Hold Your Breath (16 page)

‘Anyway, Beck will be here,’ she kept saying nervously. But Beck had whispered to her that he was planning a lads’ poker night tonight round at a mate’s. And then it was
another mate’s eighteenth birthday night at a club on Saturday. Tara doubted she would see him at all the entire weekend and that suited her fine. All she wanted to do was curl up with Sammie
and watch mindless television until the rest of the world ebbed away. She only had to get through today first.

The memory of Leo’s face as she’d told him about the pictures was seared onto her mind like a brand. His confused expression was so, so much worse than she had anticipated.
He’d almost looked . . . scared. But scared of Tara, rather than fearful for Melodie. What boy wanted someone who freaked them out? None.

Tara dragged herself miserably through the morning, feeling like she had sandbags attached to her limbs.

At lunchtime she was walking distractedly towards the girls’ toilets when she heard a stifled giggle. She spun round to see Jada, Chloe and the dark-haired girl from the pool. Molly. That
was her name, she remembered now. They all had gypsy-style headscarves tied around their hair. Jada started to roll her eyes back into their sockets, her hands stretched out in front of her.

‘I get these . . . pictures,’ Jada screeched. ‘Oh, I’m getting one now! Come to meeee, spirits!’ The other two collapsed into liquid giggles next to her. Chloe
crossed her legs like she might pee herself with hysteria. A group of younger kids was watching the display in slack-jawed admiration. Pierced by an embarrassment so acute she wanted to curl up and
die, Tara rolled her eyes as though they all bored her.

‘Oh grow up, you stupid bunch of cows,’ she said and hurried away, hearing their laughter reverberating behind her. Tears pricked her eyes as she pushed open the doors at the end of
the corridor and flung herself outside.

She numbly got through the rest of the day, avoiding looking at anyone if she could help it. At three-thirty she went to her locker. Her footsteps slowed when she saw that something was stuck to
the door.

A piece of white A4 had been haphazardly taped there. The words
DO YOU SEE DEAD PEOPLE?
were scrawled in red pen. Underneath, like an afterthought, someone had written
Nutjob!!!!!
in blue felt-tip. Ripping the paper off the locker, Tara stuffed it into a bin, wishing she could run away, anywhere.

Bitches.

They didn’t even seem to care about Melodie any more. They’d moved on after a couple of days of attention-seeking drama. They had a set of facts that worked for them: Melodie was
okay and living in Brighton. They weren’t going to budge from that position because some mad girl said they should.

Tara wished passionately that she’d never heard of Melodie Stone in the first place. Never come to live in this town.

Never met Leo.

As she walked through the school gates, she glanced at the other students around her. Those in groups or pairs were laughing or having earnest discussions. Others walked alone, pushing in
earbuds and tuning out the rest of the world as they eased into their own space.

She envied every single one of them, whoever they were, whatever private problems they had in their own lives. She’d swap with any of them in a heartbeat.

Walking slowly home, she kept her tired eyes lowered. Her head throbbed. Every shout or flash of sunshine on a window felt like an assault. And pictures of cold steel biting into soft, white
flesh had been on the edge of her consciousness ever since she had woken up.

She knew she should be trying to help Melodie somehow. But what could she do?

Leo didn’t believe her. He thought she was unhinged. Worse, he thought she was some kind of stalker.

Sod you then, Leo,
she thought, squeezing her hands into fists so her nails bit hard. You can get lost.

Then she had a vivid memory of the exact moment at the lido when he’d kissed her. She remembered the salt on his lips and warm hand on the side of her face. The slightly shy, wary look in
his brown eyes and then the way his face relaxed into a smile. Like he was letting her in. Her and no one else. It made her feel special. Privileged.

There was no use pretending she didn’t care. This
hurt
.

Tara’s shoulders began to shake and the tears she’d been holding back all day finally came. She stumbled towards an alleyway by some shops and tucked herself away from any curious
eyes. Leaning against the wall, arms wrapped around her middle, she tipped forwards and cried and cried until she ran out of tears.

Finally, worn out, she found a tissue in her pocket and tried to wipe away all the smudges under her eyes. She blew her nose loudly, trying to talk herself back up.

