Honey and Leonard (5 page)

"Don't you be afraid, Leonard Atkins. You're just tired and all doped up. What you need is some rest. You go ahead and take a nap. It'll all come back to you when you see the passports. I've got them in the bag I packed for the two of us."

As she spoke, a semi driver honked his horn as he blasted by in a rush of displaced air that shook the Cadillac and jolted Honey back to the task of driving. She looked in her rearview mirror and saw a car following too closely with its headlights blinking off and on and little blue and red lights flashing.

"Leonard," she said. "There's a fire truck right behind us."

Leonard craned his neck to look behind and said, "That's no fire truck, Honey. That's the police. How fast are you going? Oh, no. They're going to find out who I am and send me back."

He looked at the speedometer. "Good grief, Honey, you're only going 45 mph. Speed up to 65, maybe they'll let us just keep going."

By the time Honey was up to 55 mph, two backup units had arrived to participate in the suspicious, low-speed chase.

"Better pull over," Leonard said. "Looks like the jig is up. Somebody at the nursing home must have sounded the alarm."

"How could they possibly know it's us?" Honey asked.

"The license plate is in your name, and they would know I'd be with you," Leonard said.

Two more police cars arrived and helped surround Honey and Leonard as the Cadillac came to a squeaking stop on the side of the off ramp Honey had used to exit the highway. Officers from the city, county and state jumped out of their squad cars with sidearms drawn and took cover behind their vehicles. The state trooper behind them barked through the speakers in his car, "Get out of the car with your hands in the air. Get out of the car now. You are completely surrounded."

Honey and Leonard struggled out their respective doors, blinded by the spotlights and more than a little stiff and sore from the drive. "It's okay," Leonard called out with his hands in the air. "We don't mean to make trouble."

It became instantly apparent to the nervous police officers that they had intimidated a harmless, elderly couple. The
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swat team lowered their weapons and began to laugh in relief, teasing the state trooper who called in the chase and making jokes among themselves like, "Better search these two. They look like big time drug dealers. We'd better call in the dogs."

The police were having a regular party at Honey and Leonard's expense until Honey started crying in embarrassment and put her hands on her knees, pleading, "Won't you please turn off those lights? They're hurting my eyes."

Leonard ran over to help her and shouted, "Haven't you boys had enough fun for one night?"

The lights went out in a hurry and the cars began to leave. Eventually, the original state trooper was the only one left on the scene. He felt so bad he didn't even give Honey a warning ticket after she explained she'd been having trouble with her cruise control.

"I'm sorry about the guns and the lights," he said as he checked her license and registration. "We've been having lots of trouble with drug traffickers in these parts lately. One of our officers got shot last month. You were traveling so slowly we thought you must be on drugs."

The trooper checked Leonard's identification. "You folks really shouldn't be driving at night. There's a Holiday Inn right over there. You can see the sign. Why don't you get a little sleep and try again in the morning? By the way, where are you headed?"

"Just down to Indianapolis to see our grandchildren," Honey lied like a pro.

The trooper wrapped up his investigation without further inquiry. It would still be several hours before Leonard was reported missing.

Once they were back in the car and buckling up their seat belts, Honey said, "I thought for sure they knew it was us."

"They did know it was us," Leonard said. "They just haven't figured out we're on the run. I guess that no-contact order isn't in their computers."

It was nearly sunrise and traffic was already so heavy in Indianapolis that Leonard didn't dare slow down. He was getting frazzled but trying hard not to show it. The drive around the Interstate to find the airport was a harrowing ordeal for someone used to small town streets. It was five lanes of speeding traffic with cars merging in and out for no apparent reason. Honey was no help at all.

"Slow down, sweetie, so I can read these signs. I don't know if we need to go to the terminal first or the parking lot first. What's the difference between long term parking and short term parking?"

