Hold on to Me (4 page)

There were very few things in life a man could control. His heart, however, was one of them.

Fuck relationships. And most definitely, fuck happily ever after
.

He grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

L
aughter echoed from inside Ryan and Kate’s house in the Sausalito hills. Simone’s pulse beat hard and fast as she stood on the porch, knocked on the door, and waited.

Tears still threatened, but she swiped at her cheeks to clear away the remnants of her breakdown in the car and worked up an impassive expression.

The door pulled open, but one look was all it took for Simone to realize she hadn’t done a thing to fool anyone.

“Simone?” Ryan asked. “What’s wrong?”

Oh no. She wasn’t going to lose it in front of him too. “Nothing,” she said quickly. “I just came to get Shannon.”

“Katie!” Ryan yelled, swiveling his head toward the hall. Then to Simone, softer, “Come inside.”

Simone pushed the hair back from her forehead as she stepped into the foyer of Ryan’s big house. Kate’s voice echoed from the direction of the kitchen, followed by girlish giggles. Her skin prickled with heat. All she wanted was get to Shannon and get the hell out of here.

“What happened?” Ryan asked, closing the door behind her.

“Nothing.” She didn't want to get into it with him. Not only was Ryan Mitch’s brother-in-law, they were best friends; had been since college. “Everything’s fine. I-I just need Shannon.”

“Simone?” Kate’s concerned voice from the hall brought Simone’s head around. Her friend’s worried eyes darted from her to Ryan and back again.

Shit. She was going to lose it if she didn't leave now. “I just came to get Shannon.”

“But I thought—”

“It’s okay,” Ryan said quickly. “Simone, I’ll go grab Shannon’s stuff.”

He squeezed Kate’s arm as he passed, heading for the great room at the back of the house, where the girls were laughing.

Stepping close, Kate rested both hands on Simone’s upper arms. “What happened? What did that brother of mine do to upset you like this?”

“Nothing.” Simone shook her head and swiped at her cheek. Dammit, she felt like she’d cried more in the last hour than she had in the previous year. “He didn’t do anything. It was me. It was all me.”

“Oh, Simone,” Kate said softly.

Okay, that was it. As much as she could take. Her talk with Will, the scene with Mitch… It all came barreling in and robbed her of what little strength she had left. “I can’t talk about it. I just need Shannon.”

“Sure. Whatever you need. We’re here for you.”

Ryan came back down the hall with Shannon’s bag. Shannon followed quickly at his heels, along with Julia, and the two were speaking quickly, obviously curious about what was going on. But the moment Shannon spotted her mother in the entry, her entire face fell, and her feet faltered.

No
I missed you, Mom!
No
I’m so glad to see you!
Just hard dark eyes, so much like Steve’s, staring back at her. The kid obviously knew something had happened. She was way too perceptive. And she'd already lived through way more than any ten-year-old should have to experience.

“I thought Shannon was going to spend the night?” Julia asked, looking from one adult to the other.

Thankfully, before Simone could think of something to say, Kate forced a smile and looked down at her daughter, then to Shannon. “Not tonight. Shannon’s mom missed her. We have lots of time for sleepovers. We’ll just reschedule. Shannon, are your shoes in the front closet?”

“Yeah,” Shannon mumbled, but she didn’t look Kate’s way. Her gaze was fixed solidly on Simone, and it was filled with both frustration and disappointment.

I’m doing this for you
Simone wanted to shout but knew it would do no good. She’d let everyone down today, and she couldn’t handle one more confrontation. At least not right now. “Say thank you, Shannon.” She took the bag from Ryan. Then she turned toward Kate. “I’ll call you.”

But would she? Probably not. The lies were coming so easily now.

Kate gave her a quick hug. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

Tears threatened again, so Simone pulled quickly out of her friend’s arms and turned for the door. She was aware of voices behind her, but she didn’t care what they were saying. She couldn't. Not anymore.

She climbed into the car while that depressing thought sank in and waited for Shannon to slide into the front seat and latch her seat belt. She knew Kate and Ryan were standing on the front porch looking after her, wondering what had happened, but she didn’t look back. Shoving the car into Drive, she pulled away from the curb and didn’t glance at her daughter either. If she did, she was afraid she’d break. And she’d already broken way too many times today.

They drove in silence back toward the city. Lights rushed by as they crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. Only when they were over the water and heading up the steadily rising hills did Shannon finally shift in her seat to Simone’s right.

“You said no, didn’t you?”

Simone’s pulse picked up speed, and she chanced a look at her daughter. “No? Said no to what?”

Shannon crossed her arms over her chest and looked straight ahead. But in the dim lights from the dash, Simone caught the hint of tears in her daughter’s eyes. “I knew you’d say no. You always mess everything up.”

Suddenly, the music, the candles, the special dinner Mitch had prepared, and the reason he’d arranged for Shannon to spend the night with Julia suddenly made sense.

No.
No, no, no
… He was going to propose tonight?

A sob pushed its way up Simone’s throat, and she pursed her lips to hold it back while she focused on driving through the blur of tears filling her eyes. This wasn't happening. This wasn't her life. In a matter of hours, she couldn't possibly have managed to mess everything up so very badly.

Shannon rolled toward the passenger window and rested her head against the seat. “Sometimes, I wish you weren’t my mom.”

