Honeysuckle Summer (23 page)

“I suppose,” he conceded, still wishing he could rant and rave at somebody for allowing this to happen after all their careful plans. He supposed his little sister wasn’t the best target for his own frustration over not being able to protect Raylene. He vowed that once he had the Serenity police force up and running, he’d do a better job at keeping local residents safe. He’d fight for the resources he’d need, even under extraordinary circumstances such as this.

He gave Mandy’s hand a squeeze, then grinned at Raylene. “I think we’re due for a celebration, don’t you? Why don’t we call Carrie and the Sweet Magnolias and get everyone over here.”

“Sure,” Raylene said eagerly, but then the light in her eyes dimmed just a bit. “Carter, today is a huge milestone, but it doesn’t mean I’ll be miraculously cured.”

“I’m not counting on a miracle. I’m putting my faith in you.”

“Oh, Carter,” she whispered. “Please don’t do that. Not yet.”

He refused to be daunted. He knew she was just
trying to be realistic, but he wasn’t giving up on their future so easily. He knew, even if she didn’t, that they had one no matter how long her recovery took.

“I’m not going to argue about this now,” he said. “We have too much to be grateful for. You make those calls, and I’ll go by Sullivan’s and see what kind of party food Dana Sue can throw together in a hurry.”

“We could just have hot dogs and burgers,” Raylene said.

“Nope, this is a special occasion. Besides, you know Dana Sue will be offended if she’s not asked to bring the food. Do you have all the ingredients for margaritas? Helen’s going to want to know that.”

“We always have those on hand,” Raylene told him. “We just don’t make them for the men. Margarita nights are for the Sweet Magnolias only.”

Carter shook his head at the traditions of these loyal friends. “Fine. I’ll pick up beer and wine.”

He leaned down and kissed her, lingering long enough to stir up plenty of heat. “Love you,” he said, then took off to clock out and put the party plan in motion.

Only when he was sitting in the front seat of his cruiser on his way back to the sheriff’s office did he realize what he’d said.
Love you
had come out of his mouth without thought, but he realized it was true. Somewhere along the way he’d fallen in love with Raylene, the kind of love that had kept his parents together through tough times and good, the kind that would get them through, as well.

Now he just had to figure out some way to convince Raylene she had the strength to love him back.

When Raylene emerged from the house and stepped into the backyard without a moment’s hesitation, an im
promptu cheer went up. She stood where she was, a tray of food in her arms, and what had to be a silly grin spreading across her face. She found Carter in the crowd and saw the hope in his eyes. It would have dazzled her if she hadn’t been so scared of letting him down.

She hadn’t missed those casually spoken words as he’d been dashing out of the house earlier. He’d kissed her, then said he loved her. Oh, he could have blown it off as something any friend might say to another one at the end of a visit or a call, but she knew better. He’d meant it. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to face the implications.

And until she was, she needed to keep a safe distance between them.

It turned out that was easier said than done on a night when it seemed everyone was conspiring to throw the two of them together. There was undeniable magic in the night air, along with the sweet scent of honeysuckle.

It was nearly midnight when everyone began drifting off. Even Carrie and Mandy rode off on their bikes, leaving Raylene alone with Carter.

“Don’t you need to spend some time at home with the girls? You’ve been neglecting them lately, and I know Carrie still needs you,” she said, sidestepping him when he reached out to pull her down beside him. She picked up the last of the plates from the party and carried them inside. With an audible sigh over her evasiveness, he followed.

“You’re trying to avoid me,” he accused gently, standing directly in her path. “Why is that?”

“I told you earlier. We don’t know yet what any of this means. I don’t want you getting your hopes up or starting to make any kind of plans.”

“I know you might still have a rough road ahead, but just think about what you accomplished today. You faced down your abusive ex-husband. That took amazing bravery.”

“Knowing Mandy was outside and that I had to protect her gave me the strength I needed to do that.”

