Homecoming (24 page)

“Cory?” Jake’s voice was soft and low.

“Come in, I’m just doing my hair.”

As Jake stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, her heart quickened a little. He’d changed into khaki shorts, but hadn’t yet put on a shirt. His chest had become tanned with all the outdoor work that summer, and it seemed to her he’d grown even more muscular with the physical labor. Her fingers flexed as she realized how much she wanted to run her hands over his smooth skin.

“Cory, you okay?”

Time seemed to stop and she had no idea how long he’d been standing there, waiting for her to say something. “Hmm?”

“I’m getting concerned that we haven’t gotten any word from Ted about Mitch’s mom.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want me to drive in to the city to the hospital and see if I can find out what’s going on?”

“Maybe. But first why don’t I take Molly for a stroller ride to Sara’s and see if she’s heard anything. Then we can decide.”

“Good. Mitch and I have enough things to keep us busy this morning, though I’m starting to run out of stuff. Looks like we’re really finished here.”

Was that melancholy she heard in his voice? She searched his eyes hoping to find more clues, but he turned away before she could really judge his emotions. He opened the door to leave, hesitating for just a second as he turned around to look at her.

“I’m not having a good feeling about this,” he said.

“I know. Let’s take it one step at a time. I’ll leave right now for Sara’s.”

He nodded, then left. His face looked as serious as she felt, her stomach tightening even more because he’d been worrying too. She put her comb in a drawer and went to get Molly.

***

The walk to Sara’s felt good, even though the humidity was on the rise and the heat factor made it feel much hotter than the actual temperature read. The brisk activity helped settle her nerves enough so that when she pushed the doorbell, at least she felt more in control and not quite so on edge.

“Sara, it’s me and Molly,” she called, finally hearing some noise on the other side of the door.

The door opened and Sara stood in the doorway, tears streaming down her pale, drawn face. “Oh, Cory—” She stepped aside so Cory could push the stroller into the house.

“Sara, what’s wrong?” She guided the stroller to a spot in front of the couch, then sat down next to a sobbing Sara.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to get word to you, but Mrs. Porter hasn’t been home all morning.” She dabbed at her eyes with fresh tissues. “I just can’t seem to stop crying.”

“Mitch’s mom?”

She nodded, then blew her nose. “I must have slept through the phone ringing last night when Ted called. I got up this morning and noticed the message light blinking. Oh, Cory...she never regained consciousness after the surgery and just slipped away during the night. Ted was right there sleeping in a lounge chair they’d brought into the room for him.”

Fresh tears ran down Sara’s face as she scooped Molly out of the stroller to bring her close against her chest. Cory pulled mother and child to her and rocked them both as she waited out Sara’s renewed sobbing. After a few minutes, Sara quieted and leaned back.

“What time is it?” Sara asked suddenly.

“Almost noon—”

“Oh, God. Ted’s probably at your house right now. How is he ever going to explain this to Mitch?”

Cory’s stomach fell at the insurmountable idea of having to break the news to a child that his mother was gone. “I should go.”

Sara nodded, opening her robe to bring Molly’s mouth to her breast.

“You two going to be okay?”

“Having Molly here is what I think I needed most, Cory. Ted can bring Mitch back with him.”

“What’s going to happen to him?” The immediate pain in her gut predicted Sara’s answer.

“I imagine they’ll want his father to take him.”

It was Jake’s own story unfolding before her eyes. “I have to go.” She leaned to kiss the top of Molly’s head, then gave her friend’s shoulder a squeeze. She’d tackle ordering the phone line installation another day. All she could think about was getting back to Jake and Mitch.

***

Jake hadn’t even heard the car pull into the driveway when he saw Ted’s Honda as he walked around the corner of the house pushing a wheelbarrow filled with topsoil.

Ted was on one knee, his hands on Mitch’s arms. Time slowed as Jake translated the look on Ted’s face and realized what was happening. His stomach clenched into a hard knot as his heart hammered painfully in his chest.

As he dropped the wheelbarrow to the ground, spilling a pile of soil, he watched the boy step back and wriggle out of Ted’s hands, screaming, “I don’t believe you!”

Ted reached for him again, this time holding Mitch more firmly and bringing his face close to the little boy’s. Jake ran the short distance between his position and the developing scene, snatches of his own experience flashing through his mind.

Then Mitch turned toward him. His face was bright red and he watched as the boy’s wide eyes narrowed in anger. “I
hate
you! You lied—you said you’d tell me what was going on and now she’s
dead
! She’s
dead
and I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”

Mitch burst into tears and before the boy could run away, Ted scooped him up. Jake watched, his own feet becoming weights, holding him where he stood. Ted put Mitch into the car where he curled into a ball in the front seat, tucking his arms and legs into himself, sobbing.

Ted shut the car door softly, then turned to Jake. “I think I better take him to my house. I’m sure he didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, Ted.” But it wasn’t okay. His heart had split in two at the sound of the hatred in the boy’s voice, as he realized he had indeed broken his promise to him. Self loathing surged through him as he watched Ted back the car out of the driveway. His hands clenched painfully, his jaw tightened.

He stayed in the spot until the car disappeared, not knowing what to do, where to go. He’d blown it. He’d screwed up royally. And there was nothing he could do to fix it. What had he been thinking when he’d made the promise to Mitch?

Dammit
.

He’d buried his head in the sand, avoiding even the possibility that things might not turn out all right for Mitch. He hadn’t really faced the facts until this morning when he’d talked with Cory. Now it was too late.

