His Healing Touch (19 page)

Maybe…

Could she give her heart to a man like that?

No!

Because the guy she gave her heart to would have to be strong and dependable, caring and trustworthy…

Like Adam.

And, Kasey added mentally, he’d have to love the Lord
at least as much as she did. She didn’t know what kind of relationship Adam had with God, but could he be that good, that decent, and
not
be a Christian?

Kasey didn’t think so.

“Well, do you?”

“No.”

“Then, you can’t marry him. Wouldn’t be fair to either of you.”

She respected her mother too much to say, “Mind your own business.” But the real reason Kasey didn’t tell her to butt out was that deep down, she knew Pat was
right.

She placed a soft kiss on Pat’s cheek. “I’ll be home by suppertime. We’ll order pizza.” She gave her a quick hug, then said, “Now, close the door before you catch a chill.”

“I love you, honey.”

“Love you, too, Mom. I won’t be long.”

“You be careful out there, honey. People drive like maniacs this time of day, you know.”

She smiled. “Did you take your blood pressure pills?”

“Yes, but thanks for reminding me.”

“You’re missing
Oprah
….”

“It’s probably a re-run, anyway.”

She’d almost clicked the door shut, when Pat yanked it open again. “Don’t do it, Kasey,” she said, grabbing her daughter’s arm. “You’ll be miserable. Marriage is tough even when you love each other with all your heart and soul. But without it…”

Kasey looked into her mother’s tear-reddened eyes.

“Remember the plaque that used to hang above my sewing machine?”

Kasey nodded, recalling the many times she’d heard her mother whisper its sentiments while folding towels, ironing tablecloths, pulling weeds from her flower beds. As a girl, Kasey had memorized it, in the hope that as she chanted
the words, their meaning would become clear. But even after hundreds of recitations, the verse might as well have been printed in hieroglyphics, for all the sense they made.

Closing her eyes, she quoted it now. “‘Life is like a shell game. In our desire to choose the things that will add value to our lives, we often choose badly, then blame ourselves for our lack of wisdom. But we should not, for the true value is in the choosing as well as in the choice.”’

It reminded her of a similar adage: Be careful when you’re wishing, she paraphrased, because your wish might just come true.
At least I have the freedom to wish,
Kasey thought, as understanding dawned.

The days passed like a blur for Adam as he rearranged his schedule to be available to the Camerons. Lately, meals consisted of whatever he could find in the hospital vending machines, and relaxation came in the form of sitting at his desk to read patient files. And if he slept at all, tormenting dreams of cemeteries and lightning-streaked night skies woke him.

He tried to ignore the exhaustion that painted dark circles under his eyes, that had him yawning between duties. The only time he paid any serious attention to how he felt was when between rounds at Ellicott General and Greater Baltimore Medical Center, he’d tried to phone Kasey. Every time he heard her lovely voice, singsonging the greeting on her answering machine, disappointment loomed large in his heart.

He was bone tired. Of looking for ways to stay busy so he wouldn’t have time to think about his out-of-control feelings for Kasey, about how powerless he was to help Mrs. Cameron. Maybe, when—if—she recuperated, he’d meet with Kasey and get the whole nasty secret out in the open, once and for all.

Sitting at a red light, Kasey’s gorgeous face popped into his mind, and he watched it go from smiling and serene before his confession, to disillusioned and embittered afterward. The change made his stomach lurch.

No maybes about it. He didn’t have the heart to do that to her.

Another truth bubbled just beneath that one, and Adam admitted his silence was as much for himself as for Kasey. Because guilt—and every negative emotion that went hand-in-hand with it—would be far easier to live with than what she’d think of him once she knew everything.

Why couldn’t he have it all?

Why couldn’t he have Kasey, and conceal his past, too? If he could learn to do that—

The car behind him honked, alerting him that the light had turned green. “Okay, all right,” he grumbled, pulling partway into the intersection. “Hold your horses. You’d think there was a fire or—”

He braked when an ambulance careened around cars in the intersection. Lights flashing and siren screaming, it was a vicious reminder that despite good intentions, rigorous training and state-of-the-art equipment, paramedics couldn’t save every accident victim. His own father’s death was proof of that.

