateful Nathaniel went to a nearby
Englisch
house and called 911.”

Her stomach dropped more. “Nathaniel? He was there?”

“Ja.”

Esther wasn't able to answer. She felt as if someone had struck her. She couldn't catch her breath. Nathaniel? He'd been racing last night? With Alvin Lee? She was rocked by the realization she must have misjudged Nathaniel as she had Alvin Lee. Many times, Nathaniel had spoken of having a
gut
time. Was he—what did
Englischers
call it?—an adrenaline junkie like Alvin Lee?

Jacob had been with him. She asked her brother about the boy, but Joshua couldn't tell her anything. How could Nathaniel have been so careless? Blinding anger rose through her as she jumped to her feet.

“I want to go to the hospital and find out how Alvin Lee is doing,” she said.

“They may not tell you.” Joshua rubbed his hands together. “
Englisch
hospitals have a lot of rules about protecting a patient's privacy. When Tildie was in the hospital toward the end of her life, I had to argue with the nurses to let some of our friends come there to pray for her.”

Esther blinked on searing tears. Though her brother was happy with his new wife and their melded family, the grief of those difficult months when his first wife had been dying of cancer would never leave him completely.

“I know they may not tell me anything, but I should go,” she said.

“You know what you need to do, Esther.” He gave her a faint grin. “I know better than to try to stand in your way. From what Isaiah told me, Nathaniel is still at the hospital.”

She glanced at the schoolhouse. “What about Jacob?”

“I don't know. Isaiah didn't say anything about him.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “What can I do to help, Esther?”

“Call Gerry and tell him I need him to take me to the hospital as soon as he can. He can pick me up here.”

“I'll call from the shop.” He squeezed her shoulder gently, then strode away to his buggy.

Esther hurried into the school. She had a lot of things to go over with Neva before she left. If Gerry wasn't busy, his white van would be pulling up in front of the school shortly. She needed to be ready.

What a joke! How could she ever be ready to go to the hospital where Alvin Lee was badly injured? As well, she'd see Nathaniel to whom her heart desperately longed to belong...and who clearly wasn't the man she'd believed him to be. One fact remained clear—she had to be there for Jacob because she couldn't trust Nathaniel with him any longer.

* * *

Gerry's white van arrived in fewer than fifteen minutes. Esther knew she must have spoken to him on the trip to the same hospital where Jacob's
onkel
was. She must have made arrangements for him to take her home. She must have crossed the parking lot and entered the hospital and gotten directions to Alvin Lee's room. She must have taken the elevator to the proper floor and walked past other rooms and hospital staff.

All of it was a blur as she stood in the doorway of the room where Alvin Lee was. She resisted the urge to run away and looked into the room. Her breath caught as the beeping machines created a strange cacophony in the small room where the curtains were pulled over the window.

For a moment, she wasn't sure if the unmoving patient on the bed was Alvin Lee. She hadn't imagined how many tubes could be used on a single person. One leg was raised in a sling, and she saw metal bolts sticking out of either side. Each was connected to lines and pulleys. Bandages covered his ashen face except where a breathing tube kept raising and lowering his chest. Sprigs of bright red hair sprouted out between layers of gauze. That, as much as his name on the chart in the holder outside his room, told her the man who looked more like a mummy than a living being was Alvin Lee Peachy.

“Oh, Alvin Lee,” she murmured, her fingers against her lips. “Why couldn't you be sensible?”

She received no answer as she walked to his bedside. She didn't expect one. A nurse, she wasn't sure which one because everything between her stepping into Gerry's van and this moment seemed like a half-remembered nightmare, had told her Alvin Lee was in what was called a medically induced coma. It had something to do with letting his brain heal from its trauma while keeping his heart beating. Everything else was being done for him by a machine or drugs.

She bowed her head and whispered a prayer. She'd have put her hand on his, except his had an IV taped to it.

Footsteps paused by the door, and she looked over her shoulder, expecting to see a doctor or nurse. Instead Nathaniel stood there. He was almost as haggard as Alvin Lee. A low mat of whiskers darkened his jaw and cheeks, and his eyes looked haunted by what he'd seen.

