Hollywood Ever After (7 page)

I relaxed. “It probably wasn’t me.”

“That’s what I said. Have a wonderful birthday, sweetie. Dr. Pratap is taking Natalie to school and I have to finish getting Will ready. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Have a wonderful day. Thanks so much, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. I hope you’re enjoying yourself.”

“Oh, I am.” I felt a smile on my face as I hung up.

That conversation was almost as effective as drinking three cups of coffee in a row. The quiet was too quiet now, and I felt a bit restless. I stretched and stood, leaning over the balcony as the sun broke over the horizon in full. The hotel faced the beach, so the sun was behind us, but its early morning rays sent iridescent ripples from the coastline to far out into the Pacific Ocean. I took in a deep breath, letting the sound of the sea fill my senses.

My entire body ached deliciously. Every nerve was softly tingling, a reminder of the night before. I felt alive and awake for the first time in so long, and I hadn’t slept for more than two hours. That also hadn’t happened in a long time. I smiled a little then let my hand shake through my hair, the last drops of water from my shower still hanging in my curls.

“You look like a Raphaelite angel.” His voice came from inside the room.

I looked over my shoulder into the room with a smile. I spoke softly. “Are you really awake?”

“I’m not sure.” He sighed faintly.

I waited for a few minutes then peeked inside the room. His eyes were closed, his limbs splayed across the bed, one long leg wrapped around the edge of the white sheet. His dark blond shock of wayward locks went every which way across his pillow. He looked totally at peace, and completely asleep.

I smiled and went to find my laptop. My mind was racing and I needed a place to put it all before it disappeared.

***

“Bloody hell, is that the time?” He sounded awake now. I heard movement from inside the room, the sound of him going into the bathroom and turning on the shower.

I had opened the balcony door, pulling the gauze curtains aside to let the natural light in the room, but ended up moving onto the balcony to write. I had no idea what time it was; time wasn’t important to me right now.

I glanced at the clock. It was nine-forty-seven. I stretched and made my way into the room and found his clothes, which trailed from the door to the bed.

He emerged from the bathroom five minutes later, his hair still dripping wet. “I’ve a meeting in less than fifteen minutes.” He was naked and I was staring.

I held out his clothes. “Can you make it?”

He looked at me, his eyes red and his chin covered with morning stubble. He looked absolutely gorgeous as he grinned. I felt the blush flood my cheeks as my eyes wandered over his body. He was too damn beautiful. My pulse began to pick up as my mind wandered…

He shook his head as he spoke. “Not if you keep that up.” He took a step toward me, his body willing to accommodate my line of thinking.

“No!” I put a hand out in front of me, feeling ridiculously out of control. “Go…go to your meeting. I’ll be here. You’re my ride, remember?”

He smiled as his hand cupped my chin, his thumb trailing my lower lip. “I could have great fun misinterpreting that statement.” He smiled again as a blush covered every inch of my exposed skin. “That’s the only reason I’ll go. You have no escape,” he said softly before kissing me.

I felt warmth pooling in the pit of my stomach, my limbs willing me to wrap myself around him again. Instead, I shoved his clothes at him, my heartbeat pounding in my ears as I stepped a bit away from him. “Do you have time to get there? Have a change of clothes?”

He shook his head as he stared at my mouth, smiling. “No worries. Rumpled clothes and dramatic entrances aren’t cause for alarm in Hollywood. All is right with the world.” He pulled his clothes on quickly, his wrinkled and unkempt appearance somehow dashing and chic. He sat, pulling on his shoes, singing something softly under his breath as my room phone rang.

“Yes?”

“Miss Collins, you have your first treatment at ten. Raul will be at your room in the next few minutes to accompany you to your mud bath. It’s your first spa treatment. Please wear the robe on the back of your bathroom door.”

“Mud bath?” It didn’t sound all that luxurious to me.

“Yes. Followed by a deep body massage, then lunch and yoga,” the chipper voice stated.

“Okay.” I sighed.
Why not?
“I’ll be ready.”

Josh’s arm slipped around my waist as he dropped a kiss on my neck. He whispered, “Happy birthday, Claire.” His breath was on my neck as I hung up the phone, a shiver shooting up my back as he added, “Enjoy your mud.”

