Holding His Forever (5 page)

W
hen I get back
to my place, I knock on the door and wait for Fia to answer it. She hasn’t called me, but she could still be sleeping. I can’t help but picture how I’d left her in my bed, and a sweet hum takes over my body. She had looked exhausted when I’d gotten her back her last night.

I wait for a few moments, but don’t hear any movement on the other side of the door. I’ve got tons of bags in my hands from all the stuff I bought today, so I decide to just go ahead and use my key to let myself in.

When I get inside, I go to the kitchen, wanting to put some of the food away, and spot her note. My stomach drops to my knees when I see that she’s left and isn’t coming back.

Panic starts to pump through my veins, and I stand still for a moment, trying to assess the situation. I read the note over and over again, hoping that I read it wrong. Just then my phone buzzes, and I grab it out of my pocket without bothering to see who it is.

“Yo, Phoenix. It’s Jim. Captain called me from the station earlier and asked me to pass on my preliminary report to you about the investigation. You got a second to go over it?”

I want to hang up and run out to find Fia, but then I realize I have nothing to go on. I only know her first name, which feels crazy to me with all the things I’m feeling for her. Jim, the lead investigator for the police department, is my best chance at any kind of information about her.

“Yeah, that was good of him to let you know. I’ve got a personal interest in finding out what happened, so let me know everything you’ve got.”

He spends a few minutes going over his technical analysis of the damage and what he thinks started it. Then he gets into possible suspects, and my interest is piqued.

“So, from all that we can safely say that the trigger was an accelerant in the Laundromat attached to the apartment complex on the top floor. There were only three people living in the building at the time, thank God, because it was far from up to code. The owner of the laundromat is being questioned this afternoon. From what we can tell, he’s got a stack of back taxes and liens. We’re still looking for the owner of the apartments, but our investigation assumes him as the lead suspect. It sounds like this guy is trying to cash in on the insurance and cut his losses.”

Anger boils through me as I think of Fia being in a place that’s unsafe. I think I may need to pay this guy a visit and see for myself if he’s guilty or not. And then figure out who owns the apartment building so I can get some information from them.

“Do you have anything on the tenants? Names, numbers?”

Jim rustles some papers and makes a noise. “No, nothing. Looks like the people living there cleared out, but we’re sending someone over there today to try to locate and question any witnesses. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Thanks, Jim. Anything I can do to help, you let me know. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, Phoenix.”

* * *

I
stand outside
of Moe’s diner, just watching the place for a second before I go in. I’ve heard of this place before, that it stays busy. Looking inside, I see it’s packed with people for the dinner rush, making me think the food must be really good. The waitresses are buzzing around dressed in fifties-style diner uniforms, and suddenly a blonde catches my eye.

“Fia?” I whisper.

Then I spot the owner over her shoulder looking at her ass. I glare at him, my vision turning red with anger, and I clench my fists at my side.

As if she hears me say her name, she freezes in place, staring back at me. Her mouth makes a perfect circle. She’s clearly shocked to see me. I’m wondering if it’s really such a coincidence that the owner of the Laundromat happens to own the diner where she works.

Looking back, I see his greasy eyes are still looking down her body, and I feel like I need to remove them from their sockets.

Charging in, I walk up to him, ready to punch him in the mouth. Just before I get to him, Fia steps in front of me.

“Derek, what are you doing here?” She looks around at the crowded diner, but nobody is looking at us. She looks over her shoulder at her boss, and then looks to me. She understands.

“I’m taking my break now. Why don’t you come with me outside so we can talk?”

Sensing my tension and that something was about to happen, she slips her soft hand in mine, and I immediately turn to dough, the anger slipping from me at her simple touch. She pulls me with her, away from her boss, and I watch as he talks to a redheaded waitress, completely unaware of what nearly happened.

Fia pulls me down a long hall, past the kitchen and out the back door to an alley. As soon as we are outside and the door clicks closed behind us, I’m on her.

“Fia,” I whisper against her lips, right before my mouth finds her. I have to taste, too. To reassure myself that I’ve found her. The tension and black clouds that had been building since I last saw her are washing away.

