Holy Smokes (29 page)

“It is the Lindorm Phylactery.” He held out his hand for it, cradling it with both hands when I set the blob on his palm.

“’K. And that is…?”

“It is a relic of the time before the weyr. It was carried by the first dragon. It has immense importance to dragonkin.”

The other men jostled Drake until he reluctantly passed it around.

“Gotcha. So it’s the something really important that you felt? Then we take it?”

“I will take it,” Kostya said, his hand closing around the blob of gold. “It belongs to the black dragons.”

“It belongs to no one,” Drake said, rounding on his brother.

“It was held by Baltic before he fell.”

“Before you killed him, you mean?” I asked sweetly.

I’m lucky I didn’t spontaneously combust. I’m sure that was the intent of the look Kostya fired at me.

“It belonged to him. It passes to me now.”

“Kostya—” Drake started to say, and I knew we had a situation on our hands.

“Jim?”

“On it.” Before Kostya could move, I had the binding ward on him, and Jim had retrieved the phylactery, dropping it at Drake’s feet.

Kostya snarled something that had Drake lunging toward him. I held him back, saying, “Sweetie, it’s not really the time or place, remember? Let’s get out of here, then we can discuss what to do with this thing.”

My words were punctuated by the dim sound of a siren.

Drake swore and grabbed the phylactery, wrapping it back up in its bit of cloth and replacing it in the wooden coffer.

“I assume you have some sort of an escape plan?” I asked.

“Yes. Come.”

“What about him?” I asked, nodding toward the still-sputtering Kostya.

“Release him.”

I hesitated. “I don’t like having to say this, but…well…he seems to feel this thing is his.”

“He is my brother,” Drake said with a long look at Kostya. “I trust him.”

I erased the ward on Kostya reluctantly. Drake took my arm and hustled me out of the room. I glanced back over my shoulder at where the others were following.

Drake might have faith in his brother’s loyalty…but I didn’t feel nearly so confident.

“
D
rake, I would like you to repeat the following oath: I, Drake, take you, Aisling, to be my wife and companion, my friend in life. Together we will bear the troubles and sorrows life may bring us, and celebrate the good and joyful events with which we are blessed. With these words, and with my heart, I bind my life to yours.”

I yawned. I couldn’t help myself, I was so tired after a sleepless flight home from Italy, I was having trouble staying awake.

The man performing the ceremony stared in horror at me. To my left, Paula gasped.

I was instantly contrite. How rude is it to yawn at your own wedding? Rummy though I was from lack of sleep, I had enough wits about me to know I had to rectify my apparent gaffe. “Sorry. I’m so tired I’m having a bit of trouble focusing. We had a horrible flight from Italy. It just seemed to go on and on and on. You ever have one of those flights? First we were delayed at the airport because of some weather issue, which was scary enough, because there were dragons after us and they might have found us if I hadn’t done a few brain-pushes on some guys to forget they’d seen us, and then there was a mechanical problem, and we had to get off the plane and wait around a couple more hours before they got that fixed, and you know how impossible it is to sleep in an airport. You know, sweetie, I think we should get our own plane. Nothing big like a rock star, but something cute that we can zip around in. One with a bed in the back,” I told the man standing next to me. He was as handsome as sin, with mobile black brows, a lovely nose, and the most delectable mouth I’d ever seen. And his eyes, oh, his eyes. I stared at them for a few minutes, wondering if our child would get his eyes. I sure hoped so. “Your eyes are so gorgeous, I could just suck them right out of your head.”

“Aisling!” Paula gasped again.

“I’m sorry, we were talking about planes, weren’t we?” I felt bad. I had shocked Paula with my lust for Drake, but to be fair, I couldn’t help lusting after him—he was so deliciously lustworthy. “I do love him, you know,” I told her, tugging on her sleeve so she’d know I was being sincere. “I really, really love him. Honest! I don’t just want to suck his eyeballs, and oil him up and then lick him off, although to be honest, that sounds pretty good to me right about now. I can’t wait to do it again with his fire, because that makes all the difference. But we couldn’t because there was no time in Italy, and then when we got home, Paula was there waiting for us to go get married…oh, wait, you are Paula, aren’t you. Drake?”

