Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part Two (15 page)

L
ise had called
a captain’s meeting after our game against Queen’s, just her and the three alternates. I had been surprised but pumped to be selected as an alternate. Coach Mike was pretty wily about his captain selections. He never chose the best players; instead, he chose players he claimed exemplified the characteristics he wanted for the whole team. So instead of Team Canada candidate Deirdre Tough or all-star goalie Kellarisa Jones, he chose me, Brenda Ryder-Smith, and Jackie Marchuk as alternates.

“There’s a lot of pressure on us this season,” Lise began. All the university ratings had us ranked number one, and everyone knew the real goal was to win the C.I.S. title. So far we were undefeated, but it was still early days. “But you know, points now are as important as points later in the season.”

Although she was perfectly bilingual, English was Lise’s second language. I noticed that she tended to talk in clichés whenever she had to speak formally or to a group.

“I am worried about how well the rookies are integrating into our systems. Does anyone have ideas on how to improve this?”

Most of the new players were fine, but there were a couple that seemed too tentative on the ice. People started chipping in with system-specific suggestions about lines and practices.

“They’re rookies,” drawled Brenda. “It’s only natural that they should feel off-balance. Having a humbling first year is what enables a player to be open to learning.” While there was some truth to that, it was pretty negative. I didn’t really like Brenda that much. She came from a wealthy private school background and was kind of snobby. I wasn’t sure why she was even an alternate, except she was extremely smart. She had also led a team charity project last season, but I suspected that was more for her résumé than from the goodness of her heart.

“Confidence is important too,” I said, in direct contradiction to Brenda’s remark. “Maybe some of the girls need more off-ice guidance.”

“How would we do that?” Lise wondered.

“We could change the roommate assignments.”

Everyone groaned. People liked to room with their friends, and since all of us were in third or fourth year, we had the perfect set-ups already. I was with Deirdre, and we spent a lot of nights laughing our heads off. But I was willing to take one for the team.

“Calm down,” I said, as the muttering began. “It doesn’t have to be forever, we could do it until Christmas. That would give the new players a chance to see how we prepare and ask any random questions they might not want to raise in a team meeting.”

Lise nodded. “It’s like mentoring. A very good idea, Kelly.”

“I refuse to do it,” said Brenda. “It took me two years to find a roommate who doesn’t snore or stay up too late. Proper sleep is an integral part of my routine.” I had wondered why Brenda roomed with Martha, a big, quiet d-man. They didn’t seem to have anything in common.

“Nobody will be forced to do this,” Lise replied, but her frown meant she wasn’t impressed by selfishness. “But volunteering to do so shows your dedication to the team.” This was a direct shot at Brenda, since everyone knew she really wanted to be captain next year. She was trying to live up to her brother, who had been captain of the McGill men’s team three years earlier. Deirdre and I dreaded the idea of Brenda being captain, but she sucked up to Coach Mike big time.

Nobody grumbled after that comment. But Brenda had never said if she was willing to switch up roommates. Lise went through some administrative stuff and adjourned the meeting.

As I was leaving, Lise asked me to wait.

“What’s up?” I asked when we were alone.

“Kelly, I have noticed that you aren’t yourself lately.”

“Really? I thought I had a good game tonight.”

Lise shook her head. “I don’t mean on the ice. Your play this season is better than ever. In fact, I’ve been meaning to ask you about your offseason conditioning.”

I had taken big chunks from Jimmy’s conditioning routine and used them in the McGill gym all August. As a result, I was stronger, and my explosive speed had improved.

Lise continued, without waiting for my training tips. “You seem sad—well, not sad, but maybe worried? You’re usually such a happy soul. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

I hesitated. There was something bothering me, but I hadn’t confided in anyone. Deirdre was a great buddy, but even she would admit that she couldn’t keep a secret. And my two pre-med roommates were up to their eyeballs in midterms and labs, so I hadn’t wanted to bother them. Lise was discreet, and she also had a lot of experience with guys.

“Can I ask you a hypothetical question?”

She nodded.

“If a girl doesn’t feel the same way her boyfriend, is it leading him on to keep going out with him?”

Lise’s eyes widened. She didn’t answer right away, which I liked. She was taking time to think. “Well, I guess he cares more than you do? Because otherwise you would not feel guilty.”

