Hold Me Closer: A Rebel Walking Novel (11 page)

Lyndsey

I let my mind run through the memories of the nightmare.  The details of being cut and hit stand out, but so do the words the men spoke.  My brother is alive, or at least he was during that time.  The men said Kayde hired security.  I should've known Holden was too good to be true.  I wonder if he fucks all his clients like that.  I play back some of our conversations at the cabin.  It was obvious that he knew my brother was alive and kept it from me.  How could I ever trust a man who would keep such huge a secret from me? 

My heart aches with betrayal, but this should be no surprise to me.  All men are idiots and can't be trusted.  Holden was no different.

"Hey, baby.  How do you feel?"  He's tiptoeing in like he's scared to disrupt me and genuinely concerned.  My anger doesn't allow for sympathy right now.

"I'm safe now.  You don't need to pretend to care about me."

"What are you talking about, Lyns?  I
do
care about you."

"I'm just a job to you.  I don't need your fucking pity.  The security here will take care of me."

"I'm not leaving you."  He's stubborn and I know this.  I move to grab the nurse's button and he grabs it right before I can.

"Don't even fucking think about it.  I'm here to make sure you're safe."

"Yes, please do your job from outside that door."

"Not on your life."

"Don't make me scream.  I don't have the energy to fight you, Holden.  Please give me this.  You fucking lied to me for days.  You pretended to care about me when I know now that I'm just a job to you.  Please, just give me this."

"I kept you safe because I
wanted
to.  Because if anything were to happen to you, I'd never be able to live with myself."

"Yes, you take your job very seriously, I get that.  Now, please, let me rest.  Please just go."  I can feel the tears building up in my eyes.  Damn him for making me cry.  I'm supposed to be stronger than this.

"You aren't a job to me.  I don't know how to make you understand this."

"Holden.  You lied to me.  You let me believe that my brother was still dead when you knew he wasn't.  This is something I can never forgive.  He's been the only constant thing in my life and for you to let me continue grieving him while you knew I had the hope of..... I just can't.  Holden, please leave."

"I
couldn't
tell you.  Please know that I wanted to more than anything, but I couldn't.  I was bound by confidentiality."

"Yes.  Because I was a job.  You've made your point, now please go."  The devastation on his face tears me up even worse.  I don't want to hurt him, but I refuse to be lied to by men for the rest of my life.

"I refuse to leave you."

"Then wait outside the door."  The tears flow down my swollen face and my heart breaks because I was beginning to think he was completely different. 

Chapter Fourteen

Holden

What the hell?  I knew keeping that secret was going to come back to kick me in the ass.  Her eyes as she talked to me said everything she needed to say.  I betrayed her.  I let her down, but I can never regret choosing her safety above all.  I'll say it a million times: I could
never
live with it if something had happened to her.  The way my heart raced on that long trip to hell told me what I needed to know about this woman and how she fits in my life. 

I've fallen.  Fallen in love with a woman who can't stand to look at me right now.  The odds of her forgiving me are very slim since this betrayal hits close to her heart.  I hope with everything going on that her brother makes it through that mission alive and she can have that piece of her heart back. 

This is killing me to walk out of her room, but she needs to recover from the stressful situation she just endured.  Her yelling at me doesn't allow for her to relax.

I lean against the wall next to her door and don't even consider leaving it.  It's at least an hour before the doctor comes out to talk to me about Aiden.

"He's in recovery.  We are very fortunate the bullet entered exactly where it did.  He'll have to work through therapy for full use of the shoulder, but I think everything will work in time."

"When will he be in a room?"

"We'll have him in this room here, once he's out of recovery."  He points to the door that's right next to Lyndsey's.  I couldn't have asked for a better location for his room.  It seems like another hour passes before they wheel him into the room.  He looks like hell.

"You look like shit."

"You take a bullet then talk to me."

"What happened?  How'd they get one in on ya?"

"They busted in on me when I was making coffee.  Got me through the door when I was trying to hold them out.  The next thing I remember, I was looking at your face."  Talking to him from the door is getting us both glares from the nursing staff, but I don't care.  I need to be here and I need to talk to him.  If that means talking loud so he can hear me, then so be it.

Jack chooses that moment to bust through the door, followed by his team of badasses.  He's definitely in control and no one even tries to stop him when he walks into Aiden's room. 

"Son, if you
ever
pull that shit again, I'll have your ass myself."

"Yes, Sir."  I watch this brute of a man lean over and attempt to pull his son in for a hug.  It reminds me of my relationship with my father.

I pull out my phone to call him and update him on everything.  My parents are in the car before I can get off the phone.  I knew they would be.  They're always there for us; I just try not to call them with anything unless it's real bad.  I guess this qualifies as that.

"Good news, boys.  Just as the last video of Lyndsey was disrupted, we were able to take out the targets.  It was accomplished without fatalities."

"That's great.  So does this mean that the crew can go home to their loved ones now?"

"Yes, it does."  I immediately turn to tell Lyndsey the news.

"Lyndsey.  Your brother is alive.  The mission is over and your brother made it through safely."  Her lack of energy as she’s lying there saddens me.  I want her to be as excited as I know she should be.