Tears burnt behind my eyes as I took two steps and wrapped my arms around him, a horrible presentiment claiming me at that moment. “My brain doesn’t seem to be working right. I think I may have said something embarrassing.”

His voice rumbled above my head as he said, “I’m afraid this is going to have to wait for another time. Aisling is not herself at the moment.”

The words danced in my brain as I snuggled into him, sighing with happiness at the feel and scent of him. Then I frowned, what he’d said finally sinking in.

“Wait!” I said, pulling back. I looked around, confused for a moment. Paula and David were standing to my left. Behind them Uncle Damian stood watching me with a frown. On Drake’s other side were Pál, István, Kostya, and Jim.

I waved at Jim, giving it a secret wink to let it know that I knew why it wasn’t talking. “Good job, Jim. I know it’s hard for you because you’re such a chatterbox, but you’re doing great. Keep it up, ’K?”

Jim blinked at me.

“I’m getting married,” I told it, because clearly it was confused about what was happening here. “This is it, the big day. And it’s kind of my last chance, so keep up the good work!”

“
Kincsem
, we will do this another time. You are too tired,” Drake said, pulling me away from where I was patting Jim on its head.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked, recoiling in horror. “Paula will skin me alive if we don’t go through with this wedding. Oh! Hi, Paula. Um…I seem to be having momentary lapses of judgment, but I’m fine now, just fine. Better than fine! Let’s kick this shindig into high gear.”

Paula slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes huge as I smiled brightly at the guy marrying us.

“Sorry, I interrupted you. Please go on. Is it my turn to say something? Because there are a lot of things I’d like to say to Drake, and no, I know you’re thinking I’m going to go on and on about his eyes, but I’m not going to, so there. Ummm…where were we?”

“We were leaving,” Drake said firmly, taking my hands in his. “You are too tired, Aisling. We will delay this ceremony a day until you are rested.”

“Paula’s going to be pissed,” I told him as he gently pushed me toward the door. “Will you break it to her for me? I hate to make you do that because it really is my problem, but you know, I’m just a skosh tired, and maybe she won’t yell if you tell her. Oh, look, a demon. I’m sorry, the wedding is off for another day. Can you come back tomorrow?”

The demon—and it was a demon, even my sleep-deprived brain recognized the fact that the man standing in front of us in a zoot suit that would have been better suited to a 1940s movie was, in fact, a demon—looked confused for a moment before it said, “You are summoned by Lord Bael.”

The overhead lights in the small room burst and would have showered tiny little bits of glass down upon us if we’d still been there. But since the demon suited action to words and sucked the entire wedding party off to see Bael, by the time the glass hit the floor, we were gone.

I don’t know if it was the act of being yanked through the very fabric of time and space that dropped the euphoric sense of giddiness that lack of sleep had brought upon me, or if it was the look in Bael’s eyes as he turned slowly to consider me, but whatever it was, I suddenly found myself as sober as a judge…and mad as hell.

“It’s only eleven,” I told Bael. “Our appointment was for twelve.”

“Goodness, what—oh, my!” Paula said, clutching my stepfather. “What just happened? Where are we? David, did you see?”

“Yes,” he answered slowly, taking in our situation. We were standing in front of a massive desk, in a wood-paneled room that was filled with books.

“Where are we?” she asked.

“You have yet to keep an appointment. I simply ensured you made this one,” Bael answered.

“You interrupted my wedding!” I said, squaring my shoulders as I met the gaze of the demon lord.

“A wedding—how quaint.” Bael changed appearances like the rest of us changed clothes. Today he appeared square-jawed and blue-eyed, wearing a navy blue suit and holding a sheaf of papers. He would have been indistinguishable from any other businessman except for the black corona of power that crackled around him. “I assume these people are your parents?”

I moved to stand protectively in front of Paula. “Yes. Please send them back—they have nothing to do with the situation between us.”

“On the contrary, I find their presence most refreshing.” His eyes moved to Drake. “And a wyvern. It has been many centuries since I have entertained dragons. You are welcome here.”

Drake inclined his head politely. “I must insist that my mate’s request be granted. The members of the weyr will naturally remain with Aisling, but the mortals must be returned to their world.”

“Indeed? But then how will she be able to present me with their sacrifice?” Bael asked, setting down the papers and smiling pleasantly at me.

