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Authors: Joe Eszterhas

Hollywood Animal (63 page)

BOOK: Hollywood Animal
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Bill almost shrieked, “Read the fucking contract!”

Bobby looked stunned and said, “Oh, I thought it was just some goodwill thing that he be in the script.”

December 8, 1992

Yesterday Bill went on the
Sliver
set and Sharon said, “Oh, not you again!”

But I know she was clearly glad to see him. I don’t care what Bill thinks,
I
think she likes him. She always compliments his clothes and managed to use his office while Bill was in San Francisco.

I’m
glad
she likes him. It can only be good for his career. Also, he has never given me any reason not to trust him.

I hope I get to meet her.

December 15, 1992

Joe came to L.A., to work out the deal to do
The Saint
rewrite. Several problems developed.

1. His attorneys got involved in the negotiations. It got complicated, as things do when lawyers get involved; 2. Joe asked for a deal so rich that Bill and Evans couldn’t even consider taking it to Paramount.

This after Evans wrote Sherry Lansing that Joe would do it for free!

Evans was livid. He couldn’t believe that after his brother, Charles, gave Joe $2 million to write
Showgirls
, Joe’s “sticking it into me.”

“That sonofabitch Eszterhas humiliated me,” Evans said to me, referring to his letter to Sherry Lansing. “I feel used! I feel like a woman who opened her legs for a guy on Friday, opened them for another guy on Saturday, and another guy on Sunday, and on Monday, not one of them called her. I detest him.”

December 26, 1992

Christmas Day at Joe’s house was fun. I spent the day in the kitchen with Gerri preparing a turkey feast, which was delicious. I like Joe’s kids very much.

December 27, 1992

We’re on Maui. Gerri, Suzi, Joe’s daughter, and I went on a hike to see one of the sights of Maui. I originally planned not to go but Joe said he wanted to talk to Bill some more about Renegade.

December 29, 1992

There’s a tension to Joe here, a kind of moodiness, that I haven’t felt with him before. Sometimes he doesn’t look me in the eye. If I move toward him, he moves away. He never speaks directly to me.

Combine this with the fact that I’m walking around in a bikini all day, and you may get an idea of how uncomfortable I feel.

At lunch today Joe said, “You know, when he drinks, Bill has a point of near insanity that he reaches sometimes. You can see it coming.”

I said, “That’s true. You know him very well. The only difference is that while I try to keep him from getting to that point, you act as a catalyst to get him there quickly.”

He looked at me (for the first time in days) and smiled. “That’s right,” he said, “I knew you and I were destined to be enemies.”

December 30, 1992

The tension with Joe was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Maybe I’m flattering myself, but there was also, it seemed to me, sexual tension. Every time I was near him I felt naked.

January 1, 1993

There were a whole bunch of people in Joe and Gerri’s suite when I got there last night. They were all Industry people also on vacation here. Bill was already there when I came in.

It looked like a subdued group and when I commented on it, Joe said, “We were just waiting for you to get here.”

So I said, “Well I’m here. Let the games begin.”

When we all went out to get in the cars, there were two limos and a van awaiting us. Gerri got into a limo with Suzi … with one of Joe’s lawyers and his wife … and others quickly jumped in. Bill and I got into the van. At the last second, so did Joe and Steve.

After dinner the plan was to go to a New Year’s Eve party at the home of Shep Gordon, a music producer who used to own a record company.

It was raining but the party was a blast. Steve and Suzi got really drunk, as did Bill. Then, at midnight, we lit sparklers and blew noisemakers. The kids were smoking cigarettes (unbeknownst to Joe or Gerri).

Woody Harrelson and his wife were there and he and Joe did some kind of elaborate high-five I’ve never seen.

The ride home was one of the best adventures of my life. The kids, Joe, Bill, and I poured ourselves into the van. Bill and the kids all fell asleep. Gerri stayed with the lawyer and his wife in the limo.

