Hold You Against Me (18 page)

His fingers play with me, knowing, inexorable, working my body until I’m rocking, needing. The orgasm comes in deep, rhythmic pulses, shutting down every part of my body except there, making the world dark except for the blinding pleasure, stealing my breath except for his name.
Gio, Gio, Gio.

It will never be enough. The thought comes to me in a flash of terrifying clarity. As much pleasure as he’s given me, more than I knew I could take, I want even more than this. I want forever.

A scuffing sound comes from the pathway.

In a flash Giovanni has covered me with my dress. He stands and blocks me with his body.

Someone appears in the center pathway just as I stand up, wrapping Giovanni’s coat around me.

Romero’s expression is grim in the faint light. “I’m sorry to disturb you. We found someone coming through the fence. We took him—”

In a matter of seconds, Giovanni is back to being a statue. Gone is the man who licked me with passion. He feels cold and distant. Violent. “Take Clara back to her room first. Meet me in the pool house after.”

“What’s happening?” I hate that I sound so scared in the face of his stoic confidence.

He turns to me, expression hard. “Business.”

Fear rises up, sharp and sudden. This is why I wanted to escape the life, this wrenching ache. The knowledge that he might be hurt. Or the more likely scenario that he’s going to hurt someone else. The tongue that licked me tonight might give the order to have a man killed. The hands that touched me so tenderly might pull the trigger.

I lower my voice so that Romero can’t hear me. “Why don’t you want a fountain there?”

He glances at the wide-open space and then back at me. His eyes are soulless, empty. The eyes of a killer. “I don’t like the sound of running water.” His voice is just as hollow. “Go, Clara. This isn’t for you to see.”

Then he’s gone, leaving me with Romero, barefoot in the dirt.

R
omero seems distracted
by whatever happened. That means I can’t flirt to get close to him again, but I couldn’t have anyway. Not with my sex still ringing from Giovanni’s touch. My body isn’t the only thing affected. It feels like I’m floating more than walking. I don’t even feel any pain from the heels I put on outside the conservatory.

Except something sharp keeps trying to pierce through the orgasmic haze.

Something urgent.

Then I realize. Romero is distracted, hardly looking at me. Giovanni is definitely busy with whatever intruder they found. The party will make it easier for me to blend in. This is exactly how Honor and I escaped the first time.

Of course then she had money saved for us.

And we took Giovanni’s car.

I don’t have money or a car right now, but I have my determination and a deeper knowledge of this mansion than Romero. This is my best chance, now, before I get locked back in that room with the reinforced window. And if I can get to a phone once I’m out, I can contact Honor for help.

Lupo.
Tears prick my eyes. There’s no way I can go back for him first. If I make a run for it now, I can’t bring him with me. The best chance I have is to leave now…to leave him behind.

My heartbeat races with anticipation, but I force myself to walk at a regular pace, to keep my expression sex dazed. Because of the party, he’s avoiding the front staircase. Doesn’t want people to see me escorted to my room under armed guard, I suppose.

Instead we take the back way, the servants’ stairs.
Perfect.

I spy the hidden door as we move up the narrow stairs. I’m still close enough that I couldn’t get in before he reached me. I can hear him breathing, his steps loud and ominous. Then someone comes down the stairs from the top, holding a tray. That’s all I need.

I pause and press against the hallway as if being courteous. I feel Romero’s frustration behind me, but he doesn’t say anything.

The maid doesn’t meet my eyes. “Excuse me,” she murmurs.

I feel bad for involving her in this, even in a small way. I hope she doesn’t get in trouble. But I can’t waste my one chance for freedom. She takes the steps in front of me. Then another. Another.

Her body blocks Romero’s view of me for half a second.

With a sudden burst, I press down the wooden lever that’s hidden in the wall. The panel swings open, revealing the dark tunnel. As I dive inside, I hear Romero’s confused shouts, “Hey! What the fuck?”

This is the most important part, locking it closed before he comes in after me.

