His Kiss (7 page)

“And he definitely likes you.” Jazz made this humph noise that she does when she’s going to state a fact she dares you to deny. “He was staring at you all through lunch like he wanted to gobble you up. And you made him think you liked him too—admit it Ally, all week you’ve been leading him on—smiling and flirting, laughing at his trying-too-hard lame jokes.”

I bit my lip. It sounded pathetic, but she already knew. “I
wanted
to like him.”

Guh!

I couldn’t really concentrate on this—the conversation, or Milo’s puzzled, hurt eyes that kept darting to me now from across the cafeteria, looking all
What
’s going on?
Why’d you leave when I was going to ask you out?
I couldn’t concentrate on that. I was in too much pain, feeling as though I had a knife in my heart. I was bleeding all over the floor.

Aiden had gone to a party with Fiona? They were
making-out?
Already? Suddenly, I was all sweaty and shivery and ready to puke. I knew it was stupid, that I should have known—been ready for this kind of news. But I wasn’t. I’d seriously thought we’d somehow get back together.

I needed to get away—away from my friends and Milo’s eyes and Aiden, wherever he was. I needed to be alone so I could curl up in a tiny, tight ball and cry.

 
“Look, go back to Milo,” I whimpered, still clutching my stomach. “He looks sad, sitting there all alone—but I have to go.” I headed towards the exit. “I have to get out of here.”

I ran out of the cafeteria and into the closest bathroom. It was the same one I had cried in a couple of weeks ago. I locked myself into the exact same stall as before and did my now usual thing—bawled.

***

The next Friday night I went to the concert with Milo. It wasn’t horrible but it was kind of awkward. Before I agreed to go with him I explained that though Aiden and I had officially broken up I wasn’t really ready to officially date yet. So, we went to the concert as “friends.”

Still, he kissed me on my doorstep at the end of the night. I wasn’t expecting that and it was … awkward. Not awful.
But not good.
I have no idea what made him think he should make that move.

I spent the whole rest of the weekend writing long, sad passages in my journal about how horrible it is to break-up with someone—even if you know it is over and for the best. Still, it’s hard.
Hard to move on.
Hard to see the other person moving on.
Because you’d been together so long and it was comfortable and trying to get over that—and find it with someone else, it sucks.

I wrote tragic poem after tragic poem about it. Then a song that made me
cry
. Mostly because it made me think of Aiden and that essay he had written before I really knew him and how I’d made a song about it and then we had gotten together and wrote tons of songs—together.
Tons
of them.
Just like the one I was writing now—only now writing it was heartbreaking because I was alone. And it seemed like I might always be alone—not ever find another boy that would like to write songs. I knew I’d been lucky to find Aiden. I always knew that.

 
I planned to spend all Sunday night bawling and typing everything that I had written in my “journal notebook” into my computer. (I write everything out with a pen into this ratty, old notebook that I carry around with me at all times, then if what I write seems worth it, later I type it up into a folder I labeled “My Life.” It’s a pretty pathetic folder.)

Anyway, my plans got axed when my aunt called inviting my mom on a trip with her to Belize—that night. My aunt had won the trip from a game show on TV and she was going to go with her boyfriend, but he ended up backing out at the last minute because he’s a toad. So, though my mom wouldn’t normally up and leave me so unexpectedly—she did. Because my aunt was sad because, you know, her boyfriend is a toad. So, my mom went, but she had my cousin, Kendra, come and stay with me, since her mom (my aunt) was going to Belize.

Mom kept saying it would be fun having Kendra over. But I knew it wouldn’t. Kendra is my age and goes to my school, but we don’t have anything in common. Nothing. It’s not like we hate each other. We don’t. We just have nothing to say to each other. Because she’s all Party-Girl and scary and hangs out with people like Hailey—not Hailey, per se, just people like her. Maybe even Hailey. I don’t know. I’m not really up on my cousin.

But anyway, Kendra came over so I couldn’t do my bawling while I typed my woe-is-me stuff into my computer. Instead, we went to the movies. Kendra’s boyfriend, Seth, works at the movie theater in the mall, so he got us in for free which was good because though Mom gave me fifty bucks before she left, I wanted to keep it as I was saving up for a guitar. I couldn’t actually play one—didn’t know a thing about them, but … I wanted one. I wanted to learn to play.

Thing was, I wanted to learn forever.
Since junior high.
But since seeing Griffin play his guitar with his band in the school’s talent show, I suddenly had a renewed interest. Now I wanted to play … bad.

So, anyway, I was glad I didn’t have to use Mom’s fifty dollars. And I was glad Kendra’s boyfriend had to work so he couldn’t watch the movie with us, ‘cause we ended up watching this movie about a girl that fell in love with this guy and then they finally got together and they were happy for a while and then they started fighting all the time and then he cheated on her and then she broke up with him and then the movie ended. Just like that.