One hand goes to her waist to pull her flush against me while my other hand goes to the back of her neck to keep her from getting away. My whole body leans over her, towering her small frame and shielding her from view.

Her full lips are as soft as satin, and I taste her warm tongue as she opens for me. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down just a little. Then I sweep my tongue back inside, needing her more than I need my next breath. She lets out a moan, and I devour it, consuming her pleasure and letting it feed my soul. I want to inhale her passion and keep it only for myself, my inner caveman coming forward, needing to claim her.

When I need to taste more of her skin, my mouth moves down her chin, across her jaw, and down her throat. I’ve still got a grip on the nape of her neck, and I move her head so that I can take what I want. I’m not waiting for her to give me anything, though I probably should. Somewhere, very quietly in the back of my mind, I know I should be slowing down. But I push that thought farther back and keep selfishly taking her. Needing her.

“Derek,” she moans, and I nearly cum from the sound. “God, I don’t know you, but I can’t stop this feeling.”

Her fingers go to my hair as I lick and suck at her neck. I’m going to leave a mark, and the thought turns me on more.

“Don’t stop,” she whispers and pushes her body against mine.

“Never,” I growl. I wonder where that came from. I’ve not once been this possessive of anything in my life, and I suddenly find myself wanting to throw her over my shoulder and carry her to a tower in a castle so no one else can so much as look at her beauty.

I feel her hands on me, and her little body trying to rub against mine, and I can’t think straight.

“We need a bed,” I grit out before moving to the other side of her neck. I want to lick and bite all of her like some caged animal.

“I…oh, God, right there.”

I sweep my tongue over the spot just below her earlobe and feel her shiver.

“An hour,” she pants, like she’s running a marathon. “Give me one hour to finish up at work and I’m yours.”

Pulling back, I look into her crisp blue eyes. Her hair has come loose from her ponytail, and her cheeks are flushed. Her lips are full, and she looks like she’s been roughly kissed. Good. She looks like she belongs to someone. Me.

“Mine,” I say, not breaking eye contact. It’s not a question, but I want her to know the gravity of what she’s just said. “You better mean it, Fia. Because we both know something is happening here. And if you’re telling me that you’re mine, you better mean that in every sense of the word.” I’m being too forward and hard, but I can’t help it. When I didn't know where she was for those few hours, it was torture, and now I can’t lose her again.

She lets out a shaky breath, and I feel her fingers move against my chest. She gives me a shy smile and then nods.

“One hour,” I say, my voice rough with need.

“One hour,” she confirms.

M
y heart’s
still racing thirty minutes later. I can still feel his lips and hands on me, sending feelings I’ve never had before never thought I’d have - through my body. I glance over at Derek, who’s sitting in the corner booth. His bulk takes up one side of the bench. He’s unmissable. He doesn't even have to say a word. I can just feel him in the room. He looks just as handsome without his uniform on, wearing casual jeans that grip his thick thighs, and a firehouse shirt that stretches across his broad chest. It looks like the same one he’d given me to wear last night.

Whenever I look over at him he’s either looking at me or giving my boss a death glare. Sam just seems uncomfortable, which is nice. I like seeing the tables turn on him for once. I have to bite my lip to keep from smiling. I want to ask him how he found me, but I’m guessing it wouldn’t take much for him to find out who I am given that he already knew where I lived. I’m still shocked he showed up here. At first I thought it was because he had to ask me questions about the fire or something, but then I saw the jealousy flicker in his eyes when he looked at Sam.

He must have seen him staring at me or something, because he went right for him. I should have been scared. Normally when I come up against a man with anger on his face, I run. It was something I’d faced many times with my own father, and later with some of the women’s husbands and lovers at the shelter, but I didn’t feel even a trace of fear. In fact, for the first time that day, I felt safe. I didn’t have to worry about Sam cornering me because it was clear Derek wouldn’t let that happen.

He watches me like he has every right to. Like I belong to him. Like it’s his responsibility. And it makes something deep inside me settle. It’s been too long since anyone has really looked out for me. It’s as if a small burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t even care if it’s only for a small window of time, I’m going to enjoy it. I’ll take what I can get because life hasn’t been handing me many great things lately. I’m going to take this ray of sunshine, because that’s what Derek is.