I slam the panel shut and fumble in the dark for the small metal chain Honor and I added. The tunnels were already here—we found them painstakingly, over years. We added the locks so that if we were inside, we couldn’t be found. A sharp pain stabs my fingertip, and I let out a whimper.
Shit.
It’s like the metal is a needle and thread, my hands thick and clumsy.

A kick slams into the panel, jarring me to the side. I fall back but scramble up again, pushing against the panel with my body. Finally the metal hook finds the small hole, and it’s done.

That lock won’t hold for long, not with him kicking it. Especially not if he shoots it.

That means I have to get out of here as quickly as possible. I’m sure I can move faster than him in this small space. And once I get forward about twenty feet, the tunnel splits. He won’t know which way I’ve gone.

The cut on my finger smarts, especially when I have to put it on the dusty ground to crawl along the shaft. That would be just my luck, to catch some horrible disease while making my escape. I don’t let it slow me down, not even when my knees feel bruised, not even when I bump my head twice. This was a lot easier as a kid.

Something furry brushes my hand, and I yelp. Cautiously, I push forward again and feel something plastic. A Barbie doll, I realize with a sigh of relief.

I reach the fork in the tunnel and turn left. If I remember correctly, this will eventually lead to a pantry on the east side of the house, where I’m hoping I can sneak outside and hop the fence. It feels like hours that I’m crawling through here, but I know it’s no longer than fifteen minutes. I have a thousand tiny cuts on my palms and my knees, a pile of dust in my hair.

My strappy heels keep sliding off, and eventually I let them go, leaving bread crumbs that will be found too late—or not at all. Artifacts, like the Barbie doll, of girls who once lived here. Girls who once escaped.

I emerge into the dark pantry like a wild forest woman, a little out of breath and frantic. I know I’ve successfully shaken Romero, but there are still guards everywhere. And with dust and spiderwebs adorning the gold beads of my dress, I’ll be conspicuous if any of the guests see me.

Pushing open the pantry door, I hear the sound of shoes squeaking on the floor.

Quickly I back inside the dark room, praying they aren’t coming in.

There are two people, I realize as hushed voices filter through the thin crack.

“Where did he come from?”

“The south gate. He was dressed up like a guest, trying to blend in.”

Not security, I’m guessing. Household gossip. Who’s trying to sneak inside? Is it some rival criminal organization, the same one my father was worried about years ago? Or is it different, something related to why Giovanni had taken me? He already has power, but he took me. He must need more for some reason. I supposed I could just assume he’s power hungry like my father, but he’s shown himself to be just different enough… or maybe I want to believe he’s different.

God, a part of me regrets being this close to escaping. How messed up is that? I loved Giovanni for so long, most of my life, that being with him still feels like something I want.

Could it work? A real marriage.

No, normal people go on dates. They didn’t drug the glass of water beside your bed. Except what if it
did
work? What if the boy I loved was still underneath all that armor?

No, not armor. Scar tissue.
Three months.

I slip out the side door into the darkness of the night, more conflicted than I’ve ever been. Running with my sister was an easy decision—not even a choice, really. She’s my only true family. And she was the one in the most imminent danger from the fiancé our father had chosen for her. Technically I was in danger too, but no one knew about that.

If I survived that, I can survive whatever Giovanni does to me tomorrow night.

And stay with him for the rest of my life?

God, I’m going crazy—torn between what I want most and what I fear the most.

In the end, I can’t walk away. Enough of me still believes in Giovanni, enough of me still wants desperately to believe, that I can’t leave without knowing. Of course there’s no litmus test to find out if a man is a monster. Tomorrow night, our wedding night, I’ll find out for sure if he’ll truly force me. But if I stay to find out, it will be too late to escape. I need to find out now.

Meet me in the pool house after.
I know where he is right now.

I
was fifteen
with the biggest crush imaginable. The boy was older and so cute I flushed every time he met my eyes. I did every silly, hopeful thing a teen girl can do—writing our names in my notebooks with little hearts, making excuses to see him.

