Holding On (21 page)

“You don’t
want
to?” Quinn asked with a laugh.

He shook his head, looking clearly traumatized.

“Well, too bad, mister. I’m not doing this alone.”

He had been so cool. So calm during the first few classes. His usual take charge attitude shining through. It had been clear that he had felt completely confident in his abilities. They’d worked their way through the exercises. They’d listened to the instructor as she led the class
, telling them what to expect. He’d listened to the questions people had, clearly absorbing the answers the instructor gave.

And then they’d watched the movie.

And now he was panicked.

“What did you think it was going to be like?” Quinn demanded. She was equally parts amused and flustered.

“I’ve never thought about it,” he honestly replied.

She wandered into the kitchen and he followed. She had steaks marinating and Jake took them out of the refrigerator. Quinn started scrubbing potatoes to put on the grill with the steaks.
She didn’t mind making dinner but Jake liked to cook, too. So most nights they split the tasks. For Quinn, it was one of her favorite parts of the day.

“You never thought of it,” she repeated. “
Never
? Not even lately?”

“Not
that
part of it. No. I think maybe I’ve been in denial.” He nodded his head, more to himself than to Quinn. As if he’d decided then and there that was indeed the case.

“Well,” she said
firmly, “I’m sure you’ll do just fine. There are probably millions of dads who get through it every year. You’ll be no different. You’ll do great.”

He made an unpleasant face. “Aren’t I supposed to be saying that to you?
Telling you how great you’ll do?”

She nodded and grinned. “Yeah, probably.”

“I don’t see why they can’t just give you something for the pain right away. Before it gets bad. That would be so much better.”

“She told us why. It could slow things down, remember?”

He sighed. “Oh, yeah. Right. Well, maybe as long as I don’t have to cut the cord…maybe then I’ll be okay.” His shudder was visible to Quinn and she just blinked at him for a moment.

“Oh, here I thought it was
the realization that I’m going to be in pain and misery that had you queasy,” Quinn teased. “Now I found out it’s just a matter of you being a wuss.”

“Hey!”
He pretended to look offended.

She cocked her hip to the side and raised an eyebrow at him as she moved away from the sink. He was just getting ready to go through the sliding glass door and out onto the deck to turn the grill on.

“Okay. Fine. I’m a wuss,” he admitted.

This only made her laugh. He disappeared and came back in while Quinn was rummaging around in the fridge, looking for produc
e to throw a salad together.

“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” she asked.

“Right after work. Luke’s picking me up there.” He paused. “If that’s okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. “But I just thought he’d be picking you up here.”

“I guess not. He was finally able to get a weekend off. He wanted to make the most of it. Since the drive is a couple of hours, he asked if it would be alright,” Luke explained.

Quinn simply nodded.

She was pretty sure that Luke only wanted to pick up Jake at work so he could avoid seeing her. Their house wasn’t more than fifteen minutes out of the way. And when they had the whole weekend, really, what was fifteen measly minutes?

She wondered if this awkwardness was ever going to end.

“Quinn?” Jake asked. “Are you okay? You got quiet all of a sudden.”

“Yes,” she said with a sigh
. She placed lettuce, a tomato and a cucumber on the counter. “I’m fine.”

“Can you meet me in town for lunch tomorrow? So I can see you before I go?” he asked.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

They made a lunch plan as they made their dinner. While they ate, Quinn managed to tease Jake a bit about how pasty his face had gotten during the movie. When they were almost finished eating and just chatting and enjoying the time with each other, Quinn finally spoke up about Luke again.

“You know, I was thinking,” she said, “that if Luke is still having such a hard time with this…With us…That maybe you shouldn’t call me this weekend.”

“Not call you?” Jake asked. He was
obviously confused by the request.

“I just think,” Quinn reasonably told him, “that this weekend should be about you and Luke. And I think things will go more smoothly if I’m not involved in any way. That means no phone calls.”

He didn’t look like he was following.

“All I’m saying is that it won’t kill us to go a few days without talking,” Quinn pointed out. She and Jake had never been one of those clingy couples that called and texted non-stop. But now with a baby on the way, Jake had gotten into the habit of checking in much more frequently.

“I get it,” he said with an unhappy sigh. “It’s kind of like still rubbing our relationship in his face. Although, he’s going to have to get used to it,” Jake pointed out.

“I know. And he’s obviously trying,” Quinn said. “But I saw his face when yo
u leaned over to kiss me. He…” She faded off, unable to finish.

“He’s not over you,” Jake agreed.

She shrugged. It felt so…conceited to say it. But she thought that it might be true.

“Okay.
But I don’t like it. It’s hard enough to go a whole weekend not seeing you. But not talking to you either? How about just no phone calls in front of him? But I’ll call after I’m in bed. Is that okay? And if anything, I mean
anything
comes up—”

“I’ll call. Cross my heart,” Quinn said in a teasing tone.

*~*~*

“I feel like we’re in high school again,” Jemma said as she slipped past Quinn and into the kitchen.
Quinn wasn’t sure if she was joking or serious. Annoyed or amused. So she waited for her to elaborate. Which she did. “I cannot remember the last time we had a girls’ night that didn’t include going to the bar,” she informed Quinn. She set the pizza box on Quinn’s kitchen counter.

“And yet,” Lily said
as she followed them into the kitchen, “I’m sure you’ll survive the evening just fine.” Lily opened the freezer and placed a carton of ice-cream inside. She had two movies tucked under her arm. Once both hands were free she plucked them out to show them to Quinn.

Legally Blond
. One and Two.

Quinn grinned.

“See?” Jemma demanded. “
Just
like high school.” But she was smiling so Quinn took that as a good sign.