They were in love and then they fought and then they broke up, the end. It was
not
a good movie. But it had me bawling. It was embarrassing. Especially because Kendra is so not someone I wanted to bawl in front of—not that I wanted to bawl in front of anyone. But still. When she saw me quietly blubbering at the end of the movie she looked at me like I was nuts. So, I explained to her that Aiden and I broke up and though I didn’t quite love him anymore, I was still sad and hurt and in confused agony.

“This is a job for Cold Stone,” Kendra said.

She bought me chocolate cake-batter ice cream in a white-chocolate covered cone and she told me about this loser guy she used to date, Zack.

“I was so in love with him,” she said. “But he kept cheating on me, so I had to break up with him—had to. But it was so hard and I cried all the time. But now I’m dating Seth and soooo happy.” She licked at her ice cream, then went on with a laugh, “Now, of course, Zack calls me all the time, wanting to get back together.
But no way.
He’s dog. I’m so better off without him.”

It was kind of comforting to hear her say that. That the break-up had made her sad, but now, after all the heartbreak, she was happy and better off. That was comforting.

But the thing was—Aiden wasn’t a dog.

And I missed him.

I did.

I wasn’t sure if I was better off without him or not. It kind of seemed I wasn’t.

***

The next morning, I woke feeling optimistic. Not about Aiden. That seemed over, whether I wanted it to be or not. It was just the way it was. So, I decided to try harder to be okay with it. I decided to try harder to like Milo. After all, he really was perfect for me. Really. He was a nice guy and he liked me a lot and he was cute.

Everyone said we’d make a perfect couple.
So … okay.
I’d
give it more of a shot
,
try harder
.

And really, I’d had fun with him at the concert. I did.
Sort of.
It was just—he wasn’t Aiden, and I would have to get used to that—a different guy. A guy I didn’t know so well and sometimes didn’t know what to say to.

Like I said, it was awkward, but not horrible. I could deal with it.

That’s what I was thinking before school. But then something bad happened.

See, Kendra talked me into driving my mom’s car to school. Because well, Mom wasn’t around, and there was her car in the garage, not being used, and we would’ve had to take the school bus otherwise.

And well, Mom didn’t
say
I couldn’t take her car to school. She never said that. I just never did before—because she always needed it. But I couldn’t get her on my cell to ask. So in the end we took her car, and then like I said, something bad happened.

Kendra had me stop at the 7-Eleven for a Slurpee before school and it was really, really foggy.
Really
foggy.
And when we were backing up to leave the parking lot, we accidently backed into a dumpster. And when I say “we” I really mean “me.” I backed into the dumpster. Because it was super foggy out. And I didn’t see it. (Okay,
I’m not the world’s best driver
,
I admit it
.)

So, that was fatal.

Especially because right then I got a text from Mom that said she would be coming back this afternoon. (This afternoon!!) My aunt’s boyfriend ended up wanting to go to Belize after all. Toad!!! But Mom said she was swamped at the work, so she was
glad things
turned out the way they did.

But I so wasn’t! I had to get the car fixed—now!

I was freaking.

Kendra looked at the dent in the bumper and shrugged, like no big deal—but then, she wasn’t the one that was going to have to pay for it. Or hear my Mom scream about it. (Not that Mom would scream, but she’d be mad. I mean, I didn’t even ask.)

“It’s not that bad,” Kendra said.

Not that bad? Not that bad! The bumper was like, totaled. Okay, maybe not totaled, but noticeably messed up.

I was all shaky and not sure what to do. Scrambled, frenzied worries raced around in my brain. I needed to get the car fixed, and I only had fifty bucks, and I doubted that would be enough. Only, how much
was
enough? I had no clue how much it would cost. A hundred? A thousand? More?
A lot more?
I had absolutely no idea.

And I had a test first period that I couldn’t miss and I didn’t know where to take the car to get it fixed or how I would get there or get back to school when I brought it there and …

Ugh! The list went on and on. It had my head reeling.

I didn’t actually say anything aloud, though. I just stared at the car, my pulse racing and my head burning and my eyes watering.

But I guess Kendra could tell I was freaking out.

Because she said, “Chill, Ally.”

Like I was screaming or throwing a tantrum or something.

She was all matter-of-fact and told me her ex-boyfriend, Zack, would look at the car. “He has auto-mechanics first period. He can fix it.”

She said it like, case closed, no big deal.

I let out a breath. She had said last night Zack was a dog. Still, I couldn’t help but get my hopes up—a little. Because getting the car fixed on school grounds while I was able to stay at school and be a good-girl and take my test and go to classes—that would be perfect. Awesome even.

Only, it sounded too good to be true. Way too good.

I bit my lip. “Will he help me?”

Kendra waved off my question. “He’ll help
me
.” She sounded like there was no doubt. “He may be a jerk and have no idea how to treat a girl, but he knows his cars.”

I trudged back to the driver’s side of the car and slid in. I hoped my cousin knew what she was talking about.

***

All during first period I worried about my car, which made it hard for me to concentrate on my test. Kendra had taken my car to the auto shop at our school before first period. She said she needed to talk to Zack about it “alone.” I was okay with that. Whatever she needed to do with him “alone”—well, I didn’t want to know.