Holding You (34 page)

Taking a step away, I shook my head as I felt my entire body start shaking. “No. No, she’s not leaving me. She is not leaving me.” Turning back to look at the love of my life, I whispered, “Lauren would never leave me.” Glancing back to Jessie, my heart dropped.

Tears streamed down Jessie’s face as the door opened and my mother walked in. Jessie turned and whispered, “Ellie—”

Giving me a weak smile, my mother moved closer to me. “Colt, honey let’s step outside for some fresh air.”

Shaking my head, I stood firm. I was not leaving Lauren. “She’s not . . . she’s going to be okay. She wouldn’t leave me, Mom. She knows how much I love her and need her.” Turning to Lauren, I walked up to her and took her hand again. Kissing the back of it, I felt my tears begin to fall freely. “Please, baby. Please don’t do this to me. Lauren, I beg you!”

Jessie quickly left the room as I buried my face down into Lauren’s neck. Her skin felt so hot. So incredibly hot. “Lauren, please wake up. Don’t leave me, sweetheart. I’m nothing without you, Lauren.
Please
wake up.”

A woman began talking. “Sir, we need to put the icepacks on her stat.”

Strong hands took a hold of my shoulders and pulled me away from Lauren.
No. I can’t leave her.
Turning, I saw my father. “Dad, no I can’t leave her. She needs to know I’m here. She needs to know I won’t leave her side.”

“Colt, you need to get some food and some sleep.”

Pushing him away, my father stumbled against a chair. “I’m not leaving her!” I shouted as my mother jumped. Covering her mouth, she began crying.

“Gunner,” she whispered as my father took another step toward me. “Colt. Listen to me, son, I know how much you want to be here, but you need something to eat.”

Warmth trickled down my cheeks as I felt my tears. “Dad, I can’t lose her. She’s my everything. The very reason I breathe.”

Tears formed in my father’s eyes. “Son, I’m only asking for two hours. Please.”

Wiping the tears from my face, I slowly walked into my father’s arms. “Dad, please tell me she’s going to be okay.”

Two nurses walked into the room as one cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, we can only have two people in here at a time.”

Turning, I nodded my head. “What about her fever?” I asked.

The younger nurse gave me a weak smile. “We’re going to be doing something called ice packing. We will place icepacks in key locations to bring her body temperature down, but we need to do it now.”

Guiding me out of the room, my father said, “Your mother will be with her while we go get you something to eat.”

Stopping in front of my mom, I attempted to talk but my voice kept cracking. “Mom . . . please . . . please don’t leave her.”

Shaking her head, she placed her hand on the side of my face. “I promise I won’t leave her side.”

My legs felt like rubber as my father guided me out of the room and to the waiting room. Looking up, I saw all of our friends sitting there. Grace jumped up and ran over to me and slammed her body into mine. “Colt,” she whispered as she held me tight. My eyes moved across the room to see Maegan and Taylor with their parents, Brad and Amanda. Libby and Luke were now standing and I asked, “Where is Mireya?”

Libby wiped her tears away. “My parents have her back in Mason.”

Grace pulled away and gave me a smile. “She’s a fighter, Colt.” Nodding my head, it felt as if someone was squeezing my heart.

When my eyes landed on Alex, I felt myself lose control as I started to cry. Alex quickly got up and walked over to me. Pulling her into my arms, I let it all go. The last two days had been hell as Lauren continued to decline. “Alex, she won’t wake up. She won’t wake up for me.”

“Shh, she’s going to, Colt. She’s strong and she loves you so much.”

Holding Alex as tight as I could, I tried to imagine my life without Lauren and I couldn’t. I needed her.

Whispering in Alex’s ear, I said, “Nothing else matters if I don’t have her, Alex. Nothing.”

Clearing his throat, my father walked up to me and placed his hand on my back. “Colt, let’s go get something to eat.”