Lily pulled some plates out of the cupboards while Jemma opened the pizza box. It was an extra large Canadian bacon with mushrooms and extra cheese.

Yeah
, Quinn thought,
just like high school. And I’m loving it!

She was pretty sure that Jemma
really didn’t mind. With the three of them being so busy and now with both Quinn and Lily having husbands, it was getting harder and harder to make time for each other.

Especially now that
Lily and Nate lived out of town, but she’d come back to Lanford for the weekend when Quinn had asked. Jemma kept herself plenty busy as well but said she’d clear her calendar for the girls’ night.

“How’s the job?” Quinn asked Lily.

Lily made a face. “It’s busy. It’s good…but it’s busy. I think I’m going to love it. I mean, we’ve only got a week behind us so it should get better from here. Once they get into a routine.”

“That’s good,” Quinn said.

“How’s the stay at home thing going?” Jemma asked.

Quinn shrugged. It was her first week off. “So far, so good. I’m finding plenty to keep busy with right now.”

“Nesting?” Jemma asked.

Quinn laughed, surprised that Jemma was familiar with the term.

“I suppose,” she said. She had scrubbed the house from top to bottom, much to Jake’s dismay. He’d wanted her to have time off to relax. Scrubbing on her hands and knees or up on a ladder had not been on his agenda for her. Quinn couldn’t help herself, unsure of when she’d have the chance to do such a deep cleaning if she didn’t take advantage of her time off now.

They
continued to chit-chat about miscellaneous, random things while they dished up. Quinn took out some lemonade and poured everyone a glass. Then they made their way into the living room and got settled in.

“How is Carly doing?” Lily wondered.
“With the whole Jesse situation,” she clarified.

Quinn made a face to answer Lily’s question. The face implied that Carly was…not doing so great.

“That bad?” Jemma asked. Her tone turned all-knowing. “I told that girl she needed to step things up a bit.”

“I’m not sure that’s what she needed,” Quinn disagreed. “I think she needed to
settle things down
a bit.”

“She not
ready
to settle down yet,” Jemma argued.

“She might be,” Lily disagreed
. “I mean…She’s not a kid anymore. And when it comes to Jesse, she might be ready.”

Quinn wasn’t sure she agreed with that either but decided not to argue. “Regardless of whether or not she’s ready, she’s pretty torn up about it. To be honest I’m not sure if it’s that she really wants him that badly…or if she just…” She didn’t want to say it because it felt suspiciously close to bad-mouthing her sister.

“Just wants him now that she can’t have him?” Jemma pointed out with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Quinn said with a resigned sigh.
“Or maybe not. I just can’t get a clear reading on how she really feels about that guy.”

“I don’t think she even really knows herself,” Lily pointed out.

“Now that she’s back at school, I’m sure she’ll meet someone,” Quinn pointed out. Although, with Carly, Quinn knew, it wasn’t a matter of meeting someone that was ever a problem. It was a matter of keeping them. But maybe if she met someone that could at least be a distraction, it would help.

“Oh, the Johnson girls,” Jemma said with mock exaggeration. “
Such trouble with men.”

Quinn frowned at that. “Jake and I aren’t having any trouble at all.” She caught the war
ning look Lily gave Jemma. She wasn’t sure what it was about.

“Gues
s who I ran into the other day,” Jemma said. She had a sour look on her face that perplexed Quinn. It seemed like too sudden of a shift in conversation.

“I have no idea,
” Quinn said. She had been about to take another bite of pizza but her stomach suddenly felt a little…squirmy.

“Tabby.
” Jemma said her name with raised eyebrows, which raised Quinn’s suspicions immediately. “I ran into her at the grocery store of all places. Apparently since things didn’t work out with Luke, she’s moved back to town.”

“Jemma,” Lily chastised. “You said you weren’t going to go there.”

“Oh, come on, Lily, how can I not?” Jemma scoffed. She turned back to Quinn. “That girl had a whole lot to say.”

“I’m sure she did,” Quinn said. Her voice sounded resigned. Since it was Jemma who brought it up, Quinn knew better than to think the subject would be dropped. Not until Jemma had discussed it and dissected it to her heart’s content.

“You do know, don’t you?” Jemma pressed.
She had her eyes narrowed at Quinn. She’d been gauging her reaction. “You know all about Luke. And how he feels about you.” She shook her head. “I told Lily I was sure that’s what Tabby and you were discussing. Right before the wedding.” She smacked Quinn playfully. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t really want to talk about it,” Quinn bluntly informed her. “It seemed pointless.”

“Pointless?” Jemma teased. “More like scandalous!”

“No!” Quinn said with a sharp shake of her head. “Not scandalous. Not even close!”

“
Jemma
,” Lily interrupted again. “I don’t really think this is something to tease Quinn about.” She turned to Quinn and gave her a sympathetic look. “I thought something seemed off with Luke at the wedding. All of these years? Who would’ve thought?”

“Tabby,” Jemma pointed out. “I can’t believe she kept it a secret this long. Quinn…just think…You and Luke…you could’ve been together all this time.”

Quinn tossed an annoyed look at Jemma. “Let’s not go there. Okay? Let’s just not.”

“She’s right,” Lily said, backing her up. Then she surprised Quinn by saying, “I bet that has to be a touchy situation for him and Jake. And you and Jake.”

“Jake and I…it’s fine. We’re fine,” Quinn told her. Then she softened and decided to tell her friends what was on her mind. It wasn’t like she felt comfortable talking to Jake about it simply because he and Luke had their own problems. “Okay, yes, you saw Luke at the wedding. He pretty much avoids me now. And him and Jake…Well, this is the first weekend they’ve done anything together in so long that I’ve honestly lost track.”