“Well, I say that makes you remarkable.”

“Carter, it doesn’t mean there won’t be more bad days ahead.”

“Can’t you just enjoy the moment?” he asked, regarding her with bewilderment.

“It’s not the moment that worries me,” she said. “It’s that look you keep getting in your eyes, as if everything’s suddenly all right.” She met his gaze. “Plus, you said you loved me,” she added, making it sound like an accusation.

He seemed amused. “Shame on me,” he said. “What an awful thing to say!”

“I’m trying to make a point here,” she said testily. “You only said it after you thought I was well—and that the agoraphobia was somehow magically behind me now that Paul’s been dealt with.”

He frowned at that. “And you think that means…” He hesitated, looking puzzled. “What do you think it means?”

“You never said the words before, when you thought I was a wreck. It felt like you were holding back, giving yourself an out in case things never improved.”

“That’s ridiculous! First of all, I never thought you were a wreck,” he said fiercely, holding her gaze until she finally gave a nod of acknowledgment. “And second, it wasn’t until this afternoon that I realized how deep my feelings for you run. I should have said it differently. I should have made some big production out
of it, I guess. But it came out, because in that moment, I knew it was how I felt. Period. Don’t make some big deal out of the fact that today was the first time I’d said it.”

“Love is a big deal, Carter. I’m not sure I’m ready for that, especially if it’s contingent on me being back to normal.”

She’d known for a while now that what she felt for him was powerful. She’d even labeled it love. Acting on it, however, facing all of the implications for their future, she wasn’t prepared to go there, not when her life might no longer be on hold. If she once again had a future filled with possibilities, she wanted to explore all of them.

“Then you don’t love me?” he asked.

When she hesitated, he might have looked hurt, but instead, he merely nodded. “That’s okay. I think you do, but if you’re not ready to say the words, I’ll wait.”

Was that what she’d wanted to hear, that he would sit on the sidelines patiently waiting until she got her feet back under her and knew who she could be again?

“That’s not going to work,” she told him, struggling with real regret. “You have a family to think about. Concentrate on them. See that Carrie gets well. Don’t put one second of your life on hold for me. If I’ve learned one thing and nothing else over the past couple of years, it’s that life is too precious to waste a minute of it. Out of fear, I’ve wasted far too much.”

“And yet you’re still willing to waste more,” he said. “You’re throwing away what I know we could have.”

“I’m not throwing it away,” she argued. “I’m just not ready for it now, and I can’t ask you to wait.”

“So, what? Me telling you I love you, being here for you, is going to put some kind of pressure on you?”

“Yes,” she said, near tears. The selfish part of her wanted to seize what he was offering, but the unselfish side knew it was only fair to let him go.

Seeing the dismay in his eyes, she tried to explain. “It’s been so long since I’ve even thought I could have a life again. I need time, Carter, time to figure out all the possibilities that might be out there for me. And you need to think about whether you’ll feel the same way about me if it turns out that I’m not recovered after all.”

He looked deeply into her eyes. His were filled with hurt and confusion, but he gave her a curt nod, accepting the finality of her decision. “You want time, Raylene, you’ve got it,” he said.

Then, his back stiff with pride, he turned and walked away.

Carter wasn’t entirely surprised when his sisters cornered him a few days after the party and demanded to know why they weren’t spending time with Raylene or, more specifically, why
he
wasn’t, now that the danger of her ex-husband showing up was past.

“You never go over there anymore,” Carrie complained. “You just sit around here and watch me eat. Even though Dr. McDaniels has told you herself that I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do, you act like you don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you,” he said. Mostly, anyway. He could tell she’d put on a few pounds, and meals were certainly less stressful. Not only had she started baking again, she’d even fixed a few dinners and eaten her share. That didn’t mean his worry had evaporated.

“Then prove it,” Carrie challenged. “Have dinner with Raylene. Take her someplace special.”