Suddenly she whirled and flung herself against him. His arms enfolded her, and his hand on her head gently held it to his chest. Her
kapp
crinkled beneath her bonnet as he leaned his cheek against it.

The tears she'd held in flooded down her cheeks and dampened the black vest he'd worn to the wedding. Safe in his arms—and she knew she'd always be safe there—she could surrender to fear and sorrow. She remained in his arms until her weeping faded to hiccupping sobs.

“I'm done,” she whispered, raising her head. “Where's Jacob?” She was caught by his wounded gaze, and she wished he'd free his pain as she had. She'd gladly hold him while he wept.

Esther stiffened and pulled away as she recalled what Joshua had told her. Nathaniel had been the one to call an ambulance last night. He'd been there when Alvin Lee was racing. Had they been competing against each other?

Nathaniel put his arm around her shoulders and drew her out of the room. The beeping sound of the machines followed them down the hall to a waiting area. After she'd entered, he followed, closing the door. She looked at Jacob who stood up from where he'd been sitting on what looked like an uncomfortable chair. He appeared as exhausted as Nathaniel, and she realized the boy had been at the hospital since last night.

Jacob threw his arms around her as he had after the wedding last night. Just last night? It seemed more like a decade ago now.

She hugged the boy and kissed his hair, which needed to be brushed. As she looked over his head toward Nathaniel, she had to bite her tongue to halt her furious words. How could he endanger this boy?

Nathaniel's brows lowered, but his voice remained steady as he said, “It was nice of you to come and see him, Esther.”

“He didn't know I was there.”

“According to his parents, the
doktors
say he can hear us, but he can't speak to us right now.”

“Like my
onkel
,” Jacob said as he rocked from one foot to the other. “
Onkel
Titus can't talk to us because he's listening to God now. God knows what he needs more than any of us, including the
doktors
. He can't talk to us because it's not easy to listen to God and to us at the same time.”

Her eyes burned with new tears. What a simple and beautiful faith he had! Nathaniel's eyes glistened, too, and she knew he was as touched by Jacob's words as she was.

Not looking away from her, Nathaniel said, “Jacob, you remember where the cafeteria is, don't you?”

“Ja.”

“Go and get yourself a soda.” He pulled several bills out of his pocket. “There should be enough here for some chips, as well.”

The boy grinned at the unexpected treat. When Nathaniel told him he'd stay in the waiting room with Esther, Jacob left.

“Go ahead,” Nathaniel said. “Tell me what's got you so upset you're practically spitting.”

“You.”

“Me?” He seemed genuinely puzzled. “Why?”

“I thought you were smarter than this, Nathaniel. I thought you meant it when you said making the farm a success was the great adventure you wanted. And Jacob...how could you risk him?”

Anger honed his voice. “What are you talking about?”

“Racing! How could you race Alvin Lee when a
kind
was in your buggy? Was Celeste in there, too? Were you trying to show off for her?”

“I wouldn't ever do anything that might hurt Jacob or anyone else.” His gaze drilled into her. “I thought you knew me better.”

“I thought I did, too.” Her shoulders sagged. “But when I heard how you were racing Alvin Lee—”

“I didn't race him! He tried to get me to, but I refused.”

“I was told—”

“I was the one who went to find a phone to call 911?
Ja
, that's true, but it was because I was the first one to come upon the accident.” He dropped to sit on a blue plastic sofa. “After I told him I wouldn't race him, he took off. He must have found someone else to race because we came upon the buggy on its side only a little farther ahead. I don't know whom he was racing because the other buggy was more than a mile away on the far side of the covered bridge out by Lambrights' farm.”

She sank to another sofa, facing him as she untied her bonnet and set it beside her on the cushion. “The other driver just left?”

“I told the police I saw a buggy driving away beyond the covered bridge, and they're going to investigate. Of course, it could be someone who wasn't involved. Maybe Alvin Lee was simply driving too fast.”