Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces) (7 page)

Chapter Five

Thankfully, there were only a few other people taking the class. If I was going to embarrass myself, at least I wasn’t doing it in front of the entire ward.

The room itself was small and had no furniture. Hard, linoleum floors were shined clean and sparkled in a similar manner to the floors in the hall. A staff member stood by the door, collecting names as we walked in.

“For points,” Jayden whispered once we were out of earshot. “Get enough of these things and they’ll let you go out into the visitor’s area.” He never let go of my hand, not once, and for some reason that gave me the strength to see this through.

A second staff member sat on a small rug in the front of the room. Her legs were crossed and her eyes closed. How she could concentrate was anyone’s guess.

“Good evening,” The instructor said as she opened her eyes. She had long, blonde hair that she had wrapped in a bun at the top of her head. Wispy strands hung down the sides of her face, softening her features. She looked young, about my age, and was as thin as a rail. Her slight frame was misleading, however. She stood in a single, graceful motion and scanned the crowd.

That was when I saw him. Mr. Big and Burly was standing in the front row, on the opposite side of the room from Jayden and myself. What was his name again? Oh yes, Jayden had called him Carter during the introductions, although I wasn’t sure if that was his first name or his last.

Instead of a wild mane, Carter’s hair had been smoothed and tied neatly into a low-hanging ponytail. He stared at the instructor with that same intense stare that had unnerved me so many times. I had no idea how the instructor could stand it.

“I see that we have a new student.” The instructor smiled at me, which left me a little embarrassed.

“Her name’s Lucy,” Jayden offered.

I flashed Jayden a warning look. I didn’t come here to be the center of attention. In fact, I was rather unsure exactly why I was here at all.

“Lucy.” The instructor beamed. “I’m Rosalie. People here call me Rose. Have you tried Tai Chi before?”

I glanced around the room and found Carter staring at me, his expression blank. Why did he keep looking at me like that? It was downright creepy.

“Lucy?”

I jerked my attention back to the instructor.

“Have you tried Tai Chi before?” she repeated.

I shook my head no.

“No problem.” She gave the basic introduction to Tai Chi, talking about movement in relation to Qi and restoring balance to your being. It sounded like the typical garbage my mother spewed after getting her aura realigned. It was difficult for me not to roll my eyes.

“When something comes at us hard, our natural instinct is to fight back, to match hard with hard.” She stopped, her gaze on Carter. “But what happens when we do that?”

Carter jerked his gaze away from me and turned to the instructor. He moved his lips but no sound came out.

“You get hurt,” someone next to him said.

I frowned at the big, burly patient. He seemed rather chatty with Jayden. Why did he have trouble speaking now?

“That’s right.” Rose grinned as Carter ran his hand over his face. “When hard meets hard, both sides end up hurt. What Tai Chi teaches is how to become soft and move with the momentum of the attack. This ‘hard versus soft’, or yin versus yang, creates balance, both within ourselves and within life.” Rose turned back to me. “Understand?”

Not really.
Hard, soft, yin, yang…who cared? I was tired of the lecture however, so I just nodded.

“Good. Jayden, why don’t you keep your eye on Lucy and help her out if she’s in trouble?”

Jayden winked at me. “It will be my pleasure.”

Warmth spread through my veins, pumping into every crevice. I felt my cheeks heat and quickly turned away.

Rose started a small radio. Soon soothing oriental music filled the air. She took us through some poses she called ‘Awakening Qi’ and ‘Open Heart, Embrace Nature’. I could follow easy enough. The moves didn’t seem too difficult.

“You’re too tense,” Jayden murmured under his breath. “Relax.”

“I am relaxed,” I murmured back.
As relaxed as one can be while pretending to be a fountain.

“No, you aren’t. Feel the music and the moves, let yourself go.”

I pressed my lips together in frustration. That was what I was doing, didn’t he see that? God, he was worse than my mother.

The instructor moved us into a few more advanced forms, and my legs shook as I tried to maintain balance.