He felt his nails digging into the palms of his hands and finally opened them, then took long strides toward the tool shed. Inside, he pulled the sharpened ax off its spot on the wall, then went to the pile of limbs he’d cut from a fallen dead tree. Desperate for mind numbing work, he started to split the logs into quarters against a tree stump, removing his tee-shirt as it quickly became soaked with sweat.

He worked feverishly, throwing his anger into the swing of his ax, working at a fast pace so he could stop thinking. The boy’s pain became his own and his heart pounded as his blood boiled through his veins.

He should have said something at the beginning...made Ted take Mitch with him to the hospital. At least he could have seen his mother, said his good-byes; at least he would have known what was happening to her.
God, how could I have been so stupid?

He stopped to catch his breath and used his shirt to mop the sweat from his face, then saw Cory running up the driveway. She came to a dead stop and looked at him, then walked slowly toward him.

“I’m too late, aren’t I.” Her brown eyes were red-rimmed and he saw the tracks of her tears on her cheeks.

“Yeah.” He put another log on the stump and cracked the ax against it. Splinters flew causing Cory to take a step back. Fresh concern shone bright in her eyes.

“Jake, why don’t you come in the house...”

He swung the ax again, and this time a larger splinter sailed her way, hitting her leg hard enough for her to say ‘ow’ and take another step back. But just for a moment. She stepped several steps closer, then, too close for him to risk swinging the ax again.

He leaned against the handle and met her gaze.

“Jake.”

The worry in her voice cut through him, sending with it a new wave of anguish. “I was a bad idea for that boy.” He spat the words at her, his anger peaking, shattering the last shreds of his control.

“He loved being here with us...with you.”

She started to reach for him and he held up one hand to stop both her lame excuses and her touch. “I promised him I’d keep him informed about his mother and I blew it. Big time. I don’t know what the hell I thought I was doing trying to be....” What? A father figure? Bile came up his throat and burned as he choked on his fury. Then he swallowed hard and picked up the ax again.

Cory’s eyes filled with tears as she watched his face become a glowering mask of rage. She assessed his anger; she’d back off for now, let him chop wood until he was too tired to lash out at her...or himself. Then maybe she’d be able to find the words to try to assure him that he’d done nothing wrong.

Cory walked back into the house to gather the rest of Molly’s and Mitch’s things, relieved to have her own busy work. She tried to swallow the lump that lingered in her throat, but finally gave in to her own tears. She ached for them all—for Mitch’s loss of a mother, for Ted’s loss of a sister, and especially for Jake’s inward misery that had instantly rebuilt the walls that had given way as he’d played a fatherly role to the little boy.

There has never been a cat

Who couldn’t calm me down

By walking slowly

Past my chair.

Rod McKuen

Chapter 16

“You want a ride?”

Cory looked up to see Jake standing in the hallway. She’d packed up the diaper bag, cooler, and duffel bag and was just trying to decide if she could manage all three bags and make the trek to Sara’s.

Not waiting for an answer, Jake walked toward her and took the bags. She followed him outside and sat in the passenger seat while he put the bags in the trunk. He still wore no shirt, and the waist of his shorts was damp with the perspiration he’d worked up splitting wood.

When he sat down, he looked at her for several long seconds as though he couldn’t find his words. Finally, he let out a little sigh, then licked his lips. “Mind if I just drop you off? I need to go somewhere.”

“Sure.”

They rode in silence and Jake was glad she wasn’t trying to make him talk about his feelings like many women would have. He knew that if she’d asked, he wouldn’t have even been able to put anything into words. He felt numb, without any feelings he could even isolate, like he was functioning on auto-pilot.

He pulled up to Ted and Sara’s and popped the trunk, keeping the engine running and staying in the car while Cory retrieved the bags. She offered him a tiny smile and a wave, then walked up to the door without a backward glance.

Jake pulled away from the curb and drove out of town. The wind whipping against his face was what he needed more than anything at that moment; he yearned for the carefree feeling of freedom. Freedom from responsibilities, freedom from his own heart, from daring to care for Mitch in a way he shouldn’t have.

After a few minutes he started scanning the side of the road, looking for an unmarked turnoff that would lead him to a secluded outcropping of rocks that jutted into Lake Michigan. It was a place he’d discovered the very first time he’d ventured away from Faythe in an old Ford he’d bought from a classmate, one he’d fixed up and kept hidden from his old man. It had been important to him even at the tender age of sixteen that he have his own wheels, his own means to get away when he needed to.

He peered at a break in some bushes, but too late to make the turn. He jammed on his breaks, threw the car into reverse, then nosed into the narrow lane. He took the unmaintained road slow and easy until he finally pulled into a clearing. The space would be just big enough for him to shimmy his car around so he wouldn’t have to back all the way out in order to return to the highway.

He got out of the car and starting jogging up a primitive trail that didn’t look like it had been used by more than an occasional deer. Branches scratched his bare skin as he pushed through the dense brush.

He shouldn’t have lashed out at Cory. She’d been nothing but good to him...good
for
him, he admitted, and he planned an apology to her at his first opportunity. But first he needed to sort out his emotions, get back in control.

Regardless of the physical exhaustion his body felt from chopping wood plus the aftermath of the adrenaline and anger he’d felt, his thoughts were racing haphazardly in his head. It was the feeling he detested most.

Clambering over the large boulders, he planted himself on the rock all the way at the end, forcing himself to breathe deeply and focus on the water.

After many minutes, he felt his brain shift into another gear, a sane gear. Then he allowed the thoughts to come, slowly, examining each closely and impartially.

Somehow he’d make things up to Cory. Her heart was as big as the expanse of water in front of him, and it would probably be a somewhat easy task, though he’d have to be ready to answer her questions.