Honey Whiskey (A Bastards MC Novel) (31 page)

“
I chose to have
a baby and stay safe. You aren’t giving her a choice. So you’re
just going to omit the truth for the rest of your life? Act like
she’s some dutiful little thing that will follow you around and
never question it? What happens when the cops show up, hmm? I at
least knew enough so that when they started to spin their lies, I
could laugh and tell them to go to hell. What’s she going to do
when they show her pictures of a man beaten bloody and tell her
that you’re the one they think did it? Or, if some of those
skeletons really come out and they show her photos of bones and say
you’re a murderer? Will she lie and give you an alibi, or will she
pack her crap and run? ‘Cause, if you aren’t telling her anything,
then she won’t be prepared for it. And how is she going to handle
lockdowns? You think she’s just going to willingly lock herself in
the clubhouse with your whores while you ride off with your friends
to do God knows what?”

“
They’re not my
whores!” I snapped back.

“
Out of
everything I just said that’s what you got out of it?” She snorted
disgustedly. “And, yeah, they are. She’s been your friend for
years! Do you honestly think she forgot how you used to act? Jesus,
Matt! Just because you haven’t been that man in a little while
doesn’t mean she doesn’t remember!”

I slammed my palms on the tile.
“When I tell her, she’s gonna leave me, Becky!” The fear that had
been in the back of my mind for the last week came shuffling
forward. “She won’t stay. She’ll give me back my ring, tell me what
an evil cunt I am, and she’ll never talk to me again.”

Becky came around the corner to me. “No, she
won’t. That woman loves you. But, if you don’t tell her, and I mean
tell her everything, she is going to leave. Secrets have no place
in a marriage, whether you want to keep her safe or not. The only
way you’ll be able to do that anyway is to tell her the damn
truth!” Pulling me into a quick hug, she backed away and met my
eyes. “Go talk to her.”

“
Now? Here, in
the house I used to share with my ex-wife? With our kids around? I
think I’ll pass.”

She smirked. “No, not here. I’ve got the kids.
Let me feed them supper and you two go somewhere.”

I shook my head. “It’s a long drive
and…”

“
Stop making excuses. It’s a long
drive whether you leave now or in an hour. Go.”

I’d gotten sidetracked by Dean
when I first came out, but remembering Becky’s words now, I pushed
myself up and headed down to the lawn. Grabbing Jo’s hand, I
started to pull her around the house. Surprisingly, she didn’t put
up much of a fight. She looked more surprised than anything. “We’ll
be right back,” I called over my shoulder.

That made her dig her heels in, though. “What?
Where are we going?”

I pulled open the passenger door and pointed
at the seat. “Get in the car, Jo.”

She shook her head and yanked her
hand from mine before crossing her arms defiantly. The sunglass she
wore were large and dark, covering half her face and hiding her
eyes. I had no doubt she was glaring at me from behind them. “We
just got here! I can’t leave my kids.”

I hardened my stare, letting her
know she had no choice in the matter. “They’re with Bex and Dean.
They’re fine.” She twisted her lips, a sure sign she was barely
containing her anger. “We’ll be right back,” I promised, my tone
softer than it had been.

“
Whatever.” She
huffed and then gave me what I assumed was supposed to be a nasty
look before she slid into the seat. I closed the door and then
turned, smiling to myself. I dropped into the driver’s seat,
half-surprised that she was still in the vehicle. Part of me had
expected her to be a petulant child and run as soon as I made it
halfway around the hood.

I didn’t know where to go. The last time we’d
been at my house was the day we’d broken up, and I didn’t want that
hanging over our heads. Her house was out because it was too far
away. It took a few minutes, but finally inspiration struck. When
we pulled into the park ten minutes later, she looked up,
surprised.

I shifted the car to park,
unbuckled, and turned my body towards Jo. I wanted her to be able
to see my face for this talk, to look me in the eyes and tell me
that she hated who I was, if need be. After looking out her window
for what seemed like forever, she followed my lead and mimicked my
movements, unbuckling and turning toward me. “I haven’t been here
since Memorial Day.”

