Hollywood Nights (20 page)

“And on that note, I’m out of here,” I said. “Fuck this. Fuck all of this.”

In truth, though, I didn’t know what to do. What to think. How to react. What to say. As I drove home from the Chateau Marmont; I tried process what I’d learned, but it wouldn’t compute. It couldn’t be true. No way. I wasn’t living this nightmare, was I?

Lana had to be lying, right? It didn’t matter I’d never met her; I knew the lengths she’d go to because of the way she acted on that godforsaken show of hers. She’d made a fortune playing a bitch-villain on a reality-TV show, then parlayed into endorsement deals, photo spreads, a makeup line, and more. Didn’t it make sense she’d be a heinous, lying, devious person in real life?

The light changed, and I slowed down the Acura. Only then did I realize I still wore the swimsuit, wedges, and thin robe. I hadn’t paid for any of them. Too bad. Too fucking bad. Kenneth could clean up the mess. Would give him something to do.

A few minutes of angry driving brought me to the house on Mulholland Drive. The town car sat in the driveway, so I knew Tanner was home. I parked the Acura next to it and took a few long, deep breaths.

“Tanner, are you upstairs?” I yelled as I walked through the front door of the house. “Tanner!” I slammed the door. “Tanner, we need to talk right now! Now!”

“Jesus.” A thick, sultry female voice floated through the kitchen and down the hallway to the foyer. The owner of the voice didn’t hide how much she enjoyed hearing me thrash around. “You need to calm down. Not a good look. You already have so little going for you.”

I gulped. Lana. Of all people in this world. Fucking Lana. And right inside this house, waiting for me. I found her standing behind the island in the kitchen as if she owned it and the rest of the house, as if she had never left.

“Tanner’s upstairs,” she said, her voice steady and one hand on her hip. “I think he was asleep, but I’m sure your yelling woke him up.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Visiting my boyfriend, of course.”

I eyed her. “He’s not your boyfriend, Lana.”

“He isn’t?” She laughed. “We’ve had our differences in the past. I’ll admit it. But I always knew Tanner and I would eventually work things out and be together. And now, well, now he won’t ever leave me.”

There it was. Control. She had control. This bitch had the upper hand in this situation, and she liked it. My anger threatened to explode out of every cell in my body.

“You’re lying,” I said. “Your baby is not his.”

Lana patted her stomach, acting as if what I said didn’t bother her. “I guess you’ve heard the good news.”

She wasn’t showing yet; I wouldn’t have noticed the pregnancy if I hadn’t heard about it back at the Chateau Marmont. As she rubbed her hand back and forth across her stomach, I wanted to throw up.

“Tanner!” I called again. My God, why hadn’t he come downstairs yet? I had to talk to him, not her. He’d have some kind of explanation for this. He
had
to.

“Of course, he was shocked.” Lana folded her arms across her body. “We all were. Me especially. I thought we’d been so careful a few weeks ago”—a small, vicious smile spread across her lips—“but you know, Tanner and I have always had such a complicated relationship. One of those legendary romances. We’ll never be fully done. Never. No matter what happens, we’ll always come back to each other.”

“What do you mean a few weeks ago?” I said. “When did this happen?”

She cocked her head, staring at me and enjoying this torture to its fullest extent. “Oh… one night after a party at the Hotel Le Rose. Dropped him off at the Polo Lounge afterward. He was blitzed out of his mind, and I was, too, but honestly, it was meant to be. We reconnected.”

Her words smacked right into me, almost a knockout punch of information. Of course I remembered—how would I forget it? Tanner had been so drunk and so out of control. When I’d picked him up, I’d been furious with him. He’d slept with her?

It couldn’t be true. No way. She had to be making up this as she went along.

“But Tanner told me you guys were over a long time ago.” My cheeks heated up as I grew angrier and more desperate. “He said he didn’t think about you anymore. That he hadn’t seen you in weeks.”

“Well, he did. And it was one of the best nights of my life.”

“He couldn’t have slept with you.” Blood flushed my cheeks. “He didn’t.”

Lana leaned against the cooking island. “You sure?”

I wasn’t.

“Listen, honey, I’m the love of Tanner’s life,” she said. “I always have been. And now, we’ll be together forever.”

