His Reluctant Lady (18 page)

She shifted away from him,
uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. It was easier
to exchange in lighthearted witticisms. “We only did what every
married couple must do on their wedding night. We did it because we
had to. It was expected of us.”

He didn’t answer for a long time, and
it took all of her willpower not to look at him to gauge his
reaction. She wished she could take the words back, but the words
were out and there was no retrieving them. Her grip tightened on
her reticule and she forced her gaze to the window. Why? Why was it
so hard to let anyone close? And why did she have the urge to jump
out of the carriage and find a place to hide? The whole time, he
kept his touch on her elbow gentle, and she fought the urge to push
his hand away.

When he finally spoke, his voice was
soft and tender. “Last night was important, Agatha. It wasn’t
something we did just because we were expected to. I don’t know
what your first husband did to you, but if he was alive, I’d
challenge him to a duel, even if I had to drag him out to the
country to do it.”

She kept her gaze directed at the
window, though she didn’t see the shops they were going by. She
told herself that his words didn’t have any affect on her, but they
did. Christopher wiped the tears from her cheeks, but she pushed
his hand away. “Don’t,” she choked and shoved him away and pressed
herself against the carriage door, banging on the roof to alert the
driver to stop.

“
You don’t have to run from
me,” Christopher said, compassion in his tone.

She couldn’t look at him or acknowledge
what he said. Blinking back her tears, she waited for the footman
to open the door and hurried out of the carriage before he could
help her. It wasn’t until she got lost in the crowd of shoppers in
the marketplace that her emotions settled down and she was able to
think clearly again. She knew she had to return home at some point
and Christopher would be waiting for her. But she couldn’t bring
herself to face him right now. For now, she needed to put as much
distance between them as possible.

***

“
We’re pleased to have you
here, of course,” Agatha’s aunt said as she handed Agatha a cup of
tea, “but we are curious as to why you came for a
visit.”

Sophie stirred her tea and shot her
sister a cautious look. “Is your husband as bad as you
feared?”

Agatha took a sip of the scalding tea,
pretending it didn’t burn her tongue. She didn’t know what to tell
them. Usually, they visited her. She didn’t make it a habit of
stopping by this townhouse. In fact, she couldn’t recall the last
time she’d been here. But she had nowhere else to go except back
home to Christopher and after the way she acted in the carriage by
pushing him away, she was too afraid.

Would he tell her he regretted marrying
her? She wasn’t an innocent virgin who saw everything as wonderful.
There were some darker parts in her. Maybe she wrote gothic horror
because she had to, because it was the only safe outlet she had for
the shadows in her past she couldn’t bring herself to confront. She
set her cup down and rubbed her forehead. She hated thinking about
her first husband. He was dead. She was free of him. But was she
really free now that she was married again?

“
You were always a quiet
one,” her aunt mused and nibbled on a biscuit. “Always lost in your
thoughts. I suppose it can’t be helped. Your father was the same
way. I remember how often my brother stared out the window,
ignoring the rest of us. But eventually, he settled down with a
good lady who taught him to embrace life.”

Sophie smiled. “I wish I could remember
them.”

“
Some people are taken
before their time,” her aunt replied. “They were good people, the
kind who leave a hole in one’s heart after they’re
gone.”

“
Well, I’m glad you took me
in,” Sophie said, reaching out and clasping her aunt’s
hand.

Agatha watched the exchange and wished
she shared the kind of closeness they did. Even if her aunt wasn’t
good when it came to finding a suitable husband, her heart was in
the right place. Clearing her throat, she added, “Yes, you’ve been
good to Sophie.”

“
You two girls were the only
consolation I had after the carriage accident.” Her aunt finished
her biscuit and turned her gaze to Agatha. “Did you come here to
talk or would you rather be alone?”

She hesitated, unsure of what motive
she had for running here, other than the fact that she had to get
away from her husband. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted,
realizing how daft that sounded as it came out of her
mouth.

“
In that case,” her aunt
rose to her feet, “why don’t we leave you to your thoughts and you
can call for us if you want to talk?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

They left the room and she released her
breath. She’d made a fool of herself in the carriage. Truly, she
did. She only hoped that Christopher could overlook her actions.
One hour. In one hour, she would go home and talk to him. For the
time being, she needed to think of what she’d say when she saw him
again.

Chapter Sixteen

Agatha proceeded up the steps to her
townhouse, unaware her pace was slowing until she came to a
complete stop two steps away from the door. She could do this. She
could apologize to Christopher. All she did was overreact. Surely,
that wasn’t the worst thing she could have done. But even as she
told herself this, her heartbeat quickened with a sense of dread.
What if he laughed at her, dismissed her feelings, or rejected her?
This was silly. She married him because she had to protect her
reputation. It wasn’t because she cared about him, and since she
didn’t care about him, there was no sense in worrying about how
he’d respond to her.

The door opened and her footman smiled.
“Welcome home, my lady.”

Forcing a smile in return, she climbed
the rest of the steps and entered the townhouse. “Where is Mister
Robinson?”

“
In the drawing
room.”

Her breath caught in her throat. He
wasn’t searching through the drawers in her desk, was he? She
mentally cursed herself for not hiding her story in a better place.
He knew she kept something important in those drawers because he’d
almost caught her shoving her papers in them.

“
Would you like something to
eat or drink?” the footman asked, bringing her attention back to
him.

“
Not now,” she
replied.