I nodded. I hadn’t either. That
had been a good day. We’d had a great meal with good friends and
lots of laughs. Not even a year had passed, but it felt like a
lifetime ago. Jo had been here with Will and the kids, and I’d been
here with Tay and Sam. This place held tons of great memories. Jo
and I would come here on our lunch break or after work to run, and
we’d talk about everything.

I reached over the center console
and pulled the sunglasses off her eyes before tucking a piece of
hair behind her ear. I needed to see her without anything in the
way. She could never keep her feelings from being reflected in her
eyes, and now more than ever, I needed to see what she was
thinking. All I could see now was love and trust, and I cursed
myself for not having a better plan.

Taking a deep breath, I just said
whatever came to mind. “My name is Matthew Murphy. I’m 36 and a
half, have a ten year old son, am engaged to the most amazing woman
I’ve ever met, and I live a double life.” I smiled. “By day, I’m a
caseworker that lives in a little ranch and drives a piece of shit
car; the same one Adam Sandler sings about.” I winked, hoping for a
laugh. She didn’t disappoint. “I like to run because it helps me
de-stress, I enjoy staying at home on Saturday afternoons, lounging
in my sweats, watching the Syfy channel and eating junk food. My
best friend is the most important person in my world, and I drop
everything when she calls, no matter who I’m with or what time of
day.”

Jo’s face had softened and she was
biting her bottom lip. I reached over, stroking her cheek, and then
pulled her lip free. I wanted to end here, reach over and kiss her,
and then spend the next hour fogging up our windows.  I
swallowed. “By night, I’m Mateo Murphy, reformed man whore, VP of
the Bastards MC. I own an apartment that you could fit four of my
house in, and I ride a Harley. I inherited a shit ton of money when
my grandparents died, I invested wisely, and now co-own Beautiful
By Design.” Her eyebrows rose with that. She’d been surprised when
I told her about being the Bastards’ VP, but Rob’s company being
half-mine wasn’t common knowledge, and I knew no one had told
her.

“
A lot of people
think BBD is a cover for the club, that we filter money through it.
But, it’s legit. I worked my way through college next to him,
building the business into what it is today. And, even though a lot
of the guys work for us, it is completely separate from the club.”
What it was now was a nightmare. Over the last few years, it had
become ‘the company’ to have remodel your kitchen, bedroom, or
bath. Anyone who was anyone within the city limits had custom
cabinets from us.

“
The club isn’t
a normal club. We don’t sell or transport drugs or guns. In fact,
we don’t allow any of our members to use any illegal substance.”
Her features relaxed. “That doesn’t mean we don’t break the law,
because we do. In order to become a Bastard you have to take an
oath to protect those that can’t protect themselves. In order to do
that, I’ve done alota things I’m not proud of. I’ve also done
things that should keep me up at night. But, I sleep like a
baby.”

She opened her mouth, and I knew
what she was going to ask. I shook my head, not giving her a
chance. “Things that I may never be able to tell you. Not because I
don’t want to, but because its club business and if you knew, you’d
be a liability. I’ll be as honest as I can, but will never tell you
any specifics. I have hurt people, Joes. I have tortured men.” Jo’s
face lost all color, but she didn’t turn away. I didn’t want to say
more, but knew she needed to hear it all. “I’ve killed.”
 

She shook her head. “Stop. I don’t
want to hear any more.” Still shaking her head, as if she could rid
her mind of everything I’d just said, she swallowed hard. “That’s
not you, Matty.”

“
It is me, Joes.
You’ve seen the same fucked up shit I have. You know what it’s like
to see a child who’s been broken by the one person that shouldn’t
ever hurt them. You’ve felt the same rage knowing their parent is
going to get away with it, yet the kid will carry those scars for
life. I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done. We take away the boogieman
so kids can sleep at night, so that a mom can leave her house
without fear of her fucktard of a boyfriend attacking her and
dragging her into hell with him. We help those families take back
something that was stolen from them.”