The woman had one of those pointy Cheshire cat faces. Cartoonish, in a way. Bizarro Jessica Rabbit baked in California sunshine and coated with plastic. On the surface, it might have been beautiful, but whatever natural beauty she possessed had drowned long ago in a sea of injections, Botox, fillers, and dermabrasion. Her skin had a filmy sheen that glossed over it, and it made her blatant lack of reaction to everything I said even creepier.

“I’ve made mistakes.” Lana gestured with her hand as if to dismiss all of her past. “I don’t always do the right thing, but Tanner knows, and he always forgives me. Always.”

“What about your new girlfriend?” I said, my mind racing through all of the little things I knew about Lana. “What’s her name? Harper? What about her?”

“That was nothing, and it’s over now.” Lana nodded at the staircase, still calm and collected. “Go ask Tanner about us, if you don’t believe me. Find out the truth. I guess, in a way, you deserve to know.”

“Screw you,” I said. “Fuck you.”

“Poor girl. It must be so hard to hear this.” Fake pity dripped in between Lana’s words.

“You’re insane,” I said. “And I know you’re making all of this up.”

I followed her orders and raced up the winding staircase to the second floor. When I got to the landing, I breathed a little bit easier. At least I didn’t have that woman breathing in my face anymore.

“Tanner. Are you up here? Lana said you…”

I wound my way down the hallway and into his bedroom. What I saw made me stop cold at the doorframe. It also made me want to throw up everything that remained in my stomach and then break a few things. Maybe everything.

Tanner lay across the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He splayed his arms and legs wide so his whole body covered the middle of it. His mouth hung open, and his chest rose and fell in noisy breaths. He wore a pair of black track pants and a vintage blue T-shirt. From the doorway, I had a clear view of his bloodshot eyes and the almost empty, large bottle of vodka that teetered near the edge of his nightstand.

“What the hell?” I said. “What is this? Are you drunk?”

No reply.

“Tanner! Talk to me. Right now.”

He turned to me, as if he hadn’t heard me. “Oh, hey, Brynn.”

“Hey?”

“Yeah, hey.” Tanner smiled at me, loopy and foolish, as if he didn’t have much to worry about. I didn’t smile back.

“Why have you been drinking?” I said instead. This question had an obvious answer, but I asked it anyway. Something inside me needed to hear him admit it, and when he grunted an inaudible reply, I almost launched my purse at his head. “This is ridiculous and not how you deal with problems.”

“But I’m—”

“You promised me you’d stay sober. You
promised
me.”

“It’s a little vodka. Something to take off the edge.” His words slurred and shook. “You don’t know what I’m dealing with.”

“I can guess. And anyway, do you realize what’s going on?” My voice rose with every word; I didn’t bother trying to contain it. “Your whole world is collapsing around you. Right now, Tanner.
Right now
. Not just whatever is downstairs. With me, too. We’re on the edge.”

He ran a hand over his face and through his spiky, disheveled hair. “I’m going to be a father, Brynn. A father. A father.” He repeated the words a few more times, as if he couldn’t believe he was actually saying them. “How the hell did this happen?”

“I’m pretty sure I know how it happened. It’s not hard to figure out.”

He groaned.

“She says you all slept together that night when I picked you up at the Polo Lounge.” I jerked my head in the direction of downstairs. “Is that true? That’s when? Do you remember?”

Tanner shook his head. “I honestly don’t know. I can’t remember.”

“I remember it clearly.” I shivered. “And then you came home, and you came onto me—ugh—and I actually thought you liked me. The way you talked to me that night—and you kissed me.” I paused. “You must have thought I was a fool.”

“You’re not.”

A few seconds drifted by, and when he didn’t reply, I knew right then I had my answer.

“You told me the other day that you hadn’t had any real contact with her in a long time. That you didn’t think about her anymore.” I leaned against the doorway. “I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

He turned to me. “I didn’t want this to happen, Brynn. I made mistakes. I’m human.”

“This is more than a mistake. This is a big deal. We’re talking about a human life here. You’re going to be a father.”

“We had something here. Something special. I thought—” I broke off and didn’t tell him what I wanted to say:
I thought we were in love.

“This is complicated, Brynn. It’s more than you and me. I’m serious; you don’t understand.”

We stared at each other for a long moment, and then reality hit me.

“Oh my God,” I said. “You’re going to let her back into your life, aren’t you? She’ll go right back to her old ways, dominating you like she always has. All because you couldn’t control yourself for one night.”