Alex stepped away and looked into my eyes. There was something calming about the way she was looking at me. “You need to eat, Colt. If you want to be strong for Lauren, you need to eat. Let me take you to the cafeteria.

Nodding my head, I glanced over to Grace. Her eyes were red from all the crying. She looked how I felt. “Grace, are you hungry?”

Nodding her head, she smiled slightly. “Yeah.”

Looking around the room I asked who was hungry. Amanda walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Um . . . we all just got back from eating something.” Turning to Grace, Amanda smiled. “Grace, you go with Alex and Colt, sweetheart. I know you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.”

Walking up to me, Grace laced her arm through mine as Alex stood on the other side of me. “Come on, let’s get us some food,” Grace said, barely above a whisper.

Turning to my father, I went to talk but he just nodded his head. I knew he wouldn’t leave, but I just needed to know he would be here for Lauren if I couldn’t.

The moment we stepped into the elevator and the door closed, I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. “Maybe I should stay here and y’all go get food?”

Alex shook her head. “No, Colt, we’re going to get food. Mom, Dad, Scott, and Jessie are up there. It’s okay.”

Nodding my head, I blindly let Alex and Grace lead me to the cafeteria.

Grace and I both ate chicken salad sandwiches and a bag of chips. I had to admit I felt better getting something into my body. Alex made me drink two bottles of water, then handed me a bag. “It’s a change of clothes. Will brought them after Daddy asked him to grab you some clothes.”

Reaching out for the bag, I nodded my head. I’d been in the same clothes I changed into after football practice a few days ago. “I’ll um, go change in the bathroom.”

Grace and Alex both nodded their heads and said they would wait for me by the elevator. After changing, I placed my clothes into the bag and zipped it up. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe how terrible I looked. I hadn’t slept in two days except for a few times when I nodded off for about ten minutes or so. Closing my eyes, I dropped my head back. “I swear to you, I’ll do anything you want if you please just bring her back to me.
Please.”

Looking back at myself in the mirror, I splashed cold water on my face, reached for the bag and headed out the door. Alex and Grace were both waiting by the elevator as I made my way over to them. Swallowing hard, I attempted to push down the ache in my chest.

“Do you feel better?” Alex asked.

With a shaky voice I answered, “Yeah, a little. Alex, how are you holding up? I mean, the baby and everything?”

Giving me a sweet smile, Alex placed her hand over her stomach. “Everything is fine with the baby, Colt. Please don’t worry about me. We’re both fine.”

Leaning over, I kissed Alex lightly on the cheek. “I love you, Alex,” I whispered.

Fighting to keep her tears at bay, Alex whispered back, “I love you too, Colt.”

Grace hit the up button and we waited for the elevator doors to open. Stepping inside, I glanced down at something Grace was holding in her hand. “Grace, what are you holding?”

With a trembling chin, she held her hand open and revealed a rock. “Lauren gave it to me when I left for college.” Letting out a weak chuckle she shook her head. “I asked why a rock and she said it was the rock I threw at Thomas Wringer when he called her a tomboy. She had kept it . . . and . . .”

Grace turned away from me as she covered her mouth in an attempt not to cry.

The doors opened to the fifth floor. ICU was on this floor as well as the oncology unit. Stepping out of the elevator, I heard Grace and Alex both let out a gasp. Turning, there was a guy and a girl standing there.

“Grace?”

Wiping her tears away, Grace whispered, “Noah?”

“W-what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Noah asked as he went to reach out for Grace. Taking a step back, she bumped into me. Taking a hold of her, I felt her whole body shaking.

“Lauren, she’s here in ICU. Bacterial meningitis,” Grace whispered.

Noah’s eyes filled with compassion. “I’m so sorry.”

Grace nodded her head but didn’t say anything. Noah cleared his throat as he looked at Alex, then me.

“I lost my phone, and your number was in my phone, Grace. I tried to call but—”

Grace lifted her chin and stood taller as she looked at Noah, then the girl standing next to him. “Well, I’m sure you’ve been busy. Congratulations on your wedding. I hope the two of you have been happy.”