If I’d been mortal, that smile probably would have taken a good twenty years off my life.

“Mortals? Weyr? Aisling, who is this man? What’s going on?” Paula asked.

“Send them back,” I said swiftly to Bael. “Now. Please.”

“And miss the fun of watching you explain to these good people who and what you are?” Amusement was rife in his eyes. “I think not.”

Uncle Damian pulled Paula and David back, murmuring quietly in their ears. I flashed him a grateful look and returned my attention to Bael. I had enough wits left to me to know that what I had planned was going to need every bit of my power to pull off without anyone being destroyed.

“What?” Paula said, her voice rising in a shriek. “Hell? We’re in Hell? And that man is the devil? Well! He has some nerve!”

Before I could stop her she marched over to Bael, put her hands on her hips, and glared.

“Oh, my god,” I muttered, rushing to her side. “Paula, please—”

“I knew one day I would come face-to-face with the devil, although I didn’t think that would be until Judgment Day, but since we’re both here, I have a few things I’d like to say to you. Hitler! Terrorists! Chlorine in the water system!”

“I believe it’s fluoride you’re thinking of, dear, not chlorine,” David said thoughtfully.

Bael looked startled for a moment as Paula shook her fist at him. “Does this mother of yours, this mortal, dare to chastise me?”

“Crib deaths! That’s you, too, isn’t it? And those nasty cult people and their poison Kool-Aid! And drug users! You’re probably responsible for all the drug users!”

“Um…” I put my hands on Paula’s shoulders and pulled her back. “Yeah. She gets a bit overwrought about things.”

“Henry the Eighth…he was evil, chopping off all his wives’ heads. Don’t you deny it! Oh! And the Reagan presidency!”

“Now I know where you get your irreverence,” he said, looking askance as she poked him in the chest.

“What about cattle mutilations? Don’t say you’re not behind those, because I know you are! Just think of all those innocent cows!”

“We’re not actually related by blood,” I told him, pulling her back again. This time Uncle Damian snagged her and hauled her back to where my stepfather stood.

“I believe cattle mutilations are commonly thought to be caused by aliens,” David told her.

“Get thee behind me!” Paula shouted at Bael.

Bael rolled his eyes and waved a languid hand. “I grant your dispensation.”

The demon who’d brought us reached up and ripped a tear in the wall and pulled my family through it before Paula could do more than utter, “Mimes! You can’t tell me the devil doesn’t have anything to do with mimes!”

“Thank you,” I told Bael, relieved that at the very least, my family would be safe. “Now, about those six sacrifices you are demanding in homage. Traci, I summon thee.”

The steward appeared, wearing a disheveled tuxedo, the bow tie lying open along an unbuttoned, pleated shirt. In one hand it held a champagne flute, its arm wrapped around a blond female who was kissing the demon while stroking a hand down its bare chest. Traci’s other hand was holding the right breast of another scantily clad woman, this one nibbling on its ear.

“All in good time, my sweet,” Traci said the second the first female demon stopped sucking its face. “I promised your sister I would attend to her needs first.”

I coughed and raised my eyebrows.

“Oh, glorious fires of Abaddon. Lord Aisling! You said you would not need me today! I distinctly understood you to say that it was tomorrow that you’d want me….” The anger in Traci’s voice trailed away with all sound as it saw Bael. “Most revered Lord Bael! I…I was…”

“I don’t think anyone is confused about what you were doing,” I said, leaning against Drake. I was past the point of exhaustion—and thankfully also past the rummy stage of giddiness in which my mouth seemed to operate without any input from my brain—but my body felt slow and unresponsive, as if my limbs were weighted down. “Would you mind getting rid of your…thanks.”

The two female demons eeped as they saw Bael, and disappeared in puffs of thick, black smoke.

Traci cleared its throat and hurriedly buttoned its shirt before bowing to me. “My lord, you summoned me?”

“Yes. Do you have my sacrifices for Bael?”

Traci’s face fell. “Well…as to that, my lord…er…”

Drake leaned toward me. “What sacrifice is this?”

“Bael has demanded I pay homage to him,” I answered in a whisper before saying in a louder voice, “I’m sure Bael is a busy man. Go get the sacrifices, and we’ll get this over with.”