Joe and I talked. The tension I felt earlier was gone. It was like we were alone in the van. We were both a little high, not from booze but from the joint that we’d smoked at the party.

I don’t remember everything we talked about, but I remember we talked a lot about Ohio, about growing up. His shoulder was touching mine and I remember being very conscious of his shoulder. The Pretenders were blasting.

When we got back to Joe and Gerri’s suite, the kids promptly passed out on their beds. It was then that Joe suggested Gerri and Bill and I play the “question game.” Each person asks another person a question and that person has to answer truthfully.

Joe said, “I’ll go first.” He said, “My question is for Naomi. What happened when Bill first tried to make love to you?”

With that, Bill exploded from his drunken stupor and said, “Good Lord! You can’t be serious! She has to answer that?!”

I answered,
“Nothing
happened the first time Bill tried to make love to me.” We all roared
.

Then I asked—“What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness?” of everyone.

Gerri: “My greatest strength is loyalty. My greatest weakness is lack of self-discipline.”

Joe: “My greatest strength is my instinct. My greatest weakness is self-destructiveness.”

Bill: “My greatest strength is that I like everyone I meet. That, however, is also my greatest weakness.”

The game went on till six in the morning.

Joe asked, “When did you have your first orgasm?”

Gerri said, “On my honeymoon.”

Kidding, I said, “On my honeymoon. Three months ago. After
ten long fucking years!”

The room exploded as Bill said, “That’s it. I’m leaving,” once again erupting from his almost comatose state.

Joe asked: “What is your greatest fear?”

Bill: “I’m afraid that it’s all not worth it. That you strive to get there and find that in the end, it’s just not worth it.”

Gerri: “That my family will die.”

Joe: “My own insanity.”

Me: “I’m afraid to love someone too much. I’m afraid to care too much. Because it would be my own self-destruction if it were taken away.”

January 5, 1993

When Joe saw me writing in my journal on the plane back to California, he asked if he could make a guest entry.

TO NAOMI, WISE AND BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, PARTY GIRL, BILL’S BETTER HALF—

WHO MADE OUR TRIP TWICE AS FUN—

I LOVE YOU.

Joe

January 20, 1993

Joe’s wife, Gerri, has asked me to visit for the weekend. Joe is out of town somewhere. She sounded lonely. I can’t refuse. I like her a lot.

January 23, 1993

My trip to San Francisco to visit Gerri was wonderful. We shopped, had lunch, cooked, watched videos, and generally enjoyed our time together. Gerri wants to do a TV project with me. It would require lots of research but it could potentially work.

January 27, 1993

Sunday night Joe arrived and we proceeded to uncork a bottle of Cristal. Bill and Joe are both excited about the prospect of this coming week. They’re strategizing about announcing Renegade.

Joe liked our condo and the new Jake, who instantly recognized a dog lover and cozied up to him for constant attention. Joe was quizzing me on what I did to Gerri during my visit to San Francisco.

It seems that Gerri has a renewed sense of herself. She’s even exercising each day. I think Joe is pleased about my friendship with Gerri.

February 10, 1993

Bill had lunch with Joe, Sharon Stone, her manager, Chuck Binder, and some Italian guy from the
Sliver
set.

Bill, who had been speaking Italian to the guy from the set, mentioned that he had lived in Europe for a while.

Binder said, “What were you doing in Europe?”

Bill said, “I was in the import-export business.”

Joe said, “Why don’t you tell the story about the condoms?”

And Bill said, “Well, the only reason Joe likes the story is that it reaffirms his conviction that Japanese technology is overrated.”

So Bill proceeded to tell the story of how, when he was in Asia, he was making a deal to manufacture condoms in the U.S. and ship them to Asia. The only problem, they discovered, is that all of the machinery was too big … i.e. condoms designed for Americans were way too big for Asians.

Then Sharon, following Joe’s lead at giving Bill a hard time, said, “How did you discover this?”