I walk over to him with my pot of coffee to refresh his drink, or maybe it’s just because I want to be near him again.

“He stares too fucking much.” He says it loud enough for anyone to hear. He doesn’t appear to care. I feel heat hit my cheeks. I ignore his words. What can I say to that? Sam
does
stare too much, and I hate it, but I don’t think it’s against the law to stare.

“He always do that?” This time his words are soft and low and only for me. I just nod at his question. His jaw clenches. “He ever do anything else?” I just look down at him, not sure what to say. “Never mind. Don’t answer that or I’ll be out of this seat. Just finish your shift, angel.”

He gives me a warm smile, but I can tell it’s forced. I like that what Sam does pisses him off. That it bothers him. That someone seems to care and finds it not okay. Not like Tracy, who is only upset because she wants Sam’s attention, and I don’t even think it’s his attention she wants. More like his money, but Sam doesn’t seem like he’s loaded or anything, so I really don’t get it at all.

I go back to waiting on my tables and try to stay clear of Sam as much as I can. I don’t want there to be a problem. I just want to finish my shift and be done. I’m really going to have to find a new second job. This just isn’t working, and the tension and unease I’m feeling is only getting worse. It doesn’t matter at this point that I make the best tips here, I’m just going to have to find something else.

“Stay away from Sam,” Tracy growls next to me as I start a new batch of coffee. I look over at her, and if looks could kill I’d be six feet under.

“There is nothing between Sam and me,” I tell her. I don’t want to argue with her about it because it’s not worth fighting over. None of it is. It’s silly.

“Just watch yourself, or maybe I’ll go tell your flavor of the week over there about how you sleep around to get what you want.” I just stare at her. Do people even talk like that? Flavor? “Guess it doesn’t matter. Someone like that isn’t going to stick around with the likes of you,” she huffs before turning to leave with a smile pasted on her face like she just won something.

The woman is in her mid-fifties and is trying to fight over a man with me. I’m not ever fighting for Sam, but she’s trying to take me down a peg or two. And as much as I hate to admit it, the cuts sting a little.

I look down at my cheap waitress uniform that makes me itchy and irritates my skin. This one is even smaller than my normal one. This was all that was left, and I undoubtedly look like I’m stuffed into it. It really brings home how different Derek and I are. We’re from different worlds, but I hadn’t seen that. I’d just been lost in him.

I glance up and see it’s finally time to go. I counted my money earlier and saw that I’d made enough to cover a hotel room if need be. I’m done for the night. I make my way to the front to get Derek, a nervous excitement coursing through me. I’m not sure what’s going to happen.

I don’t know if I’m going home with him. I have to find a place to stay tonight, and it seems rude to just assume that I’ll go to his place. It would be even odder to ask him if he wants to go to whatever hotel I check into. My excitement starts to turn into anxiety. I’m not sure how to handle any of this.

Caught up in my thoughts, I run right into a wall of a man, and I know from his smell that it’s Derek. His hands go to my sides, making sure I don’t fall on my butt. I look up at him. Jesus, I’d have no idea what to do with this man if I went home with him. I want to. God, do I want to. But my experience with men is less than zero. Heck, I avoid them as much as I can.

“Careful,” he says, pulling me closer to him, his warmth seeping into me, going all the way to my bones.

“Fia, I need you in my office before you leave,” Sam yells across the diner, bringing me out of my Derek fog.

Derek makes no move to release me. Instead, his fingers sink deeper into my waist, his head starts to lower, and his mouth takes mine in a soft kiss. I easily open to him as his tongue enters my mouth. My body comes to life once again. I want to push further into him, but I’m already plastered to his front. When he pulls back, I’m breathless and have forgotten where I am or what I was doing. I didn’t know a kiss like that was possible.

“She can’t. My fiancée and I have plans.”

I’m so knocked by his words I don’t speak as he pulls me from the diner and shuffles me into a truck, quickly shutting the door behind me. When he enters the other side, he locks the doors before putting his key in the ignition and taking off.

“Fiancée?” I finally find my words. Derek’s hands grip the steering wheel so tightly I can see his knuckles turning white. He glances over at me like he is trying to read my face.

