Hollywood Lies (36 page)

“We can be more than friends,” she says in a rush.
 

My eyes widen, then water in response to the sudden gust of chilly air.
 

“I’m good without you. I can live without you, but I don’t want to. I can’t deny or lie to myself about how I still feel about you. I’m sure I’m supposed to make you work for it, drag it out, but the pure, simple fact is that I don’t want to. I need to be able to trust you though, and I don’t give it away easily, so you’re sort of starting at a deficit.”

“But you’re saying, deficit or not, I’m at least starting, right?”

Collette rolls her eyes dramatically. “Yes. And I’ll give you fifteen extra trust points just because I want you in my life.”

“Closing the gap already!” We both chuckle a little, but then I become serious again. “Listen, I have no idea where this crazy life will lead me, you know? I could be in Africa or China next year filming the next big thing, and you could be in Australia or Chile or something, but I want you to know, I won’t hurt you again.”

I look away for this next part. “But I need to know that who I am and what I have to offer is enough for you. I don’t want to fuck you like you’re a meaningless object. That night in New York with the god bullshit, I felt like you wanted so much more than I had to offer, and I can’t keep feeling that way.”

“I don’t want you to.” Just as I look back at Cole, she looks away. “I know exactly which night you’re talking about and that was entirely a fucked-up thing. That night I was thinking of . . .” Cole pauses and swallows so hard I can hear it. “Sometimes my mind gets a little messed up when I think too much on the past, and pushing you like that was my attempt at controlling something that can’t be controlled. Even though I was giving it to you, it was my decision, you know?” She looks back at me.

Finally, my eyes fix on her again. “No. I don’t understand. I want to be what you need, but I can’t be more than what I am.”

She nods. “I want what you are, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in anything we do. Sometimes,” she starts, then pauses. “I’ve used certain acts to force myself to get over things from my past.”

“Like Rodney Douglas?”
 

She cringes at the name, but nods.

“Are you ever going to talk about that with me?”

The crease in her brow deepens, but Cole nods again. “I don’t talk about it with anybody.”

“I know.”

She shakes her head. “I mean, beyond my therapist, I don’t trust anyone with it, and I’m not sure how much I trust my therapist.”

“I know,” I repeat. “You don’t trust easily. I’ve read the reports, I know the basics of what happened.”

“Now you want details?” Cole looks away.

“No. I just want you to open that little locked box within you. It keeps me at a distance. If you just open it up and let me see what’s in it—”

“In his mind, he made up this fantasy that we were together. He was already waiting for me in the apartment. I’d had it soundproofed because of my music. I didn’t want to disturb the neighbors.” Cole gives a sad chuckle, but then visibly swallows, and locks her eyes back on me.
 

I take hold of her hand.
 

“To say he raped me would be an understatement. I’m not sure there’s a word for what happened. Then there was the bath filled with water and ice. He put me in it several times, and let me sit there until I could feel my heart slow and my world go dark. Just as I thought it was over, he’d pull me out. That kind of cold is worse than fire, I think. Fire takes your skin, which kills the nerves, but the cold leaves your skin and nerves.”

“Cole . . .” I don’t know what to say, so I stop.

“At the end of it all, he’d broken my back in three places. My right hip was broken, several fractures on my facial bones, my left collarbone, and five bones in my left foot. He was proud of his hunting knife. Cut me all over.”

“But you don’t have any scars. At least not that I’ve seen.”

Cole shakes her head. “Nothing is permanent when you have as much money as I do. Not even scars. Plastic surgery and a ton of money took them away. Trust me, there were a lot of them. He and his hunting knife are the reasons I can’t have kids. He stabbed me low in the belly and the scarring was too much.” Cole takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “That night in New York was a failed attempt to exorcise demons. I’m sorry I used you like that, and I didn’t let you in on what was happening in my head. I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I need you to tell me when I’m pushing you to do something you don’t really want to do.”

“I can do that. Thank you for telling me about what happened all those years ago. I think it’s important I know.”

“Me, too.” Cole’s smile is slight, but genuine.

“Will you tell me about your most recent relapse? Did you go back to using because of me?”

“No. I went back to using because of
me
. I’m the one that let our break up affect me like it did. There’s no blaming anyone but me for my addiction.”

“But you’re better now?” I ask.

“Better,” she answers with a nod. “But it’s not something that goes away.”

I swallow hard as I think about what being a recovering addict must be like. “That’s scary.”

“Yeah. It’s not just scary for me. It’s scary for anyone who cares for me. I’m not a pleasant person when I use, and I don’t give a shit about anything other than getting high.”

I understand. “Do you think you’ll use again?”

“I hope not, but there’s no telling what the future holds.”

“I’m proud of you for kicking it again.”

Cole chuckles a little. “Thanks. It’s nice to be able to make someone proud.” She grows serious again. “But you need to know, I’m a person, just like you. I make mistakes. Probably more than most people. I know you grew up idolizing me, but if this is going to work, then we’re going to have to be equals.”

“I have to take you down off the pedestal?”

She reaches her hand out to me, and I take it. The heat of her palm against mine warms my whole body. “No, you just have to put yourself up there with me.”
 

