Homo Avatarius: ( Your Consciousness is an Alien ) (5 page)

We began to let this insistent stranger follow us, but quietly at first and at a distance. To assist us, she sometimes brought food, figures, and pieces of bone in various colors that we could use in our war tactics. She often played with the wolf, and, as she listened to us, we grew used to her presence.

She rarely joined our conversations, but, when she did speak, her thoughts and words would generally surprise us, and, in time, we learned to respect her. We even asked for her opinion when we had a difficulty and couldn’t find a solution. She showed us a few magic tricks she had learned from her father and revealed their secrets. We thought about them and discussed how we could use them as war tactics.

These discussions helped Sobutay and I understand the principle that one’s enemy sees things the way they are present, and thus, can be distracted and surprised as you carry out what you want in another direction. We understood that a man makes decisions (and mistakes) based on the situation he feels he is in at the moment.

We often gathered in the tent of the Khan and listened to the stories he and his generals told of great battles. One night, when my father was particularly drunk on koumiss, he told us a memorable tale:

“
In ancient times, there was a little shepherd boy living in a remote corner of a small Mongolian kingdom. Before he left home, his mother always gave him a little food and a sheep pelt full of grass to practice wrestling. Time passed, and the boy grew up and got stronger. His mother began to fill the sheep pelt with water and, then, with stones. When her child became a young man and the sheep pelt became light to him, she changed it for a bull pelt and filled it with stones.”

“
The boy’s fame soon went beyond the village, and his mother sent him to compete in the biggest wrestling tournament in the kingdom. It didn’t take long for the young man to dominate the competition and knock out whoever was in his way. The king was astonished and promised to lavish gifts on the young man on the condition that he won wrestling competitions in neighboring countries. So, with the permission of his mother, the young shepherd went to the neighboring kingdom and came into the presence of the king.”

“
When he arrived, the king said, ‘What do you want? Why have you come here?’”

“
The young man answered, ‘I am here to defeat your wrestlers.’”

“
The king called all the wrestlers from every part of his kingdom. Normally, wrestlers would fight each other one at a time and whoever defeated his opponent in the final won the competition, but, this time, the king ordered everyone, in succession, to fight with the young visitor. When the king saw that the young man was knocking out each wrestler, he sent wrestlers on him two or three at a time, but the young man knocked out sixty wrestlers without even sweating.”

“
The king exclaimed, ‘Well done! You win! Your reward is the treasure in the barn behind that hill. You can go and have it.’”

“
Victorious and proud, the young man went to the barn to claim his reward, but when he entered he came face to face with a giant, red-eyed bull. The angry beast looked like it had been waiting for him in the darkness for days. Without hesitating, the young man grabbed the horns of the bull, knocked it down, and tamed it. Then the two set off together. Upon hearing this, the king, in his greed, sent a human-flesh-eating camel upon the pair. The young man tamed the camel, too, and made it follow him back to his country. Refusing to concede defeat, the king sent hundred of soldiers after the young man, and just as the shepherd was about to enter his lands, he was surrounded and trapped and died among the soldiers before he reached his country.”

“
Upon hearing of the death of her son, his mother cried and begged her king to respond. The king dismissed her request by saying, ‘It isn’t worth destroying our friendship with the neighboring kingdom for a crazy young man.’”

With that my father grew silent and sipped his koumiss.

Sobutay and I looked at each other. We didn’t understand that his story was over. We also realized we didn’t understand what he meant with the story, but we pretended to understand so as not to make the situation more difficult. When my father blacked out, we immediately ran away.

…

Things were different with my mother. When we got my mother alone in the tent of the Khan, we had the most enjoyable moments. My mother had us sit around her, gave us little gifts, and spoke sweetly to us. The story we made her tell most frequently was the one about how the female wolf had come to us and how my father had saved her when she was kidnapped just after their marriage.

Being shy at first, she would soon get engrossed in the story and tell us about it at length. She also wouldn’t fail to tell us the story of how my father fell in love with her and chose her as his partner when she was a little girl. But we didn’t want to hear that story. We preferred to hear about the wolf, war, and revenge.

My mother told us that when my great-great grandfather was the eldest son of the Khan, he began to live among the wolves. Much later, he was found and brought back, but he was never the same again. When I asked my father about it, he avoided the subject and said they were all made-up stories. I also learned not to ask him about my mother’s kidnapping and how my father had rescued her. It was much better to let the storm clouds gather above you than to invite them to smash you.

The Tatars, whose hatred my grandfather had garnered when he kidnapped my grandmother, had waited for my father to get married to exact their revenge. At night, they attacked the caravan of the newly married couple, wounded my father, and took my mother prisoner. It led to a long costly war that ended with a massacre.

My mother was a slave in the tribe of the Tatars for a long time. She had no one, and she was tortured even though she was pregnant. Only the wolf—whose sudden appearance was a mystery—was beside her. Although the Tatars tried to chase it away and kill it, they eventually let it stay out of fear and respect.

When my father recovered, gathered his army and attacked the Tatars to get revenge, the wolf protected my mother during the battle and even ripped out the throats of a few Tatars. It never left my mother alone.

After my father put everyone, even the sheep, to the sword, he took my mother and returned home. The wolf followed them back. My father, who disliked dogs, moved to kill the wolf, but my mother stayed his hand told him how it had helped her. When they settled at home, the wolf remained close by. Shortly after they returned, I was born, and all night long, the wolf howled on a faraway hill beneath the shadow of the moonlight.