He shook his head. “I’m giving her space. It’s what she wanted. She’s probably right. It’s for the best.”

“I don’t believe you,” Carrie declared. “And it’s not best for us. She actually gets us. We like her. Now we can’t go over there, either, if the two of you are fighting. We’d feel disloyal to you.”

“We’re not fighting,” he said wearily.
We just aren’t speaking
.

Carrie gave him a piercing look. “Was she just some project for you, so you could feel like a big hero or something?”

He regarded her with shock. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Well, what are we supposed to think?” Mandy chimed in. “You’re moping around here like you’ve lost your best friend. It’s depressing.”

“Well, this is the way it is,” Carter told them. “Deal with it.”

Unfortunately, judging from the defiant expressions on their faces as they stomped out of the house, they weren’t going to deal with it quite the way he’d envisioned.

Raylene opened the front door to find Carrie and Mandy on the doorstep. Her mood brightened at the sight of them.

“Come in,” she said eagerly. “What brings you by?”

“We want you to stop fighting with Carter,” Carrie said at once in her familiar, blunt way. “He’s miserable, and if you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look so hot either.”

Raylene bought herself some time by going into the kitchen and pouring the girls glasses of lemonade and bringing out the oatmeal-raisin cookies she’d baked
that morning. To her relief, Carrie grabbed one as eagerly as Mandy did.

“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” Mandy finally challenged, even as she devoured her second cookie.

“I don’t know what to say,” Raylene admitted. “Things between your brother and me are very complicated.”

“It seems pretty simple to me,” Carrie said. “He loves you. You love him. You work it out. At least that’s how I thought it was supposed to work. You can’t solve anything if you’re not even talking.”

Raylene tried to make them understand. “Look, you know about this panic thing, right? We’ve talked about it before. It hasn’t just vanished overnight.”

“But I thought you were better,” Carrie said, her eyes filled with concern. “Aren’t you?”

“Actually, I’ve made some improvement,” Raylene admitted. “Quite a bit, in fact. But there will be setbacks. And once I do get completely well, I have to figure out what I want. There will be options I never even considered a few weeks or months ago.”

“Why can’t Carter be one of those options?” Mandy asked, then added earnestly, “He’s a really good guy. You won’t do any better.”

“Carter’s an amazing man,” Raylene agreed. “He needs to move on with someone who’s ready for a relationship.”

“Come on,” Carrie protested. “He can’t just move on and pick somebody else like he’s choosing a cantaloupe. That’s not how it works. He’s in love with you.”

Raylene regarded her with envy. It must be wonderful to be on the threshold of becoming a young adult, when anything seemed possible and love conquered everything. “Sometimes love’s just not enough.”

Carrie groaned and exchanged an exasperated look with her sister. “I should have known,” she muttered. “Grown-ups are idiots.” She turned to Mandy. “Come on. Let’s go home and fix this.”

Raylene stopped her with a hand on her arm. “Sweetie, I really appreciate that you want to make things right between us, but it’s not up to you.”

“Well, somebody has to fix it, and it’s obviously not going to be the two adults involved,” Carrie retorted with disgust.

And then she and Mandy were gone, though not before Mandy had grabbed a fistful of cookies to tide her over on the walk home. As they walked down the sidewalk, she handed one to Carrie, who accepted it without comment and took a bite.

Raylene smiled at the sight, though she felt oddly wistful. A part of her had hoped to have a place in their lives. Carter had even offered her that. Was she the idiot Carrie had called her for saying no? Or did she owe it to Carter, and mostly to herself, to make sure there wasn’t something else she wanted more, a life she couldn’t possibly have envisioned just a few short weeks ago?

W
alter had grown up as his parents’ golden boy. Right up until he’d finally developed a spine, moved away from home and settled in Serenity, he’d done exactly what was expected—except, of course, when he’d married Sarah.

Even then, however, he’d let his folks influence him and get in the middle of his marriage until the divorce had been inevitable. There were days when he could still hear their voices in his head, complaining about this or scolding him about that.