Leonard decided to take refuge in the Hertz rental car lot. At least it had a sign he could understand. He parked the car, turned off the ignition and turned to say, "This could be the end of the line, pumpkin. I'm starting to think this whole thing might be a bad idea. If you want to know the truth, I'm amazed we made it this far. We got dumb lucky with those cops who stopped us, and that was nothing compared to trying to find this crazy airport. And by the way, they're doing bed check at the nursing home right about now."

Honey looked at him with the patient smile of a woman who knows she's going to get her way. "Are you done?"

Leonard couldn't help but lighten up. He'd seen that look before.

"In the first place," Honey said, "here we are at the airport. We made it. You should be happy. In the second place, there's no such thing as dumb luck. We're not dumb but we are lucky. We're lucky to be together, and you, sir, are lucky to be with someone as wonderful as me. And nobody's luckier than a little old damsel in distress." She finished with a Southern drawl that made him laugh.

"So what are we going to do now?" he asked.

Honey checked the contents of her purse, put on some lipstick, gave him a sweet kiss on the lips and opened her door. "Watch me work," she said as she got out of the car and shut the door.

Leonard watched her out the window until she disappeared into the rental car building. He chuckled to himself as he lowered down the power seat to take a nap in "naptown," everybody's nickname for Indianapolis. He was exhausted from the night and none too optimistic about the coming day.

Within five minutes Honey was back with a tall, blonde flight attendant in tow. She knocked on the window to awaken him. "Leonard, would you please get out of the car and say hello to Julia. She works for the airline and she just happens to have a co-worker who is flying to Paris this morning."

Julia was only too happy to help. She had a grandmother about Honey's age. Before Leonard really knew what happened, the flight attendant had helped them park the car in long term parking, taken the shuttle bus with them to the terminal, helped them book two tickets to Paris, upgraded them to first class at no extra charge and introduced them to her friend Jennifer at the boarding gate.

Julia handed Honey and Leonard off to Jennifer like they had been planning the transfer for days.

"I can't believe you two didn't have any bags to check," Jennifer laughed as she gave Honey and Leonard a quick course in boarding the plane. "As soon as they announce first-class boarding, you two go up to that woman. She'll take your tickets. I've got to get on board now but I'll see you after takeoff."

"Now, there goes a lovely young woman," Honey said as they watched Jennifer disappear into the boarding bridge.

"I don't know how you do it," Leonard said as they settled into their seats to wait at the gate. "I do know one thing. I am the luckiest man alive. There's nothing better than watching you pull rabbits out of the hat."

He gave Honey a kiss on the cheek and began searching the pockets of his pants and sport coat. Honey had resigned herself early in their relationship to the fact that Leonard would always be searching for his wallet.

"I've got both our passports. Look, I'm putting them in this little pouch I wear around my neck," Honey said. "Don't you remember them now?"

Leonard shook his head to indicate a sad no.

"Our driver's licenses and credit cards are in there too. Everything else we need is in this carry-on bag. And we both know you don't carry a wallet anymore."

"Oh, right," Leonard said. "Good, good. I don't want to try to keep track of all that stuff. But there is one thing I need to tell you, pumpkin."

"What's that, sweetie?"

He looked at her like he didn't want to confess.

"Come on now, sweetie. You can tell me."

It took Leonard a while but he finally blurted out, "I've never been on an airplane before."

"Oh, my stars," Honey said, looking at him to make sure he wasn't joking. One look in his eyes told her he was serious as an oxygen mask. She had to be careful about his male ego. Why wouldn't he have told her this before?

"Then this is a big day," Honey recovered. "I can't believe I didn't know that. How have you never been on a plane?"

"It's not that I didn't want to go," he said. "The wife would never go. She never went anywhere except to church. After she died, I just…"

"Now, now, there's no need to explain. Lots of people have never flown. This just makes it that much more exciting. Doing something you always wanted to do is pretty much what we're all about, isn't it?"

Leonard nodded in agreement, and a smile began to morph out of his stern countenance.