In fact the first time he met me in the pool house, he was supposed to tutor me in algebra. It wasn’t even that hard to play dumb, because I felt completely clueless whenever he was near me. Of course he figured out that I was actually already doing math at a college level. Benefits of a personal instructor and lots of free time.

For whatever reason he continued to meet me in the pool house after dark. I would climb down using the trellis under my window and cross the plush grass, so out of place in the desert, dampened by hours of sprinklers.

This time I’m coming from a slightly different direction, but it feels just the same.

I know all the shadows to duck into while I wait to see if the guards are patrolling this area. The schedule may have changed, but the mansion has not. The pool house was usually dark, with Giovanni waiting. This time there was only the faintest glow from somewhere deep inside, a light on somewhere but not the front room.

The ball of my foot sinks into a dip in the ground, almost marshy after being freshly watered. I suck in a breath as the cold liquid stings the cuts on my feet. Two dark silhouettes appear in the windowed doors, and I dart to the side.

The doors open and close quietly.

I watch with bated breath while someone in a suit walks back to the house, too stocky to be Gio.

Due to a recent sandstorm, the air smells particularly sharp with ozone. That’s probably why the patio doors were closed, keeping the party inside. Or maybe he somehow predicted that the pool house would be needed for some dark purpose. Maybe they always use this place to hold enemies, the way my father used the basement. It makes me feel sick that he would use the place we’d met into an instrument of torture.

The basement is soundproof. I have never been there, but everyone knew. Why isn’t he using that? I’m afraid I know the answer. That’s where he was kept.
Three months.

My stomach turns over.

The door we always used was technically a side entrance to the pool house, opening directly onto the patio. There’s a separate front door to the house with a driveway that left the grounds via a different exit than the main entrance. As I skirt the corner, I see light flooding onto the lawn from the window, slatted by thick palm plants.

The thorns cut into my arms and back, but I’m grateful for the relative cover they provide. Especially when I stand frozen, sickened by the sight inside.

A man stands in the center of the room, his broad shoulders turned away, his gaze on the ground, a gun in his hand. I would recognize him anywhere.
Giovanni.
His name catches in my throat. I want to call out to him through the glass, to deny that this is happening, to somehow turn back the clock so a man isn’t bleeding out in front of him.

The man on the ground is wearing a tux, like the maids said. His knees are a mess of flesh and blood, so mangled my mind doesn’t even know how to reconcile them as legs. He’s sobbing. Sobbing.

My breath won’t come at all. I hadn’t thought there was a litmus test, but God. Only a monster could watch impassively as someone pleads for their life, desperate, clinging to impossible hope in the face of death.

Giovanni turns enough that I can see his profile. He says something. Asks a question?

The man on the floor shakes his head, frantic. Hands clasped. Begging or praying or both.

I can’t watch this.

I can’t turn away and escape, knowing this is happening.

The only thing I can do is bang on the glass with my fists, exposing myself, stopping Giovanni. Even for one more second, stopping him from committing this sin. Murder in cold blood. He must have done it before, and he’ll do it again, but I don’t care. I can’t save those people. I probably can’t save this man either, but I have to try.

And maybe somehow I can save Giovanni, too.

This place makes you evil. I figured that out a long time ago, but I refuse to succumb. No matter how much violence I see, no matter how much is visited upon me, I will never accept this as normal, as right. Power doesn’t make this okay.

Giovanni’s expression darkens when he sees me through the window.

I expect him to send out one of the men standing by the door inside to get me, but he comes himself. His grip on my arm presses deep enough to bruise. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I cry brokenly. I didn’t realize how much hope I held that he was still good inside until it was crushed. I’m like the man on the ground in there, knees broken, destined for death but somehow begging—hoping anyway. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

I don’t know why I interrupted him. I want to blame it on my upbringing, but I think it’s worse than that. Despite everything I loved him too much to leave.

Giovanni looks terrifying in the slash of light across half his face, like a gargoyle or some other night creature. “I told you this wasn’t for you to see.”