From the day he’d met Rory Sue, he’d tried to imagine his parents’ reaction to her unpredictability and untamed exuberance. Tonight, though, as he looked at her sprawled across his bed, her hair like silk on the pillow, her cheeks flushed, a smile on her lips, he realized that his opinion was the only one that mattered. He knew exactly what he wanted, had known it for a while now, but caution had kept him silent.

“Marry me,” he blurted before he could analyze it to death.

Rory Sue shot up, dragging a sheet with her, and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

He grinned at her stunned expression. “I asked you to marry me,” he repeated quietly. “I love you, Rory Sue. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, but I know you’re not one of them. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Instead of flinging herself into his arms as he’d half expected, she studied him warily. “Why now?”

“Why not now?”

“Maybe you’re just feeling left out because Sarah and Travis have set their wedding date for next month and Raylene’s getting her life under control and doesn’t need you to look out for her anymore.”

“Believe me, this has nothing to do with my ex-wife or my friend,” he insisted. “I just realized that you and I balance each other perfectly. When I get stuffy and traditional, you yank me right out of that and get me to do something I never dreamed I’d do. I think maybe you need me for the flip side of that. I’ll keep you from doing something so crazy you’ll wind up in a hospital or in jail.”

“Like when you talked me out of going bungee-jumping?” she asked, a twinkle in her eyes.

“That’s one example,” he said. “And when you talked me into going skinny-dipping in your parents’ pool while they were home.” That had been at the same time the most terrifying and the most liberating risk he’d ever taken.

She laughed. “I told you they’d never catch us, but you should have seen your face when that light in the house came on. It was priceless.”

“I thought for sure Sonny was going to be out there with a shotgun two minutes later,” he admitted.

Rory Sue knelt beside him. “You have to admit, it was pretty exhilarating.”

“That’s one word for it.” He looked into her eyes. “I want a lifetime of that, Rory Sue. I want us to do the unexpected for the rest of our days.”

“What about all the normal stuff, like having kids?” she asked. “I don’t think I’m anywhere near ready for that. You understand that, right?”

Walter swallowed his disappointment. He’d known for a while now that Rory Sue would probably never be tamed to the point of being a traditional wife and mother. “As much as I would love to have a baby with you, I have Tommy and Libby. It may take me a whole lifetime just to figure out how to be a good dad to the two of them. If those are the only children I have, it’s okay. You’ll be an amazing stepmother.”

She studied him worriedly. “Are you sure you can live with us not having kids of our own?”

“Very sure,” he said solemnly. He waited a minute, then asked, “So, what do you think? Want to get married? We could do it skydiving over the Grand Canyon if you want.”

She blinked at the suggestion, then started laughing. “You surprise me, Walter Price! If I thought you were serious about that, I’d book us flights to Vegas tomorrow.”

He reached into a bedside table and pulled out two plane tickets he’d booked the week before. “Already done.”

She looked at the two tickets, then at the confirmation for the skydiving excursion. “Well, I’ll be darned.”

“So, what’s it going to be, Rory Sue?”

Laughing, she threw her arms around his neck. “What time do we leave?”

Hands on her hips, Carrie stood in front of Carter, eyeing him with disgust. “Please tell me you are not
going to spend the rest of your life sitting around here drinking beer and pouting. It’s been ages since you’ve done anything besides work and hang out with us. Mandy and I are sick of it.”

Carter scowled at her. “I am not pouting. Two-year-olds pout.”

“Well, it looks that way to me, and believe me, I know pouting when I see it. I am the queen of pouting.”

He grinned despite his sour mood. “I certainly can’t deny that.”

“So, get a grip and fight for Raylene,” she said, her expression serious. “If you sit back and let her spend who knows how long trying to decide what she wants, she might figure out it isn’t you.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he replied sourly.