He just shrugs. Maybe he said it so Sam will leave me alone. If he thinks I’m with someone, he might back off. I don’t think that will work, but I know him a little better than Derek. I don’t think Sam will stop until he gets what he wants or I quit. I can feel it. I should have seen it before and paid better attention. Maybe I should have had a few job possibilities lined up and not let it get to this point.

“Has a nice ring to it,” he says, his little tease making my whole world tilt. His hands loosen on the steering wheel and he gives me a playful smile. I can’t help but blush and look away out the window.

I feel his hand take mine. I look back at him, but his eyes are on the road. His fingers lace with mine and give me a little squeeze.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“Home,” he says simply, like it’s my home, too. I haven’t had a place that felt like home in forever. Maybe I never really did. I’ve had places I stayed with my mother, but I will never call the house I lived with my father a home. That wasn’t a home at all.

“Where is your home?”

A sheepish look crosses his face, and I could swear he blushes a little, but it’s hard to tell in the dark interior of the truck.

“Yeah, about that.” A moment of panic hits me at what he is about to say. That sweet little bubble I’m in with him might be about to burst. I try to pull my hand from his, but he only tightens his hold. What if he’s married or something?

“Where you slept last night is my home. Well that, or the firehouse, and I’m sure as fuck not taking you back there.”

“You said”

“I know. I just didn’t want you to be unconformable and wanted you to have a safe place for the night,” he admits, and the now-familiar warm feeling wraps around me.

“You make me feel safe,” I confess. I feel the furthest thing from uncomfortable around him.

“You make me feel whole again.” He brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing it, never taking his eyes off the road. It almost sounds like he was in pain and I’ve taken it away. The idea that I have that kind of power is intoxicating. I wish I could see his face right now because that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me in my whole life.

We sit in silence for a little as he makes the drive across town.

“You hungry?” he asks, pulling up to the front of his house “I can order us something or take you somewhere, if you like.”

“I ate, so I’m okay, unless you want to get something.” He ate at the diner while he watched me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a man as big as him ate every few hours. Firemen must work out a lot.

“The only thing I want to eat right now is you.” He words are deep and sensual and send a thrill up my spine. My face heats. I don’t think he knows I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe I could fake it. I know about sex, I just haven’t done it. I don’t want to disappoint him, but the way he looks at me makes me think I could just stand here and he’d be happy with me. Whole, like he said.

“Don’t move,” he says before hopping out of his truck and coming around to my side and opening the door, giving me his hand to help me down. It’s not even a high truck, so his attentiveness has me fighting a giggle.

“You always this sweet?” I ask, looking up at him through my lashes.

He wraps an arm around me, pulling me close as we walk towards his door.

“My mom taught me manners, but I don’t recall anyone ever calling me sweet.” When we get to his door, he unlocks it and pulls me into his place. He shuts and locks the door behind me. The lock has barely clicked into place when he’s on me, caging me in with his big body. His hands rest on the door behind me, bracketing my head.

I still don’t feel a trace of fear. My hands go to his chest, my fingers digging into his shirt.

“Strawberry or mango?” he says, and I raise an eyebrow at the odd question.

“Thought you weren’t hungry.”

“I meant, which smell do you like more?” He presses into me.

“I’m partial to both,” I tell him, unsure what this is about.

“Good. I got you both. I’d get you anything you asked for,” he says, then his mouth is on mine once again. The kiss is just like our first one. The same need clawing at us both. Before I know it my legs are wrapped around him and he’s carrying me through the house, my back hitting his bed. I still don’t let go of him, keeping my body wrapped around him. I don’t want any space between us, and I need this contact more than my next breath.

He looks down at me with the most intense look I’ve ever seen, and it steals my breath.

“You look like an angel. I shouldn’t want to do all these things to an angel, but I don’t think I can stop myself. I don’t even think God could stop me at this point,” he admits. I can see he’s trying to fight himself. He’s trying to pull back, but I don’t want that. I want him.

I wiggle under him, desperate for him to keep going. I want more of him, wanting all of the things he makes me feel.

“Then don’t.” I’ll be his as long as he wants me. I’d give him anything if he always made me feel like this.