Simone blinked again and again and gripped the wheel, unable to even think of a single thing to ease her daughter’s pain.

Because Shannon was right. She deserved a mother who wasn’t a complete and utter mess.

“R
yan.”

“I know.” Ryan wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her close on the front porch of their house, not knowing exactly what had happened between Mitch and Simone, but so very thankful it wasn’t happening to him. “She’ll be okay.”

“She’s not the one I’m worried about,” Katie whispered.

No, Simone wasn’t the one Ryan was worried about either. Simone was one of the strongest women Ryan had ever met. She could handle anything life threw her way. And even though she looked like she’d just had the wind knocked out of her, he was pretty sure she’d pick herself up and keep right on going, just like she’d always done. Mitch was another story.

He rubbed his hand down Katie’s back and glanced over her shoulder. Julia stood just beyond the open door in the entry, watching them with worry and a whole host of questions brewing in her eyes. From the direction of the great room, Reed’s laughter echoed. He was still watching the movie, oblivious to everything that had just happened.

Ryan nodded for Julia to go back into the house with her brother.

She frowned but was smart enough to listen. Though she was old enough to know what was going on, he didn’t want to talk about her uncle in front of her. The two had a special relationship, one he didn’t want tainted by any of this.

The door closed softly behind Julia, and Ryan drew back from Katie, looking down into her soft green eyes. “I’ll go check on Mitch.”

“I should go with you.”

He brushed his thumb across her silky cheek. “I can guarantee he won’t like that.”

“But—”

“I know a thing or two about how a guy’s feeling when he’s just lost everything, babe.” When her eyes darkened, he added softly, “Trust me on this. He’s not going to want to talk to you or anyone else. I’ve been where he’s at.”

“Oh, Ryan.”

She moved back into him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and pressed her face against his chest. And as he held her tight, her heat seeping in to warm him from the outside in, he remembered all those years after he thought she’d died, when he’d wanted to die himself just to get rid of the pain. The only thing that had saved him was Julia. Mitch had no one.

He pressed his lips against her temple and told himself this was different. And Mitch was a thousand times stronger than Ryan had ever been. “Whatever happened, he’ll be okay,” he whispered, more for his own peace of mind than for hers. “If I survived losing you, he can survive this.”

She leaned back and looked up, but her expression said she wasn’t so sure.

Mitch had a gentle heart. Though he acted like he didn’t give a shit about most things, they both knew it wasn’t true.

Ryan tucked a lock of curly hair behind his wife’s ear and kissed her lips. Lips he once thought he’d never taste again. Lips he was thankful for every single day. “Wait up for me?”

“Always.” Her hand slid down his arm as he moved away, clasping his fingers when they reached hers, then finally letting go.

God, he loved that woman. More every day. So much more than when he’d married her the first time. Pulling the keys from his pocket, he crossed the yard toward his car in the drive and thanked God all over again that she’d come back to him.

Mitch’s house was dark when Ryan pulled onto his street thirty minutes later. A wave of foreboding washed over him as he killed the engine.

The front door opened, and Mitch stepped out, a bag slung over his shoulder, keys in his hands. He took one look at Ryan’s Mercedes and scowled.

Shit
. That was not a good sign.

Ryan parked at the curb, popped the door, and climbed out of the car. Mitch was already at the back of his dusty Land Rover parked in the drive, throwing a bag in the back when Ryan reached him. “I don’t need a babysitter, Harrison.”

Yep, definitely didn’t want to talk. Ryan tucked his hands into his pockets. “Going somewhere?”

Mitch tossed his winter coat into the back, then slamming the back shut. “British Columbia.”

“I thought they didn’t need you at the job site just yet?”

Mitch huffed, a humorless sound. “They needed me three weeks ago. I just kept putting it off.”

Because of Simone.
The unsaid words hung between them. Dammit, if Mitch was running, things were worse than Ryan had suspected. “Mitch—”

“Don’t.” Mitch raked a hand through his already wild hair. “I’m not in the mood. And no, I don’t want to fucking talk about it.”

Oh yeah. Definitely worse.

Mitch drew a deep breath. “Look, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but if you’d have someone check on the house now and then, I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure. You know that’s no problem.”

Mitch looked at him. Seemed to want to say something else, but turned and headed for the driver’s side of his vehicle instead.

Ryan moved around the side of the car as Mitch pulled the door open. And though he knew he shouldn’t push, he couldn’t help himself. Because Mitch had been there for him all those years after he’d lost his wife. If it hadn’t been for Mitch’s pushing, Ryan wouldn’t be where he was now. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Me?” Mitch stood with one hand on the open car door. “Sure. I’m always okay. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

Before Ryan could call him on the bullshit he was spewing, Mitch pulled something from his pocket and tossed it Ryan’s way. “There is one more thing you can do for me. Get rid of that. I don't want to see it again.”

Ryan caught the small velvet box with both hands.

Mitch climbed into his Land Rover and slammed the door. He backed out of the drive, his headlights casting a wide path of light over the dark neighborhood. When he reached the street, he shifted into Drive, glanced once toward Ryan but didn’t wave. And there was no missing the anger and pain swirling in his eyes as he pressed down on the gas.

The car disappeared around the bend. Alone, Ryan popped the top on the box and stared down at the princess-cut diamond—the one that had to have set Mitch back at least three months’ worth of his salary—sparkling under the light of the full moon.