I couldn’t believe she was still
sitting in front of me. She looked horrified, but she was still
here. I’d take that as a good sign. When I reached for her hand,
she didn’t resist. Her eyes never left mine as I talked, saying
whatever came to mind, telling her as much as I could about the ins
and outs of the club and how it worked, and who did what within the
club. I just kept talking, mentioning that once we saved a kid or a
family, they became our family and we protected them forever. I
didn’t want to tell another Brother’s story, but I did say that
sometimes those kids grew up and joined us. If Dean or Bear wanted
her to know that Rocker and I saved them from hell, it was their
tale to tell.

I explained how we took the ‘jobs’ we took,
and that some jobs required us to leave at a moment’s notice, often
for unknown periods, but that there would always be someone left
behind to watch over her and our kids. I finished with lockdowns,
and how that even though we were trying to help, we had made
hundreds of enemies over the years. I finished with the fact that
while we weren't on lockdown now, we'd beefed up security just in
case, and that's why Dean was with us.

“
Whenever there is a threat, I'll
make sure you're never alone. If you’re up here, I’ll send someone
to you. But if you’re home, then you’ll need to stay at the
clubhouse. As my ol’ lady, you’re in more danger than most." She
was irritated by that, and I knew her pathetic arguments about
being able to take care of herself weren't far from her mind. I
pulled our linked fingers to my mouth and kissed her wrist. "If
someone is out for revenge, they’ll come after you. I know you’re
not going to want to go, but I can’t keep my shit together if I
have to worry about you. So, if you want me safe, you need to do
what you’re told and move into the house.”

She rolled her eyes, but nodded
anyway. My throat was dry and I felt like I’d been talking forever.
I was positive I’d never seen her be quiet this long—not even when
we watch a movie. Her color had come back, and she hadn’t run from
the car screaming. Maybe she was still processing? I had to know.
“Joes? Say something.”

Her eyes searched my face for a minute.
“Wow.”

I snorted. “Wow? That’s all you got? No
questions?”

She grinned back at me. “Oh, I’ve
got questions.” She wet her bottom lip and adjusted in the seat,
staring out the windshield instead of meeting my eyes. “How come
you never get caught?” I scowled at the radio. That was a good
question—one I wouldn’t be able answer completely. My hesitation
spoke louder than any words I could have said. “Hawk’s dad.” She
said the words as if she already knew the answer. “Corruption at
its finest.” I could feel the judgment from her side of the
car.

I raised an eyebrow. “No. There’s no
corruption. We have some people in the department that keep us
informed and help us out when we need it. And, yes, we have someone
with pull looking out for us. But, we’re still a target. You were
there when we were all hauled into the station last summer. Tank
just got out of prison. We have to keep our train on the tracks or
we're in deep shit, just like everyone else. I am smarter than your
average bear and a lucky son of a bitch, and have been able to
avoid the inside of a cell.”

She sighed and turned her attention to
something out my window. “What was in the envelope, Matty? What was
so horrible that you couldn’t tell me last summer?”

And, there it was. The question
that when answered would have her telling me to get the hell away
from her. And demanding I stay away. I swallowed. “Jo.” I had to
look away. I didn’t have the balls to look her in the eye right
then. “I don’t know who Billy paid to find all that shit, but
whoever did it was pretty fuckin’ thorough. My juvie records,
things I thought were sealed—it was all in there.”

And, Providence. I couldn’t bring
myself to say the words, knowing it would be the end of us. So, I
told her what I could, what I’d told almost everyone else that
knew. I pulled my hand away from hers and sat back in my seat. “A
few years back a job went south. Tank, Bear, and I walked into it
before anyone else, thinking we were going to bust up a sick fuck
and take his stepdaughter home to her mom and real dad. Wiz had
tracked this pig down, and we were the closest. We should have
waited for our brothers, but wanted to get it over with and get
home. We weren’t prepared for what we found.”