He bowed and accepted her hat and
gloves before she headed down the hall, her anxiety over
Christopher finding out about her stories causing her to hurry to
the drawing room. The door was slightly ajar so she peeked through
it, relieved when she saw him reclining in a chair, sipping some
tea and reading a book. Her eyebrows furrowed as she nudged the
door open. Why wasn’t he reading in the library? Pushing the
question aside, she entered the room then shut the door behind
her.

He glanced up from his book and smiled
at her. “Did you have a pleasant afternoon?”

“
No,” she replied, clasping
her hands in front of her. “I,” she cleared her throat, “I’m
sorry.”

Sitting up, he closed the book. “You
have nothing to be sorry for.”

“
Yes, I do.” Her hands
tightened and her gaze went to the floor. “You were being nice to
me, and I pushed you away. You didn’t deserve it.”

“
Will you sit with me?” he
softly asked.

She glanced at him as he moved to the
settee. Her tension easing, she walked over to the settee and
settled next to him, her hands in her lap.

“
I don’t think I appreciated
how difficult your first husband was to get along with,” he
said.

“
There was no way you could
know. I didn’t tell you anything about him.”

“
No, but I gathered you
weren’t happy in your first marriage.” When she furrowed her
eyebrows, he continued, “It was in the way you talked about
marriage.”

Nodding, she focused on her hands. “My
first husband married me because he had to, not because he wanted
to. He made it clear that I was nothing but a means to an end. I
didn’t expect marriage to lead to a love match, but I assumed there
would be a certain level of contentment between us.” She took a
deep breath. “He didn’t have an ounce of affection for
me.”

“
Are you afraid I’ll be the
same way?”

“
No,” she whispered.
“Actually, the opposite scares me.”

“
You’re afraid I’ll love
you?”

“
I know it sounds
absurd.”

“
Not as much as you think,”
he said. “You can’t get hurt if you don’t open yourself to
someone.” After a moment passed, he gently touched the small of her
back. “I understand, Agatha. You don’t need to explain anything
else to me if it makes you uncomfortable. I want to be with you
because of who you are.”

“
But I’ve done everything I
can to push you away.”

“
Well, I’d be lying if I
didn’t admit to enjoying a challenge.”

She dared a look in his direction. “A
challenge?”

“
You excite me. You are a
mystery to be unwrapped, and I enjoy everything new I learn about
you. I love your passionate spirit and witty retorts.” Leaning
toward her, he shot her a wicked grin. “I especially love that
there’s a scandalous side to you that no one knows
about.”

Her cheeks warmed. “You do?”

“
I do. You are the most
fascinating lady I’ve ever met. Your heart is safe with me, should
you choose to trust me with it. In the meantime, I hope you
remember to laugh. Life is too short to be serious all the time.
Lords Ironfist and Lackluster are already getting grey hair and
wrinkles.”

“
Oh, they are not,” she
replied.

“
They most certainly are.
Why, just the other day at White’s, the gentlemen were betting
which one had the most grey hairs. They had to pull them all out,
so that’s why you don’t think they are greying.”

Though she knew he was lying in order
to humor her, she asked, “And which lord won?”

“
It was a tie. They’re both
equally serious and therefore equally older than they should
be.”

At that, she chuckled. “You’re a
horrible person, Christopher. After all they’ve done for you, you
insist on making jests at their expense.”

“
After all they’ve done for
me? I must say I’m hurt by such a cruel remark. Didn’t I tell you
about the whole mucking stables and emptying chamber pot thing they
both agreed would teach me responsibility? What kind of people do
something like that?”

“
Until I know what mischief
you did to deserve such punishment, I can’t make a good judgment
about their moral character, can I?”

“
Agatha,” he said, his eyes
pleading with her to choose his side, “I’m your husband, the person
who is nearest and dearest to you. Of course, you’re appalled that
they would dare mistreat me the way they did.”

“
Of course,” she replied,
not hiding the fact that she didn’t believe him. “Perhaps,” she
arched an eyebrow, “just perhaps, you did something you wish to
hide from me.”

“
Well, I can assure you that
I’m not the same gentleman I used to be.”

“
Ah, so their plan worked.
Mucking stalls and emptying chamber pots taught you responsibility
after all.”

“
I refuse to acknowledge you
said such a thing.”

“
Just because you don’t
acknowledge it, it doesn’t mean I didn’t say it.”

He cupped the side of her face with his
hand and his lips brushed hers in an action so light, she almost
missed it. “Regardless of what I’ve done, it doesn’t change the
fact that I’m now and forever devoted to you.”

Even as her heart warmed from his
confession, she couldn’t help but be curious about his past. “Won’t
you give me a hint about why your cousin and his friend punished
you?”

“
If I give you a hint will
you give me a hint about your secret? What do you hide in the
drawer of that desk over there?”

She followed his gaze as he glanced at
the desk. “You didn’t look there?”

“
No. I was on my best
behavior while I waited for you to return.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I find
that hard to believe.”

He placed his hand over his heart.
“It’s the truth. Now,” he leaned forward and kissed her neck, “do
we have a deal?”

“
Are you trying to talk to
me or make love to me?” she asked, noting the way he cupped her
breast in his hand and kissed her neck again, this time leaving a
trail of kisses from the bottom of her ear to the base of her
neck.

“
Both.”

“
You can’t do both at
once.”

“
Why not?”

Though she rolled her eyes in
exasperation, she couldn’t stop herself from giggling. She took his
hand in hers and scooted away from him. “Christopher, I insist you
satisfy my curiosity. Give me the hint. What wicked thing did you
do?”