“Just relax. Breathe deep,” Jayden whispered.

I stopped moving and straightened. I got enough criticism from my mother. I didn’t need any more from Jayden. This whole ‘finding balance’ nonsense was getting me nowhere.

“Try it again,” Jayden whispered next to me. “You can do it.”

I scanned the room at the other students, trying to see if I was the only one struggling with these moves. What I saw blew me away.

Gone were the ticks, the insecurities, and the tension I had seen at Rec Therapy. The class moved as one, all of them performing the moves with precise, fluid motions that made me feel like a gorilla.

Perhaps my mother was right. Perhaps I really
was
a failure and disappointment. I couldn’t even manage a few simple movements that seemed second nature to everyone else. Even Mr. Big and Burly, with his animalistic tendencies, seemed to be a natural.

Jayden moved with the group, his arms and legs shifting with agonizing slowness. The man was flexible and balanced in a way I could never be. It looked damn hot. It also made me feel inadequate and clumsy.

“It’s all about controlling the body and mind,” he said when he caught me looking at him. “Just relax and let the movements lead you.”

Easy enough for him to say. He was probably doing this for years. This was my first session. I sighed and tried to mimic the motions.

While straining my arms above my head, I marveled at the others taking the class. None of them seemed unsure of their movements or at odds with themselves. What struck me the most was how engrossed everyone was with the poses—especially Carter.

While most of the patients moved into the correct positions, Carter seemed to take things one step further. His entire body was relaxed and flowed from one position to another. It seemed as if part of him wasn’t even present in the room, but lost in the movements of the forms. It was beautiful. I had no idea that someone that big and menacing could move with such gentleness.

By the time Rose took us into ‘Settling’, I felt completely out of place.

“How do we feel?” Rose asked when we finished.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. It obviously worked for some of the patients—Carter in particular—but I wasn’t sure it was for me.

“Wonderful,” Carter said. He seemed surprised that he had spoken aloud.

Rose beamed at him. “I’m glad you liked it, Carter. You’re definitely improving.” She turned away and began to collect her things.

Carter looked as if he was going to say something more, but instead turned and quickly left the room.

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Jayden.

Jayden glanced at Carter’s retreating form. “Ah, that’s normal. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“What do you mean?”

Jayden wrapped his arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the exit.

“He has difficulty talking to girls—especially pretty ones,” he whispered. “Instead he stares at them like some wild animal. I’m trying to break him of that habit, but it’s been a difficult road.” He tapped his temple. “The voices in his head compel him to stare at people.”

Well, that explained a lot. It didn’t take away the creepy feeling, but at least I understood it. “Is that all he does—stare?”

“He’s harmless, most of the time. We all are.” He winked at me. “Come on, I’ll get you some ice cream before bed.”

I didn’t really want ice cream, but I wasn’t quite ready to leave his side just yet. I let him lead me, fully aware at how he kept me close. It felt good to be next to him. There was something about his possessiveness that made me feel safe.

“There you are,” Flynn said as we stepped out into the hall. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“What is it?” Jayden slipped his arm from my shoulders.

Flynn glanced at me then refocused on Jayden. “It’s Nesto. He’s not well. He attacked some of the staff, and…” He let his voice trail off as he glanced at me. I felt Jayden stiffen at my side.

“Go on. I’ll be okay.” I patted Jayden’s side, wishing I could run my fingers over the ripple of muscle I discovered there.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Steeling my jaw, I stepped out from under his arm. This was obviously important to him, and it seemed like whatever was going on was to be kept private.

“I’m sure Nesto doesn’t need me. He gets in these moods every once in a while where he lashes out…” He tried to be reassuring, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

“It’s okay, you two go ahead.” I took another step back. “We can catch up later.”

“I’ll come visit after.”

I shook my head. “It will be after lights-out and I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“Tomorrow, then.” He winked. “I owe you ice cream.”

My skin heated under his gaze. “Okay.”

