Authors: Rachelle Vaughn
Home Ice (33 page)
“Try to get some rest and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Ally hung up the phone and finished rinsing off the dishes. Ben came out of the bathroom and leaned against the doorway.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Standing between them were all of the words they left unspoken.
Instead of talking, they sat and watched television for a while before following each other to bed. He lay next to her on her tiny bed with his arm around her. Silently, they lay together in her room, the room that she had slept in since she was five. The room across the hall from Gram’s. No matter how close he pulled her to him, she felt far away from him.
He was losing her. Fast. And he knew it.
Ally woke the next morning physically and emotionally drained. How had a semi-truck managed to run over her in her sleep last night without damaging the house?
Then she remembered.
Ben.
His arm was still draped over her. A protective shield against the harsh, outside world.
His eyes flickered open when he heard her stirring and he smiled at her. “I love you.”
She smiled back for the first time in weeks. Then she remembered something else. He was flying back home today. And Gram was gone. The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come.
“Make love to me,” she said softly.
One last time
.
He did. Slowly and gently like she was made of delicate porcelain, he made love to her. She took him into all of her senses. To tuck him away in her memory. Forever. The way he smelled, the sound of his breathing and the taste of his skin. The feel of his touch up and down her body. She wanted to remember everything.
Because he was leaving today. Forever.
When they finished, she lay spent, curled against him, not wanting to leave the warmth of his body. “I love you, Ben.”
“Mmm. I love you too, Ally.” His voice was still husky from their lovemaking. “Marry me,” he said. He felt her stiffen the instant the words left his lips. Propping himself up on an elbow, he tried to gauge her troubled thoughts. “Allison Price.” He tested the name and it sounded nice. Damn nice. “I think that has a nice ring to it.”
She shifted away from his loving gaze, got out of bed and quickly covered her naked body with a robe. “There’s so much going on right now, Ben. I don’t even know what I’m doing or what I’m going to do.” A ragged breath escaped her lungs and her body deflated. She willed herself not to start crying. Instead, she started fidgeting with papers on the desk and straightening things that didn’t need to be straightened.
“If nothing else, come back with me to Denver for a couple of days. I’d love you to meet my aunt and uncle. It‘ll do you good to get away.”
“There’s too much I have to do around here.”
He got out of the bed and went to where she stood hunched over the desk. He put his strong hands on her jittery hands, forcing her to stop stacking a pile of books. He lifted her chin and looked into her blue eyes. They were already pooling with tears. “Take all the time you need.” A salty drop ran down her cheek and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. He took her in his arms and stroked her back.
For a second, she let herself enjoy the embrace, then pulled away from him. “I can’t ask you to do that,” she whispered.
“You don’t have to. I’m telling you that I will wait for you. However long it takes for you to do whatever it is you have to do.”
There
.
He laid it all on the table.
Again.
“I need to let you go. It’s not right for me to hang on and keep us in limbo. You have everything--”
“Not
everything,
” he protested.
“You have a phenomenal career that you need to focus on and I have to let you go.” She said it again. Why did she keep saying it over and over?
Let go.
“But Ally, I don’t understand. We can give it a shot long distance. Hell, even when I lived here in Red Valley I was always on the road during the season anyway.
I
don’t want you to let me go. Whatever it takes, I’m willing to do it.”
“I don’t think I am. It’s too hard. To see you and then have to say goodbye again and watch you fly off to your fabulous life.”
“
Then come with me,
” he urged.
“I can’t.”
“So, you’d rather not see me at all because it’s too hard to say goodbye when we see each other?”
It was absurd, but it was how she felt. All or nothing. And for some reason she couldn’t give him her all. She had nothing left to give.
Let go.
“I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but its how I feel.”
“Okay.” He stepped away from her and pulled on his jeans and shirt and began stuffing his things back into his overnight bag. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yes.”
Let go.
“Okay,” he said again. After he pulled his socks and shoes on, he zipped up his bag and flung it on the bed.
“You’d better go. You don’t want to miss your flight.” Her words were clipped and static. It was the last thing she wanted and she feared she might never see him again, but she said it all the same.
“Yeah, I wouldn‘t want to miss the plane back to my fabulous life.”
“I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered.
“Me too. I really am sorry. For everything.”