Bill said, “You mean, did we market-research?” Joe and
Sharon
were laughing as Bill mumbled something about what an asshole Joe could be.

February 11, 1993

Yesterday Joe went to Maxfield’s to buy a Valentine’s Day present for Sharon—a silver Chrome Hearts hash pipe!

While they were there, Bill saw an antique Rolex inside a silver case. It was priced at $7,000. He said to Joe, “Look at that, isn’t it gorgeous?” Bill told me he thought to himself—Maybe one day I’ll be able to come in here and buy something like that.

Later in the limo, Joe leaned over and put a box from Maxfield’s into Bill’s pocket and said, “Hey, Happy Valentine’s Day.” Bill immediately knew what Joe had done and said, “I absolutely cannot accept this.”

Joe said, “Please, don’t spoil it for me.”

They argued about it, but when Bill came home in the wee hours of the morning, he said, “Turn on the light. You’ve got to see this.”

It is so perfect for Bill and he is so moved by the gesture.

February 12, 1993

Bill had a meeting yesterday with a woman who owns the rights to Ayn Rand’s
Atlas Shrugged
. The woman said, “I’ve never had a meeting with anyone in Hollywood who understands the book like you do.”

An hour after the meeting, there was a loud rap on Bill’s office window. It was Sharon Stone.

Bill raised the window and said, “Hey, did you ever hear of
Atlas Shrugged?”

She said, “Yeah, it’s been done. Patricia Neal.”

Bill said, “That’s
The Fountainhead
. I’ll get you the book.”

She said, “I’ve got it at home. I’ll read it.”

And Bill said to her, “Joe will write it, I’ll produce it, and you’ll win the Academy Award.”

February 13, 1993

Joe and Bill went up to Guy McElwaine’s house and Sharon dropped by to visit. It was her sister’s birthday and she
couldn’t
stay, but she did stay long enough to hear Bill say, “The day you win your first Academy Award, I’ll give you $10,000 if it
isn’t
a movie that Joe and I produced.” She laughed.

Bill talked to her about
Atlas Shrugged
and she’s primed to do it.

February 14, 1993

I knew that later that evening was the wrap party for
Sliver
and though I would have loved to go, Bill hadn’t asked me yet.

Finally I said, “Are you going to the wrap party tonight?” And he said yes.

And I said, “But I’m not.”

And he said, “Well, it’s just that Joe’s going to have Betsy, his girlfriend, there and it might compromise everyone if we all go together”—since I am a friend of Gerri’s, Joe’s wife, is what Bill meant.

I said “Oh” and he said, “You’re disappointed.”

It really hurt my feelings. I felt that people would think that Bill didn’t want to bring me. So Bill started insisting I should go but it seemed like I had pressured him and it just didn’t feel right.

Finally I agreed to go and look the other way if Joe and Betsy were overly affectionate.

I got all dressed up and drove to the Four Seasons Hotel, where I was to meet Bill and Joe and we’d all ride to the party in a limo.

When I arrived, Bill was standing out front.

He said, “You’re not going to believe this, but we’re having a crisis. MGM-UA has heard we’re doing Renegade—in fact, it’s all over town. The problem is, Joe owes MGM three scripts and now they’re threatening to sue and destroy Renegade before it’s even off the ground. Joe’s on the phone now with Guy, who’s at his golf course. We’re not going to the party, we’re having an emergency meeting at Guy’s house instead.

“So,” Bill said, “you can go to the party, but I don’t know when or if I’ll even get there and I don’t know if you want to go alone to an L.A. nightclub.”

So I said—“Maybe I should just go back home.”

I felt
so
bad. First I had to ask if I could go and then I got all dressed up and drove to Beverly Hills for nothing.

He took a box from Maxfield’s out of his pocket and said, “Here. I got you this for Valentine’s Day.”

It was a Kieselstein-Cord keychain. It had a little leather strap and on its end was a silver object. I looked at it closely in the darkness.

It was a broken heart.

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