Chapter Four

Encased in herbal-scented mud, I fell into a restoring sleep.

After a deep muscle massage, I dozed again when warm rocks were placed on my back.

I ate lunch and enjoyed yoga. Though I’d never tried it before, there was something very controlled but leisurely about it, two things I didn’t often feel at home.

After yoga, I went back to my room to find it set to rights. There weren’t any physical reminders of the previous evening, but images of golden eyes and strong hands filled my mind and senses as I gathered my things. I packed my bag and had it taken to the front desk until I was ready to leave.

I’d dressed in some of my newly-acquired Shannon-approved clothes: jeans that fit like a glove, a white lace camisole, and silk shirt the color of tawny sand. I stared at this put-together version of myself in astonishment. Who knew I could be so fashionable?

My hair was another matter altogether. The ironing and heavy-duty conditioning of yesterday had disappeared. Thick auburn curls hung crazily down my back, the humidity making them impossibly bouncy.

I took my camera and decided to explore. I shot several photos, things I could take back and share with the kids. I’d been avoiding the fact that eventually leaving here was ending what was the most surreal and surprising experience of my life.

I felt a lump in my throat as I walked along the beach. I heard his voice echoing in my memory:
I want to kiss you.
Goose bumps covered my skin, my stomach tightened, and my pulse thumped wildly.

I sat cross-legged on the sand. Surrounded by the soothing sounds of the ocean, I let my thoughts wander. I didn’t know where my future was headed, but I realized something: my needs and wants were normal; they were important. I wanted to enjoy life, to live it. I wanted to…to start anew.

I saw Josh from the corner of my eye, walking toward my spot on the sand. He smiled at me, the wind catching his mussed hair and blowing it crazily.

My heart kicked up. I was thankful to him. Our time together had reminded me that there
was
more to life, if you were open to it. I hoped that our time together gave him something, too.

He sat beside me. “Find any answers?” His voice was soft.

“I’m considering possibilities.” I shrugged, trying to dismiss my giddiness. After last night, it seemed normal that he’d make me feel so warm and soft and desirable, right? I pondered this, chewing my lip.

“What possibilities?” He leaned back on his elbows.

“Infinite possibilities. I’m looking for my North Star,” I continued vaguely, meeting his warm hazel eyes with a smile.

“As a point of reference? Are you planning to navigate by the stars? A compass might be a bit more practical.” He studied me, not in the least bit teasing.

I took a deep breath. The penetrating depth of his gaze was a bit unnerving. “How was your meeting?” I asked.

He reached over and pushed the hair from my shoulder. “Fine. I found myself a bit distracted.”

I looked at him curiously. “By?”

His eyebrow shot up. “You.” He smiled as I blushed, then leaned forward to drop a soft kiss on my mouth.

My lips clung to his, inviting more. My hand stroked his cheek as his arms came around me, pulling me onto his lap.

He pulled back with a slow smile. “Still avoiding conversation? I’m not complaining about the technique, mind you.”

I cocked my head at him quizzically. “I thought you were making small talk or something.”

“I’m still curious about you.” His eyes were clear, his face thoughtful.

Okay
. My eyes narrowed as I watched him. “What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you’re thinking about so seriously.”

I took another deep breath and looked at him. He nodded in encouragement.

“I have decisions I need to make. Things I’ve been putting off.” I paused, but he didn’t withdraw and his eyes didn’t glaze over, so I continued. “I can choose to keep going like I have been.” I wrinkled my nose at him, frustrated by my inability to express myself. “Or I change everything. Which is more challenging but, hopefully, more rewarding too.”

“The choice seems a bit obvious.”

“You’d think so.” I shifted so that we weren’t quite so wrapped around each other.

“But?”

I turned my head, our face inches apart. “It’s been like
this
for so long…” I shrugged and tried again. “It started out of necessity, for my family. Then it just kind of stuck, became the pattern of normalcy. There’s a sort of pathetic comfort in knowing what to expect.”

“What does ‘like this’ mean, Claire?” His voice was soft.