"You are in for the time of your life, Leonard Atkins. Remember what a thrill riding the train used to be? Well, flying is like taking the train, only you blast off into the sky like a spaceship in the movies. I haven't flown since a couple years before the doctor died. It's a wonderful experience. You go up and up until you're through the clouds, and then the sun is shining bright. It's so invigorating."

Leonard looked like he was trying to get in the mood but he was a little pale. The notion of flying was already making him airsick.

"Are you scared?"

"Scared wouldn't be the right word. I am a little nervous and excited but I'm not scared. I guess I'm amazed to actually take a plane ride. I've wanted to ever since Lindy took The Spirit of St. Louis all the way across the ocean."

"When was that?"

"That was in May of 1927."

"I'm amazed you remember the month."

"Oh, yeah. I was ten years old, almost eleven. I was just starting to pay attention to girls. Lindbergh was the biggest thing that ever happened. School was almost out for the summer, and we were listening to "Ain't She Sweet" on the radio whenever we could get a channel to come in clearly. 'Yes I ask you very confidentially, ain't she sweet?'" Leonard sang loudly enough for people nearby to notice. Honey hugged him hard. She loved the way he remembered all the lyrics to the best old songs. If they ever had to go through a competency hearing, all he'd have to do is get up to sing a song or two.

Leonard was still humming "Ain't She Sweet" as they took their large, leather seats in first class. They buckled up just in time for the flight attendant to bring them each a tall, thin glass of champagne. The rest of the passengers shuffled to their cheap seats in the rear.

Leonard looked puzzled as Honey clinked his glass in a toast. "What's with all this?" he said, turning around to watch the flight attendant drawing the curtains on the economy class. "Why's she closing the curtains? Look back there. Those people don't have big seats like we do. I'll bet they're not getting champagne either. What's going on, Honey? What did we do to deserve all this?"

"Every age has its compensations," Honey said. "People take care of us because we're old and in love. Why do you think Boy Scouts help little old ladies across the road?"

"I don't feel old. The last time some kid tried to help me at the store I told him to get lost."

"Boy Scouts," Honey continued, "help old people so they can feel good about themselves and do their duty and earn merit badges."

"And so they can look good doing it," Leonard groused. "But what I'm talking about is this class thing. I don't know what happened to the America I grew up in where everybody was supposed to be equal."

"I know, I know," Honey said. "People with money get all the breaks. But you worked hard all your life to become wealthy and now you're quite generous."

"Yeah, I inherited the family farm and invested heavily in a little company called I.B.M. You wouldn't believe what that stock has done since the 1960's."

"Oh, yes, I would," Honey said.

"Well, we never had much when my brother and I were growing up. Now that I've got money, I don't really feel that much different. It doesn't feel right that some people get champagne and some don't."

The 747's engines began to roar as the plane started being towed backwards. Leonard had the window seat. He pressed his face against the glass. "Honey," he said, "we're going backwards and this thing doesn't have any wings. Look, I mean it. This thing has no wings."

"Don't be silly, Sweetie. They're towing us backwards. Look behind us, you'll see the wings. We're too far in the front of the plane to see them unless you look way back. Look way back. Do you see them?"

"Oh, yeah, I see them now, but this thing still doesn't look like it should be able to fly."

Honey could feel Leonard tensing up so she tried to distract him. "Now, where is that lovely Jennifer? Excuse me miss," she said to the flight attendant with the champagne. "Where is Jennifer?"

"You mean our Jennifer, the flight attendant?"

Honey shook her head. "Yes, she helped us with our boarding passes."

"She's in the rear of the aircraft. Would you like me to get her for you?"

"No, that won't be necessary right now," Honey said. She turned to Leonard, "See, sweetie, Jennifer's on the plane. She knows everything will be fine, so don't you worry."

Leonard put on a brave face as the plane taxied into takeoff position and waited. A bell rang. Then two more bells chimed. The engines whined to a fever pitch, and the plane began shaking as it turned onto the runway and stopped again.