Noah pulled his head back and looked at Grace with a confused expression. Turning to the girl next to him, Noah shook his head as he looked back at Grace. “Wait. Is that why you wouldn’t return my calls, Grace? You think I’m . . .”

Noah’s voice was cut off by a code blue coming across the speaker system. “Code blue room two thirty-two.”

My heart dropped.
Lauren.
“That’s Lauren’s room!” I shouted as I ran down the hall to the double doors that led to the ICU.

By the time I got to Lauren’s hospital room door, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. People were going in and out of her room.

Panic had already set in and I felt as if I was forcing the air to move in and out of my lungs. “What’s going on?” I asked as nurses walked in and out.

Grabbing the younger nurse, I shouted, “Someone tell me what’s going on?”

“Sir, I need you to let me go, she is in respiratory distress, let me go.”

Dropping my hands, I started to head into the room when I felt someone pull me back.

“Colt, you need to let them do their job.”

Turning I looked to see Scott had a hold of me. “No. No, she needs me! Let me go, Scott.” The door opened and my heart stopped when I saw what was happening. The doctor was giving Lauren CPR. “Oh. My. God. Lauren! Lauren!” I screamed as someone yelled, “Shut the door and get him out of here!”

I was about to rush into the room when I felt more hands on me. “Colt, waiting room. We need to go to the waiting room.”

My father’s voice registered in my mind, but all I saw was Lauren. Lying on the bed as someone attempted to get her breathing again.

Respiratory distress.

Pulling against Scott and my father, I yelled, “Let me go! Lauren, please, God no! No!”

The next thing I knew, Scott, my father, Will and Luke were attempting to hold me down as I fought like hell to get to Lauren. I just needed to hold her. If she felt me, I knew she wouldn’t leave me. She would never leave me.

Standing in front of me, Scott yelled, “Colt!”

My eyes snapped to his and I saw nothing but fear. “Scott,” I whispered as tears fell from my eyes. “Please let me go. I need her. She can’t leave me. She needs to know I’m here.” Closing my eyes, I felt my legs give out as I fell to the ground. “Don’t take her from me. I just want to hold her. She likes it when I hold her. Please.
Please
just let me hold her.”

My sweet Lauren. I promise you
. . .
I’ll spend forever holding you . . . even if it’s only in my memories.

Dropping to his knees in front of me, Scott grabbed me and held me as my entire world fell apart.

COLT. I HEAR
Colt’s voice calling out for me. Looking around, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was looking at myself in the hospital bed as the doctor tried to get me to breathe. The fever was gone. The aches in my body were gone.

Then I felt a warmth like I’d never felt before wash over my body as I turned and saw him.

“Grandpa?”

Smiling that brilliant smile, he moved closer to me. “My precious little Lauren.”

“H-how am I talking to you?” Colt’s voice continued to call out to me as the room grew brighter and I felt such a sense of peace.

Taking my hands, my grandfather smiled. “I’ve missed you, sweet Lauren.”

Turning, I glanced over my shoulder. Nurses moved about in my room as I let out a gasp. “Grandpa, I’m—”

Slowly looking back at my grandfather, I felt a love I’d never experienced before. “Not now, Lauren. Not now, my sweet niña. He loves you too much.”

Closing my eyes, I heard Colt calling out to me. Looking back at my grandpa, I smiled weakly. “I feel his love pulling me to him, Grandpa. I can’t leave him.”

My grandfather leaned over and kissed my cheek. “My sweet Lauren, open your eyes. Open your eyes and go back to him.”

The light slowly faded as the voices grew louder. “I’ve got a heartbeat, Dr. Wilker.”

Another voice. “She’s breathing. Her temperature is down to one hundred and one, doctor.”

“Let her family know she’s stable. Good job, everyone.”

The voices slowly started to fade as I drifted off to sleep.