After my birth, the wolf stopped following and protecting my mother and instead began to follow me. It was always by my side, even when I was a baby, and sometimes it would even breastfeed me while I slept beside it.

Even though I was born of his beloved wife, I was never seen as the real son of Ghengis Khan. None would say it to my face, but they would talk about it. I, however never talked about it. I was simply Cuci: a guest. I was respected and protected, but I would never be a crown prince.

West

Time passed rapidly on the steppe. Sobutay and I grew up and became young warriors. I got taller, my muscles grew stronger, and I consistently fought whoever stood in my way. Sobutay’s own success in battle and his courage allowed him to rise as well. As a commander of a division, he performed miracles and was respected by everyone. All the while, Selen remained in the background, and each time, upon returning home after long campaigns, we would find her a little more grown up, and more beautiful.

The female wolf had grown old now. As best as it could, it tried to be with me, but, one day, it suddenly disappeared. I looked for it everywhere. I asked everyone, but it was nowhere to be found. I never would have guessed how painful it would be to lose something so important from my life. The wolf had always been with us and now it was gone. I had never felt such sadness.

After months of war and a few short campaigns without the wolf, I was so excited and relieved when, in the darkness of night, the wolf slipped once again into my tent. I cried and hugged and kissed it many times until I realized that it had a lump of fur in its mouth. A little cub, bluish just her.

When I woke up in the morning, a wolf cub snored at my feet. The female wolf was no longer there; it was cold where she had been lying. The cub grew up as if racing with time and sharing all its memories with me. It never left me. Not until the end of its life.

The West of the East

With the fall of Beijing, and after a long and tiring journey, we went back to the steppes where we could once again breathe. On the way back, our load was ten times larger, but we had only taken the spoils we found most valuable. We dragged back thousands of captives—most of whom fell like ninepins along the way—and carefully chosen craftsmen.

The only spoil I took to my lands was the distress and sorrow of the death of the wolf and a new goal which I couldn’t describe. On the way, no one approached me. I didn’t talk to anyone except Sobutay. Upon returning, I ran to the tent of the shaman to see Selen. I barely recognized the beautiful girl I found. Remembering the one I had left and seeing her suddenly so changed upset me and reminded me that we were no longer children.

We rode horses to a faraway point on the rocks where the tents of our people looked like small dots. Turning our backs to the village, we stared at the setting sun absently and remained quiet for a long time. Finally, she broke the silence. “I’m very sorry for the wolf. I loved it almost as much as you. When the messengers brought the news of victory, they also told me your story.”

“
Nevermind. Let bygones be bygones. Talking about it will not change anything,” I said, stopping her. I didn’t want to speak of the wolf anymore.

I turned and looked at Selen, “You grew up a lot, and changed…and got more beautiful. However, your eyes still look the same,” I added, trying to change the subject.

She lightly blushed and looked down, acting as though she wanted to say something.

“
It’s been a long time,” she said after a while. “Time stopped here without you, and it also brought boredom and dullness. You changed a lot, too. You have the look of a real warrior…all those wounds. But the light in your eyes has gone out.”

“
I feel empty, like it’s the end of everything. What is our aim in life?” I said, suddenly asking an unexpected question.

“
I don’t know,” she said. “Bring yourself up. Raise your children. Survive as long as you can. And in the meantime, enjoy it as much as possible. If you are a prince, you can also add defeating your enemies and changing history.”

I thought to myself for a moment before speaking again.

“
Have you ever felt like there was something missing, that there might be something else to be done? As if you were hungry but you didn’t know what to eat?” I asked.

“
Your father is about to conquer the world. All these lands will be yours. Hundreds of years from now, people will remember you and this time. Isn’t that enough?”

“
That is my people’s fate,” I replied, “their path. I am with them until the end, but I will go my own way later. Maybe my only wish is to not be what everyone else is.”

“
You’re tired from war and travel. I think you should get some rest. Then you can decide what to do. What do you think?”

“
Yes, maybe you’re right. I will go as soon as possible. I don’t know how, but my end is near, and I have a limited time to fulfill what I need to do. I just feel it.”

“
Where will you go?” Selen asked. “I can come with you…if you want. My father used to tell us that you weren’t one of us and the souls of our ancestors warned him about you. He told me many times to be careful and not to approach you, but, I insisted, and, with you being the son of Genghis Khan, he didn’t …”

I put my hand on her hand, and I stared into her eyes. They seemed to be the only light in the sky. I slowly pulled her to me and kissed her lips gently.

“
You are the only one I am glad to know,” I said. “And you are also the last one I want to upset. If you feel the same for me, try to understand me. Just don’t stop me because, if I could, my only choice would be to be with you. The most painful thing is to now realize what I will miss, what could have happened with you…”

We walked towards our horses. She stopped and untied the red silk handkerchief in her hair. Her hands, like her lips, trembled. She gave me the handkerchief, and I stood alone in the dark as she rode away.

I never saw Selen again. Weeks passed by hopelessly. When I told my mother that I was leaving, she accepted it on one condition: that I leave quickly.

Northwest

Sobutay and I set off for the north with a small convoy. On the way, we talked a lot about the war and our childhood. He never asked me the reason why I was going to the forest, the lands where he had been born. Maybe he also remembered the stories my mother had told us, of how my great-great grandfather lived alone in a remote place and how it was repeated every few generations in the family.