He stood a breath away from her, but she already felt 1300 miles away from him. Tears slid down her cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them away this time. Instead, he grabbed his keys and phone from the nightstand, slung his bag over his shoulder and turned. Ally watched him walk out the door and drive away in his rental car.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Support Network
Whether he was training with Vin or at the gym on his own, Ben kept himself as busy as possible, allowing nothing to sidetrack him from his goals. The last thing he wanted was to
think
. It was paying off. Every day he was feeling physically stronger and he hoped it would set the tone for the season.
Ben also started doing something he’d never done before. He started training for on-ice fights by doing boxing drills once a week. He had never been a big fighter on the ice, that had always been Dom’s territory, but Ben wanted to be prepared for
everything
this season. He wanted to stay sharp in every aspect of the game. Then again, who was he trying to kid? The punching bag was a great way to relieve some of his pent up frustrations. And lately he had a lot of them.
Hockey players had to be ready for the lung-busting effort of a 45-second shift. Puck possession changed every few seconds and players had to be able to start, stop and move direction quickly over and over again at a moments notice. As a result, Vin Russell’s work-out regimen for Ben included interval training based on the game. Working, then resting. Just like when Ben was on the ice for his shift and then resting for three shifts. They had been working on polymeric training, explosion drills like jumping on one leg, squat and frog jump and clap pushups.
Ben knew the drill, all too well. But today, much to Vin’s irritation, the training process and passion of hockey was lost on Ben.
“What’s going on today, Benny? Training camp starts in two weeks and I want you in top form.” Vin looked down at Ben with his usual grim expression.
Ben was struggling to catch his breath in between sprints. “You wouldn’t understand.” And to be honest, he wasn’t completely comfortable talking to Vin about his personal life. Somehow a 230 pound body builder didn’t scream ‘shrink me’.
“Try me.” It was more of a command than a request.
Ben threw up his hands in defeat. “It’s a girl, man.”
Vin shook his bald head. “It always is.”
“Why is it that I can go up against the toughest goaltenders in the league with no fear, and I can take a hit from a 240 pound Swede, or a puck coming at me at 100 miles per hour, but the second I walk away from Ally, I have a freakin’ chunk taken out of my insides?
Damn it
!” This was a different kind of pain. Out of frustration, Ben kicked at a weight sitting nearby and stubbed his big toe.
“Well, Ben, I wish I could give you some words of wisdom, but it’s a tale as old as time. We wouldn’t be the men we are if it weren’t for the women in our lives. Our moms, sisters, daughters.
Girlfriends. You’ve got to grab on for dear life or let her go, man. Or it’ll eat you up inside until you’re nothing but a hollow shell.”
“Wow.” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re right.”
“Now,” Vin said shaking off his psychiatrist hat, “16 110-yard sprints. I wanna see some intensity!”
* * *
The Roadhouse Restaurant was within walking distance of Ben’s apartment building and it was a nice evening, so he decided to hoof it. The night air was filled with the sounds of people getting off work and starting their commute home. Buses rumbled by as he walked the two blocks to the restaurant and he basked in the familiar sounds of the city.
While Ben walked by potted trees along the sidewalk, he replayed his last night with Ally. No matter how many times he told himself it was over, he still couldn’t accept it.
Thinking he had left a huge part of himself in Denver, it turned out that an even bigger part of him was now left in Red Valley. The meaning of home didn’t seem so cut and dried anymore. If home was where his thoughts were, then it was going to be a very long season.
The Roadhouse was packed with people drinking beer and nodding to the loud music. Ben scanned the crowd of people inside, looking for Barnie. Finally, he spotted him waving from a booth across the restaurant. Ben weaved through the tables and made his way to the booth.
“Benny!” Christian Barnier stood up and shook his hand. “So glad you could make it.” Barnie proceeded to introduce everyone at the table including two fellow teammates Jakub Cavanagh and Mike Murphy. “And this is my favorite sister, Cameryn.”
“I’m his
only
sister.” Cameryn rolled her eyes at her brother. “Hi Ben. Nice to see you again.”
Cameryn had grown up. She had long mousey brown hair that she wore loose and parted down the middle. She wore brown corduroy pants and a green University of Eureka sweatshirt. She was still a tomboy, though, right down to her flat chest and freckles.
Cameryn motioned to the girl sitting next to her. “This is my friend, Jillian, from college.”
Ben’s smile broadened and their eyes locked. Jillian was stunning and definitely
not
a tomboy. She was all curves and wasn’t afraid to show them off with tight jeans and a low-cut top. She had layers of long chocolate brown hair and a beautiful smile that wouldn’t quit.