Carrie made a face. “Don’t mock me. You need to be in her face while she’s deciding, so you’re one of the options. If you play this right, I still think you can be at the top of the list.”

“
I
think you spent too much time last summer watching soap operas or some of those hot new teen shows,” he accused. “This is real life. It gets complicated.”

“And you don’t think soaps are complicated?” she asked incredulously. “I could fill you in on some plots that would make your head spin. The point is, you want Raylene. She loves you. Sure, she has options now, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be the one she chooses. How’s she supposed to figure that out if you’re over here sulking?”

“What do you suggest?” he asked, more out of curiosity than from any intention of following her advice. She’d barely turned sixteen, for goodness’ sakes. How wise could she be?

“I’m glad you asked,” she said, whipping a piece of paper out of her pocket and handing it to him. “Here are a few ideas for starters. Mandy and I agree they all sound pretty romantic, but what do we know? We’re kids. We would have asked Raylene for her ideas, but that might have given away the plan.”

“The plan?” he repeated, staring at the list of twelve surefire ways to get Raylene’s attention. That’s what it actually said in capital letters: “
TWELVE SUREFIRE WAYS TO GET
R
AYLENE’S ATTENTION
.” Clearly they’d given the matter a lot of thought and were pretty confident about their scheme.

He scanned the list. Some of it was fairly predictable—sending flowers, taking over her favorite foods as a surprise. Even sending a hundred balloons that said, I Love You, though over the top, was something any man on a mission might try.

It was the twelfth suggestion on the list that caught his attention: “Work in her garden. Don’t wear a shirt.” He laughed as he read it.

“You honestly think me parading around half-naked is going to do the trick?” he asked.

“You have a halfway-decent body,” Carrie said. “All my friends say so.”

“It’s late October. Haven’t you noticed it’s starting to get chilly around here?”

She shrugged that off. “There’s a warm spell predicted for this weekend, but even if it’s freezing, you should do it to prove how serious you are about getting her attention.”

“You don’t care if I wind up with pneumonia?”

“Not so much,” she said cavalierly.

Carter shrugged. He supposed it was worth a shot,
though he wasn’t convinced that the sight of him showing off his abs was going to override all of Raylene’s doubts about the future.

Still, Carrie and Mandy’s list got him thinking. If a piece of paper with a few clearly stated objectives could make him view things in a different light, perhaps something similar would work with Raylene.

“I need paper and a pen,” he told his sisters.

Carrie’s eyes brightened. “You’re going to write her a love letter,” she said eagerly. “Great idea. We should have thought of that one.”

“Not exactly,” Carter responded, accepting the pen and stationery that Mandy had hurriedly provided. He winced at the pink paper, but what the heck? Maybe Raylene was partial to pink.

And if he got the words right, the color of the paper would hardly matter.

Raylene sat at the kitchen table, despondently sipping a glass of lemonade. It was the first pitcher she’d made in a while, but the unexpected arrival of springlike weather in late October had put her in the mood for it. She pursed her lips when she realized she’d forgotten to add sugar. She’d been doing that a lot recently, getting lost in thought and forgetting things. She couldn’t seem to focus, not since she’d sent Carter away and then told his sisters that it was over.

She’d been half expecting them to somehow intervene and stir things up, but as the days passed, they hadn’t returned, and there’d been no sign of Carter. Obviously, he’d taken her at her word and was going to stay away. What had she expected, that he’d fight for her?

Oddly, now that she was actually able to leave the
house every day, at least for a brief walk into town and long enough to do a little paperwork for Travis at the radio station, she realized there was no place she really wanted to be, except with Carter and the girls. All of those big plans she’d hinted to him that she wanted to make for her future seemed unimportant compared to what she’d already found with him.

A full-time job? Maybe even a real career? Sure, it would be nice if she could define herself as something other than an agoraphobic at long last. Volunteer work of some kind? There was nothing to stop her from doing that, even if she were married and working. Travel? Well, what fun would it be to see the country or the world without someone to share the trip?