“Yeah.” So much for hypothetical. I really didn’t want to get into details. It felt like a betrayal to discuss this at all, but I knew I could trust Lise.

How did Jimmy know he loved me? Maybe he was in love because I was the first girl he’d ever slept with. And he was so young; perhaps it was more like a teenaged crush. But he had been so sweet ever since I had seen him in Maine. He had called almost every night, and carefully told me if he’d be missing the next night. I’d also noticed that he made a point of asking more about my games. And then last week, he’d sent me roses for our three-month anniversary—an occasion I didn’t even know existed.

I knew exactly what he was trying to do. He had decided I had trust issues and was trying to show me how reliable he was and how I could depend on him. I wasn’t sure if I had trust issues or not, but it was certainly too early for me to throw the word “love” around. But I wasn’t sure if that was fair to Jimmy. Maybe he deserved someone more normal who could be everything he wanted.

“Does he pressure you?”

“No, not really.” When Jimmy called, he didn’t harp on the love thing at all. Only a couple of times after we had an especially nice talk, he ended with a soft “I love you” and then hung up immediately. Either he wasn’t giving me time to protest, or maybe he disconnected so he could imagine I was saying the right thing back.

“Then why break up? It seems cruel to end things because your affection is not equal. I am sure he would agree.”

“I guess.” I wondered if I should confess everything to Lise. She was so understanding. “I worry. I worry that if I let my guard down and relax with a guy, I’m going to get hurt.”

Lise paused again and her forehead creased. “But Kelly, that is not a good way to be. That means that the guy is like a hunter or something. He pursues you only for the chase and discards you afterwards. So, you are not having sex?”

“Oh no. I mean, yes. We are. Definitely.” That was too funny, not only were we having sex, we were having as much sex as was physically possible.

“Why do you think he will hurt you? Is there something in his personality or past?”

I shook my head. There was no rational reason. Everything about Jimmy said solid, dependable, and nice. Of course, part of that dependability was all his long-term planning. He could almost pinpoint what he’d be doing for the next six months. It made me uncomfortable when he tried to schedule my time too. That was not the way I was, but I understood it was something in him—like a sheepdog herding the flock. Anyway, the main problem was not Jimmy, it was all in my head. And Lise was right, that wasn’t healthy.

“When I have to make a decision about a relationship, I think about whether I would be happier in or out of it. Are you happy, Kelly?

“I am.” I was extremely happy when I was with Jimmy. But I was fine when we were apart. That was the way long distance was. You couldn’t complain that you didn’t get to see each other every day, because that was what you signed up for. Naturally our relationship was complicated by how busy we were, but that was life. Jimmy was right though. Unless we planned it, we would never be in the same place.

Lise patted my hand. “Don’t feel guilty, Kelly. I would like to see your optimistic nature come out again. Consider this: if everything else is good, and you are happy—perhaps love is something you may grow into?”

When I got home, both my roommates were up, but in their room with the doors closed, which meant they were studying hard. I went to my room and dumped my bag. I needed to do a laundry badly. Someone had left mail on my desk.

A bill from Bell, and a white envelope with an American stamp. I looked at the return address and it was from Jimmy. I tore it open, and there was a card. Three fluffy kittens and the caption, “Miss you.” I opened it up and the card read, “Without you, it’s a cat-astrophe here!” I chuckled and saw Jimmy had written a note in scratchy black writing. I tried to remember if I had ever seen his handwriting before.

Hey Kelly,

Sorry it’s such a corny card, but I know you like cats. I really miss you and I had the best time when you were here. Hope your games at Queen’s went well. Can hardly wait to see your beautiful face at Christmas.

Love,

Jimmy

Something about snail mail was more real. There was a fluttering inside me that made me catch my breath. Maybe Lise was right.

T
he World Juniors Tournament
started the day after Christmas, so Jimmy and his parents arrived in Vancouver on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, or fortunately, they had a full schedule of activities and friends to visit, so my casual invitation to drop by my house had to be turned down.

I had been pretty nervous about everyone meeting, since I hadn’t actually told my parents anything about Jimmy. Not that my dad ever asked a lot of questions about my love life, but my mom did. I had mentioned a long distance boyfriend, but no details beyond that. It was killing her not hear more. My best Christmas gift to her would have been the 411 on my love life.