As the emergency vehicle sped up the street, Adam said a quick prayer for its crew, its passenger and their families. The night his dad died, he’d learned about the delicate balance between life and death. A tough lesson for a twelve-year-old.

Adam had a sudden urge to check on Kasey, make sure she was all right. At the next red light, he picked up his cell phone, dialed her number. “Hey, Kase,” he said to her machine. “I’m on my way to Sinai, to see Wade’s mom before her surgery.” He hesitated, uncertain how to con
clude the message. “Call you later”? “Gimme a ring”? “Lord knows I miss you.”

“Talk to you soon,” he said, and hung up.

He could only hope he would hear from her soon, because he missed her more than was reasonable, more than was smart, more than was safe.

Adam stopped at a nearby grocery store to pick up some flowers for Wade’s mom, to brighten her bedside table after she left the recovery room. He was trying to decide between a bundle of carnations and a pot of roses, when someone touched his arm.

“Adam, it’s so good to see you.”

He turned toward the familiar voice. “Hey, Pat,” he said, smiling. “Good to see you, too.”

“You look horrible,” she said, frowning up into his face.

He chuckled. “You sure know how to flatter a guy.”

She ignored his teasing. “What have you been doing to yourself? Looks as though you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a month.”

Hasn’t been that bad,
Adam thought,
but it’s been close.
“Funny I should run into you,” he said. “I left a message for Kasey, not five minutes ago.”

Pat’s left eyebrow lifted. “You don’t say…”

If she meant to send some kind of secret message of her own with that expression, he wasn’t alert enough to decode it.

“How’s she doin’? I haven’t talked to her in…”
In too long,
he thought unhappily.

“She’s fine.” Pat clucked her tongue, then looked around them like a spy who suspected she was being followed. “Considering,” she added.

Adam’s heart thumped. “Considering? She isn’t sick or anything, is she?”

“No, no.” Pat gave another cursory glance left, then right. “At least, not in a physical way.”

What was it with women, he wondered, that made them talk in riddles? If there was something wrong, why didn’t Pat just spit it out?

“I do believe the girl has lost her mind.”

Adam frowned. Kasey was one of the most sensible, feet-on-the-ground women he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. “Why do you say that?”

“Because…” She gave the area around them another look-see.

He tucked in one corner of his mouth, trying to summon the patience to pay attention, until Pat doled out the rest of her puzzle.

“That Buddy. He took her to some estate, way up in Baltimore County. Said he was buying it for…for her.”

Adam was all ears
now.

She clucked her tongue again. Rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. “I have never liked that man. He was trouble with a capital
T
when he was a boy, and just because the law hasn’t caught up with him yet doesn’t mean he isn’t trouble now.”

If only Pat would come to the point! He peered at his watch. “I hate to be rude, Pat, but I have to get to the hospital….”

She lay a hand on his forearm. “Goodness gracious sakes alive. Of course you do. How inconsiderate of me.” She patted her mostly-white perm. “You get some sleep, you hear? Have a decent meal once in a while, too, why don’t you. And don’t work so hard. You can’t help your patients if you keel over from exhaustion!”

Realizing she meant to walk off without telling him anything, Adam cleared his throat in frustration. “So what’s up with Kasey?” He said it a little more harshly than he’d
intended, and covered it up with a grating laugh that sounded foreign to his ears. “Buddy didn’t harm her in any way, did he?”
Because if he did,
Adam thought, clenching his fists,
I’ll—

“He asked her to marry him!” Pat blurted.

Adam made a concerted effort not to swallow his tongue. “He…
what?
”

“I know,” she said, shaking her head. “Isn’t it just awful!”

“Awful” didn’t come close to describing what he felt. “What— She— He— But—” He felt like an old phonograph record, stuck in the same groove. Shuffling his feet, he started again. “And what did Kasey say?”

“I wish I knew!” Pat huffed. “The girl is a passel of secrets these days. I have no idea what’s in her head. For all I know, she’s planning to elope, just to save our bacon.”

Adam remembered the way Kasey had felt in his arms, the way she’d returned his kisses in the cabin that night, on her porch on Halloween, in front of her stove on Thanksgiving day. Surely she wouldn’t have responded to him like that if she had feelings for Buddy…if she was seriously considering his marriage proposal.

Would she?