She’d get over it.

She’d been here before, hadn’t she? She’d
get over it.

But as soon as she had that thought she knew it was only a hollow wish.

This was
nothing
like what had happened with Jay bloody Burns. She felt a thousand years older than she was then. A thousand times wearier.

A thousand times . . . more in love?

Tara made a sound like someone had kicked her and covered her face with her hands. She wanted to scream until her throat bled. This was all wrong. But she knew she was falling in love with Leo
and there was nothing she could do about it. Anything she’d felt before, for Jay, for boys she’d had crushes on . . . well, there was no comparison with this.

Leo was different. All of it was different.

And she’d lost him already. She’d had a glimpse of something amazing and now it was gone. Like someone had snuffed out a candle.

Maybe she wasn’t allowed these normal things. Was that it? She saw things. But she wasn’t allowed to be normal. Maybe this was the flipside of her so-called gift . . .

Gift? Tara gave a bitter laugh. That was a joke. She would do literally anything to be free of it. If she could cut it out of herself she would. She didn’t want any part of it. She’d
never asked for it.

Eventually, when the walls seemed to be closing in around her, Tara emerged from the alleyway and walked slowly home.

She was halfway there when her phone rang. She flinched, surprised, and pulled it from her bag.

Looking at the caller display she gasped.

Leo.

Frozen to the spot by indecision, Tara stared at the phone until it stopped ringing. Two seconds later, it started up again and she flinched, stupidly, a second time. With a shaky hand, she held
the phone to her ear.

‘Hello.’ Her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

She could hear him breathing on the other end.

‘Can I see you?’

‘Why?’ She squeezed her eyes tightly closed against a wave of longing and hope. She had to squash that feeling down. There was only so much humiliation a person could take. Thank God
he didn’t really know what she felt. At least . . . not the true extent of it, anyway.

A pause. ‘I need to see you. Please, Tara.’

She silently let out a long slow breath. ‘Where?’ she said eventually, her resolve dissolving instantly.

‘Where are you now?’

She looked around for the name of the road. He knew it. They arranged to meet in a playground nearby in ten minutes.

Tara’s insides churned as she made her way there, wondering what he wanted. She didn’t dare allow any hope to grow inside. Once at the playground she saw the benches Leo had told her
about. Sitting down, she wasn’t able to resist a quick look at her reflection in the screen of her phone. Knowing she looked like hell, Tara tried to tidy her hair a bit. There was nothing
she could do about the puffy eyes and red nose.

She sat back and forced herself to breathe slowly. There were a few mums on the benches opposite and young children shrieked and called out from the slides and roundabout.

I’m not going to think about you, Tyler Evans
, she thought, as he nudged his way into her mind.
Don’t you think I have enough going on?

A few minutes later Leo appeared at the entrance to the playground. He raised his hand and dropped his eyes as he made his way over. Tara’s insides flip-flopped. Why did he have to look so
gorgeous? He had on a green T-shirt today that emphasised the light caramel of his skin. His short, dark hair was messy, as though he’d just been rubbing his scalp. Tara felt a moment’s
actual fury at him for looking the way he did. It wasn’t fair.

He came and sat down next to her. They faced the playground, not meeting eyes. There was a gap of a few centimetres between them on the bench. But it felt as wide and uncrossable as a motorway.
Eventually, Leo broke the silence.

‘That was a bit weird . . . what you said yesterday.’

‘I know that,’ said Tara tightly. ‘It wasn’t exactly easy for me. I just thought I should tell you.’

Leo turned to her. She risked looking sideways. His eyes were intense, worried. She looked away, unable to handle his gaze. He paused for two, three seconds before speaking abruptly.

‘The thing is, Melodie’s been . . . kidnapped.’

Tara sucked in her breath sharply, drawing her fingertips to her lips.

‘But how did
you
know?’ he continued, louder now. A bit aggressively. ‘Do you know something? Because you have to tell me if you do.’

Tara winced at the hard jabs of his words. She shook her head, more tears threatening behind her eyes. ‘No, no, I told you. It’s something that happens to me. I can’t help
it.’
Oh, God
, she thought.
I’m going to have to tell him about Tyler Evans now.