To be honest, I doubted that Jimmy and I would make it to Christmas. Somehow, not only did we make it, but we were going stronger than ever. I looked forward to talking to him every night. And I was really looking forward to seeing him.

He called the night he arrived in Vancouver.

“Kelly, I’m sorry I couldn’t see you today. First we had team stuff, and then our relatives from—”

“It’s okay,” I interrupted. “I’m looking forward to seeing you when you have time.” Jimmy-on-the-phone was not as good as seeing him in person. Then we could touch each other. I wondered if there was any chance we’d get enough privacy for more than holding hands.

“Well, I got you two tickets for all the round robin games. Is that enough?”

“Great, thanks.” Nobody in my family would be interested, but my friends and ex-teammates would certainly want to go. If I got tickets to the finals, I was going to be very popular.

I took April to the first game: Canada vs. Sweden. She was more excited about a hockey game than I had ever seen her, and I wondered why.

“I finally get to see the mysterious James Frechette in person. Actually I have seen him, if you count that photograph of you guys in the summer. But in that photo you were draped all over him so it was hard to see anything. His body looked good though, nice package.”

“April!”

“Oh, like you don’t know that already. Besides you never dish on your guys, it’s one of the great disappointments of my life I never found out exactly what it is that makes Phil Davidson so legendary.”

“Not for a lack of trying, though.”

“Kelly, your smug smile is very irritating. Maybe I’ll have to ask Phil directly.”

“Love to hear that conversation.”

“Why? You already know the answers.” Her head swivelled as the warm-up began. “Ah, here they come.” April dug into her purse and came up with a tiny pair of binoculars. “I am so ready. Which one is he?”

“Number 16, he’s wearing a C.” I could see him circling the ice with his easy strides. Skating styles were as distinctive as faces.

“And C is for cute, right? Okay James, skate this way, closer. Darn, I can’t see his face, if only he would take off his helmet. Take it off, baby.”

Miraculously, Jimmy skated over the bench, and took off his gloves and helmet and made some adjustment to the inside of his helmet.

“Am I good, or am I good?” April spoke from behind the binoculars. “Now turn around.”

He actually turned around, and I had a little thrill. It felt weird and disconnected to be in the stands at the Coliseum and see Jimmy on the ice in a big game.

April was completely silent. Finally she said, “Oh.”

Not the most positive sound, so I asked, “What does that mean: ‘oh’?”

“Well, I’m sure he has a nice personality.”

“What are you talking about?”

“First, you were all gaga about him this summer, and then you kept going out with him all through the fall even though you’re not into long distance stuff. So I thought he would be extremely hot.”

“He is hot.”

“C’mon. He has googly eyes, and he needs to close his mouth more, and he makes weird faces when he skates. Plus he looks young—really young. Kind of statutory rape young. I hope you’re not in legal trouble here.”

“He’s eighteen!”

“And you’re twenty. Cougar.”

“You’ve never said anything like this before.”

“Because you dated Nicklas Ericcson: blond Nordic god/supermodel. And then Phil Davidson, Phil who rocks that whole dark, intense, smoldering Heathcliff-on-the-moors ready-to-rip-off-your-clothes vibe. Plus voted ‘most likely to get laid’ by our grad class.”

“I believe that was ‘best looking.’”

“Potayto, potahto.”

“Wait till you see Jimmy play hockey. I love the way he plays hockey.”

“Right, Kelly. That is going to impress me? Have I ever even dated a hockey player?”

We both considered that for a moment. No name was springing to mind. I shook my head. “Weird, because I have that whole hockey player/dating scale. And you haven’t dated any.”

“Probably because they would make me come to games like this all the time. Is it too early to get a beer?”

It was a pretty close game, but in the end Team Canada beat the Swedes 2-0. April watched some of the game but spent a lot of time checking out the crowd as well. She flipped her hair around and smiled at the cameraman, and we ended up on the JumboTron twice. Crazy things liked that always happened when April and I were together. Afterwards we waited in the hall for Jimmy to come out and say hi. Very puck bunny, but what choice did I have?

“Okay, how long is it going to take Mr. Googly to get here?” April was shivering as we waited, having gone for stylish instead of sensible.