But wait, Pat had said “to save our bacon.” So Kasey was considering marriage to Buddy because money was tight? Adam realized that, for one reason or another, he hadn’t dropped off an envelope since the week before he’d met her.

“Between you and me,” Pat said conspiratorially, “I was kind of hoping something would spark between
you
two.” She grinned up at him. “Think how nice it’d be for me, bragging to all my ladyfriends about my son-in-law the doctor!” She giggled girlishly.

Son-in-law?

Kasey’s husband.

Adam had to admit, the concept wasn’t entirely new to him. Appealing as the idea was, he couldn’t pursue it. Not with that secret hanging between them. Unconsciously, his fingers clamped tighter, crinkling the cellophane around the flowers and reminded him why he’d come to the store’s flower department in the first place.

Wade’s mom, the operation, his promise to be there, before she went into the O.R. “I’d better go,” he said.

“Those are pretty,” Pat said, pointing at the bouquet. “Who’re they for?”

His mind felt like a yo-yo, and fearing he didn’t have the presence of mind to construct a coherent explanation, he simply said, “A friend.” It was true, after all. Mrs. Cameron had been one of his closest, dearest friends, for years.

“Is that so?”

Her expression made it clear she believed the flowers were for a
girl
friend. Well, Adam didn’t have time to set her straight right now. As it was, he’d be lucky to make it to the hospital before they started the anesthesia….

“Good to see you,” he said, tipping an imaginary hat as he backpedaled toward the registers. “Tell Kasey I said…” Tell Kasey
what?
he wondered.

“Bye, Pat. Take care.”

He didn’t remember paying for the flowers. Didn’t recall driving to Sinai. But when he found himself in the hospital parking lot, staring at his steering wheel, he prayed for the first time in…he couldn’t remember how long.

“Lord,”
he whispered, eyes closed,
“don’t let Kasey do it.”

Maybe, he thought, climbing out of the car, God would listen.

A guy can hope,
he thought, heading for the hospital lobby.

Wade was in the hall outside Pre-Op, pacing.

“If you’re trying to wear a path in the linoleum,” said Adam as he approached, “you’re goin’ about it the right way.”

His friend stopped walking, clapped a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Thanks for comin’, Adam.” He gave the shoulder a slight squeeze. “She’s been asking for you.”

“She has?”

A faint grin lifted one corner of Wade’s mouth. “Says she wants all her family around her.” He added, “Gotta warn you, though, she doesn’t look good.”

Adam read the fear in his friend’s eyes. “You and I both know that things can look downright bleak, then turn themselves around.”

Nodding, Wade sighed. “Better get in there. They’re about to administer the anesthesia.”

Heart pounding, Adam put on his practiced “doctor” smile and walked up to Mrs. Cameron’s bed. Wade stood on the other side. She looked pale and thin, older than her fifty-some years. “I can think of better ways to get a chance to sleep in,” Adam said, kissing her forehead.

She opened her eyes and smiled. “Adam.” Then she noticed the flowers. “For me?”

Grinning, Adam held up the bouquet. “These? Nah. They’re for the first pretty gal I spot.” He patted his shirt pocket. “Gotta keep my little black book fat and happy, y’know.”

“Oh, you,” she said, laughing softly. “You’ve always been such a tease. Soon as they dope me up for the operation, maybe you can hunt down one of those hideous green plastic pitchers to use as a makeshift vase.” She winked.
“I’d hate for the flowers to wilt while you’re waiting for that pretty girl to saunter by.”

He lay the bouquet on the table beside the bed, then rested a palm on either side of her slight torso. “You’re gonna be fine, just fine. You know that, don’t you?”

Her smile faded. She held up her hand and, biting her lower lip, rested forefinger atop index finger.

Adam grabbed the crossed fingers. “You don’t need luck, ’cause you’ve got a ton of people praying for you.”

A shimmering tear sparkled in the corner of her eye, and she lay an ashen palm against his cheek. “You’ve always been the sweetest boy. I’m sure going to miss—”

“Ma,” Wade interrupted, “don’t talk like that. You’re gonna come through this like a champ. You’ll see. You’ve got the best team in Baltimore in there, scrubbing up.” A film of tears gleamed in her son’s eyes. “Tell her, Adam.”