“Auto-pilot? Or—” I smiled. “—a ship at sea without any charts or stars or landmarks, just aimlessly adrift. I’m not sure that makes any sense. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m not good at this, I told you.” I shrugged, frustrated. “My life’s not bad, it’s just…there.” I shrugged again, my face pinched. I watched his face, anxiously awaiting the appearance of a bored or disinterested expression.
Any time now, surely
.

He was thoughtful for a while. Then he said, “Can I ask what happened to leave you so uncertain?”

“No.” I didn’t want the details of my past here. This was something untarnished and I liked it that way. I looked out over the water, trying to sound nonchalant. “I mean, you can ask. I’m not going to answer.”

“Fair enough.” He nudged me, his hand finding mine. He held my hand in his, squeezing it gently. “How long have you been adrift, then?”

I took a deep breath. “About two years.”

“What’s holding you back?” His brow furrowed as he waited for my answer.

“I wish I had a better answer.” I sighed. “But I don’t really know. I’ve asked myself that, but haven’t come up with an explanation that makes sense.” I watched his face. “More than you wanted to hear?”

“No. It’s rather cryptic. Very cryptic, in fact. But I understand that you don’t want to share everything.”

I was surprised by his earnestness. “I guess I’m waiting for you to change the subject…or admit you’re not really listening.”

His hand tightened around mine. “I am listening.”

“Which is what I don’t understand,” I said softly. My eyes melted into his, their golden depths clear and open.

“I don’t either, not fully.” His voice was soft and uncertain. “But there it is.”

I found myself staring at him, unable to ignore the thrill his words stirred.

“And you have children?”

I laughed. “I knew the knife fight thing wasn’t a good cover.”

“My sister has a similar scar, and three children.”

“I have two children.”

He smiled. “A good number.”

“They are great kids. They’re the only reliable things in my life.”

“What do you mean?”

I shook my head, frustrated that I’d said more than I’d wanted. “How about a walk instead?” I slipped from his lap and stood.

He stared up at me. “You asked me what
I
wanted to know.”

“Yes. But I might choose not to answer—even if you want to know.” I began to chew on the inside of my lip.

“It’s part of a conversation, you know, the exchanging of information.” He cocked an eyebrow then continued. “You said you weren’t very good at them, conversations. Consider this practice.” He patted the sand beside him.

I narrowed my eyes at him then sat again.
Why am I smiling like an idiot?

“Okay. Practice, huh?” My voice was soft, the words rushing out. “I put them first. I put their wants and needs before everything and everyone else.” I spoke softly, the intense guilt pressing in on me.

He looked confused. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do as a mum?”

“I think that’s what people are led to believe, and it’s hard not to, but…I know now that
I
made things happen because I didn’t pay as much attention to the family, as a unit, and my husband…as a man.” My stomach churned, the way it always did when thoughts of Daniel popped up.

“Made what things happen?”

I blew out my breath, wrinkling my nose. “Look, I know I threw out the whole what do you want to know thing, but this is getting a little heavy. I haven’t thought through a lot of this on my own, yet.”

“So far I’m keeping up. It might be cathartic, to share with a neutral third party. What things?” he repeated, his eyes sliding over my face.

“I might have been supermom, but I was a rotten wife. Daniel, my ex-husband, got lonely. Things got terribly off-track.” I spoke the words with as little inflection as possible, hoping to wrap this whole practice conversation up soon.

“Is that a nice way of saying he started shagging someone else?” His other hand went through his hair, leaving it standing on end. He asked, “Because
you
were a better mum than wife? Did he say that? Is that what
you
think?”

I sighed, shrugging and waving my hands in frustration. “I wasn’t there for him, Josh. Long before he turned to her, I’d let him down.” It was the first time I’d actually admitted that to myself, let alone to anyone else.

He was watching me. “Did his affair make things better?” He spoke softly. “God. I’m sorry. That was unkind.”

“Let’s just say no one was innocent in the end. The process of ending a marriage is slow, and I worry so much about what’s the right thing for the kids. I’ve stayed put partly for stability’s sake—and partly because I’m not sure where we’d go.” Again, the words that came out were probably always there, but it was the first time I’d let them out.