I don’t know how it happens exactly, but somehow after dinner and a couple of hours jamming on the guitars, Cole and I just start making out. We’d actually just agreed not to be physical with each other because we didn’t want it to ruin things if we moved too fast. I don’t really care how it happens though, because I’m too busy enjoying the hell out of how her body feels against mine.

This rediscovery of her is so sensual, like I’m afraid of not being able to experience it all, so I catalog everything.
 

Yes, that’s how it feels when her fingers run down my arm. File it away. Now I remember what the pressure of those beautiful breasts is like against my chest. God, it’s like an instant boner when she sucks my earlobe into her mouth as her fingernails gently scrape against my cotton covered nipples.

“Damn,” I say. My breath won’t regulate, and all I can do is hold onto her hips and let her do whatever she wants to do to me. It’s not like with Lili, where I felt like I had to be the aggressive one all the time, be the one performing for her appreciation, and it’s not even like it was with Collette in the past. This is something new. I don’t feel pressure to be one way or the other, so I just let the sensations ride.

Instinctively, my hips buck up against her, and I start sucking on the tender skin of her neck. She makes all the noises I love to hear as her body moves seductively on top of mine. Cole pulls off her top, and I don’t hesitate to pull the cups of her bra down. I take one of those perfect nipples into my mouth and work it. I’m rolling the other one in between my thumb and forefinger.
 

She reacts like she always used to, arching her back and pressing that hot little pussy down onto my erection. I let the nipple slip from between my lips and whisper, “I want you.”
 

Cole says nothing in return. Instead, she buries her fingers in my hair, curls them, then pulls at my roots.
 

I’m not sure if this is supposed to tell me that she wants me to fuck her, or if she wants me to fuck her hard. Either way, I get the message. She wants me to fuck her.

I pull off my shirt, eager for skin-on-skin contact, then slide one hand under her ass to hold her up as I tug off the rest of my clothes. She has tight pants on, and I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get those things off her without her getting off me, but before I can decide on a course of action, Cole moves.

Cole’s mouth is attached to mine in one of the deepest kisses I’ve ever experienced, but she stands up to shove her pants down.
Thank God for yoga.
 

The partial Down Dog she performs is sexy even though I can’t see much of it. I play with her tits as gravity pulls them down toward my face, then I grab her hips.

I attempt to bring her naked body back down to me, but she has other ideas. Cole straddles me, a foot on either side of me, and stands over me, pussy at eye level. When I tilt my head back against the couch, she maneuvers easily onto my face.

Cole moans when I flick my flat tongue out against those silky lips, then she uses two fingers to part them for me. I lick her clitoris and feel her legs buckle. Her hips move against me, but I manage to keep control of the action. I know she wants to get reckless. She wants to thrash wildly against my face, but I won’t let her.

I have one hand on her ass while I slide the other one up her leg. Slowly, I insert one finger, pull it out, then I push two into her. Cole’s legs almost drop out from under her when I curl my fingers inside of her to press against that little spot that always does her in.

Her wetness begins to slide down my chin, my cheeks, my neck. I have her now. She’s mine. Totally mine because I know she’ll want more. She’ll want to come again.

But just as I start prepping her for another onslaught of orgasms, she steps away.
 

She’s so sexy standing on the couch, looking like a fucking pin-up model. She runs her hands down over her breasts, then lets one hand dip between her legs. “You don’t want more?”

“Oh, I want more,” Cole answers, then sinks down onto her knees. Her pussy is hot and wet against my thigh. She grabs my cock and gives it a few solid strokes. “I want this . . . in my mouth.” She moves off me again and lies back with her head off the cushions. Cole sees that I don’t quite understand and says, “Stand over me; fuck my mouth.”

Her final three words could’ve physically paralyzed me, but I fight against the childish fears of failure and stand up. It’s an awkward position. My knees are bent a little, and I have to use one arm to brace myself against the back of the couch, but as soon as those warm lips encompass my cock, I forget any awkwardness and indulge the pressing need to thrust into her.

She lets me do this for God knows how long, and when I can, I use my free hand to play with her pussy or tweak her nipples. I didn’t know women
wanted
to do shit like this, let alone that Collette would. Hell, I’m fucking lucky she even lets me be any kind of sexual with her after what happened.

But she is, and I’m pumping my hard-on into her mouth, and it’s hitting the back of her throat. It’s making me want to come right now, so I pull back. Cole spins around, wipes her mouth, then attacks my cock again. She bobs back and forth on it. I can see her fingers rubbing circles between her legs, and I have to be inside of her.

So with one hand on her shoulder, I push her back until she lies on the sofa. I take her legs and spread them wide, enjoying the sight, before I place her calves on my shoulders. I want to slam into her, but I also want to take my time with this, so I decide to enter her slowly. Savor it.

Cole’s pussy is tighter than I remember. I suspect she is clenching every muscle inside of her to squeeze me. Some strange noise comes from me, but before I can reflect on it, my body says there is no more waiting, and I start driving into her.

“Oh!” Cole moans. I pull her hips hard against me. I straighten my knees and she’s almost upside down now, but it doesn’t seem like she minds. In fact, she comes again, her arms striking out wildly, hands grasping blindly through the air. I feel like I can come, too, but I don’t want to.
 

Me coming means it’s the end, so I slow the pace, drop us back down to the couch. I rock my hips into her in a nice slow pace, then sit back onto the floor and bring her with me.