“Come on.” Flynn tapped Jayden on his back. “Elias is with him now, but I’m not sure…”

Flynn’s voice trailed off as they walked down the hall.

“J-Jayden likes you.”

I spun around at the low rumble behind me. Carter stood off to my right, staring at Jayden and Flynn’s retreating forms.

He’s harmless.
Jayden’s words filtered through my head, but they offered no comfort. I hated confrontation. Besides, this guy could probably out-muscle me in a fight with one hand tied behind his back.

“You think so?” I asked.

He turned and met my gaze. “He deserves to be happy, after….”

“After what?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

He flexed his fingers at his sides. “Just don’t break his heart, okay?”

I remembered what Jayden had said. Carter was afraid to talk to women. It must have taken him a lot of courage to confront me.

“This is important to you, isn’t it?” I asked.

His gaze darkened and something ticked in his jaw. “He helped me once. Some of us deserve happiness more than others.”

I had to agree. I thought of Kyle and Bethany, and what happened that night at the frat party. “I’ll do the best I can.”

He nodded and looked away, but not before something flashed through his features.

“Are the voices talking to you again?” I asked.

He stiffened his jaw for a moment, then relaxed. “Some days they’re easier to control than others.” He looked up, his eyes widening at something behind me. “I have to go.”

Before I could respond, he hurried down the hall in the opposite direction. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Rosalie standing in the hall, talking to one of the nurses. How interesting. Was Carter afraid of Rose? If he was, then why did he take Tai Chi?

It was none of my business. I was done with trying to figure out everyone on the floor. Dr. Polanski was right. We each had our own issues to work through and that didn’t make us any better or worse than anyone else.

I almost made it back to my room when Elias stopped me in the hall.

“Lucy.”

I turned and waited for him to catch up with me.

“Your mom just called and asked if she and your dad could come see you. I talked with the doctors and it seems you are ready to start having visitors. Isn’t that great news? They’re coming tomorrow.”

A huge hole formed in my stomach, making me ill. “Yeah, great.” My parents were the last people I wanted to see. They were the reason I was stuck in this awful place.

Although, to be honest, this hospital stay wasn’t turning out to be as awful as I first feared.

“Are you okay?” Elias asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced myself to smile. My parents would have to visit eventually. Perhaps it was better to just get it over with. “Thanks for letting me know.”

He studied my face for a moment. “Okay. The other nurses will be by in a little bit to give out the evening meds.”

“Okay.” They couldn’t come soon enough.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then?”

I nodded, entered my room and closed the door. For once, I was glad for the white-washed floors and sterile-looking furniture. Perhaps it could soak up the dirty feeling I had inside my chest and make it go away.

I threw myself on the bed and pulled the pillow over my head as memories flooded to the surface. This time they weren’t of the fraternity party, but of my mother’s frequent visits to college. How she would berate me if I got anything less than a perfect score, how she challenged me to do more volunteering because I wasn’t giving enough back to the community, how she’d throw a headline in my face from one of my many outings with Kyle. Sometimes late at night, when everything was quiet, I’d replay our arguments in my head.

You should really be more respectful, Lucy,
she’d say.
When you do things like this, it tells us that you don’t care about everything we’ve sacrificed for you. If you don’t care about us, why should we care about you?

Why indeed. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears began to fall. Kyle was my rebellion against my parents. He had given me the strength I needed to break from their hold. Without him, I was right back where I started. A pawn used in their political games. Although this time, the pawn was broken. What use could they possibly have for me now?

If my mother stayed true to character, then I’d find out the answer to that question tomorrow.

Chapter Six

I spent most of the day avoiding Jayden. If he saw me, then he’d know that I was upset, and would want to know why. He’d probably stop me from seeing my parents—or worse—he’d want to come with me to see them.

I wanted to keep Jayden and my mother separate. If they were working together, then I didn’t need them ganging up on me. If they
weren’t
working together, he’d probably sympathize with her since she was funding his work with the dogs. Either way, I was screwed. No, it was better if Jayden and my mother stayed as far apart as possible.