The six of them ordered a ton of food and had a good time talking about everything from hockey to movies to music and everything in between. Ben was happy to temporarily lose himself in their chatter.
Jillian was fun and easygoing with everyone and fit in like one of the guys. Throughout dinner, Ben couldn’t help but notice a few lingering glances she shot in his direction. Barnie tried to flirt with her once
or twice, but she brushed him off like lint. Finally, Barnie put his palms up in a defeated gesture. It was plain to see the only person at the table she showed any interest in was Ben.
As dinner wound down, the conversation moved to stories of college days.
“This guy was a chick magnet in college, man,” Barnie chuckled, referring to Ben.
Jillian mumbled under her breath, “I’d like to be his refrigerator.”
Cameryn promptly kicked her friend under the table. “Excuse us, we need to use the ladies room,” she hissed through her teeth. Cameryn pulled Jillian out of the booth. The whole restaurant could hear her berating Jillian on their way to the restroom. “I didn’t bring you with me so you could hit on my brother’s friends!”
Barnie shook his head and turned back to Ben. Ben shrugged and used the spectacle as the perfect time to excuse himself to make a phone call. He went out to the patio and sucked in a lungful of fresh air. The patio was empty except for a few lovebirds huddled together over their tables. Ben took out his cell phone and looked at the display. He hesitated, then finally dialed Ally’s number.
If he ever needed to hear her voice, it was now. Everything here was new and things didn’t seem as black and white as they used to. And to make matters worse, the city kept throwing beautiful women in his path like speed bumps. He needed to talk to her and regain his clarity. Maybe, just maybe, she had changed her mind.
The phone rang and rang and finally her machine picked up. “Hi, you’ve reached Ally and Gram…” Ben winced. She hadn’t changed the outgoing message yet. Hearing Ally’s sweet voice say the old woman’s name was like a kick in the gut.
“Uh, hey,” he said to the machine, “It’s me. I just wanted to say hi.”
And a million other things I can’t say to your machine.
“Call me when you get a chance. I’d like to talk to you.”
Ben sighed and thought back to when his mother had passed away. He’d felt the same kind of devastation as Ally did for Gram. Luckily, he had a strong network of friends who helped pull him out of his despair. But he was afraid it would be different with Ally. Even if he and Izzy took hold of her wrists and yanked as hard as they could, Ally wouldn’t snap out of it. She was shutting him out and it was driving him up the wall. It wasn’t like he had any claim to her, especially now, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still love her and care about how she was doing.
Next, Ben called Izzy’s number and got her machine as well.
Damn it.
So much for a support network.
“Uh, hey Izzy, it’s Ben. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Ally but no one’s answering at the house and her cell is turned off. I just wanted to make sure she’s okay. Have her give me a call at my new number. Thanks.”
He snapped his phone shut and leaned on the patio railing. Instead of going back into the restaurant, Ben felt like going a few rounds with Vin and the punching bag. Less than a minute later he heard footsteps coming up from behind him.
“Is everything okay?”
Ben turned around at the voice.
It was Jillian.
“Yeah. I, uh, had to make a call.”
She drew herself closer to him. He could smell her perfume. It was musky and sexy, but all he could think of were strawberries.
Damn it, Ally. Why weren’t you home?
Jillian boldly put her hand to his chest and he thought she might feel his heart pounding through his shirt. She looked up at his serious face. Her hazel eyes had flecks of gold in them. Ben thought of Ally’s crystal blue eyes and how they sparkled when she laughed. Jillian leaned forward and he could feel her breath on his neck.
Before Jillian could do anything more, Ben gently pushed her away and took a step back. He needed to put some space between himself and those probing eyes. “I can’t.” It was barely a whisper. “I have someone…in Red Valley.”
“It’s okay,” she said and took a step forward, closing the distance between them. “She’s not here.”
But she was in his heart. And his soul. And every ounce of his being.
Ben squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Jillian was still in front of him. She was barely a breath away.
“She must be really great--,” Jillian mumbled.
“She is.”
“--for you to still care about her, even though she let you go.”
“She didn’t let--.” Well, technically she did. With those very same words.
Let go.
“You’re here and she isn’t.” Jillian leaned in close again, this time with every intention to brush her lips against his.
“Good night, Jillian.” Ben turned on his heel and left the restaurant without looking back.