“Will you be using that name when you meet him?” I asked coldly.

“Unless he prefers Mr. Homely.”

“April, have I ever insulted your boyfriends?”

“Frequently. I believe you compared Kevin to a raccoon.”

“It was something about the way he walked.”

“And you said Danny had less personality than a brain-dead zombie.”

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure you agreed with me.”

“I could go on, but I’m just pointing out you haven’t liked many of my boyfriends.”

“You always choose these handsome guys who don’t seem to be good enough for you.”

“Here comes the Googler now.”

I turned and saw Jimmy walking towards us with a big smile on his face. He looked great—to me anyway—in a nice grey suit with a pale blue shirt and a multi-coloured tie.

“Kelly,” he called out and walked quickly over. He picked me up off the ground and gave me a big hug and a kiss. Being with him again gave me this huge rush. When he put me down, I introduced him to April.

“Hiya, April,” he said, shaking her hand vigorously. “It’s awesome to meet you. Kelly talks about you all the time.”

“Really? Because she never mentioned you before today,” April replied sweetly.

Jimmy’s face fell for a moment, and then he grinned. “Oh yeah, she said you were a real joker too. You got me there.”

April switched gears and became nice, thank God. She and Jimmy chatted for a few minutes, and then he turned to me.

“What did you think of the game?”

“Good. I think you guys outworked them big time in the second and third, but maybe could have come out a bit stronger in the beginning.”

“Totally. We were a bit tentative, everyone was feeling each other out, trying to get used to the bigger arena and the bigger crowd. But against a stronger team, we’ll have to have a better start.”

April was glazing over as we talked. Suddenly, I became aware of some noise behind us, and I looked to see a few guys from the team. Comments like “C’mon Freshy, share the wealth,” and “Help us out, buddy,” could be heard.

“Something going on?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah. Some of the guys saw you two on the scoreboard.” He looked a bit sheepish, “We’re having a team dinner tonight, and after we’re going to a club. I’m supposed to get both of you to come along, to the club.”

April looked over at them, and I saw the slightest curl of her lip.

“I’d have to see them first. I’m a little picky.” Only the understatement of all time.

“A lot picky, actually,” I added.

“Kelly, you’ll come anyway, right?”

“Of course. And I’m sure I can convince April to come too.”

“Not without incriminating photos,” she snapped. Then she put her hand over her mouth, “Oops, this may not be the right crowd for that joke.”

“Well, they’re all good guys,” said Jimmy easily. He put his arm around me. “I’ll let you know where we’re going and when and put your names on the list.” Then he gave me a goodbye kiss. Hooting from the team corner. Possibly not the most dignified moment of my life.

As April and I walked away, she started in on me. “I’m not going to a club with those guys. It’s like high school. Immaturity City. The Googler is the best looking one there, and that’s not saying much.”

“Oh c’mon, April, most of the team was not there. There are like twenty guys, and I’m sure the best-looking, most mature ones are still in the dressing room.”

She gave me a skeptical look. “Hand me the program.” I handed it over.

It took her less than a minute.

“That one and that one,” she said. If they are going, I might consider showing up. Otherwise forget it.”

“It’s not a menu. I can’t order up players for you.”

“Call the Googler, and ask him if…” she paused to look at their names, “…Marc Gagnon and Ryan O’Marra are going.”

“You mean you would make me go all alone to a nightclub because the guys were not cute enough for you. Your best friend. What happened to being my wingman? All those nights I stood around while you drank and flirted for hours and then drove you home, was that for nothing?”

“Please, you never stood around. You’re like the dancing machine. Hey, is the Googler a good dancer?”

Could I lie about this? Not if she was going to see him tonight. “Actually, no.”

“Wow,” she said in a dreamy voice.

“Wow, what?” I asked.

“He must be fantastic in bed.”

“And how did you come to this conclusion?”

“Well, he’s not that good-looking. He can’t dance, which you love to do. He’s a bit of a goof, and he’s only eighteen. And yet, you seem to be absolutely obsessed with him. And you, Kelly, have been known to be ruled by the area below your waist. Therefore, he must be fantastic in bed.”

I couldn’t stop a little smile from breaking out at the corners of my mouth.

“Thanks for the confirmation,” cackled April.