But even though she was reaching those conclusions on her own—okay, with plenty of helpful prodding from Annie and Sarah—she couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone and call Carter to tell him she’d made a mistake. She’d given him the freedom to move on. Now she had to let him do just that. If the path ultimately led back to her…well, she’d be waiting.

Carrie’s declaration calling her an idiot rang in her head. She probably was. In facing down Paul, she’d discovered that she was a fighter, after all. So why wasn’t she fighting for this, for the future she knew she wanted? What was stopping her? Fear? Hadn’t she had more than enough of letting fear rule her life?

Somehow she had to find the courage—and a plan—for going after what she really wanted.

When Raylene looked outside the next afternoon, to her astonishment she saw Carter working in her garden. Most of the flowers had died back and weeds had taken
over since that fateful day when Paul had turned up. She hadn’t gotten around to buying any of the fall plants she’d intended to put in. What was left looked sadly neglected.

On this unseasonably warm day, Carter was shirtless and wearing a pair of jeans that fit like a glove. He made her mouth go dry. Then, again, he inspired that reaction pretty much whatever he wore.

She opened the door carefully, but it brought his head snapping around. His gaze met hers and held.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said.

He gave her a sheepish grin. “It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been behaving like an idiot.”

She laughed at that. “Mine, too. Your sisters, Annie, Sarah—all of them have expressed that at one time or another.”

He chuckled, but then his expression sobered. “One of the things they all have in common is that they’re smart. I
have
been acting like an idiot. I’m in love with you and I walked away from that just because you told me to. That’s exactly when I should have stuck around to fight.”

“So you came over here to fight for me?” she asked, her heart in her throat.

“I did,” he said, pulling a pink envelope out of his back pocket. The incongruous sight made her smile. “It’s all in here. Read it.”

He crossed the yard and handed it to her.

Raylene took the thin envelope and sat down. When she pulled out the single sheet of paper, she saw that it was a list of all the things she’d ever mentioned wanting to do if she got her life back. Beside each one was a promise.

“Whatever job you decide you want, I will support
you in that a hundred percent. No matter how time-consuming it is, I’ll never complain, as long as you come home to me at the end of the day.”

She lifted her gaze to see that he was watching her intently. “Good start,” she said softly, fighting tears.

“Keep reading.”

“If you want to volunteer or help out in the community, I’ll be by your side,” he’d written. “We’ll both give something back in return for all the blessings in our lives.”

She swallowed hard as the words in front of her swam on the page. She tried to keep reading through her tears.

“Wherever you want to travel, I’ll do everything I can to make sure the trip is memorable. We’ll fill a hundred albums with all our memories so we can look at them again when we’re too old to roam.”

Now Raylene’s tears were flowing freely as she came to the next item on his list.

“We’ll have the family you wanted, starting with Carrie and Mandy and adding all the kids you dreamed of, raising them together with love, through good times and bad, from colic to acne and angst.” She smiled at that.

“And last,” he’d written, “we’ll grow old together and spend our evenings sitting outside with the scent of honeysuckle in the air, holding hands and remembering the wonderful life we built together.”

When she looked up, her eyes shimmering with tears, he met her gaze, then held it. She couldn’t have looked away even had she wanted to.

“Make that dream with me,” he said quietly. “Please don’t go off on your own, Raylene. Let’s do it together. Marry me.”

Raylene’s heart swelled at the sincerity she heard in his
voice and the words he’d written on that ridiculously feminine stationery. It was all there, her hopes and dreams, the role he wanted to play in the rest of her life. All she had to do was take a few steps away from the house that had been her haven for so long and walk into his arms.

She’d conquered her fears weeks ago, all except this one, reaching for the dream that mattered the most. Now, once more, her heart was in her throat as she stepped off the patio and onto the grass. She walked slowly until she was right in front of him, close enough to feel his heat, near enough to reach up and touch his amazing face.