But Leo was staring into the middle distance. He kept squeezing one of his hands into a fist as it lay on the faded black denim of his thigh.

‘She never got to Brighton,’ he said, quiet again. ‘No one has seen her for over a week. She’d insisted on getting the train to Adam’s, even though Faith offered to
drive her. She called me and she called Faith, leaving messages to say she was there. Well, you know. I played it to you.’

He glanced at Tara and then away again. There was a pause. She didn’t want to interrupt. She waited for him to speak again.

‘And now Faith and Adam have both been sent these pictures of Mel . . . all tied up.’ The words came out in a rush. He swallowed and Tara saw a bright sheen in his eyes. ‘They
want . . .’ His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. ‘They want money from Adam. Fifty grand. Have said that if they go to the police, they’ll . . .’ He swore and leapt
to his feet, savagely running a hand across the top of his head, mussing his spiky hair further.

‘Cut her,’ whispered Tara. ‘I know.’

They met eyes. His contained such a lost look that he suddenly seemed younger than seventeen. He sat down again.

‘Can you tell me everything you . . . see? You know, when you get the pictures?’

Tara told him, aware for the first time that, really, there wasn’t a lot of useful detail to pass on. A dark room. A single lightbulb. A cot bed. It wasn’t much. She could tell Leo
was disappointed. ‘I don’t know if maybe you could give me something of hers and I could try again?’

He blew air out slowly through his lips. ‘Might be an idea. But I promised Faith I wouldn’t tell anyone. She’s going nuts over there. Thinks if it gets out . . . well, it could
be worse for Mel. I’d have to think about how we could do that.’

‘Will he pay up?’ said Tara after a moment. ‘Her dad?’

Leo shrugged.

He sat with his head bowed. His nearest hand was still clenching and opening like a reflex. It hurt Tara somewhere deep in her chest to see him in pain. Before she could stop herself, she gently
placed her own hand over his. He turned his over and clung on tightly.

‘Look, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad yesterday,’ he said. ‘It was just a bit hard to take in, you know?’

‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s not something I usually tell people.’

‘I won’t go around shouting about it,’ he said.

‘You don’t need to,’ said Tara. She quickly told him about Jada and watched a look of cold dislike creep over his face.

He swore. ‘She’s such a stupid cow.’

Tara couldn’t help the feeling of hope that bloomed now. And also annoyance. ‘You believed her yesterday. I thought maybe you and her . . .’

Leo gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘Yeah, in her mind maybe. She’s been flirting with me since she was about twelve. No thanks. Never understood why Mel likes her,’ he said.
‘And I’m sorry I listened to her yesterday. She was insistent, you know? I shouldn’t have paid any attention but she got to me. I got it into my head that you’d only noticed
me because . . .’he paused and swallowed, looking away into the distance, ‘ . . . because of something to do with Mel.’

Tara’s heart was thudding. Was that what had happened yesterday? He’d been . . . hurt? Because he liked her? It was no good trying to squash down that hope any more. It was seeping
into her veins like a painkiller and an energy drink all in one.

‘No. It was nothing like that,’ she said. ‘I don’t even like Melodie.’ She hadn’t meant to say that. ‘I’m sorry,’ she squeaked, horrified.
But to her amazement, Leo barked a short, shocked laugh. Turning to her, she saw amusement in his eyes again. Then it faded back into worry.

‘No, I really am sorry,’ said Tara. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. Just that . . . well, I had no weird stalky thing, or celeb worship thing going on, that’s
all.’

‘That’s okay,’ said Leo. ‘I know better than most what my sister can be like. That last time I saw her . . .’ He swallowed again. ‘When we rowed? She actually
hit me! And all because I told her not to do anything stupid like running away with Will.’

Tara looked away, debating whether she should tell him she had been there. But no, she decided he didn’t need to know everything.

Leo’s face was grim again. He looked down at his hands. ‘But I tell you what . . . I’d do anything to have her back, in my face, being a pain. Anything.’

His eyes glistened, and there was a short silence before he spoke again.

‘Look, I’d better get off,’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘I want to get back over to Riverdale Rise to see if there’s been any news. Got to square things with
Dobby first.’