“I can’t abandon her,” Tanner said. “She’s carrying my child. Maybe we could—I don’t know. I need time to think right now. I need to figure this out.”

“But where does that leave me?” I said, the words hurting my chest as I spoke them. “Where does that leave
us
?”

I waited for an answer that never came.

“I’m out of here. Done,” I said. “I don’t need this in my life.”

“Wait, please.”

“Don’t tell me to wait, Tanner. You don’t get to tell me how to do anything anymore.”

“I need you to calm down and listen to me, Brynn. I have an explanation.”

“No, you listen to me. What I see is this: I see a man who has everything, but he doesn’t appreciate it. Do you know how many people out there would kill to be as famous as you? How many people spend their days wishing they could have all of this? You’ve been given so much, Tanner, and now you’re wasting it. You’re wasting it on needless drama. Needless crazy shit!” I threw up my hands. “Well, guess what? I’m done. Totally done. I’m not going to be a part of the reality show that is your life anymore.”

As I moved past the doorway and toward my things on the opposite nightstand, Tanner got up off the bed.

“Brynn, wait. You’ve got to give me a chance here. It’s not what you think. I don’t love Lana.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but now you’re stuck with her, aren’t you?”

He faltered. “I am. You’re right. And that means I have to take responsibility for the things I’ve done. She wants to keep it.”

“She doesn’t want to keep it. She wants to keep
you
.”

“Most people would blow her off. Pay child support and be done with it.” He hesitated. “But that wasn’t the way I was raised.”

“Which means Lana wins. But maybe she always did.” I ripped open the drawer on the nightstand. Only a few things of mine lay inside; it wouldn’t take long to pack the rest of my stuff. I opened my purse and dumped in the mess of chains, a watch, some coins, and a bottle of perfume. “You know what? Your life is like a bad movie.”

“You really are leaving, aren’t you?”

“What’s going to stop me?” I glared at him. “You?”

“Maybe.”

“Try me. You’ll regret it.”

I waited for him to stop me. To do something.
Anything
.

In that second, all of my emotions solidified. I should have never gotten involved with this guy. From that first night at Twisted, I’d had this lingering thought in the back of my mind that things wouldn’t turn out well, and I’d be the one to get hurt. Now it had come true, and in a horrifying, totally fucked-up way. There was a reason why people didn’t trust Hollywood celebrities. Their lives didn’t make sense. All fake. Just for show. Nothing substantial. Just like Tanner had told me that first night at dinner.

“This is it,” I said.

“Don’t go,” Tanner said, and his voice broke. “Give me some time. I don’t know—she can live in the pool house, maybe. We can—”

“We can what?” I said. “I don’t see how this can work.”

He raised his hand to touch me, but then it fell heavy at his side. “I don’t want to hurt you, Brynn.”

The situation downstairs spoke for itself, so I walked over to the master closet and ripped my clothes off the hangers. “I figure you won’t want these.”

“You’re doing this, aren’t you?” he said.

I turned around toward him. “I’m doing this.”

“I don’t love her. This is all a huge nightmare. I’m serious. Just as shocked as you are.” His hand landed on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off as fast as it got there.

“Don’t touch me.” I turned to him, a pile of designer clothes in my hand. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

“I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t hear those words right then. “Do you know how I found out about this? I got ambushed by the reporter from
Rockchick.
In front of Kenneth. It felt like a setup.”

“Jesus, Brynn.”

His eyes seemed to turn down at their edges and he searched my face for something—sympathy? I wasn’t in the mood to give it. The air around us felt thick, and I struggled to breathe. I needed space. Immediately.

Finally, he sighed. “Do you want your money?”

“No. I can’t believe you would bring that up right now.”

“But what about our agreement? I want to do the right thing.”

“I don’t care about your money. It was never only about that for me. I don’t want you to ever contact me again,” I said, forcing back tears. “I want to forget this whole relationship ever happened.”

It didn’t take me long to pack the rest of my things. Most of it fit in the original suitcases I’d brought into the pool house, and the few things that didn’t went into a plastic garbage bag. I threw all of it in the back of the Corolla. Tanner stopped trying to argue with me; I made it clear he wouldn’t change my mind, no matter how many times he begged. Lana stayed in the kitchen, luxuriating in her newfound position. She’d worked her way back into his life; she’d get to have him forever.