"That's good news."  She doesn't even move her head to acknowledge me.  Her monotone voice pisses me off.

"It's fucking
great
news and I want you to
celebrate
the fact that you get another chance with your brother."

"I've grieved his death.  Excuse me if I need a minute to process everything that has torn me up recently was just a lie."

"I'm sorry this happened, Lyndsey, but you get a chance very few people get."

"Yes, I know.  When I see him, I'll believe it.  You can go now."  Her coldness hasn't faltered.  She's really pissed at me and I guess I can't blame her. 

    
 
Lyndsey

Two days in this hospital is more than enough time for me to think about what's happening.  Kayde is alive.  Today is the day I get to go home and I'll look forward to the day I get to see it for my own eyes that it's the truth.

You can't ask me to continue the roller coaster of emotions that goes along with the life of the family of a Marine.  Every time he was gone, I had no idea when or if he'd come back.  Then to get the notice that he wasn't ever coming back.  How am I supposed to recover from that?

The door opens and Aiden walks in with his left shoulder and upper chest wrapped.  His gorgeous smile forces me to let him enter.  Who could turn away that friendly smile? 

"Hey, Lyndsey.  Looks like we get to break outta here today."

"Yeah.  I guess so."

"Don't hate us for trying to keep you safe from being hurt any further.  You know your brother didn't want you to have to grieve for him twice and we had to respect that.  It was hard on Holden to keep it from you, but in the end it was best."

"You can say what you want.  It's my
brother
you're talking about.  I deserve to know if he's alive and in trouble."

"I understand what you're saying.  Just know it wasn't intended to hurt you.  In fact, it was the exact opposite."  He throws me that smirk and I swear he should be outlawed. 

"How many girls are falling at your feet with that damn smile of yours?"

"Haha.  Nah.  It's not like that."

"Right.  I bet you just have terrible luck with the ladies."

"Haven't met the one yet." 

"Yeah.  Me, neither."  He sparks a sadness in me that I'm not prepared to deal with right now.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yep."

"Well, Lyndsey, take care of yourself.  I plan to see you in the near future whether you believe it or not."

I let him leave without a response.  How do you even respond to something like that?

Gus arrives to take me home.  I decided it was best to ride home with him rather than the rest of the people here.  I need my space and every time the door to my room opens, I see Holden standing out there.  The man doesn't get it. 

"Hey, brutus.  You look rough."

"You should see the other guy."

"Yeah.  I heard they look a lot worse.  How are you?"

He pulls me in for the usual hug and I squeeze harder and longer than ever before.

"He's alive, Gus.  I don't know how to handle it."

"I know, Lyns.  You handle it by greeting him with the hugs he deserves."

"How long have you known?"

"I've known since before you left."

"You hid it from me, too?"

"I did it for you.  I couldn’t watch you lose him again."  Gus knows what I went through more than anyone.  He's been there through it all and it stings even more to hear him say that he knew.

"Take me home.  I'm so ready to be out here."

"Your house is like Fort Knox, by the way.  I hope you're ready to get trained on how the security works.  It's quite impressive.  The bar is just as stacked."

I knew Holden wouldn't drop the ball on that.  He's going to make sure my house is so secure that a piece of dust can't enter without me opening the door for it.  I know his intentions are good, but I just can't be with someone that I can't fully trust. 

The ride home takes forever.  My body aches more than I thought it would and my headaches seem to be constant. 

"Gus, will you stay with me at the house until I feel safe again?"

"Sure."

Holden

She walked out of here.  My gut aches, but I know it's not the last of us.  I'll give her the time she needs, but in the meantime, I'm going to make sure she's completely safe.  If I have to stand post outside her house and bar for weeks, I will.  I need more confirmation that this whole thing is over before I can even think about resting again. 

Her system will automatically call me if it gets triggered, so I plan to sleep in my truck outside her house, and I'll be at her bar every night to make sure she gets home.

"You're deep in thought, man."

"Yeah.  Just wishing this would've turned out a little differently."

"Don't give up on her if you're feeling like this.  I could see it in the way you were with her."

"She got to me, that's for sure."

"Your saying about a woman complicating things sure as hell was dead on.  Hell.  I haven't seen a relationship more complicated than what you got going there."

"There's not a relationship."

"Say what you want.  There's a relationship."

We sit most of the ride in silence.  I'll figure out a way to get to her, but I'll give her time first.  She asked for time, I've got nothing but that.

My surveillance watch of Lyndsey's house starts immediately.  I watch Gus walk her in and guide her through the security and it irritates me.  I watch him leave with her and come back home with her every time she has to go somewhere.  He never leaves unless she leaves, too.  She said there's nothing going on between them and I have to only hope that's still the case.  I'll watch her until her brother comes back to town and then I'll let him take over.

Chapter Fifteen

Lyndsey

This place is seriously locked down.  I can't help but feel safe in my house and I honestly know it's Holden's doing.  I'll have to thank him officially, eventually.  I've been home four days and he's been outside every time I look out there.  He even stays outside the bar when I'm there. 

I'm deep in thought when I hear Gus talking on the phone.  It isn't until he says, "So you're almost here, bro." 
He calls Kayde ‘bro.’  He only calls my brother bro.